So, about a year ago... Maybe 2, I'm bad with time, I posted here about how I was finally going to admit to myself my problems with depression and see my doctor about possible medication.
Yeah, none of that ever happened. Partially because I'm afraid the medication wouldn't work, when I've always said to myself that that it would be a last resort and then what do I do if that option isn't there anymore, partially because of irrational thoughts on how I don't deserve medication and I've gotten by fine without it (unfortunately, knowing these are irrational doesn't stop me being affected by them) and partially because my mother works at the only doctors office available to me and I don't want her to know.
And while at this point I still don't plan on doing what I know I should, I still feel compelled to share my shortcomings and be honest about them, because this place is the closest I have to a therapist, and because I know many people here also struggle, and there's a solidarity in knowing you at least aren't struggling alone
Will the new year spur me to finally do something? Maybe... Probably not
Yeah, none of that ever happened. Partially because I'm afraid the medication wouldn't work, when I've always said to myself that that it would be a last resort and then what do I do if that option isn't there anymore, partially because of irrational thoughts on how I don't deserve medication and I've gotten by fine without it (unfortunately, knowing these are irrational doesn't stop me being affected by them) and partially because my mother works at the only doctors office available to me and I don't want her to know.
And while at this point I still don't plan on doing what I know I should, I still feel compelled to share my shortcomings and be honest about them, because this place is the closest I have to a therapist, and because I know many people here also struggle, and there's a solidarity in knowing you at least aren't struggling alone
Will the new year spur me to finally do something? Maybe... Probably not