Major spoilers, 'kay?
12:47 in the special and Luke just showed up with R2. Chewie's family has been...interesting. Chewie's dad has no teeth and his kid looks like he's going to rip off my face as I'm sleeping. His wife is basically Chewie sans belt.
Update: 18 minutes in. Luke makes an appearance. Don't worry, R2. Nobody's perfect.
20 mins in...WE HAVE VADER!
30 mins in...did grandpa Wookie just put on a sex helmet and is getting off in the middle of the living room on a purple-haired woman's voice? He is watching kaleidoscopic porn! Did I just go behind the green door?!
40 mins in...PRINCESS LEIA! STORM TROOPERS! CHEWIE NEEDS EXERCISE!
50 mins in...Jefferson Starship is singing on some strange portable TV for the imperial guards. I now know what it's like to trip balls.
60 mins in...Saturday morning Star Wars cartoon featuring Boba Fett!
1 hr 10 mins...Leave it to a droid to get down to the bottom of things! Now, let's get off of this galactic raindrop.
Awwwwwwww! The mean guards tried to rip apart the kid's snuffleupagus!
1 hr 20 mins...I don't...I just don't understand anymore. Satan is teaching me how to hook up transmitters. Is this real life? What is going on?! Bea Arthur?! I NEED AN ADULT!!
1 hr 30 mins...This show has touched me in a bad, bad place. Bea Arthur is singing and the Empire has closed down the bar in Tatooine. This is goodnight friends but not goodbye friends. There's a giant rat. I feel dirty for having hung on this long. I'm so close to being done. Wtf, are they doing a combination Hora and Bunny Hop out the door?
1 hr 40 mins...Chewie just showed up at home to find a Storm Trooper chasing his kid with a gun. GET 'EM, CHEW CHEW!! Oh, you're just going to step aside and let the Trooper point a gun at you? Whatever- GET 'EM, HAN HAN!
1 hr 50 mins...The wookies are wearing red robes and carrying candles for some reason...R2D2 and C3PO just showed up...I...I...I...Leia?! Luke?! HAN?!! There's a tree of life...omfg Leia is singing. Carrie Fisher is singing about Live Day.
1 hr 56 mins...There's some sort of weird montage going on from the movies and from the show. There's vague Star Wars music in the background. My brain hurts. I feel nauseous. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. I don't. Someone hold me. Dill is in desperate need of huggles.
Ending: The Wookie family is sitting around the table for some sort of blessing/celebratory meal. Heads are bowed...and we're done.
1 hr 58 mins...I need something to help clear my head of this abomination. DA DA CIRCUS DA DA AFRO, CIRCUS AFRO, CIRCUS AFRO, POLKA DOT, POLKA DOT AFRO!!