Is this a universal problem for women?

[David]

How many of you women out there have strange men trying to flirt with you often enough for you to consider it a problem? I've noticed that several of my female friends complain when "yet another" dude she just met tried to get her number...

I never get any women trying to flirt with me. Hell, I never get women trying to strike up a conversation with me at all. By contrast, are any of you men who have women try to flirt with you often enough for it to be annoying?

 

[figmentPez]

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

 

[Krisken]

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

Pretty much this. My wife had to be so obvious, she practically told me "I'm flirting with you."

 

[Denbrought]

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

This. We really are an oblivious lot here, ain't we? >_>

 

[Silver Jelly]

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

This. We really are an oblivious lot here, ain't we? >_>[/QUOTE]

I needed a team of 4 close allies, several friends, a forum thread, and a whole class gossiping about it just to think that maybe a girl has flirted with me on several occasions. So yes, Den, I'd say we are.

 

[RealBigNuke]

Pretty much what everyone else has said - it is very infrequent that a female will make it clear in any way that I am able to pick up that they're flirting with me.

Normally, they trend towards telling all of their friends - and sometimes mine - that they have a thing for me, and then just kind of being friendly around me in hopes that I'll starting horning in on them. And then when I don't they employ increasingly absurd methods to try and get me to ask them out.

I think this is a societal issue.

 

[Azurephoenix]

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

This is so true... and it's comforting to see I'm not alone in this either .

 

[HCGLNS]

By contrast, are any of you men who have women try to flirt with you often enough for it to be annoying?

For a while it was very annoying, something about seeing my wedding band and boom unwanted flirting. Now though, they just flirt with my 18 month old son, I'm little more than a pylon with him around.

 

[Wasabi Poptart]

I've had problems with guys who wouldn't take a hint and leave me alone. But they were creepy and I usually didn't realize they were creepy until I started flirting back.

 

[Philosopher B.]

I just always assume nobody would flirt with me. Therefore, when it happens, I don't figure it out until like ages after. I do seem to have more random girls strike up conversations in various classes than dudes. I can't think of any way it'd be annoying.

 

[Dave]

What I think is interesting is that guys are very literal and women are very subtle. But that leads to problems. For example, it took my wife a long time to realize that I spoke to everyone and joked around with them - men or women. But when I joked around with women she thought I was flirting. I always thought I was just being nice.

Women, most men don't pick up on subtlety. If you want them to notice you, you may have to be a bit more direct. Don't expect them to notice you frosted the tips of your hair or added slightly lighter highlights. Unless it's a drastic change they probably won't notice. If you have new shoes, we don't care. We only own 3 pairs and they all have their own uses - sports, work and mowing the lawn. If you have any cleavage showing don't bother saying anything you want us to remember because we're too busy trying not to get caught looking at your boobs.

If none of these apply to your man, if he always notices your slightly changed hair or is effusive in praise about your new shoes...he's gay and he wants to get close to you to date your brother.

 

[Hylian]

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

↑ this


I seem to be pretty bad at realizing someone is flirting with me.

 

[evilmike]

What I think is interesting is that guys are very literal and women are very subtle. But that leads to problems. For example, it took my wife a long time to realize that I spoke to everyone and joked around with them - men or women. But when I joked around with women she thought I was flirting. I always thought I was just being nice.

Women, most men don't pick up on subtlety. If you want them to notice you, you may have to be a bit more direct. Don't expect them to notice you frosted the tips of your hair or added slightly lighter highlights. Unless it's a drastic change they probably won't notice. If you have new shoes, we don't care. We only own 3 pairs and they all have their own uses - sports, work and mowing the lawn. If you have any cleavage showing don't bother saying anything you want us to remember because we're too busy trying not to get caught looking at your boobs.

If none of these apply to your man, if he always notices your slightly changed hair or is effusive in praise about your new shoes...he's gay and he wants to get close to you to date your brother.

How do "nice guys" fit into these categories? After all, it's come up a few times recently about how a guy likes a girl and thinks he's being obvious -- but isn't -- because he's not being a jerk about it.

 

[Dave]

Guys trying to be subtle are very bad at it. Guy subtle and girl subtle are two different things. WE think we're being subtle but instead are being confusing or not getting the point across.

Or they don't want us as anything more than friends so they are pointedly ignoring the signs so they don't have to deal with it.

 

[Chazwozel]

Nature 101:

Mammalian Primate Males: Generally live in troops. Compete amongst each other for dominance of the troop. Usually one male to a number of females.

Mammalian Primate Females: Select their mates amongst the best competitors.

So, that translates to many males making advances towards a couple of females and females select the ones they feel have the best qualities that will be passed down to their babies.

---------- Post added at 10:59 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:56 AM ----------

What I think is interesting is that guys are very literal and women are very subtle. But that leads to problems. For example, it took my wife a long time to realize that I spoke to everyone and joked around with them - men or women. But when I joked around with women she thought I was flirting. I always thought I was just being nice.

Women, most men don't pick up on subtlety. If you want them to notice you, you may have to be a bit more direct. Don't expect them to notice you frosted the tips of your hair or added slightly lighter highlights. Unless it's a drastic change they probably won't notice. If you have new shoes, we don't care. We only own 3 pairs and they all have their own uses - sports, work and mowing the lawn. If you have any cleavage showing don't bother saying anything you want us to remember because we're too busy trying not to get caught looking at your boobs.

If none of these apply to your man, if he always notices your slightly changed hair or is effusive in praise about your new shoes...he's gay and he wants to get close to you to date your brother.

How do "nice guys" fit into these categories? After all, it's come up a few times recently about how a guy likes a girl and thinks he's being obvious -- but isn't -- because he's not being a jerk about it.[/QUOTE]

See my post above to learn about why "nice guys" finish last.

http://www.themodernman.com/nice_guys.html

I generally don't like "nice guys" in the "I'm a doormat for this women" sense because often enough they're "nice guys" for the wrong reasons (leading back to their insecurities). My type (a confident guy) generally gets labeled as an asshole by these dopes when the reality is we're the actual nice guys with no bullshit agendas and angst.

 

[Dave]

My type (a confident guy) generally gets labeled as an asshole by these dopes when the reality is we're the actual nice guys with no bullshit agendas and angst.

To be fair, sir, sometimes it's because you are an asshole. I'm just saying.

:laugh:

 

[Azurephoenix]

I generally don't like "nice guys" in the "I'm a doormat for this women" sense because often enough they're "nice guys" for the wrong reasons (leading back to their insecurities). My type (a confident guy) generally gets labeled as an asshole by these dopes when the reality is we're the actual nice guys with no bullshit agendas and angst.

It took me one horribly failed long term relationship as a "nice guy" to realize this... being a doormat automaton sucks...

 

[Chazwozel]

My type (a confident guy) generally gets labeled as an asshole by these dopes when the reality is we're the actual nice guys with no bullshit agendas and angst.

To be fair, sir, sometimes it's because you are an asshole. I'm just saying.

:laugh:[/QUOTE]

I'm only an asshole if provoked.

 

[Hylian]

My type (a confident guy) generally gets labeled as an asshole by these dopes when the reality is we're the actual nice guys with no bullshit agendas and angst.

To be fair, sir, sometimes it's because you are an asshole. I'm just saying.

:laugh:[/QUOTE]

I'm only an asshole if provoked.[/QUOTE]


So you are pretty much saying you get provoked 24/7?





j/k :tongue:

 

[Null]

I actually have to agree with that. I've been that kind of "nice guy" and it's not all that nice. It's essentially a way of openly stalking a girl and making yourself a non-threatening emotional crutch in the vague hopes that she'll eventually turn to you for romance. It's actually kind of twisted.

The sort of guy that those "nice guys" call assholes are dudes who don't let their insecurities get the best of them, who risk failure in openly pursuing what they want, and having failed, get up and try again. That's the kind of asshole I'd like to be.

 

[Hylian]

I actually have to agree with that. I've been that kind of "nice guy" and it's not all that nice. It's essentially a way of openly stalking a girl and making yourself a non-threatening emotional crutch in the vague hopes that she'll eventually turn to you for romance. It's actually kind of twisted.

The sort of guy that those "nice guys" call assholes are dudes who don't let their insecurities get the best of them, who risk failure in openly pursuing what they want, and having failed, get up and try again. That's the kind of asshole I'd like to be.

 

[Dave]

My type (a confident guy) generally gets labeled as an asshole by these dopes when the reality is we're the actual nice guys with no bullshit agendas and angst.

To be fair, sir, sometimes it's because you are an asshole. I'm just saying.

:laugh:[/QUOTE]

I'm only an asshole if provoked.[/QUOTE]

I know. But I couldn't resist the dig as it was the easy shot.

 

[Bones]

I agree with chaz on this one, I get labeled an asshole alot, because when I am dating I am straight up with the woman I am with. Being an aspiring scientist with research goals, and my field being one in which I must travel and work long hours I have told them exactly what is going on and how there will be times when they might not see me for a week. These things can and will happen, my not being around doesn't mean I am avoiding them, it just means I am busy. Unfortunately for me every girl who hears this immediately goes one of two routes. they will one, basically jump down my throat for suggesting I could put work ahead of human interaction, or two, just give that look of confusion and the "I need to go and think about this" which inevitably means that this one is a lost cause and I can delete her phone number.

so alas, unlike most people here, I am single and living the life of Riley.

 

[Charlie Don't Surf]

www.laddertheory.com

 

[Calleja]

I always know when a girl is flirting... it's all about body language, more than what they're saying. Some women will and compliment your clothes and say you really look good with a beard and not be flirting, while others may strike up a conversation about the weather and be practically mind-raping you.

 

[Null]

I don't buy that ladder theory, I just think that guys who are "nice" by their own definition, are actually a bit creepy and girls pick up on that. It's the anglerfish method of dating - lure them in with that bright, shiny friendship, then latch on so that it's as painful for them to get rid of you as it would be to lose them.

 

[Tinwhistler]

I always know when a girl is flirting... it's all about body language, more than what they're saying. Some women will and compliment your clothes and say you really look good with a beard and not be flirting, while others may strike up a conversation about the weather and be practically mind-raping you.

Same here...I know when a girl is flirting. But here "down south" flirting is almost akin to a national past time. People flirt all the time without ever having any actual intention of getting into each others' pants.

 

[sixpackshaker]

I always know when a girl is flirting... it's all about body language, more than what they're saying. Some women will and compliment your clothes and say you really look good with a beard and not be flirting, while others may strike up a conversation about the weather and be practically mind-raping you.

Same here...I know when a girl is flirting. But here "down south" flirting is almost akin to a national past time. People flirt all the time without ever having any actual intention of getting into each others' pants.[/QUOTE]

That is where women lose me, I am such a Southern Gentleman that they just think I'm playing.

_______________________

I knew a guy that I worked with, that had the women hitting on him all the time. Where basically the women would use pick up lines on him. i.e. "nice shoes, lets fuck"
Every time I walked into a bar with this guy a new, strange, girl would approach him. And then throw themselves at him all night. He normally gave in. I never once saw him walk up to a woman in a bar and strike up the conversation.

 

[Wasabi Poptart]

What I think is interesting is that guys are very literal and women are very subtle. But that leads to problems. For example, it took my wife a long time to realize that I spoke to everyone and joked around with them - men or women. But when I joked around with women she thought I was flirting. I always thought I was just being nice.

Women, most men don't pick up on subtlety. If you want them to notice you, you may have to be a bit more direct. Don't expect them to notice you frosted the tips of your hair or added slightly lighter highlights. Unless it's a drastic change they probably won't notice. If you have new shoes, we don't care. We only own 3 pairs and they all have their own uses - sports, work and mowing the lawn. If you have any cleavage showing don't bother saying anything you want us to remember because we're too busy trying not to get caught looking at your boobs.

If none of these apply to your man, if he always notices your slightly changed hair or is effusive in praise about your new shoes...he's gay and he wants to get close to you to date your brother.

How do "nice guys" fit into these categories? After all, it's come up a few times recently about how a guy likes a girl and thinks he's being obvious -- but isn't -- because he's not being a jerk about it.[/QUOTE]

I'm going to say this, and I know this is not going to be popular, I have never met a self-proclaimed "nice guy" who was actually nice. There has always been something not so nice about him that pops up sooner or later.

 

[Null]

Actually Poppers, if you'd read the last several posts, you'd find quite a few posts in agreement of that idea.

 

[Chazwozel]

What I think is interesting is that guys are very literal and women are very subtle. But that leads to problems. For example, it took my wife a long time to realize that I spoke to everyone and joked around with them - men or women. But when I joked around with women she thought I was flirting. I always thought I was just being nice.

Women, most men don't pick up on subtlety. If you want them to notice you, you may have to be a bit more direct. Don't expect them to notice you frosted the tips of your hair or added slightly lighter highlights. Unless it's a drastic change they probably won't notice. If you have new shoes, we don't care. We only own 3 pairs and they all have their own uses - sports, work and mowing the lawn. If you have any cleavage showing don't bother saying anything you want us to remember because we're too busy trying not to get caught looking at your boobs.

If none of these apply to your man, if he always notices your slightly changed hair or is effusive in praise about your new shoes...he's gay and he wants to get close to you to date your brother.

How do "nice guys" fit into these categories? After all, it's come up a few times recently about how a guy likes a girl and thinks he's being obvious -- but isn't -- because he's not being a jerk about it.[/QUOTE]

I'm going to say this, and I know this is not going to be popular, I have never met a self-proclaimed "nice guy" who was actually nice. There has always been something not so nice about him that pops up sooner or later.[/QUOTE]


Hey, no, really, I'm a nice guy. Now about those nipple clamps...


(Actually the nice guy I'm referring to wouldn't have the balls to suggest any type of sexual activity outside of missionary position with his pajamas on and fly unbuttoned. They respect women too much!)

 

[Morphine]

I think I'm a man =/

I almost never know when someone's flirting with me until they spell it out for me or unless they're really really obvious about it.

I don't think feeling flirted at is annoying, but when one specifical guy is too persistent with it even when you've tried numerous subtle ways to say "thank you but no, thank you", that's the annoying part.

 

[General Specific]

You can't spell "Morphine" without "phine" :smug:

 

[Espy]

See, it seems to me,that many guys think if a girl smiles at them or talks to them that she must be flirting and interested in them. Then they start down the "I'm to afraid to say I like you so lets be friends" thing documented above.

 

[Chazwozel]

See, it seems to me,that many guys think if a girl smiles at them or talks to them that she must be flirting and interested in them. Then they start down the "I'm to afraid to say I like you so lets be friends" thing documented above.

This is true.