[Rant] The Relationship Rant Thread. Vol 1.

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Shegokigo

Shegokigo

(Figured with all the rant threads we have, sometimes a relationship quandry doesn't exactly fit into Victory/Win/Whine/Rant and just kind of fits them all? We'll see how this goes)

So I got back to back nights with Nurse Cutie but I'm starting to feel like a creeper. Monday night was pretty much alot like our first one together. We met up at the same place, had drinks, talked a whole lot more (she's really damn ambitious, makes me a little disappointed in myself career wise) and flirted up like crazy (was cute, we were acting like we hadn't already slept together before). So she asked if I wanted to go to her place to watch a movie (riiiiiiight) and this time I just came into the house while she woke her mom up from the couch and walked her to the door. I just kind of stood there in the door way to her living room like an awkward idiot ("It was nice seeing you again, I'll make sure your daughter's satisfied!" *groan*). Went quietly to her room (kid's asleep literally 20ft down the hall) and she popped in a pretty good screener copy of "The Grey". We didn't see much of it (obviously) and again I stayed the night. In the morning I was already dressed and ready to go by the time she got back from dropping off the kid and reminded me that Tue was her day off and I was welcome to come over again as she didn't have to work again till Wed Afternoon-Night.

So yeah I was back again on Tue night, no awkward mom moment and she had the kid staying at her mom's for the night since she invited me over a bit earlier. We had some fantastic wine (I had mentioned my love for it before) and she's a pretty damn good cook (seared maple steak slices with veggies) and this time we actually watched "The Grey". Another long night and I came to a slightly shitty revelation.... I'm really enjoying sleeping over at her place. Maybe it's the fact that for the most part, thenumber of women I've been with have had shitty apartment homes or just sloppy living conditions that I never really felt "comfortable" and would usually pass out sleeping pretty quick afterwards and jet out first thing in the morning. This? Let's just say I was almost late for work this morning... I didn't want to leave. I woke up before her and didn't want to leave.

She's the first girl in a long time that really has her shit together. Why was it a "shitty revelation"? There's no way a relationship could work with us. I don't even know if she's on the same wavelengths as me or what she's even thinking about where all this is going. I mean it's been 3 nights together total in 2 weeks. We haven't even really been out on a "date" though I could consider last night a "house date" and we're obviously good together at night but what about the rest? I could NEVER be around that kid for long. I barely am able to keep my composure around my brother's 3 kids. Sure, I don't know what her kid is like beyond the bits and pieces she talks about him but I'm just not interested in that aspect of life in the least. Also her hours are insane as I previously mentioned. We only able to get together on Mon night because she had shifted around her schedule a bit. I just don't know......
 
S

SeraRelm

You might be feeling that draw because it's been awhile since you've gotten some and because she actually does have her shit together. It doesn't mean you should get into a serious relationship with her, just that it's a "change of pace" from what you're used to, and dislike from previous relationships. Having the wrong stuff going right doesn't mean you need to ignore the right stuff that's wrong. I say enjoy what you have from it for right now.
 
ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

My best advice would be to start seeing her outside of a cozy place where naughty things happen. See about going to the movies together or something.

Also, don't compare one kid to 3 kids. That's a lot more of a handful. Who knows, maybe once you wind up hanging out with Nurse Girl and her kid, things might change. I wouldn't write this off entirely. You clearly have more than just a sexual chemistry going on.
 
BananaHands

BananaHands

Staff member
You're telling me I read through three paragraphs and there wasn't one steamy lesbian scene?
Added at: 19:05
But seriously, until she makes it pretty obvious that she wants it to be serious... I really wouldn't dwell on it. Just take a deep breath and ride this one out, don't muddle it all up with that 'serious relationship' junk yet.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Oh I'm not thinking serious relationship at all, as I said, it wouldn't work. What's getting to me isn't necessarily "her" but more the fact that maybe I'm not as content with my lifestyle as I may think I am. I woke up and fell asleep a few times this morning, normally I wake up (whether they're awake or not) get dressed and leave, then text them later. With her I didn't want to leave till she woke up and I didn't want to wake her up. All I wanted was that feeling to keep going. Beautiful house, huge comfortable bed with amazing sheets and comfortor and a warm, soft body next to me.

Another oddity was the large amount of "cuddling" I was doing. Normally I find my "spot" and stay there. If they want to come up to me and get comfortable? Be my guest. This time though everytime I'd wake up away from her, I'd move back and readjust myself.

I'm sure this is all obvious to the psychoanalyst "Yes, you crave human intimacy even though you act like you don't. It's obvious you want to fuck your mother" etc etc. I won't even deny that I prefer sleeping in bed with someone than apart, I grew used to it for so many years and even nearly 2yrs later I still don't like sleeping alone. However, I'm not going to read messages that aren't there. This is a temporary thing and that's not going to change, but maybe I should start considering the possibility that I could let someone be part of my life for good again? Maybe I"m just floating due to back to back nights and I'm not thinking straight.

Hence my rant here, I always know I can count on multiple points of view from everyone here that helps me see things differently.
 
ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

Sheg, even though you're not looking or thinking about a serious relationship, it sounds to me like you're taking her more seriously than a shag. Why does it HAVE to be a temporary thing? The cuddling thing alone is telling me you're crazy about this girl. What would be so wrong with pursuing something serious with her? Do you feel you're good enough for her and her "beautiful house, comfortable bed, etc"?
 
strawman

strawman

If you crush too hard, your relationship won't last long. Try to temper your over-enthusiasm, and you might be able to be more objective about it.
 
LittleSin

LittleSin

My Own Rant: Last night my sister was telling us all about this hot guy she was texting. However, her way of telling Blue and I about it was to read out every single text message verbatim and asking our opinions periodically. I was fine with this...at first. After about 20 minutes of it it got tedious and I told her, straight out "This is gettting kinda annoying. Mind giving it a break?"

My husband and her immedietly jump on me accusing me of being 'jealous' of her new opportunity and being 'bitter'. I don't know what the fuck they got that from. I was laughing when I asked her to stop, I was being supportive and telling her to "go for it", yet they are both convinced I'm some envious old hag.

My husband took it to heart and her been kinda sulky even since despite multiple reassurances. He throws a lot of crap my way, as you guys know, but I am able to roll with it and I don't look down on him for it even when thing get insane. I've always told him when I was unhappy and we've always taken steps to fix it. So this insecurity is grating.

Ugh, people! How do you work?!
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

@ Nick - Oh don't get me wrong, my place is well kept and well paid. It may be an apartment but I spent/spend good money on it and enjoy every minute I'm home. It's just that I never *never* bring someone to my place for a large number of reasons. It's not a "good enough" kind of thing (I don't think?) I'm also not sure if the cuddling thing is emotional or just "secure/good feeling".

Reasons I wouldn't pursue more with her:
The kid
So far we're not finding alot of things in common other than drinks/fun nights.
Her schedule isn't going to change, ever. Her entire career path revolves around the medical field.
I don't think I have those kinds of feelings for her.

She's extremely attractive, smart (rarely do I find someone I can talk to on length intelectually), great in bed, loves what she does for a living and plans to pursue it further, and an all around good person. Yet I still have those big issues written above. Not to mention I don't have the first clue how she's feeling about me... I've so far dodged all questions on the "kids front" and massively played down my gaming addictions. So yeah, a "big reveal" might be in order (down the line) and it probably won't go that well.

@ Steinman - I dunno how much of it is crushing on her or crushing on the situation. You are right though and I'm just going to keep letting the cards fall where they may. As things stand right now, the only way I see her is if she calls me up, which pretty much makes me the equivelant of a booty call.

@ LittleSin - There's little to nothing you can do to calm a person's insecurity. I dealt with this for years with my ex. You could give them the world and they'd question why you are doing it and what you're covering up because you did it. All I can tell you is that they really need to come to grips with what's causing the situation and the most you can do is help them come to that realization by helping them find the cause.

As for your sister's bragging? I don't mind when a person who hasn't been happy in a while talks about how happy they are. However if this is a person that's "ZOMG I'M SO IN LOVE" every few weeks with someone new? I pretty much just downplay their emotions directly to them, which usually ends up with a huff and I avoid any more of that nonsense.
 
Frank

Frank

Dating a nurse sucks. I know my schedule is fucking garbage for relationships (I have 6 nights in a row of 10 pm - 10 am shifts starting tonight) but hers put mine to shame. We saw each other in passing maybe once a week and had a couple of hours every 2 weeks at best.
Added at: 13:53
When I was dumped when she decided to take a job in another town, it didn't even hurt. We'd been dating for months but were probably less intimate than first weekers.
 
BananaHands

BananaHands

Staff member
So, my problem lies in the fact that because I'm in this limbo of wanting to move elsewhere and find another job... I'm stuck at my parents and trying to save money. I can't obviously sign another lease if I'm planning on running off to a different state.

So that little thing you call sex life? Poof. Gone. Vanished.

There's also this girl who I -might- have a chance with that has her apartment.... but her roommate gets all territorial when I start talking to her.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

@ BananaHands - If you have a strong enough relationship built by the time you move it's an excellent way of asking if she wants to move in with me. "I'm moving to another city for a job. Would you like to drive 4-9hrs to see me or do you just want to move in?" Second note: Can't you talk to said girl without the roommate around? I begin to remember that Seinfeld episode with the girl and guy living together that Jerry or George was dating.

@ Adammon - I was practically married for nearly 7 years. It was "kinda nice" too but definitely not "all that and a bag of chips".
 
N

Namesake

I never eat chips in bed. The only thing I ever consume in bed is beverages. Is that an analogy for anything?
 
Terrik

Terrik

I hate the feeling of crumbs in my bed. It feels like insects crawling all over your body. It's much better to brush the chips out of the sheets and sleep alone.
 
BananaHands

BananaHands

Staff member
Guys. Guys Guys.

Just had some jalapeño chips in bed.

It was so hot.

But I'm worried, there was a burning sensation after.
 
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