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But I can't because I'm waiting on my two new computers I got overnighted to me (overnighted for free, btw) and I know as soon as I get on the pot the FedEX guy will get here and I'll ahve to wait until tomorrow to get my new stuff... Someone help! :aaahhh:

I have to poo so bad!

Poo in your boxers, roll them in a ball, throw them away, go commando.

I have to poo so bad!

Denbrought said:

Poo in your boxers, roll them in a ball, throw them away, go commando.

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...

I have to poo so bad!

Put a sign on the door that says "Dear FedEx guy, I'm pooing, please give me a minute to wipe and get to the door" and put a date/time on it.

I have to poo so bad!

Do an "emergency sitting". That is, sit down on the pot just for a moment, just enough to not feel this terrible urge and save the rest of the job for later.

I have to poo so bad!

don't listen to the spaniard; all the pros poopsock

I have to poo so bad!

Go have your sit-in.

If he doesn't show up, you can squeeze the pastry as long as you like.

If he does... quickly wipe your ass, pull up your pants, run to the door, do what needs to be done, and change your underwear. That or run to the door naked from the waist down with the mother of all dingleberries hanging from your rear. Your choice.

I have to poo so bad!

Poo right outside next to your door. You'll get the job done and if he shows up you can still sign for it.

I have to poo so bad!

Edrondol said:

Poo right outside next to your door. You'll get the job done and if he shows up you can still sign for it.

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God, I would hate to be Ed's delivery guy...

I have to poo so bad!

Go poop. You won't miss him, and in the unlikely chance that you do you can pick it up at the local fedex office at 8pm by calling the number on the slip you get.

Leave the bathroom door open so you can hear him and shout "Coming!"

Plus, if it's a residence, then you'll be delivered after all the business deliveries, probably between 3pm and 5pm. Never this early in the day.

-Adam

I have to poo so bad!

I am not surprised that someone would post something like this here. I thought I would be when I opened the thread, but I'm not.

You know, we have an old timey table that doubles as a chamber pot-type thing. If you take off the cover, there's a tiny toilet inside. I'd suggest you buy one of those, cover it when someone comes to the door, and then--for God's sake--clean it the hell out when they leave.

We don't use the table toilet. It's just a conversation piece.

I have to poo so bad!

just go poo already. If he shows up run out if he doesn't you will feel a lot better

I have to poo so bad!

Cajungal said:

We don't use the table toilet. It's just a conversation piece.

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Looks like you're using it right now:



-Adam

I have to poo so bad!

Overnights get delivered before everything else Stien, it's gaureenteed before 3:00PM but to let everyone know, I risked it and did it, I was safe no one knocked on the door (I would have known, kids would have came screeming that someone was)

I have to poo so bad!

stienman said:

Cajungal said:

We don't use the table toilet. It's just a conversation piece.

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Looks like you're using it right now:

-Adam

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I have to poo so bad!

That's why i hate getting things overnighted via UPS btw overnight from ups is delivered by 10:30AM I'm usually half asleep at that time, even when I was working because I went in at 1 when I was.

I have to poo so bad!

My guess is the Fed/Ex truck will pull up while you are just finishing your poo - and the driver will be a woman, who will politely ask if she can use your bathroom real quick...

Cuz that's happened to me before. :bush:

I have to poo so bad!

Sldghmr said:

My guess is the Fed/Ex truck will pull up while you are just finishing your poo - and the driver will be a woman, who will politely ask if she can use your bathroom real quick...

Cuz that's happened to me before. :bush:

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Was she hot? did you ask her to pee in your sink instead?

Oh I forgot the awesome news that I didn't know about, the water to our toilet has been down for about 7 or so hours a day for the past few days because of a burst pipe, guess what was down again today, and by down I mean it takes about 20-30 minutes to fill for a good flush. The sink water is still good though so I had two cups filling and dumping into the tank to fill it up so I could flush it... it took two flushed btw :smug:

I have to poo so bad!

Poo news, only at Halforum. "The hotness!"

I have to poo so bad!

Go ahead and drop the kids off at the pool. The Fed Ex guy normally waits about a minute before leaving.

I have to poo so bad!

Silver Jelly said:

Poo news, only at Halforum. "The hotness!"

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It wasn't really the hotness, SJ. I didn't eat spicy food yesterday.

I have to poo so bad!

Silver Jelly said:

Poo news, only at Halforum. "The hotness!"

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Halforum: where the hotness is so hot, it's steaming.

I have to poo so bad!

I'd sticky this but it's probably sticky enough all on its own.

I have to poo so bad!

Everytime I'm waiting for something to show up and I take a nap I end up "dreaming" that they show up and I miss them or something goes wrong. My mind is wired in a weird way.

I have to poo so bad!

This thread would be the shit if it were stickied, Ed.

I have to poo so bad!

This thread is a load of crap

I have to poo so bad!

Your jokes stink.

I have to poo so bad!

CrimsonSoul said:

Sldghmr said:

My guess is the Fed/Ex truck will pull up while you are just finishing your poo - and the driver will be a woman, who will politely ask if she can use your bathroom real quick...

Cuz that's happened to me before. :bush:

Click to expand...

Was she hot? did you ask her to pee in your sink instead?

Oh I forgot the awesome news that I didn't know about, the water to our toilet has been down for about 7 or so hours a day for the past few days because of a burst pipe, guess what was down again today, and by down I mean it takes about 20-30 minutes to fill for a good flush. The sink water is still good though so I had two cups filling and dumping into the tank to fill it up so I could flush it... it took two flushed btw :smug:

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Best use of smug face yet. I'm reading this in a restroom right now (at first was going to mock you) but I keep doing that "I don't want to laugh but I am laugh" and the guy in the next stall must think horrible things about me.

I have to poo so bad!

phil said:

The guy in the next stall must think horrible things about me.

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I do. Stop giggling, I'm trying to shit.

I have to poo so bad!

Well at least He wasn't jerkin!

I have to poo so bad!

CrimsonSoul said:

Well at least He wasn't jerkin!

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Multitasking, anybody?

I have to poo so bad!

Silver Jelly said:

CrimsonSoul said:

Well at least He wasn't jerkin!

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Multitasking, anybody?

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I have to poo so bad!

Woo FedEX got here!

I have to poo so bad!

CrimsonSoul said:

Woo FedEX got here!

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Yay for FedExcrement!

-Adam

I have to poo so bad!

Just left the loo, after finishing another level in the Resistance PSP game.

I have to poo so bad!

Coincidentally reading this thread from the bathroom

I have to poo so bad!

This morning I took a break from playing Fallout 3 to let 3 things fall out IFYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN.

I have to poo so bad!

Gusto said:

This morning I took a break from playing Fallout 3 to let 3 things fall out IFYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN.

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You just hit puberty and you're a freak like me? AWESOME!

I have to poo so bad!

This thread is a touch disturbing.

I'm not sure how to feel finding out I'm not the only one who reads the forum while on the pot

I have to poo so bad!

The best compilation Mr. Lahey's Shit Analogies that YouTube apparently has to offer.:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FyoNARq19w:1haphd9s][/youtube:1haphd9s]

I have to poo so bad!

This makes me want to make a de-motivational poster.

halforum
Join us and talk about shit

Halforum
it's the shit!

Halforum
We browse while we poo!

I have to poo so bad!

CrimsonSoul said:

Halforum
We browse while we poo!

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Not all of us, thank you very much. I prefer Los Angeles magazine when I'm on the pot.

I have to poo so bad!

Halforum
We browse while we poo!
Except Zen, she reads magazines.

I have to poo so bad!

Thank you.

I have to poo so bad!

CrimsonSoul said:

Halforum
We browse while we poo!
Except Zen, she reads :quote: magazines :quote: .

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-Adam

I have to poo so bad!

Man, I post from my porcelain throne all of the time.
Nothing wrong with that.

I have to poo so bad!

Hey guys what up I just dropped a massive New Jersey. It smelled like smokestacks and corruption.

I have to poo so bad!

Turd-rific thread. Two-thumbs up!

On second thought, no thumbs up, please.

I have to poo so bad!

http://www.halforum.com/index.php?optio ... &Itemid=68

-Adam

I have to poo so bad!

I, too, fire torpedoes whist surfing halforum.

I have to poo so bad!

Dropping the Browns at the Super Bowl.

I have to poo so bad!

I shit my pants once. Which is weird, because I don't remember eating pants.

I have to poo so bad!

Toasting in epic bread.

BeeTeeDubs: I'm a bit constipated myself. I neeeeeed to recreate Lincoln's cabin in my white commode.

I have to poo so bad!

The guys at the station just south of us got a 9-1-1 call one night for...... constipation. The patient wanted to go to the ER (and by state law we cannot refuse any person who wants to go to the ER) so they took her. I was in our truck when they arrived at the hospital and heard the following radio traffic-
"Dispatch- Rescue [XYZ] has arrived at [ER]. We'll be out of service for decon."

Of course when they returned to quarters, I had to call them an laugh at them about it and my medic fried says,
"Yeeeaah- she wasn't quite as constipated as she thought"

I have to poo so bad!

I never buy shampoo...


I insist on the real thing.

I have to poo so bad!

Batdan said:

I never buy shampoo...


I insist on the real thing.

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Thanks to M*A*S*H for that joke. :tongue:

Bump for the name change

I just expelled the biggest sticky red-black clump of uterine lining just now. Boy, that really took a while! Now I'm posting as I wrap up my bloody tampon.

Oh wait, wrong thread?

Yeah you need to put that in the period thread, ZM, not the poop thread.

But if you take it out then you can't go swimming and ride horses and play tennis and go to the beach!

-Adam

CrimsonSoul said:

Yeah you need to put that in the period thread, ZM, not the poop thread.

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I thought this was the "TMI about what I do on the toilet" thread. Sexist!

CrimsonSoul said:

Yeah you need to put that in the period thread, ZM, not the poop thread.

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There's not even a punctuation thread, nevermind one devoted to the full stop.

-Adam

This thread is going places. I'm not entirely sure where those places are but I suspect them to be in the tubes and it's definately on its way.

ZenMonkey said:

I just expelled the biggest sticky red-black clump of uterine lining just now. Boy, that really took a while! Now I'm posting as I wrap up my bloody tampon.

Oh wait, wrong thread?

Click to expand...

ZenMonkey said:

I just expelled the biggest sticky red-black clump of uterine lining just now. Boy, that really took a while! Now I'm posting as I wrap up my bloody tampon.

Oh wait, wrong thread?

Click to expand...

-Adam

ZenMonkey said:

I just expelled the biggest sticky red-black clump of uterine lining just now. Boy, that really took a while! Now I'm posting as I wrap up my bloody tampon.

Oh wait, wrong thread?

Click to expand...

:clap:

Man, I'm glad France has been getting more normal lately. On my week-long vacation to France, I've only been forced to use a French toilet (also known as a Turkish toilet, thoguh I've never seen them in Turkey) once.

Y'know, the


type. Ugh.

That toilet confuses me

If you want to pee, you stand o nthe two foot rests facing the wall.. If you want to shit, you squat with your feet on the foot rests, facing the camera. Either way, you'll spray whatever's coming out all over your shoes the first time you try.

So it's entirely possible to poop all over yourself if you have the squirts of something. I guess it works on your leg strength though.

Yes it is. It's also possible to lose your balance and tumble into your own...err....No, I wouldn't know at all. aranoid:

Jesus, that's like a big "Fuck you" to drunk people who have to shit.

Or a thumbs up to all scatophiles out there. You decide, it IS France, after all.

I used one of those in Turkey. Avoiding some unholy mishap there despite a monumental case of salmonella was one of the finest moments of my life... or at least, that part of my life directly concerned with poop.

Oh God,

I hate it when I sit down for a casual poop and something happens part-way through, like the phone ringing or a knock at the door and I want to get up and tend to it, but my bowels decide that this is the moment within which to begin working on the remains of the steak burrito I ate the night before and tells me, under no certain terms, that it's coming and I cannot stop it, but, like a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door, it's gonna take a solid 5 minutes to squeeze and shift into the right shape to pass completely, leaving me to either abandon the idea, or bear down with all my might and either sound like I'm trying to pry my hand off a hot plate on the phone or appear to be some sort of bright red zombie when I answer the door.

I need some Metamucil, damn it.

I just pooped on myself when I thought I was farting as soon as I sat in the car to take my 5 year old to school. My wife told me that I still had time to clean myself up and take her instead of doing it herself *sigh*

Bubble181 said:

Or a thumbs up to all scatophiles out there. You decide, it IS France, after all.

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You belge really have it with the frogs, ey?

Btw, why am I posting in this thread????????

30 minutes before kids were coming over to my nephews b-day party my dog pooped in the basement. It wasn't a small pile either, it was huge. He's used to being able to go off on his own and poop in the long grass. He also hates it when you look at him while he is pooping. I think he just got nervous having to be walked on a leash on mowed grass and couldn't poop outside. That was one smelly poop to have to clean up.

God, I hated the toilets in Ireland. Basically they are like your normal toilet, save there's no water tank in the back, and the bowl just basically sticks out of the wall like some disfigured bidée. And me being on the hefty side, I could never sit down and relax in the toilet when I pooped, since I was constantly afraid that the damn thing would crack off the wall.

What's so fascinating about poop that it has to have its own thread?

Actually... I don't want to know...

North_Ranger said:

God, I hated the toilets in Ireland. Basically they are like your normal toilet, save there's no water tank in the back, and the bowl just basically sticks out of the wall like some disfigured bidée. And me being on the hefty side, I could never sit down and relax in the toilet when I pooped, since I was constantly afraid that the damn thing would crack off the wall.

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I'm not even overweight and I'd be scared of that

Poop.

Andi said:

What's so fascinating about poop that it has to have its own thread?

Actually... I don't want to know...

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Would you like our poop discussions to run into other threads, or should we just plop them down in here?

You know what I hate? Going into the bathroom at work and smelling someone else's massive poop. I just want to put nose-filters in so I don't have to smell it. Worse, you can always tell the nationality of the pooper based on the type of lingering spice aroma. In fact, the worse poop smell is the one that still smells slightly like what it once was. Because then it just smells like that thing mixed with poop, and it makes you almost taste it.

fade said:

You know what I hate? Going into the bathroom at work and smelling someone else's massive poop. I just want to put nose-filters in so I don't have to smell it. Worse, you can always tell the nationality of the pooper based on the type of lingering spice aroma. In fact, the worse poop smell is the one that still smells slightly like what it once was. Because then it just smells like that thing mixed with poop, and it makes you almost taste it.

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I could stew in my own aroma all day, but I am very conscious if I smell somebody else's brand. Poop is weird like that.

Pojodan said:

I need some Metamucil, damn it.

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I love these bus shelter ads. There's one downtown here that says "Look out below!" which I can't help but laugh at every time I pass it.