not so serious but I want to rant II: Redemption

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figmentPez

figmentPez

Staff member
makare said:
I'll just write that down in my big book called "Guys.. wtf!?"

it's going to be a huge seller.
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I was just thinking the same thing about women. Seriously, you can't fathom why a girl feeling the need to share that dream would indicate to a guy that she wants him to know she's thought about him in that way?

Imagine this: You're out a restaurant, and the bill comes. Someone at the table says, "Hey, ya know. I had a dream where we were out to dinner and I picked up the check. It felt so good to treat you guys to a meal. Here why don't you pay?" and then hands you the check. Why bring up the dream and how good it felt to pay the bill if you've got no intention of even paying your part?
 
M

makare

What?! they are dreams. they have no literal meaning. If she had said she dreamed she murdered him and then fucked his corpse what would that mean? They are just dreams and if you have a weird dream sometimes it is fun to share. Maybe she was thinking I want to be friends so isn't it bizarre I had that dream about you wtf brain hahaha. Just because you dream something does not mean you'd want to do it.
 
figmentPez

figmentPez

Staff member
It's not the dream where the meaning comes from it's telling him about the dream.

EDIT: Moreover, it's how it's told. If I tell my friend I dreamed about murdering him, and it felt so good. I'd better expect that he's going to think that I'm holding some sort of grudge against him. If I tell him about that dream but that I felt awful afterwards, that sends a completely different message. She didn't just tell him "I dreamed about sex with you" she told him it was "awesome".
 
M

makare

That's why I mentioned the murder one would telling him about it mean she wanted to murder him?
 
MindDetective

MindDetective

makare said:
What?! they are dreams. they have no literal meaning. If she had said she dreamed she murdered him and then fucked his corpse what would that mean? They are just dreams and if you have a weird dream sometimes it is fun to share. Maybe she was thinking I want to be friends so isn't it bizarre I had that dream about you wtf brain hahaha. Just because you dream something does not mean you'd want to do it.
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Unless you are saying, "bringing up a sex dream absolutely means no interest in sex" (which would be an odd thing to say) then what you are contending isn't all that interesting. Of course it doesn't have to mean an interest in sex but it also CAN mean that. That is the whole point. Her communication about the sex dream was devoid enough of context and further explanation that is hard to interpret. It seems like she left it open for interpretation, which means a guy could interpret it as meaning, "she might be interested in me sexually" or "she is telling me about a crazy dream she had once", both of which are plausible. Context and the perspective of the guy she is talking to will drive that interpretation if she isn't clear.
 
figmentPez

figmentPez

Staff member
makare said:
That's why I mentioned the murder one would telling him about it mean she wanted to murder him?
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See my edit. If she's gleefully telling him that she had a dream about murdering him, that most definitely tells him that she's mad at him about something. She may not intend for that to be the message, but that's the message she'll send.

If she tells him she had awesome dream-sex with him, that's sending the message that she's attracted to him. Not necessarily that she wants to actually have sex, but that there is some sort of attraction there. Otherwise, why explicitly state that the dream-sex was awesome? She may not intend for that to be the message, but that's the message that will be sent.
 
M

makare

The context was she just said "Actually... I think we should just be friends. I'm not really interested in you like that."

Therefore the following report of the dream was within that context and should have been interpreted only as a random statement about a dream and not in anyway implying sexual interest because she just said there was none.

It's pretty damn clear. Unless you don't want it to be which is the problem.

I've had hot dream sex with people I don't even want to sit next to in real life, so that whole theory is flawed.
 
MindDetective

MindDetective

makare said:
The context was she just said "Actually... I think we should just be friends. I'm not really interested in you like that."

Therefore the following report of the dream was within that context and should have been interpreted only as a random statement about a dream and not in anyway implying sexual interest because she just said there was none.

It's pretty damn clear. Unless you don't want it to be which is the problem.

I've had hot dream sex with people I don't even want to sit next to in real life, so that whole theory is flawed.
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The randomness of the statement is why it is lacking context.
 
M

makare

No, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't if we were just chatting about stuff and dreams came up.
 
M

makare

I think relying on dreams to imply anything is a bad move. You can have dreams about people you are attracted to and dreams about people you are not attracted to. So it is best not to assume too much about them.

If I said to someone I hate chocolate cake but the other night I dreamed I ate a whole one and it was awesome! It would just be a weird statement about a dream. Thinking that I really do love chocolate cake and I am in some kind of pastry denial would be silly.

And of course it could imply attraction but in this context, the Im not that into you context, it doesn't.
 
figmentPez

figmentPez

Staff member
makare said:
The context was she just said "Actually... I think we should just be friends. I'm not really interested in you like that."

Therefore the following report of the dream was within that context and should have been interpreted only as a random statement about a dream and not in anyway implying sexual interest because she just said there was none.

It's pretty damn clear. Unless you don't want it to be which is the problem.
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The context is that she knows that this guy is interested in her. She knows and she feels the need to tease him with the idea of having sex with her. It's a mixed message because she shouldn't be talking about sex with him at all right after trying to tell him she's not interested. It's not a "random statement" because the topic of attraction was presently at hand.
 
figmentPez

figmentPez

Staff member
makare said:
No, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't if we were just chatting about stuff and dreams came up.
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What if dreams hadn't come up? What if you were talking about these people being attracted to you? If they were to try and ask you out, would you choose that moment to reject them, and then tell them about the hot sex dream?
 
fade

fade

Staff member
I'm sorry, but if you take the time to tell me that you had a dream where we fucked like rabbits, and you really enjoyed it, it's a signal. I don't care that it's a dream, or what other things happen in dreams, or how you had a dream that you were fucking the pope, and clearly you're unattracted to him. It's the act of sharing this particular kind of dream, not the act of having the dream itself. I can't possibly conceive of the alternative.
Added at: 00:11
MindDetective said:
That's not what I asked. I asked about sharing the dream.
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Yes. My point exactly. Who cares about the dream itself? It's the sharing part.
 
M

makare

You know whatever men. You can assume it is a signal if you want. I have seen that so much on this forum it drives me batty.
I've finally come to the conclusion the following-
don't look at him, talk to him, acknowledge him or smile at him he will think you are interested in him.
Do not mention sex, kissing, physical touching of any kind , dreams of such things or your enjoyment thereof in his presence because he will assume you are interested in him
if he is nice and friendly to you and offers to do stuff for you do not accept those nice things unless you are interested in him because if you do and later tell him you are not interested he will think you are a tease and were leading him on because he assumed you were interested in him.
do not make plans and then change them because he will again think you were leading him on because he assumed you you were interested in him
and various other frustrating behaviors that have left me going "waaaah?" more times than i can count.

obviously she was just evil and enjoyed tormenting him with this dream she had, hell maybe she didnt have it maybe she made it up just to be cruel, after telling him she wasn't interested in him.

Fair fucking enough.
 
MindDetective

MindDetective

makare said:
You know whatever men. You can assume it is a signal if you want. I have seen that so much on this forum it drives me batty.
I've finally come to the conclusion the following-
don't look at him, talk to him, acknowledge him or smile at him he will think you are interested in him.
Do not mention sex, kissing, physical touching of any kind , dreams of such things or your enjoyment thereof in his presence because he will assume you are interested in him
if he is nice and friendly to you and offers to do stuff for you do not accept those nice things unless you are interested in him because if you do and later tell him you are not interested he will think you are a tease and were leading him on because he assumed you were interested in him.
do not make plans and then change them because he will again think you were leading him on because he assumed you you were interested in him
and various other frustrating behaviors that have left me going "waaaah?" more times than i can count.

obviously she was just evil and enjoyed tormenting him with this dream she had, hell maybe she didnt have it maybe she made it up just to be cruel, after telling him she wasn't interested in him.

Fair fucking enough.
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From one extreme to the other, eh? Sure, the girl could have not shared the dream or better yet, if they really were going to continue being platonic, she could have just shared it at a better time. You wouldn't bring up how awesome your job is to your friend who just got fired, after all.
 
Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

The point isn't that she had the dream; the point is that she felt the need to tell him at that moment. It means nothing to her because she's not into him; it means something to him because he was into her up until she cut things at "we should be friends", and the same would be true if the genders were reversed.

I don't really give a shit, because people are dicks to each other in general, be they men or women. The point is, it's dickish to bring it up then because it's in disregard of the other person's feelings. It would be the same if it were a guy toying with a girl who had feelings for him up to the point where he said he didn't feel that way about her.

This isn't hard to comprehend--I don't know why human mental processes and emotions are so incomprehensible to certain people on this forum.
 
M

makare

there is no doubt she was being mean but it was not a mixed signal.

Actually I think she was more being thoughtless instead of mean. It might have turned out mean but it definitely seems more of a thoughtless act.
 
fade

fade

Staff member
I freely admit that if a girl is talking freely about sex to me, and we haven't established ourselves as comfortable friends (or at least comfortable aquaintances), then, yeah, I will take that as a signal. If you're already in the friend zone, sure, the guy's not going to take it as a signal. Hell, at the point in the relationship we're talking about, I wouldn't talk about sex with a fellow guy unless I was trying to signal him. If I just met you 2 hours ago, or this is our second meeting--especially a prearranged duo meeting like Null's--then I cannot imagine seeing it as anything else.

If you examine the opposite, I don't think I have ever once in my life talked about anything even sex-related with a woman unless I was trying to send her signals. Unless, of course, our relationship was understood, established, and known. Man, even then I don't think I'd share a dream about explicitly slipping over, mounting, and screwing her in the front seat of her car!
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
I just want to come in and say that I agree with sixpack's "knife twist" comment. No matter how it's intended, it's not cool to talk about a sex dream you had about a guy that you know likes you when he doesn't have chance. It's rude, and it's a tease.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
Well, if I ever had a male friend that I could share stuff like that with in the first place, I'd just have to void that particular part of our friendship if he ever confessed that he was into me. If he still wanted to hang out, we could, but I would understand that talking casually about that kind of thing might be painful or, at the very least, obnoxious. It's pretty simple. I wouldn't want someone tormenting me like that after I'd made myself completely vulnerable. I don't think those dreams mean anything, but that doesn't make the sharing of them any less inappropriate in that situation.
Added at: 22:43
*high five, because I'm pretty sure it's illegal to leave an officer hangin'*
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
I'll be honest; I didn't read a lot of the in between stuff. I just felt like typing things. And no, I'm not, Charon, but let me tell you about this crazy sex dream I had about you. There we were in an open meadow... then suddenly allen walks by holding a riding crop and a jar of olive oil...
 
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