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Because in the event that you do, Your Highness will hit the spot. If you are also the sort of person who thinks molester-puppet wizards being given a handjob is the height of hilarity, then, well, this film will no doubt leave you in stitches.

I really wish I had bothered to read a review or two before seeing this (it is, apparently, being given a deserved critical drubbing). I knew from the trailer that it wasn't exactly going to be the film of the decade, but some of the lines were funny enough ('Handle your shit, Fabious!') and the director promising enough that I didn't think twice before proffering forth my $8 for the chance to see a minotaur hump a man whose hair McBride's character likened to 'looking like a penis.'

Aside from being crude, the film really didn't know what it wanted to accomplish (or rather, didn't know how to accomplish it). There's a metallic bird companion, which was obviously included because of the 80's Clash of the Titans. But it doesn't really feel like a parody; the bird flits in and out the same as any character, in a mildly un-amusing fashion, but a clever jab at cheesy 80s fantasy it is not.

Occasional bits and lines do bring a chuckle. There is nothing, however, that warrants seeing this in the theatre. Perhaps someone involved in the production realized this, which is why it's crammed full of action and special effects. Indeed, I was quite surprised at the money I saw on the screen, despite the judicious use of puppets. The best medieval fantasy comedies of all time were fairly low budget (Holy Grail? Princess Bride, anyone?). This movie didn't deserve the budget it got (and is apparently not making much back thus far).

Obviously, the greatest tragedy about all this is the wasted talent involved. I could go on for days about the cast in general, but it was Zooey Deschanel for whom my heart bled especially. Whoever coached her on her accent was a lazy ass; on the other hand, if she'd been raised in medieval England and transported via time travel to the present, she still would not have had anything compelling to do or say while on screen; she was merely there to have breasts and help the nonsensical plot along. I was embarrassed as hell having to watch her attempt, while under a randiness spell, to suck on a dead minotaur dick. Hell, forget Deschanel, I would be embarrassed for any actress cast in a role so shitty.

The only thing she got to contribute was a bit of quite lovely singing, but A., it was way too short for my ears, and B., felt oddly out of place. Conceptually, they might've been going for an Enchanted vibe, but it didn't really come across. As a genre spoof, this movie isn't half-assed - it's quarter-assed.

The music in general was actually quite serious, as were the LOTR-style shots of people walking through scenic mountains. This, of course, did nothing to consolidate the overall feel of a movie in which puppets get jerked off.

TLDR version: In a film rife with magic, the only kind missing was the 'movie' kind.

I don't get the hype with McBride, I just don't find him funny and truly, he plays the same character in every movie I've seen him in.

That may be the best thread title ever.

Ever.

Can one nominate things for the Hall of Fame? Because that ought to be preserved.

I feel conflicted now. I enjoy the occasional trainwreck of a movie... yet I have trouble paying $10 to see a human-on-minotaur fellatio... and yet this sounds so bad I would likely be laughing my ass off at the stupidity all the time... that or trying to claw my eyes out.

Gah!

I laughed through it. It reminded me of every D&D campaign I've ever been in.

It is, however, not a good movie.

About your comments on the action and special effects, I think they went so over the top serious on them trying t0 juxtapose comedy with a serious fantasy movie and make the comedy that much more jarring when it happened.

Well, that's $13 I'm definitely not spending...though I may end up spending more than that for the beer to watch this drunk with friends at home.

To bad, the cast and story sounded great but yet all I hear is mainly negative.

Psh, I laughed. It was ridiculous and immature and fun. If I'd been in a different frame of mind, I might have hated it. To be honest, it'd not really an in-theatre must. I went with some friends who wanted to go, but I could have waited until it came out on DVD. James Franco played a very funny white bread dork of an older brother.

Yeah, I'm sure I will watch it but I'll wait till it's out on DVD.

I still think I wanna sneak into this after Hanna tonight.

The Lovely Boehner said:

I still think I wanna sneak into this after Hanna tonight.

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Boner fancies erect minotaur penis?

Color me not surprised!

The Lovely Boehner said:

I still think I wanna sneak into this after Hanna tonight.

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Sneaking is a good idea!

I also forgot to mention Justin Theroux, who probably played the funniest character (the villain!). Really, though, with all the talent involved, I just thought the movie could have been so much more.

wait... we can still post about minotaur penis?

Yay! More minotaur penis talk!

Hey Google crawler bots! Minotaur penis!

Way more interesting than centaur balls.

so since Germany just banned bestiality, will it be hard to get an erect Minotaur penis in the hinterland?

Probably no more difficult than it is to get a Minotaur penis hard.

I could not tell you why I loved this movie. It wasn't good. It wasn't even so bad it became good. Yet still.... I haven't laughed/enjoyed a stupid movie this much in as long as I can remember.

how hard is it to get a minotaur penis hard?

It's like how many licks does it take to get to the center of a ...[DOUBLEPOST=1354692365][/DOUBLEPOST]I went in expecting nothing, I came out with an erect minotaur penis.

But seriously, it was a terrible movie, but I still enjoyed it.

The_Khan said:

But seriously, it was a terrible movie, but I still enjoyed it.

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Exactly, I wish I could explain to someone the reasons why, but I come up blank every time.

Goddang minotaur penis joke... I'm trying to make a minotaur barbarian for a monster play-by-post in the Order of the Stick forums, and now I am reminded why I didn't give him a greatclub as a weapon. Because of minotaur penis.

Also, I don't think minotaur penis jokes would translate well on a forum not familiar to the minotaur penis meme. In fact, I'm not even sure I could say 'minotaur penis' in there.

Have I mentioned minotaur penis often enough?

North_Ranger said:

Goddang minotaur penis joke... I'm trying to make a minotaur barbarian for a monster play-by-post in the Order of the Stick forums, and now I am reminded why I didn't give him a greatclub as a weapon. Because of minotaur penis.

Also, I don't think minotaur penis jokes would translate well on a forum not familiar to the minotaur penis meme. In fact, I'm not even sure I could say 'minotaur penis' in there.

Have I mentioned minotaur penis often enough?

Click to expand...

nope, here I'll finish it for you

the great club could be used for comical fashion to make people think about gigantic Minotaur cock.

"Cock“ is such a meaty word. Really feels like it has some weight to it.

Terrik said:

"Cock“ is such a meaty word. Really feels like it has some weight to it.

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I like the sound of that word though. I really... like the way... cock feels coming... out of my mouth?

shudder

The_Khan said:

I like the sound of that word though. I really... like the way... cock feels coming... out of my mouth?

shudder

Click to expand...

It just rolls right off your tongue, does it?

GasBandit said:

It just rolls right off your tongue, does it?

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more like it's forcefully removed from the back of my throat with a bit of phlegm when I reach the CK.

The_Khan said:

phlegm

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I'm-a be good since this thread isn't behind the NSFW wall, yet.

--Patrick