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How many of you women out there have strange men trying to flirt with you often enough for you to consider it a problem? I've noticed that several of my female friends complain when "yet another" dude she just met tried to get her number...

I never get any women trying to flirt with me. Hell, I never get women trying to strike up a conversation with me at all. By contrast, are any of you men who have women try to flirt with you often enough for it to be annoying?

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

figmentPez said:

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

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Pretty much this. My wife had to be so obvious, she practically told me "I'm flirting with you."

figmentPez said:

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

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This. We really are an oblivious lot here, ain't we? >_>

Denbrought;399103][QUOTE=figmentPez said:

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

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This. We really are an oblivious lot here, ain't we? >_>[/QUOTE]

I needed a team of 4 close allies, several friends, a forum thread, and a whole class gossiping about it just to think that maybe a girl has flirted with me on several occasions. So yes, Den, I'd say we are.

Pretty much what everyone else has said - it is very infrequent that a female will make it clear in any way that I am able to pick up that they're flirting with me.

Normally, they trend towards telling all of their friends - and sometimes mine - that they have a thing for me, and then just kind of being friendly around me in hopes that I'll starting horning in on them. And then when I don't they employ increasingly absurd methods to try and get me to ask them out.

I think this is a societal issue.

figmentPez said:

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

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This is so true... and it's comforting to see I'm not alone in this either .

David said:

By contrast, are any of you men who have women try to flirt with you often enough for it to be annoying?

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For a while it was very annoying, something about seeing my wedding band and boom unwanted flirting. Now though, they just flirt with my 18 month old son, I'm little more than a pylon with him around.

I've had problems with guys who wouldn't take a hint and leave me alone. But they were creepy and I usually didn't realize they were creepy until I started flirting back.

I just always assume nobody would flirt with me. Therefore, when it happens, I don't figure it out until like ages after. I do seem to have more random girls strike up conversations in various classes than dudes. I can't think of any way it'd be annoying.

What I think is interesting is that guys are very literal and women are very subtle. But that leads to problems. For example, it took my wife a long time to realize that I spoke to everyone and joked around with them - men or women. But when I joked around with women she thought I was flirting. I always thought I was just being nice.

Women, most men don't pick up on subtlety. If you want them to notice you, you may have to be a bit more direct. Don't expect them to notice you frosted the tips of your hair or added slightly lighter highlights. Unless it's a drastic change they probably won't notice. If you have new shoes, we don't care. We only own 3 pairs and they all have their own uses - sports, work and mowing the lawn. If you have any cleavage showing don't bother saying anything you want us to remember because we're too busy trying not to get caught looking at your boobs.

If none of these apply to your man, if he always notices your slightly changed hair or is effusive in praise about your new shoes...he's gay and he wants to get close to you to date your brother.

figmentPez said:

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

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↑ this


I seem to be pretty bad at realizing someone is flirting with me.

Dave said:

What I think is interesting is that guys are very literal and women are very subtle. But that leads to problems. For example, it took my wife a long time to realize that I spoke to everyone and joked around with them - men or women. But when I joked around with women she thought I was flirting. I always thought I was just being nice.

Women, most men don't pick up on subtlety. If you want them to notice you, you may have to be a bit more direct. Don't expect them to notice you frosted the tips of your hair or added slightly lighter highlights. Unless it's a drastic change they probably won't notice. If you have new shoes, we don't care. We only own 3 pairs and they all have their own uses - sports, work and mowing the lawn. If you have any cleavage showing don't bother saying anything you want us to remember because we're too busy trying not to get caught looking at your boobs.

If none of these apply to your man, if he always notices your slightly changed hair or is effusive in praise about your new shoes...he's gay and he wants to get close to you to date your brother.

Click to expand...

How do "nice guys" fit into these categories? After all, it's come up a few times recently about how a guy likes a girl and thinks he's being obvious -- but isn't -- because he's not being a jerk about it.

Guys trying to be subtle are very bad at it. Guy subtle and girl subtle are two different things. WE think we're being subtle but instead are being confusing or not getting the point across.

Or they don't want us as anything more than friends so they are pointedly ignoring the signs so they don't have to deal with it.

Nature 101:

Mammalian Primate Males: Generally live in troops. Compete amongst each other for dominance of the troop. Usually one male to a number of females.

Mammalian Primate Females: Select their mates amongst the best competitors.

So, that translates to many males making advances towards a couple of females and females select the ones they feel have the best qualities that will be passed down to their babies.

---------- Post added at 10:59 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:56 AM ----------

evilmike;399150][QUOTE=Dave said:

What I think is interesting is that guys are very literal and women are very subtle. But that leads to problems. For example, it took my wife a long time to realize that I spoke to everyone and joked around with them - men or women. But when I joked around with women she thought I was flirting. I always thought I was just being nice.

Women, most men don't pick up on subtlety. If you want them to notice you, you may have to be a bit more direct. Don't expect them to notice you frosted the tips of your hair or added slightly lighter highlights. Unless it's a drastic change they probably won't notice. If you have new shoes, we don't care. We only own 3 pairs and they all have their own uses - sports, work and mowing the lawn. If you have any cleavage showing don't bother saying anything you want us to remember because we're too busy trying not to get caught looking at your boobs.

If none of these apply to your man, if he always notices your slightly changed hair or is effusive in praise about your new shoes...he's gay and he wants to get close to you to date your brother.

Click to expand...

How do "nice guys" fit into these categories? After all, it's come up a few times recently about how a guy likes a girl and thinks he's being obvious -- but isn't -- because he's not being a jerk about it.[/QUOTE]

See my post above to learn about why "nice guys" finish last.

http://www.themodernman.com/nice_guys.html

I generally don't like "nice guys" in the "I'm a doormat for this women" sense because often enough they're "nice guys" for the wrong reasons (leading back to their insecurities). My type (a confident guy) generally gets labeled as an asshole by these dopes when the reality is we're the actual nice guys with no bullshit agendas and angst.

Chazwozel said:

My type (a confident guy) generally gets labeled as an asshole by these dopes when the reality is we're the actual nice guys with no bullshit agendas and angst.

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To be fair, sir, sometimes it's because you are an asshole. I'm just saying.

:laugh:

Chazwozel said:

I generally don't like "nice guys" in the "I'm a doormat for this women" sense because often enough they're "nice guys" for the wrong reasons (leading back to their insecurities). My type (a confident guy) generally gets labeled as an asshole by these dopes when the reality is we're the actual nice guys with no bullshit agendas and angst.

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It took me one horribly failed long term relationship as a "nice guy" to realize this... being a doormat automaton sucks...

Dave;399159][QUOTE=Chazwozel said:

My type (a confident guy) generally gets labeled as an asshole by these dopes when the reality is we're the actual nice guys with no bullshit agendas and angst.

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To be fair, sir, sometimes it's because you are an asshole. I'm just saying.

:laugh:[/QUOTE]

I'm only an asshole if provoked.

Chazwozel;399175][QUOTE=Dave;399159][QUOTE=Chazwozel said:

My type (a confident guy) generally gets labeled as an asshole by these dopes when the reality is we're the actual nice guys with no bullshit agendas and angst.

Click to expand...

To be fair, sir, sometimes it's because you are an asshole. I'm just saying.

:laugh:[/QUOTE]

I'm only an asshole if provoked.[/QUOTE]


So you are pretty much saying you get provoked 24/7?





j/k :tongue:

I actually have to agree with that. I've been that kind of "nice guy" and it's not all that nice. It's essentially a way of openly stalking a girl and making yourself a non-threatening emotional crutch in the vague hopes that she'll eventually turn to you for romance. It's actually kind of twisted.

The sort of guy that those "nice guys" call assholes are dudes who don't let their insecurities get the best of them, who risk failure in openly pursuing what they want, and having failed, get up and try again. That's the kind of asshole I'd like to be.

Null said:

I actually have to agree with that. I've been that kind of "nice guy" and it's not all that nice. It's essentially a way of openly stalking a girl and making yourself a non-threatening emotional crutch in the vague hopes that she'll eventually turn to you for romance. It's actually kind of twisted.

The sort of guy that those "nice guys" call assholes are dudes who don't let their insecurities get the best of them, who risk failure in openly pursuing what they want, and having failed, get up and try again. That's the kind of asshole I'd like to be.

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Chazwozel;399175][QUOTE=Dave;399159][QUOTE=Chazwozel said:

My type (a confident guy) generally gets labeled as an asshole by these dopes when the reality is we're the actual nice guys with no bullshit agendas and angst.

Click to expand...

To be fair, sir, sometimes it's because you are an asshole. I'm just saying.

:laugh:[/QUOTE]

I'm only an asshole if provoked.[/QUOTE]

I know. But I couldn't resist the dig as it was the easy shot.

I agree with chaz on this one, I get labeled an asshole alot, because when I am dating I am straight up with the woman I am with. Being an aspiring scientist with research goals, and my field being one in which I must travel and work long hours I have told them exactly what is going on and how there will be times when they might not see me for a week. These things can and will happen, my not being around doesn't mean I am avoiding them, it just means I am busy. Unfortunately for me every girl who hears this immediately goes one of two routes. they will one, basically jump down my throat for suggesting I could put work ahead of human interaction, or two, just give that look of confusion and the "I need to go and think about this" which inevitably means that this one is a lost cause and I can delete her phone number.

so alas, unlike most people here, I am single and living the life of Riley.

I always know when a girl is flirting... it's all about body language, more than what they're saying. Some women will and compliment your clothes and say you really look good with a beard and not be flirting, while others may strike up a conversation about the weather and be practically mind-raping you.

I don't buy that ladder theory, I just think that guys who are "nice" by their own definition, are actually a bit creepy and girls pick up on that. It's the anglerfish method of dating - lure them in with that bright, shiny friendship, then latch on so that it's as painful for them to get rid of you as it would be to lose them.

Calleja said:

I always know when a girl is flirting... it's all about body language, more than what they're saying. Some women will and compliment your clothes and say you really look good with a beard and not be flirting, while others may strike up a conversation about the weather and be practically mind-raping you.

Click to expand...

Same here...I know when a girl is flirting. But here "down south" flirting is almost akin to a national past time. People flirt all the time without ever having any actual intention of getting into each others' pants.

Tinwhistler;399208][QUOTE=Calleja said:

I always know when a girl is flirting... it's all about body language, more than what they're saying. Some women will and compliment your clothes and say you really look good with a beard and not be flirting, while others may strike up a conversation about the weather and be practically mind-raping you.

Click to expand...

Same here...I know when a girl is flirting. But here "down south" flirting is almost akin to a national past time. People flirt all the time without ever having any actual intention of getting into each others' pants.[/QUOTE]

That is where women lose me, I am such a Southern Gentleman that they just think I'm playing.

_______________________

I knew a guy that I worked with, that had the women hitting on him all the time. Where basically the women would use pick up lines on him. i.e. "nice shoes, lets fuck"
Every time I walked into a bar with this guy a new, strange, girl would approach him. And then throw themselves at him all night. He normally gave in. I never once saw him walk up to a woman in a bar and strike up the conversation.

evilmike;399150][QUOTE=Dave said:

What I think is interesting is that guys are very literal and women are very subtle. But that leads to problems. For example, it took my wife a long time to realize that I spoke to everyone and joked around with them - men or women. But when I joked around with women she thought I was flirting. I always thought I was just being nice.

Women, most men don't pick up on subtlety. If you want them to notice you, you may have to be a bit more direct. Don't expect them to notice you frosted the tips of your hair or added slightly lighter highlights. Unless it's a drastic change they probably won't notice. If you have new shoes, we don't care. We only own 3 pairs and they all have their own uses - sports, work and mowing the lawn. If you have any cleavage showing don't bother saying anything you want us to remember because we're too busy trying not to get caught looking at your boobs.

If none of these apply to your man, if he always notices your slightly changed hair or is effusive in praise about your new shoes...he's gay and he wants to get close to you to date your brother.

Click to expand...

How do "nice guys" fit into these categories? After all, it's come up a few times recently about how a guy likes a girl and thinks he's being obvious -- but isn't -- because he's not being a jerk about it.[/QUOTE]

I'm going to say this, and I know this is not going to be popular, I have never met a self-proclaimed "nice guy" who was actually nice. There has always been something not so nice about him that pops up sooner or later.

Actually Poppers, if you'd read the last several posts, you'd find quite a few posts in agreement of that idea.

Wasabi Poptart;399214][QUOTE=evilmike;399150][QUOTE=Dave said:

What I think is interesting is that guys are very literal and women are very subtle. But that leads to problems. For example, it took my wife a long time to realize that I spoke to everyone and joked around with them - men or women. But when I joked around with women she thought I was flirting. I always thought I was just being nice.

Women, most men don't pick up on subtlety. If you want them to notice you, you may have to be a bit more direct. Don't expect them to notice you frosted the tips of your hair or added slightly lighter highlights. Unless it's a drastic change they probably won't notice. If you have new shoes, we don't care. We only own 3 pairs and they all have their own uses - sports, work and mowing the lawn. If you have any cleavage showing don't bother saying anything you want us to remember because we're too busy trying not to get caught looking at your boobs.

If none of these apply to your man, if he always notices your slightly changed hair or is effusive in praise about your new shoes...he's gay and he wants to get close to you to date your brother.

Click to expand...

How do "nice guys" fit into these categories? After all, it's come up a few times recently about how a guy likes a girl and thinks he's being obvious -- but isn't -- because he's not being a jerk about it.[/QUOTE]

I'm going to say this, and I know this is not going to be popular, I have never met a self-proclaimed "nice guy" who was actually nice. There has always been something not so nice about him that pops up sooner or later.[/QUOTE]


Hey, no, really, I'm a nice guy. Now about those nipple clamps...


(Actually the nice guy I'm referring to wouldn't have the balls to suggest any type of sexual activity outside of missionary position with his pajamas on and fly unbuttoned. They respect women too much!)

I think I'm a man =/

I almost never know when someone's flirting with me until they spell it out for me or unless they're really really obvious about it.

I don't think feeling flirted at is annoying, but when one specifical guy is too persistent with it even when you've tried numerous subtle ways to say "thank you but no, thank you", that's the annoying part.

You can't spell "Morphine" without "phine" :smug:

See, it seems to me,that many guys think if a girl smiles at them or talks to them that she must be flirting and interested in them. Then they start down the "I'm to afraid to say I like you so lets be friends" thing documented above.

Espy said:

See, it seems to me,that many guys think if a girl smiles at them or talks to them that she must be flirting and interested in them. Then they start down the "I'm to afraid to say I like you so lets be friends" thing documented above.

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This is true.

You guys are crazy!! That barista at Starbucks was all over me, man! She smiled and made small talk and everything!!

Okay, I'll admit I suffer from "Nice Guy Syndrome." Insecurities, shyness, doormat, etc. And yes, there are some creepy asshats masquerading as nice guys. But come on, every nice guy has an ulterior motive? Really? It couldn't possibly be that there may be some some actual nice people in the world? That there are some guys who ACTUALLY want more to a relationship than just the physical gratification aspect of it? And that anyone who says differently is just hiding something? Yes, this whole "acting like a nice guy because it's an excellent ploy for emotionally trapping women to me" is working just great for me so far. Sorry, but this has touched a nerve with me. I'm tired of people making excuses about why they act like assholes and then try to turn it around on nice people. It's harder to be a nice person. There's no reward for doing the right thing. In fact, usually you are punished more for taking the high road. But somebody in the world has to be "the nice guy," because hardly anyone else is stepping up to the plate. I'll be trampled on, I'll be shot down, I'll probably be a lonely sad sack of shit the rest of my life because of it. But I stuck to what I know is right. And if I'm an arrogant prick for thinking that way, then fine. I'm an arrogant, self-rightous prick. /rant

I get annoyed at my job because I have to be nice to people and guys do often confuse that for something more. Im not sure why. So they just hang around and chat and blah blah blah. I just want them to leave but if I stop laughing at their stupid jokes or tell them to leave then Im being bitchy. It's pretty unfair.

Krisken;399090][QUOTE=figmentPez said:

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

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Pretty much this. My wife had to be so obvious, she practically told me "I'm flirting with you."[/QUOTE]

Yep, this. My wife was trying to be subtle, and I was aloof. I'm surprised either one of us had the guts to say something. I actually just straight up told one day. I think you're great, and I want to get to know you better.

But, no, no one flirts with me; at least I don't think so. aranoid:

Cheesy1 said:

Okay, I'll admit I suffer from "Nice Guy Syndrome." Insecurities, shyness, doormat, etc. And yes, there are some creepy asshats masquerading as nice guys. But come on, every nice guy has an ulterior motive? Really? It couldn't possibly be that there may be some some actual nice people in the world? That there are some guys who ACTUALLY want more to a relationship than just the physical gratification aspect of it? And that anyone who says differently is just hiding something? Yes, this whole "acting like a nice guy because it's an excellent ploy for emotionally trapping women to me" is working just great for me so far. Sorry, but this has touched a nerve with me. I'm tired of people making excuses about why they act like assholes and then try to turn it around on nice people. It's harder to be a nice person. There's no reward for doing the right thing. In fact, usually you are punished more for taking the high road. But somebody in the world has to be "the nice guy," because hardly anyone else is stepping up to the plate. I'll be trampled on, I'll be shot down, I'll probably be a lonely sad sack of shit the rest of my life because of it. But I stuck to what I know is right. And if I'm an arrogant prick for thinking that way, then fine. I'm an arrogant, self-rightous prick. /rant

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There's a HUGE difference in treating a woman like crap and being confident, honest and open about what you want and expect in a relationship.

Also, seriously... don't be a doormat... you'll hate yourself for it later.

Cheesy1 said:

Okay, I'll admit I suffer from "Nice Guy Syndrome." Insecurities, shyness, doormat, etc. And yes, there are some creepy asshats masquerading as nice guys. But come on, every nice guy has an ulterior motive? Really? It couldn't possibly be that there may be some some actual nice people in the world? That there are some guys who ACTUALLY want more to a relationship than just the physical gratification aspect of it? And that anyone who says differently is just hiding something? Yes, this whole "acting like a nice guy because it's an excellent ploy for emotionally trapping women to me" is working just great for me so far. Sorry, but this has touched a nerve with me. I'm tired of people making excuses about why they act like assholes and then try to turn it around on nice people. It's harder to be a nice person. There's no reward for doing the right thing. In fact, usually you are punished more for taking the high road. But somebody in the world has to be "the nice guy," because hardly anyone else is stepping up to the plate. I'll be trampled on, I'll be shot down, I'll probably be a lonely sad sack of shit the rest of my life because of it. But I stuck to what I know is right. And if I'm an arrogant prick for thinking that way, then fine. I'm an arrogant, self-rightous prick. /rant

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Brother!

dr_awkward;399282][QUOTE=Krisken;399090][QUOTE=figmentPez said:

I'm a guy and I wouldn't recognize flirting if it came up and sat in my lap. Even if I did catch on, I doubt I'd get enough attention to find it annoying, though.

Click to expand...

Pretty much this. My wife had to be so obvious, she practically told me "I'm flirting with you."[/QUOTE]

Yep, this. My wife was trying to be subtle, and I was aloof. I'm surprised either one of us had the guts to say something. I actually just straight up told one day. I think you're great, and I want to get to know you better.

But, no, no one flirts with me; at least I don't think so. aranoid:[/QUOTE]
It's because we're nice. And creepy.

It's difficult being in the middle of the spectrum here... I was the doormat in high school, going the "friends hoping to be more" route every time. Then, after I got dumped when I was getting prepared to deploy (so I thought), by a girl who I had overlooked the issues of because I thought I was being nice, I realized that it doesn't take a nice guy to be a doormat, and it doesn't take an asshole to be assertive.

Just be honest with yourself with what you want. Ipsum te nosce. If you know who you are and what you want (REALLY know what you want, not what you THINK you want - and face it; nobody WANTS to be unhappy. Some people just don't know HOW to be happy), then you'll be honest with the girls you go out with.

I was honest with the woman who I would later call my wife from day one. When we started going out, I told her this was probably going to be short-term, because I was fixing to rotate back to my reserve unit in three months, and I had already gone the long-distance route and found it to not be suitable to what I wanted. She accepted that, we got closer, until I felt I could use the "l-word" and MEAN it. Then I found that long-distance CAN work - you just have to be honest with your foundation from the beginning.

Here we are, 4 years and a soon-to-be-baby later. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy - you just have to find that person who can accept what you're offering.



On a side note re: flirting, I get told that I flirt a lot, and that I'm being flirted with, by my wife (who is, I'll admit, not the most objective of witnesses). I just feel that I'm being friendly and joking around with someone. Maybe it's because I'm not usually talkative, but whenever it's a passing conversation with someone who I'll probably never meet again, I get chatty. Hmmm...

Yeah, I mean, I understand mis-reading signals, that happens to everyone, but some guys seem to be almost delusional about it. In the end though, most of this crap can be cleared up easily if dudes would just nut up and ask a girl you are interested in out.

Espy said:

Yeah, I mean, I understand mis-reading signals, that happens to everyone, but some guys seem to be almost delusional about it. In the end though, most of this crap can be cleared up easily if dudes would just nut up and ask a girl you are interested in out.

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THIS. I think of myself as a nice guy, but if I would like to go out with a girl, FFS, I ask them out. Even if they decline and want to be friends, we can still be friends, but they know I'm interested and can choose to avoid it or pick it up later. Or they can stay away from me because they know I'm interested and they're not.

There's being a nice guy and then there's being a dishonest creeper. They aren't the same thing. Also being a dishonest creeper is not being respectful of women. You tell the truth at people you respect.

Chazwozel said:

My type (a confident guy) generally gets labeled as an asshole by these dopes when the reality is we're the actual nice guys with no bullshit agendas and angst.

Click to expand...

Damn, all this time we've been trying to set you up with the wrong type of guys.

Cheesy1 said:

Okay, I'll admit I suffer from "Nice Guy Syndrome." Insecurities, shyness, doormat, etc. And yes, there are some creepy asshats masquerading as nice guys. But come on, every nice guy has an ulterior motive? Really? It couldn't possibly be that there may be some some actual nice people in the world? That there are some guys who ACTUALLY want more to a relationship than just the physical gratification aspect of it? And that anyone who says differently is just hiding something? Yes, this whole "acting like a nice guy because it's an excellent ploy for emotionally trapping women to me" is working just great for me so far. Sorry, but this has touched a nerve with me. I'm tired of people making excuses about why they act like assholes and then try to turn it around on nice people. It's harder to be a nice person. There's no reward for doing the right thing. In fact, usually you are punished more for taking the high road. But somebody in the world has to be "the nice guy," because hardly anyone else is stepping up to the plate. I'll be trampled on, I'll be shot down, I'll probably be a lonely sad sack of shit the rest of my life because of it. But I stuck to what I know is right. And if I'm an arrogant prick for thinking that way, then fine. I'm an arrogant, self-rightous prick. /rant

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In my experience, men who consider themselves "nice guys" tend to be stretching the truth by quite a bit. One "nice guy" I dated told me all about how he hadn't dated anyone in a while because he had been so affected by his last girlfriend breaking up with him. He loved her more than anyone. When he and I started dating seriously, I quickly found out why she left him. He was an alcoholic and an angry drunk. He didn't think he had a problem. I got tired of trying to help him.
Another "nice guy" I dated told me all kinds of jokes when my grandfather committed suicide. I was having problems coming to grips with his death. When I told him I didn't feel like laughing, he said I was no fun. He was also an embarrassment in public because he thought he was being funny by doing obnoxious things. I even explained to him in no uncertain terms that I didn't think he was being funny. He just kept on being a clown. When I broke up with him, he accused me of cheating on him with a friend of mine. Then he called me a few months later to let me know he had a nervous breakdown caused by our break up. Apparently, I stomped on his heart when he was just trying to be nice and treat me like a princess. Really?
Another "nice guy" was such a Mama's Boy that he was pressuring me to have children since his mom wanted grandkids. We had only been dating for a couple of months! His mom would come over unannounced. So would his grandmom. They had keys to his house! He also never cleaned his house. It was so disgusting. It was honestly a major reason why I broke up with him. He was like a huge man-child,but he thought that being nice was enough to keep me around. Not in a million years.
The last "nice guy" wanted me to come help him babysit his ex-girlfriend's kids. LOLWUT?

Is this something that happens with all people who are just plainly nice? No. But if a guy came out and told me he's a "nice guy" I would be very skeptical about it actually being true. My husband is nice. He does a lot of things for me that many of the so-called "nice guys" just didn't bother to do. They were too self-centered and childish. My husband also came out and told me that he can be an asshole sometimes. He is, and there are times when he makes me angry, but that doesn't mean he treats me badly.

I've been a "nice guy". I'm trying not to be one anymore, but if I managed not to, I'm still near there. Or maybe it's just that I'm awkward with social relations and a coward.

Oh, I'm not saying I'm the perfect guy, not by a long shot! Lord knows I could go on for days listing my issues. But I don't like being accused of "playing" the nice guy, like there's no such thing or that it's a ploy to try and get into a girl's pants. It's one of the only good traits about me that I take pride in, that I'm a person that most people seem to get along with and that I'm pretty much an open book with those that call me a friend.

Lately I'm just trying to maintain a decent conversation and THAT'S when people think I'm flirting! ....Actually I've been better at picking up on flirting recently, and I did recently straight up tell a girl I was into her, even if it didn't turn out as anything...

...

hwell:

Relax, Cheezy. We know you're an honestly sweet guy. But most of the vocally "I'm a 'nice guy', why don't I get any girls, they must all like assholes" types aren't actually nice, they're insecure and manipulative. Don't try and defend it, don't try and make yourself out as a martyr in the battlefield of relationships. Just be the good sweet-hearted guy you honestly are, and don't hide your motives or your interest. That is where being nice gets creepy.

Bingo, what Null said... (I was typing a reply but he beat me to it and said it better than I would have anyways).

(Hey, I'm a nice guy too, without the inverted commas. Those are two different concepts)

I consider myself a nice guy without any major glaring flaws like alcoholism, but then again I also have a girlfriend who is with me because she wants a nice guy, and our relationship is based on mutual respect and honesty, so I don't know what to think any more.

Also, apparently a girl at my institute flirted with me for an entire academic year without me picking up any signals.

hehehehe 'nice guys'... Thanks for letting us have all the girls.

Signed: normal dudes who don't try to get girls through deception.

I used to be under the delusion that I was a nice guy. The way my last two relationships ended proved otherwise.

The point here is you can be nice without being a door mat.

but you don't respect her like he does !

See we aren't really talking about "nice guys" here, we are talking about either manipulative guys or shy guys who are afriad of rejection. I'm a nice guy and very respectful when I was dating girls, but I learned quickly bein either of the above types leads to nothing good. So cheer up Cheesy, sounds like you are doing it right.

Espy said:

See we aren't really talking about "nice guys" here, we are talking about either manipulative guys or shy guys who are afriad of rejection. I'm a nice guy and very respectful when I was dating girls, but I learned quickly bein either of the above types leads to nothing good. So cheer up Cheesy, sounds like you are doing it right.

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Agreed... there's a big difference between "nice guy" (in quotations) and a genuinely nice guy. The latter never need to advertise this fact.

Azurephoenix said:

Agreed... there's a big difference between "nice guy" (in quotations) and a genuinely nice guy. The latter never need to advertise this fact.

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QFT!

I have trouble picking up body language so I wouldn't know flirting if it was hitting me like a bus. Haven't heard any female friends of mine actually complaining about being hit on too often.

Now, this is a question for the ladies: when a guy that you don't have a long-standing casual friendship, or blood relation to, asks you if you'd like to see a movie, you understand he's asking for a date, right? What makes something /not/ a date?

It depends on the guy and what our relationship is like. If we've been friendly and I don't have feelings for him, and he hasn't shown any obvious interest, then that is a friend asking me to a movie. If it is a guy I like, who has been flirty with me or otherwise shown an interest in a romantic relationship, then it is a date.

A good way I think to avoid that kind of confusion is to, at least the first time, say something to the effect of "Hey, I'd like to take you out to blah blah blah..." It helps set the event in the context of a date.

If I guy that I have no connection with (or very little) would ask me out, I'd sort of assume that he might be interested. I'm sort of too assertive probably. If a guy offers to buy me a drink, I'm like, "Is this just a drink or 'i'm looking for an excuse to engage this girl and get to know her better'?" because I'm seeing someone. I like to put things out in the open early on the nip things in the bud. I'm a terrible flirt and don't really like being flirted with.

---------- Post added at 12:02 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:58 AM ----------

And as for nice guys, there are definitely those who are truly nice. Many of these guys get taken advantage of, which causes a problem for more people than he thinks. A guy being a martyr and not being able to stand up for himself can turn him into someone who takes advantage of other people's kindness as well. I don't mind being a confidante, but in high school I was dumped on by so many nice guys. It's gratifying to me to comfort and help people, but it was getting emotionally difficult. They were my friends, so I eventually just told em to man up and told them I didn't want to hear any complaints anymore if they refused to help themselves. I ended up being brutally honest with them to stop myself from complaining constantly to someone ELSE about all these guys, thus continuing the cycle of martyrs.

I don't have any problem flirting with girls in real life. In fact, I do it too much, even now that I'm married. I don't really mean anything by it. I mean, sure, I'd be lying through my teeth if I acted like I didn't have a biological urge to do things with them, but I just like the fun of it.

Hey so yeah, I'm not really digging the whole "Like 'em confident" moniker one of the mods threw up on my profile picture. Could you guys, you know, not fuck with people's profiles without them knowing about it?

So, if there is quite a bit of flirting, and some making out during the movie, it's bullshit for her to refer to it as "not a date". That's kind of what I'm getting at here.

Chazwozel said:

Hey so yeah, I'm not really digging the whole "Like 'em confident" moniker one of the mods threw up on my profile picture. Could you guys, you know, not fuck with people's profiles without them knowing about it?

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It was probably just someone changing it through the Marketplace. It's a thing you can do now, you know.

Ad at top:

Without rejection?

Chloroform?

Heh, I usually just get Netflix or Autotrader.

"So, Sheki, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?" - someone's last words.

Chazwozel said:

Hey so yeah, I'm not really digging the whole "Like 'em confident" moniker one of the mods threw up on my profile picture. Could you guys, you know, not fuck with people's profiles without them knowing about it?

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You mean yout custom title? You do realize anyone who pays the halbucks can change that, right? You can change other people's too... it's not a mod only thing.

Espy said:

See we aren't really talking about "nice guys" here, we are talking about either manipulative guys or shy guys who are afriad of rejection. I'm a nice guy and very respectful when I was dating girls, but I learned quickly bein either of the above types leads to nothing good. So cheer up Cheesy, sounds like you are doing it right.

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Thanks, I guess that's what I was trying to differentiate earlier, only with more male PMS. And sorry all, I wasn't trying to sound combative. I've been a little on edge lately.

Null said:

So, if there is quite a bit of flirting, and some making out during the movie, it's bullshit for her to refer to it as "not a date". That's kind of what I'm getting at here.

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It is bullshit for the most part, however, the concept of friend with benefits is becoming more and more normal (for better or worse, you get to decide), so maybe she just thinks ya'll is buds who get to make out some.

Calleja;399876][QUOTE=Chazwozel said:

Hey so yeah, I'm not really digging the whole "Like 'em confident" moniker one of the mods threw up on my profile picture. Could you guys, you know, not fuck with people's profiles without them knowing about it?

Click to expand...

You mean yout custom title? You do realize anyone who pays the halbucks can change that, right? You can change other people's too... it's not a mod only thing.[/QUOTE]


No I didn't realize it. Just changed it back. So, what's up with the retarded forum games?

Chazwozel said:

So, what's up with the retarded forum games?

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Keeping you on your toes.








Plus I like pudding.

Dave;399936][QUOTE=Chazwozel said:

So, what's up with the retarded forum games?

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Keeping you on your toes.








Plus I like pudding.[/QUOTE]

Thats all the explanation I need!

...
Dangit, now I want pudding.

You know what I haven't had in forever? [insert joke here]

A Pudding Pop:

I don't think I've ever eaten a pudding pop in my entire life.

---------- Post added at 02:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:00 PM ----------

...but now I want to.

I don't like pudding =/

How about fish fingers with custard?

Null said:

So, if there is quite a bit of flirting, and some making out during the movie, it's bullshit for her to refer to it as "not a date". That's kind of what I'm getting at here.

Click to expand...

I guess it would be a date. Back when I was single, if I wasn't so sure about my feelings for you and vice versa, I'd have just thought it was fun and nothing serious. If you asked me out again, then it would definitely be a date.

Eh, it's just something that's been annoying me. Went out with this woman a few times, we both had a good time, and then I pass her in the hallway and she's on her phone and she says to whomever she's talking to, "No, I haven't been on a date in months."

I don't want to make excuses for her, but maybe she meant she hadn't been seriously dating anyone lately. Otherwise, it sounds like she might have been going out with you those few times just for something to do which is crappy.

I think the latter was the case. Anyway, I didn't ask her to go out again. Some weeks later she asked me if I wanted to take her out, and I told her "We'll see." She was a bit surprised. She got mad when the weekend came and went and I didn't call her. I don't see why she had any reason to be - it's not like we were dating, apparently.

Chaz, I liked it better when you were "Official Poop Taster", but that was only for a day and a half.