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How long do you people hold a grudge for some wrongdoing? I find I barely do at all, and even in the most grievous of cases (such as my continued break from speaking with my mother or sister going on seven years now), it's not so much a grudge as just a healthy decision to protect my and my family's sanity.

usually a few seconds. However, there is some sort of line you cannot cross with me and if you do, i will never talk to you again.

I can't hold a grudge at all, even if I try. It bugs the hell out of me. I'll want to stay mad at someone, but the next day I just won't care anymore.

My patience with people is usually very, very long. But, in most cases, once that is depleted usually the case is my good favor once lost is lost forever.

I either forgive you nearly instantly or totally break off contact. If I'm talking to you at all then you're forgiven.

I generally don't hold grudges. If something bothers me that much, I prefer to take action and deal with it, rather than sit and stew.

Mmm... stew...

too much work to remember that far back.. I say couple of minutes... SQUIRREL!!!

I still think of terminating specific people that have caused me pain in my life so I think it's safe to say I can hold a grudge for a very long period of time.

I etch each name and offense into a stone tablet that will be hung in the entrance hall of home, and every generation of my family will seek naught but to be the nemeses of my offenders.

Don't get mad... get even.

I usually don't hold one for very long. Only exception would be for people that willingly hurt someone I love, either physically or emotionally.

I cut every grievance someone makes against me in my skin. The blood is their penance; when I swallow it, all is forgiven.

Depends on the offense. If it's something bad, I can hold a grudge forever.

Depends on the offense and how willing the jerk-wad is to make amends.

Garbledina said:

I etch each name and offense into a stone tablet that will be hung in the entrance hall of home, and every generation of my family will seek naught but to be the nemeses of my offenders.

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This. Except, seriously.

Dave said:

I either forgive you nearly instantly or totally break off contact. If I'm talking to you at all then you're forgiven.

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This, more or less.

Forever

I've done enough stupid shit in my past that I'm very, very remorseful over that it would be hypocritical of me not to give others a second chance that's I'd have desperately loved to have.

I think I remember a thread similar to this a while back but my answer remains the same as it's been the way I am for as long as I can remember.

I'm strange in the way that I treat people. From the day I meet you, you have my 100% confidence and trust. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt right off the bat. The balancer to this is, if I'm ever betrayed or lied to, even in the most insignificant of ways, you're permantely on my shit list and there's no way off of it. To this day, noone who's ever wronged me has gotten back on my good side, even those who did small incidents years ago.

Shegokigo said:

I'm strange in the way that I treat people. From the day I meet you, you have my 100% confidence and trust. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt right off the bat. The balancer to this is, if I'm ever betrayed or lied to, even in the most insignificant of ways, you're permantely on my shit list and there's no way off of it. To this day, noone who's ever wronged me has gotten back on my good side, even those who did small incidents years ago.

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How is that strange?

Because alot of people I know require someone to earn their trust when they meet a stranger. Others can be forgiving if wronged in small ways. I do neither.

Shegokigo said:

Because alot of people I know require someone to earn their trust when they meet a stranger.

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I'm kinna like this. I lean toward benefit-of-the-doubt, but generally I start a new person at something resembling neutral and let them earn my opinion of them, good or bad.

What Dave said. So far that's working out great.

I don't have a "one size fits all" category.
Some people, I trust right away. Some people I don't. I've got a pretty good instinct for who's a shady character and who's up to shenanigans.

If you've pissed me off enough that I'm going hold a grudge, I'll pretty much hold it forever. And, when the opportunity presents itself, I'll get even, provided the moment is timely. At some point you have to let the revenge go--I won't go out of my way to stick it to someone who pissed me off years ago, because that's just petty. But that won't change my opinion on how much of a dick that person is.

Shegokigo said:

I think I remember a thread similar to this a while back but my answer remains the same as it's been the way I am for as long as I can remember.

I'm strange in the way that I treat people. From the day I meet you, you have my 100% confidence and trust. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt right off the bat. The balancer to this is, if I'm ever betrayed or lied to, even in the most insignificant of ways, you're permantely on my shit list and there's no way off of it. To this day, noone who's ever wronged me has gotten back on my good side, even those who did small incidents years ago.

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I'm sort of your polar opposite on this.

It takes a long time to "earn" my trust but once you have it, you'd have to fuck me over in a reaaaalllly bad way for me to hold a grudge.

Of course, i can count the people i really trust on one hand, family included.

Shegokigo said:

Because alot of people I know require someone to earn their trust when they meet a stranger.

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And you believe them?! HA!

Others can be forgiving if wronged in small ways. I do neither.

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That i can see... they're still suckers.

Some things I cannot forgive. And you'll be sure to know it.

I don't think I'm even mentally capable of holding a grudge. I'm pretty much an absent-minded, walk-around-the-world-in-a-daze type of person. A professor once asked where I was in my life ten years ago, and it took me so long to respond that concluded that I must walk around in the perpetual present, or something.

I held a grudge against a guy once, and then he made amends and everything was cool for a while. Then soon after we started hanging out again I realized that I didn't really like him and perhaps never did.

Haven't spoken to him in years.

It's hard for me to forget hurtful things that people say and do. I just can't put it away or let the memory fade even if I try. So if I truly want to give someone another chance even if I can't forget what they did, I have to put forth a lot of effort. I act like nothing happened, because the problem is with me now and my stupid memory.

A lot of things are easily forgiven for me, though. I'm more likely to hate someone forever if they do something to my family or a friend.

I don't hold grudges, I either ignore the person as best as I can or take action.

Dunno, as I move around often I sometimes forget even people who owe me money and the like, but thankfully whenever I come back somewhere people with a grudge rapidly bitch and remind me who I should have a grudge against.

Funnily, the longest-held grudge against me is from some kid in the Brazilian north when I was 9, it was funny to return after 15 years to visit the same small town and see him again.

Twenty eight years and counting.

The only long standing grudges I've ever had are against a child molestor and the guy who destroyed my comic book collection.

I think they're both extremely justified.

I don't hold grudges, I find them to be a waste of time and energy. That said, if you do something to piss me off seriously, I'll just stop wasting my time and energy interacting with you anymore. It's very, very rare for me to do that, but it has been known to happen. My ex-wife for instance. I hope she's doing well, that she succeeds in whatever she wants in life, but I have no desire to interact with her ever again.

I give forgiveness the moment life has left their body at my hands.


Or, you know, whenever.

Gared said:

I don't hold grudges, I find them to be a waste of time and energy. That said, if you do something to piss me off seriously, I'll just stop wasting my time and energy interacting with you anymore. It's very, very rare for me to do that, but it has been known to happen. My ex-wife for instance. I hope she's doing well, that she succeeds in whatever she wants in life, but I have no desire to interact with her ever again.

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I'm the same way with my ex-girlfriend.

Though should she come up with a case of ovarian cancer, there's this side of me who would be glad to hear she won't be doing any reproducing

Bowielee said:

The only long standing grudges I've ever had are against a child molestor and the guy who destroyed my comic book collection.

I think they're both extremely justified.

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And hopefully buried somewhere where the cops won't find them.

Bowielee said:

The only long standing grudges I've ever had are against a child molestor and the guy who destroyed my comic book collection.

I think they're both extremely justified.

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Sadly my stepfather used to destroy my comic collection yearly, so holding a grudge was rather useless back then, so I moved out and started working at 15, which I now thank him for, because I've had one hell of an awesome time.

North_Ranger;319207][quote=Gared said:

I don't hold grudges, I find them to be a waste of time and energy. That said, if you do something to piss me off seriously, I'll just stop wasting my time and energy interacting with you anymore. It's very, very rare for me to do that, but it has been known to happen. My ex-wife for instance. I hope she's doing well, that she succeeds in whatever she wants in life, but I have no desire to interact with her ever again.

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I'm the same way with my ex-girlfriend.

Though should she come up with a case of ovarian cancer, there's this side of me who would be glad to hear she won't be doing any reproducing [/QUOTE]

I'm right there with you on that one NR.

Those of you that cut people out of your lives, are holding grudges. The act of forgiveness is what ends a grudge, not blocking contact with another person.

I have cut people off from my life in the past. But I am quick to understand where another comes from, and forgive. When someone does not want the forgiveness then I don't mind putting them in my past.

In the past I had a student that ran off to the principle each time I tried to modify her shitty attitude/behavior. She was there once a week or more, leading me to be called in to the office nearly as often. With the administration that automatically took the word of a child over the evidence of a teacher, I decided to move to another school the following year.

She ended up killing herself in a DUI wreck that summer that I was leaving. My brother that teaches there was the one that told me about the wreck. I said "Well that sucks." He was surprised that was sad by her death. I told him, "..., she was just a stupid teenager."

Forever. As long as it was something memorable. I guess I view transgressions as a debt. Unless it's been repayed it is still there. An honest I'm sorry will be enough for most. I am still able to be friends with people that I have a some kind of back grudge against though, if it's nothing really huge. I doubt they even realize I still hold it against them.