Children's comic strip dealing with death

[Zappit]

Okay - (audibly cracks knuckles) - here's an honest critique.

Your comic has a traditional visual style obviously influenced by Bill Keane and Bill Watterson; nothing wrong with that and I can't suggest any changes.

Now, as for the writing...well, there is room for improvement. Your characters are taking the loss of the mother/wife WAY too well, and it comes off as hokey and disingenuous despite your intentions. There's sweet and saccharine, but this could give a reader diabetes. Add a dose of realism. Losing a loved one is sad, frustrating, depressing. If you want to address this, add a dose of realism and show those emotions. There's still plenty of room for humor there, most of it bittersweet, of course.

It can be anything - the father struggling to adapt - picking up responsibilities that the mother handled, an overenthusiastic school psychologist that completely misses the mark, a single neighbor with eyes for the father...if you use ancillary characters to provide the more "edgy" work, you can preserve the innocence of the main cast. Those suggestions are all realistic possibilities that go along with the kind of situation you're addressing, but it doesn't dumb it down and it doesn't pander, which does kind of seem to be what you're doing right now.

 

[ElJuski]

see the problem is that nobody is listening to you, and they never were.

 

[Zappit]

see the problem is that nobody is listening to you, and they never were.

Me?

 

[ElJuski]

well anyone that's trying to give them criticism or advice. Which is good advice, mind you, they're just not coming back.

 

[World of Will]

Thanks for the feedback, guys. Allways nice to get some well-thought critique. I’ve been stopping by here once a week or so, and I guess I should thank the guy who's dog I must have raped for the sudden burst of activity in this thread.

Regarding the website, I should point out that our comic isn’t meant to be a webcomic and that worldofwillcomics.com was created just for fun, more or less; a portfolio site for non-swedish speakers.
Right now our native market is our priority and only the original Swedish version of the site is regularly updated.

We have som plans of regular updates in English as well, but right now we’re focused on finishing enough Swedish strips for an album planned to be released around christmas.

 

[Dave]

The next post should be an apology from ElJuski. Let me preemptively say sorry for him. *I* say you're always welcome and that's that.

 

[Ravenpoe]

You're more than welcome to keep posting, and congrats to your success in Sweden.

Don't worry about juski, we've all had his dog at some point. That's one sexy collie.

 

[ElJuski]

lolololol I still call bullshit

 

[Espy]

Juice. Time to chill dude. Give this thread a rest.

Now... Get beer. Go to couch. Sit and drink. Come one. I'll have one too.

 

[ElJuski]

Haha. You guys need to see my post in the IMPORTANT forum, if you think I'm anything but chill. I'm sure we can all go ahead and fall asleep soundly tonight.

 

[Dave]

Is it so hard to believe, Juice, that someone actually lurks and cares enough to read through stuff? One of my biggest problems is the same as Scott's, in that I see something bright and shiny and jump right at it. These guys seem to be taking their time and doing it the way they want to right the first time. They came to us and asked about their comic. We are basically HERE because of web comics! It's not a far stretch for them to ask us. We gave them advice and whether they take it or not is up to them. But to constantly criticize even after they totally proved you wrong in your mistaken belief that they jumped and ran shows more about who you are than who they are. Can you not admit that you could have possibly been mistaken and overreacted? Is it so far fetched that you could be wrong?

In any event, I'm not locking the thread because of you. This is their thread and that would be unfair to them. However, it is exactly this kind of behavior of which I have been speaking. Unnecessary and just awful.

 

[Espy]

I know you are "chill" but you need to lay off this thread. Seriously.

 

[ElJuski]

No, you're right. If they're sticking around they deserve to have their corner. No need to get all bold and green text at me.

 

[Espy]

FINE. YOU LIKE THIS BETTER?

Cuz I gots all night Joseph Bro-lin.

 

[Espy]

Scratch that, my 9-month pregnant wife wants me to watch Parks and Rec with her so "all night" just turned into see you later gaters.

 

[Hailey Knight]

Is it so hard to believe, Juice, that someone actually lurks and cares enough to read through stuff? One of my biggest problems is the same as Scott's, in that I see something bright and shiny and jump right at it. These guys seem to be taking their time and doing it the way they want to right the first time. They came to us and asked about their comic. We are basically HERE because of web comics! It's not a far stretch for them to ask us. We gave them advice and whether they take it or not is up to them. But to constantly criticize even after they totally proved you wrong in your mistaken belief that they jumped and ran shows more about who you are than who they are. Can you not admit that you could have possibly been mistaken and overreacted? Is it so far fetched that you could be wrong?

In any event, I'm not locking the thread because of you. This is their thread and that would be unfair to them. However, it is exactly this kind of behavior of which I have been speaking. Unnecessary and just awful.

Temp ban.

No, perma ban.

Or make him wear a tutu.

Prohibit Simpsons gifs.

Anything to vex him.

 

[North_Ranger]

That can be ARRANGED!

In all seriousness, though, holy crap, another Scandinavian here in Halforums and nobody tells me? Shame on you, people...

Anyway, expressions of welcome from the other side of the gulf. I'm surprised these guys haven't made jokes about your nationality yet, as some of them seem hellbent on "forgetting" I'm a Finn rather than a Swede or a Norwegian or, for the love of God, a Russian But then again, with the exception of certain people you seem to have gathered the attention of our more level-headed crowd. Good show on that. I personally hope you will stick around and embrace the madness. Just as long as you don't mention steak (trust me, DON'T. You'll live a longer, happier life that way). Or sauna pants - 'cause if you do, then jag ska göra någonting dödlig på dig, din familj och din lilla hund, altså Nah, just kidding... but don't. Also apologies for crappy Swedish, haven't used that much since gymnasiet.

Now, about the comic... You have a clear, familiar style of drawing which does seem like something you would find in a comic aimed at a younger audience. Nothing wrong with that, even if it does - as mentioned earlier - look reminiscent of the likes of Family Circus. But for the target audience, the soft touch and the pastel shades would seem a more appropriate approach. For an adult reader... well, as a newspaper comic it would work. Reading a number of strips in one sitting, then it starts to become a little repetitive.

I would also recommend taking heart to the advice of giving the characters' reactions a sharper edge. Now they just seem a little too mellow. To have a comic that's memorable, you don't want your characters to be marshmellows; you need them to have some edge to them, something that makes them stand out from every other [insert group title] here. To use Calvin and Hobbes as an example, Calvin stands out from every other six-year-old because of his cynicism and his childish self-centeredness expressed through adult ideas. Susie Derkins, the girl whom Calvin is bouncing off in the comics, stands out because she has the ability to turn Calvin's fantasies against himself (such as kidnapping Hobbes and making Calvin give back her doll or she'll keep Hobbes "because he seems to like it better with [her]"). At present, your characters lack such quirks of personality. Granted, you only gave us a small sample and you're just getting started, but hopefully these kinds of edges will grow on characters over time. Calvin, too, started as just another bratty six-year-old.

So there's my two cents on the matter. Welcome, stick around and keep on posting. I'll let you know if I see your comic in papers over here

 

[World of Will]

Greetings, Scandinavian brother! And don't worry, your death threat was well written and impossible to misunderstand. ;-)
Thanks a lot for the constructive critisism! Regarding your advice, I'm happy to see that we have followed some of them even before you gave them.

Having written 315 script, I feel like the edges of these characters have gotten sharper over time, and looking at some of these translated strips feels almost like watching ancient history. The most cynical character have been left out, actually - simply because he talks so damn much that it didn't feel worth it to translate his rants.
We also chose not to include a lot of the more gag-oriented strips, prioritising the ones we felt made this comic stand out a bit compared to others. In retrospect i think this made the comic appear a bit more pale, cloying and... well... lame than I believe it to be.

I'm looking forward to adding new strips in English and see if any of the guys in here will notice any signs of improvement. =)

 

[World of Will]

Hi again, guys!

As promised, We've now added a bunch of new translated strips to our site; 25 new ones in total. They are not all placed at the end of the list so take time to scroll through it from top to bottom if you're interested in checking out all additions.

Hope you'll find something there to enjoy: worldofwillcomics.com.

 

[Dave]

The ONLY trouble I have is knowing which strips are new and which have been there. You really need some sort of navigation besides "samples". I like the strips, but it's difficult to navigate.