[Movies] G.I. Joe: Retaliation

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Cobra Commander proper. Fuck yes.

I didn't hate the first movie. I didn't like that they needed to have all the leads know each other in the past and other dumb shit like that but man, that movie was a big dumb live action cartoon and for that, props.

Hey, is that Ray Stevenson beside Cobra Commander?
 
What killed pt1 the most for me was the COMPLETE fail on Baroness and Scarlett.

Saved by every scene involving Snake Eyes/Storm Shadow.
 
What killed pt1 the most for me was the COMPLETE fail on Baroness and Scarlett.

Saved by every scene involving Snake Eyes/Storm Shadow.
WHAT WHAT!? Scarlett was smoking fucking hot. FUCK was she ever hot. Man. Hot.

And I'm not the type to walk around with a lovely boner about girls in movies, but FUCK ME....>HOT<
 
Same goes for everyone with spoken lines in that flick, it's script wasn't it's strong point.

DUKE, BARONESS AND COBRA COMMANDER WERE TOTALLY BUDDIES/SEX FRIENDS IN THE PAST! FUCK YEAH!
 
Yes, she was. Her character script? Total shit.
Oh, well, Stephen Sommers.

While the plot of this movie seems a little bit too much like the upcoming Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (Death of all 'agents' leads to a rogue team trying to clear their name) I hope this is an opportunity for subsequent movies to "recruit" the specialists we've all come to know and love in GI Joe movies. A way to fix the inherent problems with a huge amount of no name Joes running around a 'secret base' and building up a force of named characters with specific skills.
 
I could have cared less about most of the character destruction, the ones that bothered me were:

Destro, C Commander, Baroness and Scarlett.

Oh and that they had a Wayan's brother in it, which was THANKFULLY missing from that trailer.
 
I could have cared less about most of the character destruction, the ones that bothered me were:

Destro, C Commander, Baroness and Scarlett.

Oh and that they had a Wayan's brother in it, which was THANKFULLY missing from that trailer.
I believe Mr Wayan passed on the sequel.
 
GI Joe Rise of Cobra was literally the worst movie I've seen in the last 5 years.

And that's saying something with the Transformers movies in that time period.
 
G.I. Joe was harmlessly goofy and stupid.

Transformers 1 was harmlessly goofy and stupid.

Transformers Revenge of the Fallen was a worldwide collective IQ devastator. I'm pretty sure it's to blame for every ill currently in the world.
 
GIJOE: You can actually see what's going on in the fight scenes.
Transformers: Meshes of metal blurs whirl around the screen till one robot is standing and the other is not.

GIJOE: The characters from the movie have alot of very close resemblances to their original counterparts so that they're easily recognizeable by the fans.
Transformers: Meshes of metal have to announce the name of their character before you have any idea who it is.

GIJOE: Had that idiot Wayan's brother as a side-character.
Transformer: Had that idiot Shia Le'Buttfuck as it's main-character.

GIJOE: Story was utter shit and the character's personalities were all but destroyed.
Transformers: Ditto

I'm going to have to say that TF was definitely much worse Bowie.
 
Nope, I would sit through revenge of the fallen 10 times before I watched GI Joe again.

Of course, I'd rather never see either again, but If I had to choose.
 
This movie might make up for the utter trainwreck that was rise of Cobra. I became increasingly plastered over the course of watching that movie and unfortunately it remained terrible.

I'd rather watch the movie with 2Lt. Falcon and SGT Slaughter teaming up with mutant-snake Cobra Commander to fight Cobra-la.

That said this trailer looks better than Rise of Cobra already.
 
You're entitled to an opinion of course. Doesn't change that my points were dead on correct.
What probably pisses me off about the GI Joe movie more than anything is that it actually has legitimately good actors in it, and even they are terrible in it. It's like the director told them to be as horrible as possible.

Also, powersuits.
 
Yep, agreed completely on both accounts. It was a huge clusterfuck of bad acting and horrible scripts with some really decent actors in it. The powersuits were just like "Oh well, this movie has already crossed the idiotic line".
 
Wait, who were the legitimately good actors in Rise of Cobra? Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jonathan Pryce, Dennis Quaid were the best 'calibre' of actors in the movie and they aren't exactly exceptional actors with a long history of great acting. (Mr's Gordon-Levitt and Mr Pryce barely break even)
 
Joseph Gordon-Levitt owns. He's been the best part of almost every movie he's been in. If you hate him for 3rd Rock From The Sun, I can't really blame you since French Stewart is really terrible.
 
Same goes for everyone with spoken lines in that flick, it's script wasn't it's strong point.

DUKE, BARONESS AND COBRA COMMANDER WERE TOTALLY BUDDIES/SEX FRIENDS IN THE PAST! FUCK YEAH!
As opposed to the original comics where:
  • Stalker, Snake-Eyes, and Storm Shadow were all in the same unit during Vietnam.
  • Snake-Eyes was Scarlett's sensei and boyfriend after he burned off his face and voicebox saving her from a burning chopper.
  • The Baroness wrongly blamed Snake-Eyes for the death of her brother.
  • Zartan killed Snake-Eyes master, framing Storm Shadow, while trying to kill Snake-Eyes..
  • Cobra Commander's alcoholic 'Nam vet brother took out Snake-Eyes' whole family in a DD accident while they were driving to pick up from the airport.
  • Cobra Commander, blaming Snake-Eyes for his brother's death in that accident, hired Firefly to kill Snake (who recommended Zartan as a better fit).
Seriously, they toned down everybody-knew-everybody else aspect of things for the movie. At a certain point it began looking like the whole point of Cobra was to just fuck with this one guy. Like Wolverine x5

That said, this movie looks head and shoulders above the previous one. I actually enjoyed the first one, but the sequel appears to be handling it the way they should have from the word go: pretty down-to-Earth military guys (regular joes, if you will) and an outlandish ninja versus over-the-top super-villains (including evil ninjas). It's what the 80's comics did well.
 
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