Hey, I can't sleep - cos my gf left me (baw?)

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strawman

strawman

Keep in mind that she's already moved on. Any contact she has with you, she's only doing because you're requesting it. She's eventually (and ultimately) going to start turning you down when you ask for a bit of time to chat, or just to hang out.

Your best bet is to distract yourself. You were spending a lot of time with her, and thinking about her, and now there's a void. Recognize that you were sacrificing certain things so you could maintain the relationship - now's the time to dust those things off, and fill that void with things you enjoy doing. Make sure you don't make drinking a hobby or habit - and keep in mind there are other things that you shouldn't delve into as a distraction, but do move on.

If you've had friends who you've turned down because you usually had plans with her, call them up and get together.

If you put off games, or movies, or other entertainment because they didn't quite fit your schedule previously, or they didn't fit her tastes, go back and revisit those things you missed out on and left behind.

Figure out where you want to be in 5 years, and pursue the paths that can take your there.

There are a ton of people who are just as lonely as you this holiday, and I bet you know a few off the top of your head. Call them up and make plans to hang out - not with any expectations of developing a relationship, but just so you can have an enjoyable season. Next year, once the holidays are done, start hanging out where you will find and meet new people, put yourself out on a limb, and start asking people out on dates.

Keep in mind that this pain is temporary, and you need to focus on where you want to be in 5 years, and if that includes a long-term relationship, then keep moving forward despite any setbacks. Do what you need to do to get to your goal.
 
KCWM

KCWM

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Here's what I can offer:

If the flaws listed in Bumbles comic are flaws that you admit to having, then it's something you need to work on. I used to have those flaws and I wondered why so many relationships I started failed. It was easy to blame them on the girl...I mean, I was sensitive, loved spending time with them, blah blah blah.

In the end, I was able to identify behaviors that I had that seemed to be ideal but, in reality, were a turn off to a lot of girls...at least the girls I dated. It took a while, but once I had the adjustments ironed out, I met my wife. While I might occasionally revert to syrupy, sappy, over-emotional, weak-willed, etc me (and she thinks its cute), she's stated that if I were like that all of the time, she'd grow tired of it and our relationship would have gone in a very different direction.

It took me over a year to make the changes. It's tough...it went against everything I thought I needed to be to have a successful relationship...and heck, even successful friendships. Those flaws mentioned in the cartoon are very real and a turn off for a lot of people, for either gender.

The timing sucks and I wish you the best of luck in moving past it, but don't pass up an opportunity to take a long, hard look at yourself to see areas where you can improve. To quote a band I like, "some say doubt's disappointing, but I say to question is to understand". Words to live by.
 
C

Chibibar

sorry to hear, but here are some suggestion (mostly mirror others)

1. Break contact with her since she broke contact with you. If you try to "pursue" her friends or just contacts, it just make the process more painful FOR YOU.
2. Don't try to figure out the reason of the breakup. She has changed and she doesn't want you around. Yea I know that sound harsh, but since she "drop you" rather suddenly might as well let her go.
3. there is someone else. again, it is not you, she wanted this cause she broke it off.

What I notice that there isn't much of communication during the relationship (on her part) if she doesn't like something, you would think in 3 years should would mention it in year 1 or year 2 (IMO) broken or not. my guess is that she "tolerate" you cause she doesn't want to be alone, then she found someone else to replace you (again my opinion and my personal experience) and move on. I suggest don't find out this next person. Meet up with friends and enjoy your holiday. It is a time to spend with people who care about YOU and vice versa. If you go chasing her, then it is only one way since you still care for her but she doesn't for you (again my opinion)

Good luck brother.
 
Azurephoenix

Azurephoenix

Tegid, my advice to you is to not have anything to do with her at all for the foreseeable future. Interacting with her is only going to screw you up in the long run. Keep the break clean, move on, get yourself out there and enjoy life.

This is from a former white knight who burned himself out on a 5 year relationship and learned that being her friend after something like this only hurts us.
 
C

Chibibar

Azurephoenix said:
Tegid, my advice to you is to not have anything to do with her at all for the foreseeable future. Interacting with her is only going to screw you up in the long run. Keep the break clean, move on, get yourself out there and enjoy life.

This is from a former white knight who burned himself out on a 5 year relationship and learned that being her friend after something like this only hurts us.
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Amen! I think most of us here are former white knights of one form or another. We try to help and get burn. It doesn't mean that we stop helping. It just means that we are more careful who we help ;)
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
Heh, it's almost funny that way. Maybe we should start a noble order or something. The Brethren of the Broken Heart or something :D
 
J

Jiarn

You know, I was hoping that it wouldn't be taken that low brow road..... but yet quite satisfied it did.
 
tegid

tegid

Chibibar said:
sorry to hear, but here are some suggestion (mostly mirror others)

1. Break contact with her since she broke contact with you. If you try to "pursue" her friends or just contacts, it just make the process more painful FOR YOU.
2. Don't try to figure out the reason of the breakup. She has changed and she doesn't want you around. Yea I know that sound harsh, but since she "drop you" rather suddenly might as well let her go.
3. there is someone else. again, it is not you, she wanted this cause she broke it off.

What I notice that there isn't much of communication during the relationship (on her part) if she doesn't like something, you would think in 3 years should would mention it in year 1 or year 2 (IMO) broken or not. my guess is that she "tolerate" you cause she doesn't want to be alone, then she found someone else to replace you (again my opinion and my personal experience) and move on. I suggest don't find out this next person. Meet up with friends and enjoy your holiday. It is a time to spend with people who care about YOU and vice versa. If you go chasing her, then it is only one way since you still care for her but she doesn't for you (again my opinion)

Good luck brother.
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Thanks for the advice. I don't agree with your analysis of the relationship though! She didn't tolerate me, she actually seeked me out etc. What I think happened is that she was depressed before and isn't anymore. That just changed who she is... Maybe what you say is right about the last part of the relationship though.

----

I want to be part of The Brethren of the Broken Heart, but I don't want to contribute my wang or any phallic weapon!
 
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