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Advice:

How do you guys get rid of bad habits? I don't know what it is but I kind of incessantly pick at myself. I create sores on my feet, my nail beds, my face, my back and I don't know why? I find it oddly satisfying (and is what I replaced my self-harm with), but then I kick myself minutes later because I know it's bad for me and leaves me with weird scabs and annoying pain. I'm sure a lot of it is related to anxiety and stress - I'm a pretty anxious person, and I've been on medication for it before, but not now. I just..move on from one bad habit to another and I'm hoping some of you maybe have ideas on how I can break this habit? Or move on to a different one at least. :S HOW DO YOU BREAK BAD HABITS??

EDIT: Realized this should probably go in the advice thread - derrrr - admins, feel free to move it.

EDIT EDIT: Thanks Admins. =^^=

I have bad habits, too - whenever I get particularly stressed, I start plucking beard hairs, one by one. You can tell it's been a rough week when I have large, baby-smooth bald spots in my beard.

I wish I knew a magic way to stop doing that.

I used to bite my nails. I fixed that by simply having nail clipper everywhere. At work, at home, almost every room... so if I start to notice a nail longer than I think it would be and I am about to bite it... I grab the clippers intead.

The only way I know of is to replace it with another habit.
But yes that can be like replacing one earworm with another...you gotta hope the new one is worth it.

--Patrick

That's a good question. Wish I had advice. I think Pat might have the easiest solution.

First it's a great idea to build awareness of your habits. A good step is learning if there are triggers that accompany this behavior, and knowing when they will arise can help you prevent them. Keep creating a negative image with these habits, such as the pain and blood while you adopt a good habit in place and associate positive feelings with those. Another method is having an internal and logical dialogue with yourself that will keep these bad habits in check; self talk is a powerful tool in mitigating them - and often these patterns emerge in the absence of conscious thoughts. I hope this helps, it's what I used to overcome alot of my poor habits.

I had a nice long-winded post that my computer ate. Here's the cliff-notes version:

* Make it harder to engage in the habit. Wearing gloves or socks in situations you'd normally consider picking. Choose gloves and socks you like and want to wear, so it's not a punishment. If you find yourself tempted to remove them, then you're probably going in for a good picking - the additional barrier will help dissuade you from doing it.
* Get help. Have the people you are around when you do it - if it's not just a private thing - give you a gentle reminder to stop when they see you doing it. You're probably doing it half absentmindedly, and the reminder alone might be enough to stop many instances of it.
* Figure out the places/activities where you engage in the unwanted behavior. Where possible, avoid those places and activities. Where not possible, adjust how you do them so it's harder to pick.
* Know that there's often a medical component to a lot of these problems - or there was when it started. Bring it up with your doctor.
* Make sure you're sleeping/eating/exercising appropriately. Also, vitamins! Your body will be unable to build and rebuild your skin without the proper elements, and this can often cause very minor irritations that encourage your picking.
* As PatrThom suggested, change it out. The fact that you've been able to give up significant self harm for this suggests you can probably do it again. Consider, for instance, carrying lotion in a small bottle with you everywhere. When you get the urge, or catch yourself picking, give yourself a little foot/hand rub with the lotion.
* Consider the 12 step program. The reason I bring it up is because most of this advice represents one or more tools these types of programs use. Even if you don't want to do the whole thing, and even if you don't consider this an addiction, the reality is these addiction recovery programs are largely self analysis and behavior modification systems. Dive deeply into the steps and you'll find worksheets, tools, thoughts, and ideas on how to figure out why you're doing what you're doing, and how to modify things - environment, self, etc - so that you can live life free from things you believe are holding you back. There are addiction recovery programs held throughout the US and world, and undoubtedly there's one near you (but also far enough that you wouldn't know anyone at the meeting if you wanted). For instance, the LDS church's addiction recovery program is free, and probably has many groups near you. While you will get the obvious addictions - alcohol, drugs, pornography - you'll also find people trying to alter their eating habits, parenting skills, manage their anger, and breaking seemingly small habits such as yours. I'm not suggesting you need such a program, but the tools are free, and they can provide some significant help in changing your behavior, particularly for those things you can't see a way to change about yourself right now. It might be hitting a mosquito with a sledgehammer, but if this really bothers you then going over the booklet might give you a few avenues to pursue in change, and if you exhaust your other options, or just want to hit it as hard as you can, this is a pretty reasonable path. You can fully participate without disclosing the nature of the behavior you want to modify if that's important to you, and even going through the program without a specific goal will give you tools for self-analysis and behavior modification that you'll find useful the rest of your life, so it's really worth serious consideration.
* Take it to the next level and give yourself full manicures and pedicures once a month. Sand your skin with those pedicure rocks, trim your cuticles, paint your nails, the whole works. Not only should this scratch the itch to pick and decrease skin irritation, it will also look nice and when you get the urge you'll 1) be able to put it off until the next session and 2) know that picking would ruin the effort you put into the work in the first place.
* Consult with a beautician. They will reassure you that you aren't the only one, and will undoubtedly have tips that will help you understand how to treat your feet and hands so, at least, your body isn't trying to get you to engage in picking.
* Choose a cosplay that will require flawless hands and feet. Treat this as part of your preparation for that role - everything else you do for your cosplay is difficult and you figure out how to get it done, if you apply those same desires and goals to this you might have enough motivation to keep yourself in check long enough to break the habit.

No, really, this is the cliff note version.

PatrThom said:

The only way I know of is to replace it with another habit.
But yes that can be like replacing one earworm with another...you gotta hope the new one is worth it.

--Patrick

Click to expand...

Now I just need to decide what habit to replace it with. =^^=

ThatGrinningIdiot! said:

First it's a great idea to build awareness of your habits. A good step is learning if there are triggers that accompany this behavior, and knowing when they will arise can help you prevent them. Keep creating a negative image with these habits, such as the pain and blood while you adopt a good habit in place and associate positive feelings with those. Another method is having an internal and logical dialogue with yourself that will keep these bad habits in check; self talk is a powerful tool in mitigating them - and often these patterns emerge in the absence of conscious thoughts. I hope this helps, it's what I used to overcome alot of my poor habits.

Click to expand...

I'll definitely keep this in mind. Thank you!

stienman said:

I had a nice long-winded post that my computer ate. Here's the cliff-notes version:

* Make it harder to engage in the habit. Wearing gloves or socks in situations you'd normally consider picking. Choose gloves and socks you like and want to wear, so it's not a punishment. If you find yourself tempted to remove them, then you're probably going in for a good picking - the additional barrier will help dissuade you from doing it.
* Get help. Have the people you are around when you do it - if it's not just a private thing - give you a gentle reminder to stop when they see you doing it. You're probably doing it half absentmindedly, and the reminder alone might be enough to stop many instances of it.
* Figure out the places/activities where you engage in the unwanted behavior. Where possible, avoid those places and activities. Where not possible, adjust how you do them so it's harder to pick.
* Know that there's often a medical component to a lot of these problems - or there was when it started. Bring it up with your doctor.
* Make sure you're sleeping/eating/exercising appropriately. Also, vitamins! Your body will be unable to build and rebuild your skin without the proper elements, and this can often cause very minor irritations that encourage your picking.
* As PatrThom suggested, change it out. The fact that you've been able to give up significant self harm for this suggests you can probably do it again. Consider, for instance, carrying lotion in a small bottle with you everywhere. When you get the urge, or catch yourself picking, give yourself a little foot/hand rub with the lotion.
* Consider the 12 step program. The reason I bring it up is because most of this advice represents one or more tools these types of programs use. Even if you don't want to do the whole thing, and even if you don't consider this an addiction, the reality is these addiction recovery programs are largely self analysis and behavior modification systems. Dive deeply into the steps and you'll find worksheets, tools, thoughts, and ideas on how to figure out why you're doing what you're doing, and how to modify things - environment, self, etc - so that you can live life free from things you believe are holding you back. There are addiction recovery programs held throughout the US and world, and undoubtedly there's one near you (but also far enough that you wouldn't know anyone at the meeting if you wanted). For instance, the LDS church's addiction recovery program is free, and probably has many groups near you. While you will get the obvious addictions - alcohol, drugs, pornography - you'll also find people trying to alter their eating habits, parenting skills, manage their anger, and breaking seemingly small habits such as yours. I'm not suggesting you need such a program, but the tools are free, and they can provide some significant help in changing your behavior, particularly for those things you can't see a way to change about yourself right now. It might be hitting a mosquito with a sledgehammer, but if this really bothers you then going over the booklet might give you a few avenues to pursue in change, and if you exhaust your other options, or just want to hit it as hard as you can, this is a pretty reasonable path. You can fully participate without disclosing the nature of the behavior you want to modify if that's important to you, and even going through the program without a specific goal will give you tools for self-analysis and behavior modification that you'll find useful the rest of your life, so it's really worth serious consideration.
* Take it to the next level and give yourself full manicures and pedicures once a month. Sand your skin with those pedicure rocks, trim your cuticles, paint your nails, the whole works. Not only should this scratch the itch to pick and decrease skin irritation, it will also look nice and when you get the urge you'll 1) be able to put it off until the next session and 2) know that picking would ruin the effort you put into the work in the first place.
* Consult with a beautician. They will reassure you that you aren't the only one, and will undoubtedly have tips that will help you understand how to treat your feet and hands so, at least, your body isn't trying to get you to engage in picking.
* Choose a cosplay that will require flawless hands and feet. Treat this as part of your preparation for that role - everything else you do for your cosplay is difficult and you figure out how to get it done, if you apply those same desires and goals to this you might have enough motivation to keep yourself in check long enough to break the habit.

No, really, this is the cliff note version.

Click to expand...

This is wonderful, thank you! I'll use some of these ideas for sure!

I pull our hair when I'm stressed. I keep a rubber band on my wrist and snap it when I feel tempted.

stienman said:

* Take it to the next level and give yourself full manicures and pedicures once a month. Sand your skin with those pedicure rocks, trim your cuticles, paint your nails, the whole works. Not only should this scratch the itch to pick and decrease skin irritation, it will also look nice and when you get the urge you'll 1) be able to put it off until the next session and 2) know that picking would ruin the effort you put into the work in the first place.

Click to expand...

Until you got to this point, I thought you were specifically talking to @GasBandit.

As an aside, I wonder if your picking stems from KP?

Also, for people who are really, really serious about doing something about reforming bad habits OF ANY KIND, I will again point you to the concept of the Ulysses Contract. The stockings-on-your-hands idea is an example, where you are doing something in the Now to somehow dissuade yourself from doing something in the Future.

--Patrick

I will try to remember to post in here the next time I have a moment. I have lots I could say on the matter, having taught plenty of classes on behavior and learning...

LittleKagsin said:

Now I just need to decide what habit to replace it with. =^^=

Click to expand...

Drinking, obviously

Chad Sexington said:

Drinking, obviously

Click to expand...

Of course! How could I forget this as my logical next step! =^^=

I'll need chaperones though.

I hear Linkin Park has great advice on this.

LittleKagsin said:

Of course! How could I forget this as my logical next step! =^^=

I'll need chaperones though.

Click to expand...

Wrangling a drunken Kags? I'm afraid there'd be either constant giggling, or crying.

Ravenpoe said:

Wrangling a drunken Kags? I'm afraid there'd be either constant giggling, or crying.

Click to expand...

I think this is probably what it would be like (you're definitely right - alot of giggling and/or crying):

Ravenpoe said:

Wrangling a drunken Kags? I'm afraid there'd be either constant giggling, or crying.

Click to expand...

I want to see that in the credits..."Kagwrangler."

--Patrick

PatrThom said:

I want to see that in the credits..."Kagwrangler."

--Patrick

Click to expand...

I'll take care of that.

Just make sure whoever gets the job reads carefully. It says Kagswrangler, not Kagstrangler.

Emrys said:

I'll take care of that.

Click to expand...

Aw, yay! We'll have a grand old time, I promise! Plus I have an iron stomach, I won't make any sort of mess for you.

GasBandit said:

Just make sure whoever gets the job reads carefully. It says Kagswrangler, not Kagstrangler.

Click to expand...

No one strangles Kags when I'm around. I shall set a doomweasel guard around her.

Emrys said:

I shall set a doomweasel guard around her.

Click to expand...

Only, y'know, doomweasels.

--Patrick

I'm getting ready for class, so I'm just going to post an extra credit assignment I gave to students sometimes to challenge them to change their behaviors, either by stopping a bad habit or starting a new good habit. They were allowed to choose from a selection of techniques, but only were allowed one path. In actuality, multiple methods in concert might work well.

a.) Overcorrection. Repeatedly perform the behavior correctly every time you inadvertently engaging in the undesired behavior.

b.) Immediate correction. Alter your response immediately after you have engaged in the incorrect behavior. If you realize it a lot later, you practice the bad behavior again (this is called negative practice) then immediately follow it with the correct behavior.

c.) Environmental shift. Engage in the new behavior under a novel circumstance and/or change your existing environment (i.e. painting the walls and rearranging the furniture) in some significant way before attempting to learn something new.

d.) Sidetracking. Begin the movements of the bad habit and then change the movements into a different response. Ex. you want to stop eating chocolate, you intentionally begin putting chocolate in your mouth but then remove it before you taste it and throw it away (or put it away.) This will create a competing response to the stimulus.

e.) Toleration. Introduce a new stimulus gradually so that you no longer respond to it in a dramatic fashion. (Like getting a horse used to a saddle before a rider.)

f.) Exhaustion. Immerse in a new environment or exposure to a stimulus until anxiety or distraction (or whatever persistent response occurs) ceases. Then remove the stimulus or environment. This is also called flooding (for fear reduction) and is like busting a bronco by riding it until it settles down. It will have the opposite effect if you quit the flooding environment while still anxious!

g.) Incompatible stimuli. Pair a cue that evokes your bad habit with a cue that is likely to interfere with your bad habit. Ex. Cigarettes are paired with a bitter taste so that the withdrawal response competes with the smoking response.

h.) Positive reinforcement. Use a schedule of reinforcement to try and increase a behavior.

i.) Positive punishment. Apply a punishment (it had to be approved by me!) to try and decrease a behavior.

j.) Negative punishment. Take away something you like to try and decrease a behavior.

h.) Negative reinforcement. Take away an aversive stimulus to try and increase behavior (this one will be tough to apply to yourself. Also run by me first.)




In my view, the best approaches are a, b, d, and g. I've never been a fan of Skinner (h-j in the list above) and many of those techniques only work in situations that evoke correction or incompatibility. I'm a huge fan of relearning associations. If you want to stop biting nails, you need to associate seeing or touching (or thinking of) your fingernails with a new response. Most of the techniques in a-g above are intended to do just that. The tricky part is when your habit occurs in a variety of different contexts (as with smoking for many people). You have inadvertently paired the instigating stimulus with many contexts, which help prompt the behavior you are trying to get rid of. So you have to relearn a new response to the prompting stimulus over and over and over again. A smoker trying to quit has to learn a competing response to smoking in the car, in the parking lot, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, after meals, while watching TV, etc. All of those things get paired with the responses we make and they serve as cues to engage in the habit. So you have to remap those cues to prompt something else to happen. And the more widespread the habit is in your daily life, the harder it is to do this. Thus, there may be no magic bullet. It may take intensive training to overwrite that habit in a lot of different ways for all the different times and places that you engage in your habit.

OK, back to work. Good luck! Changing habits ain't easy.

I stopped biting my nails because it was too hard to do with braces on.

Dei said:

I stopped biting my nails because it was too hard to do with braces on.

Click to expand...

g.) incompatible stimuli.

LittleKagsin said:

Advice:

How do you guys get rid of bad habits? I don't know what it is but I kind of incessantly pick at myself. I create sores on my feet, my nail beds, my face, my back and I don't know why? I find it oddly satisfying (and is what I replaced my self-harm with), but then I kick myself minutes later because I know it's bad for me and leaves me with weird scabs and annoying pain. I'm sure a lot of it is related to anxiety and stress - I'm a pretty anxious person, and I've been on medication for it before, but not now. I just..move on from one bad habit to another and I'm hoping some of you maybe have ideas on how I can break this habit? Or move on to a different one at least. :S HOW DO YOU BREAK BAD HABITS??

EDIT: Realized this should probably go in the advice thread - derrrr - admins, feel free to move it.

EDIT EDIT: Thanks Admins. =^^=

Click to expand...

Sounds like you need chewing tobacco!

A B C D E F G H I J H? Man, professors get all the cool letters!


(Yes, I nitpick because I otherwise have nothing negative to say. I may need to alter my behavior to be more positive.)

Thanks for all of the advice guys! Yes, even you Mathias.

Just a little update: I've been trying a couple of things for a week or two and it seems to be helping! So, yay! I now keep a rubber band on my wrist to give me something to keep my hands occupied. I snap it or fold it into weird shapes on my fingers and that seems to be helping the most. When I'm desperate, I tape up my fingers so I can't pick at anything. I believe that's option G.

I've pretty nearly stopped picking at my feet, back and face. I still slip up picking at my fingers every once in a while. But yeah! Progress, progess, thanks again.

LittleKagsin said:

I snap it or fold it into weird shapes on my fingers and that seems to be helping the most.

Click to expand...

Maybe you could keep a foot or so of fine necklace chain to play with, too.
I used to love rolling that up, coiling it into my palm, poking/pushing it around on a tabletop. It was like playing with dribbled sand, except that I could pick it back up again and do it over and much less messy.

--Patrick