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I hate waking up to morning lows that are higher than our average highs.

Yeah, I had a hard time with "Heavy Metal" as a kid. I heard Punk Rock first. To me Kiss was a disco band, that spit blood.

If she was only wearing one...

All my niece could talk about after half time was Adam Levine with his shirt off. He made her pretty damned thirsty.

At least Gillette has women's backs.

I heard that they were much higher. Or that they were about to go back up on the price after that little scandal. Not to mention an 80 mile drive.

Found a Tech here that changed my iPhone 6 battery out in under thirty minutes and $50.

Well at least half my family lived here when it was Mexico...

I fell asleep watching TV last night in the living room. Then I woke up and could smell nothing but dog. I was on my knees with my face buried in Ralph's hip. And I said to myself, how did I get here? Then I remembered, standing up, the dog was in my way. I told him to move, but started...

The son just did it for the punchline.

But the first two guys have seen at service and eaten at her house once a week for 10 and 20 years. They likely ate her cooking more than her son.

My aunt was buried just after Thanksgiving. She was the church lady that always had the pastor over for dinner at least once a week. And that fucker still called her Mrs. Foster. (The name is not Foster.) Then the associate pastor got up and called her Mrs. Foster. Then her son, the youth...

When mama calls, you come running. - Bear Bryant.

Think about how they will feel when the wall cuts off their source of water.

After my cancer treatment, I ballooned up 60 pounds, and had to buy larger underwear. Then I dropped the weight just as fast. Up 60 and down 70 within a calendar year. But I kept the chones. And now I think just one pair of the big ones, slips.

I have an interview today. Each time I get up to walk, my underwear slips off my ass. And I've spilled coke on my white dress shirt TWICE!

Did our usual party with our younger friends. We had about 20 adults and 10 kids under 10. Most of them started crying when the first snappers started popping. But within the hour the kids were begging us to set off the really loud artillery shell fireworks.

A day late...

YES! Now we know there is a market.

The only option for the religious right is to serve children graphically anotomically correct cookies.