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Your wife might not appreciate that.

I would totally put a Durr Emoji on my car.

You need to get a ARRRRGH Halforums Emoji made. ps. I'd buy one too.

GOD! I miss old computer desks.

I hated Trump as a sports fan. Now I hate him as an ex-history teacher.

GOTDAMM cows are eating all the weed.

STOLEN VALOR.

Thanks for all the spoiler tags. I am like 3 weeks behind.

*Children

I worked in the oilfield, which is dangerous enough, but I do not fuck with anything over 110.

Murder By Death.

I am having Murder By Death flashbacks where Peter Sellers was doing a racist send up of Charlie Chan. And Truman Capote was yelling at him for not using his articles. " Sidney Wang: What meaning of this, Mr. Twain? Lionel Twain: I will tell you, Mr. Wang, if YOU can tell ME why a man who...

I have not gone on a date in 12 years. I will likely not have another. Go to things, talk to people you do not know. Do not become me.

"Damn, Damn, Damn!"

I've always known her. I really wish I knew what for. I was to young for Clash of the Titans. But I was too old for Potter.

55, and almost counting.

If all this racist Haitians are eating the dogs were true. Then why isn't the question, why are people in America going hungry?

I just realized that the glossy brown, giant spider I picked up and threw outside about 10 years ago... was most likely a Brown Recluse Spider. The most dangerous spider in Texas. I don't tend to kill spiders. And because it was so big, I did not think it was a brown recluse. They tend to be...

...I think you should pet him first.

I need to find one of those GIANT, yellow, salad bowls.