[Funny] What's your favorite joke?

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doomdragon6

doomdragon6

Staff member
sixpackshaker said:
The Pharmacist replies, "I am so sorry my boy. I hope I did not ruin your weekend."
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I don't... I don't get this one either.
... Is this another brick joke?
Added at: 19:04
figmentPez said:
He then goes on to tell the second half of the Brick Joke, and it turned out even better than if we'd planned it together beforehand.
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I looked up the other half, and it's not even that funny. :( It's a confusing build-up for a potentially confusing punchline, that isn't worth it. To me, anyway. Don't get me wrong, I love the concept of the brick joke, though. The joke doesn't work because you wonder where the "second" brick came from, wonder how the dog/cat is hanging onto the plane, etc. I don't connect the brick to the first joke because a pig can't throw a brick that high. Also, the first joke doesn't imply that the brick didn't come back down. It was just thrown into the air, leading the listener to think the punchline is, at best, it comes back down and hits him on the head. So you have to say something like "But it never came down!" which needlessly complicates the first joke. But since there isn't anything like that, I assume the joke it resolved, so when the brick is in the ___'s mouth in the second joke, I don't think "Oh! THAT'S where the brick went!" Because I never knew the brick was missing.
tl;dr - This joke has too many problems with it and I just can't get into it, I'm sorry. I wanted to.
 
strawman

strawman

I've always felt that way about the brick joke. Just not my cup of tea, I guess.

I dunno, maybe it's like bizarro? Absurdity isn't amusing to me.
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
A baby was born in an Indian tribe, one in which it was traditional for the chief to name the new child.
"O chief", asked one of the Indians. "How do you decide what to call each child?"
"I name them after the things I see", said the chief. "A child born near the river, I call Babbling Brook. A child born at noon, I call Golden Sun. Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

***

Once upon a time there was an Indian tribe whose chief was very sick. Wanting to find a cure, he sent a messenger to a powerful medicine man.
"Great chief, no fart", said the messenger to the medicine man.
The medicine man made a remedy to cure the chief and sent the messenger away. But soon, the messenger returned.
"Great chief, no fart."
The medicine man decided a more potent remedy was in order, and made that and sent the messenger away. But once again, the messenger returned.
"Great chief, no fart."
Frustrated, the medicine man made the most potent remedy he could come up with and sent the messenger away. But once again, the messenger returned.
"Great fart, no chief."
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
I like this one, even though the guards in this story seem dumber than the blonde....

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trying to escape from prison. They decide to sneak out in some laundry bags. A guard notices some of the bags shifting and looks closer. He pokes at the brunette's bag. She panics and goes, "WOOF WOOF!" The guard says, "Oh no, I'd better let this poor dog out!" He carries the bag outside the fence and opens it. The brunette runs out and escapes. Next he starts poking at the redhead's bag. She goes, "MEOW MEOW!" He says, "Oh, I'd better let this poor cat out," and takes the bag outside the fence. The redhead runs out and escapes. Next, he starts poking at the blonde's laundry bag. She starts shouting, "POTATOES POTATOES!"

Here's one my grandpa told me:

Once two farmers were talking while taking a break. One farmer, "The weather's so dry, my lips are always chapped! I've tried everything to keep that from happening, but at the end of every day they're completely cracked and bleeding." His friend says, "Well, I might have the perfect remedy for that. Follow me!" His friend leads him over to the chicken coop, grabs a hen, and sticks his finger up her ass. Then, to the farmer's surprise and horror, he spreads chicken shit all over his lips. "How in the hell does that keep your lips from chapping?!" the farmer asks. The friend smiles and says, "Well, you never lick 'em!"
 
Chad Sexington

Chad Sexington

Rene Descartes was sitting on a plane. He had a long flight back to Paris after giving a series of lectures. Exhausted, he fell asleep quickly.
Just then, the flight attendant shook him awake and said, "Mr. Descartes! Would you like your meal?"
Irritated he replied, "No, thank you, I just want some sleep," and nodded off again.
But just a few minutes later the flight attendant returned, "Mr. Descartes! Would you like a pillow?"
Sighing angrily he said, "No! I was sleeping just fine!" He fell back asleep only to be interrupted again.
"Mr. Descartes! Would you like a blanket?"
He yelled, "I THINK NOT!" and then he disappeared.
 
HCGLNS

HCGLNS

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey;
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her,
And said "Hey, what's in the bowl bitch?"
 
TommiR

TommiR

For North_Ranger, delivered in Turku-speak. Hang in there, buddy.

Turkulaine avioliitto

Naine heräs keskel yät ja huomas, et häne ukkos ei ollu häne viärelläs nukkumas. Naine men alakertta ettimä miästäs. Hää löys miähe keittiös pöyrä äärest istumast, kahvikuppi käres ja syvis miätteis tuijottamas eres oleva seinä. Naine näk, ku miäs pyyhkäs kyynele silmäkulmastas ja hörppäs sen jälkke kulaukse kaffet.

"Mikä sul nyy?" naine kysys: "Minkä takja sää tääl ole keskel... yät?"

Ukko kattos kahvikuppias: "Muistaksää, ku mee seurusteltti 20 vuat takaperi ja sää oli vaa 16?"

"Juu kyl mää muista" vaimo vastasi.

"Muistaksää, ku sun isäs sai meijä kiin ku me rakasteltti mun pikkufiiati takapenkil?"

"Juu, kyl mää muista" vaimo vastas ja istus ukkos viäre.

Ukko jatko: "Muistaksää, ku sun isäs tunki hauliko mun naamasen kiin ja sanos": "Joko sää viäs mun tyttären vihil tai mää lähetä sut vankila kahrekskymmeneks vuareks?"

"Voi kyl mää senki muista," vaimo vastas pehmiäl äänel.

Ukko pyyhkäs toisenki kyynele silmästäs ja sanos: ”Mää olisi päässy tänäpä pois siält vankilast!"
 
bhamv3

bhamv3

The punchline "mixin’ ma toasties" is a pun on Myxomatosis, a rabbit viral infection that is often fatal.
 
bhamv3

bhamv3

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention".

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.

Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,

"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"

The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?". Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...










"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

A blonde walks into a New York bank and asks to see a loan officer. She tells the loan officer that she wants a $1,000 secured loan to go on vacation to Europe for a month. The loan officer asks what she's going to use as collateral. She says "My Porshe".

The loan officer a bit stunned says "If you don't mind my asking, why would you collateral a Porshe against a $1,000? We could extend you a larger loan if you want it secured?" Also thinking to himself why would she need to borrow $1,000 if she can obviously afford a Porshe and trip to Europe in the first place?

The blonde says that she wants just the $1,000 and would like to use her Porshe as collateral. Chalking up the whole thing to just dumb blonde syndrome the loan officer accepts the keys to the Porshe and has the bank security guard drive the car into the bank secured lot.

The blonde goes on her one month European vacation and returns promptly to the bank when she arrives back into the States. The loan officer greets her with a smile and asks if she's there to make her first payment on the loan. She says "Nope" and hands him back the $1,000 with the small interest charge accrued. The loan officer obviously very confused at this point, goes to get her keys and while handing it over to her asks "So what was the point of the loan if you didn't even need the money?"

Smiling as she begins walking out of the bank, she pulls off her wig, revealing her brunette locks of hair and says "Where else could I have parked my Porshe for a month for less than $50?"
 
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