My First Novel, The City of Smoke & Mirrors is now Available!
- Thread starter ThatNickGuy
- Start date
Nice try, but that guy clearly has feet.
The Rock as Bison.
Megan Fox as the Socialite
George Clooney as Mickey
and Jemery Irons as the rapping talking Daymaker because movie.
Megan Fox as the Socialite
George Clooney as Mickey
and Jemery Irons as the rapping talking Daymaker because movie.
Well lookie what the postman just delivered!
fade
Staff member
I'm not buying that as a Liefield. It has feet and no man boobs.[DOUBLEPOST=1364930215][/DOUBLEPOST]
D'oh missed that one.
Snazzy!Well lookie what the postman just delivered!
Finished it a few days ago, let it sink in before commenting.
First off, since I'm horrible at giving positive reviews, let me say that I thought it was a GREAT debut novel, and a VERY GOOD book overall. I'm just too negative a person to give a lot of positive feedback and nitpicking is much easier. Any and all things I mention are details or personal preferences.
A) your protagonist sucks.
B) your antagonist sucks.
C) The story's not creative at all.
D) The characters are flat and uniteresting.
E) Your writing style sucks.
See, that would be my review if it actually sucked, which it doesn't. All of the above are false.
Onward to actual things I thought weren't perfect.
A) Not at all your fault, but my copy was less-than-professionaly glued together. There's a bit of a gloop on one end, so the spine isn't straight. Dunno how that happened.
B) While there are relatively few spelling errors in the book, I spotted at least a dozen places where sentences had clearly been turned around and some artifacts remained. I don't have the book besides me so I can't give an exact example but things such as "Nowadays, people are always in a rush these days". Seem like last-minute decisions to change the word order in a sentence to make it flow slightly better, but then having forgotten to confirm the rest of the sentence was still OK.
C) There's a disparity in speaking/writing style between Dill-the-narrator and Dill-the-detective. I'm not sure whether this is intentional (he's smart and actually intellectual but hides behind a veneer of noir detectivism) or it's the style you want to adopt for Dill and your own writing style sometimes peaking through. You know, one moment he's spouting '50s colloquialisms, the next he's throwing around seven-syllable-words. Either way, it's not always entirely consistent, and it sort-of broke my immersion a few times.
D) You are, of course, aware that it's annoying when certain turns-of-phrase or words are repeated too often. It can often be seen as repetitive. While sometimes it's necessary to repeat something, often you can do without. Often, authors use it as a stopgap solution. (yes, I'm doing it on purpose and I chose a bad word to do it with
). Luckily, you don't fall in that trap, nor do you go the opposite way and have every word be replaced with some weird semi-synonym as some authors are wont to do. However, there are a few turns-of-phrase that you re-use maybe three or four times in the whole book, but are such eye-catchers that it's still noticeable. I'm not talking about a few that are clearly conscious decisions (at least, I hope using "copacetic" seventy-six times was a conscious choice ), but more...comparisons in descriptions that I'd guess you were proud of and therefore wanted to re-use, given the chance. May be less noticeable if you don't read the whole book in two days, of course.
E) There are a number of things about Dill that are special about him because he's an armadillo. Overall, I thought you managed to find a pretty good balance between giving him a couple of specials that made it feel like there was a point to him being a 'dillo, while on the other hand not making him so gimmicky as to it being annoying or a cop-out. I did think a few of his eccentricities were introduced a bit bluntly. I don't know, not really "too fast" or "inappropriately" or whatever, just...I noticed "oh, he's saying this to drive home the point that this is one of his special strong sides because of the dillo-ness". Mind you, I have that same feeling with most, if not all, superhero stories and such. It may just be that i'm a b it oversensitive to that sort of thing.
F) If you want a huge big following, you really need sexier animals. How about a cat-girl and a wolf-man or such in the sequel? (please don't introduce a catgirl unless you either kill her off or give her all of the wrong attributes of humans and cats to be sexy). In other words, I'm out of actual criticisms.
G) Story wise, like a lot of other people here, I only really got interested when the story started going. The story's good, but it starts off relatively slowly. I think the book might've been better with some tighter pacing in the earlier chapters.
All in all, as a debut, I'd give it a 9.2/10. As a book in general, 8.4/10. Or, to make another comparison, it's not as good as the best Discworld novel, it's better than some of them, and it's definitely better than the first few of them. So, make another 40 or so books in this world, make about 20 spin-off works, try to avoid the whole Alzheimer thing, and I think you'll be right up there with Pratchett in 20 years or so.
First off, since I'm horrible at giving positive reviews, let me say that I thought it was a GREAT debut novel, and a VERY GOOD book overall. I'm just too negative a person to give a lot of positive feedback and nitpicking is much easier. Any and all things I mention are details or personal preferences.
A) your protagonist sucks.
B) your antagonist sucks.
C) The story's not creative at all.
D) The characters are flat and uniteresting.
E) Your writing style sucks.
See, that would be my review if it actually sucked, which it doesn't. All of the above are false.
Onward to actual things I thought weren't perfect.
A) Not at all your fault, but my copy was less-than-professionaly glued together. There's a bit of a gloop on one end, so the spine isn't straight. Dunno how that happened.
B) While there are relatively few spelling errors in the book, I spotted at least a dozen places where sentences had clearly been turned around and some artifacts remained. I don't have the book besides me so I can't give an exact example but things such as "Nowadays, people are always in a rush these days". Seem like last-minute decisions to change the word order in a sentence to make it flow slightly better, but then having forgotten to confirm the rest of the sentence was still OK.
C) There's a disparity in speaking/writing style between Dill-the-narrator and Dill-the-detective. I'm not sure whether this is intentional (he's smart and actually intellectual but hides behind a veneer of noir detectivism) or it's the style you want to adopt for Dill and your own writing style sometimes peaking through. You know, one moment he's spouting '50s colloquialisms, the next he's throwing around seven-syllable-words. Either way, it's not always entirely consistent, and it sort-of broke my immersion a few times.
D) You are, of course, aware that it's annoying when certain turns-of-phrase or words are repeated too often. It can often be seen as repetitive. While sometimes it's necessary to repeat something, often you can do without. Often, authors use it as a stopgap solution. (yes, I'm doing it on purpose and I chose a bad word to do it with
). Luckily, you don't fall in that trap, nor do you go the opposite way and have every word be replaced with some weird semi-synonym as some authors are wont to do. However, there are a few turns-of-phrase that you re-use maybe three or four times in the whole book, but are such eye-catchers that it's still noticeable. I'm not talking about a few that are clearly conscious decisions (at least, I hope using "copacetic" seventy-six times was a conscious choice ), but more...comparisons in descriptions that I'd guess you were proud of and therefore wanted to re-use, given the chance. May be less noticeable if you don't read the whole book in two days, of course. E) There are a number of things about Dill that are special about him because he's an armadillo. Overall, I thought you managed to find a pretty good balance between giving him a couple of specials that made it feel like there was a point to him being a 'dillo, while on the other hand not making him so gimmicky as to it being annoying or a cop-out. I did think a few of his eccentricities were introduced a bit bluntly. I don't know, not really "too fast" or "inappropriately" or whatever, just...I noticed "oh, he's saying this to drive home the point that this is one of his special strong sides because of the dillo-ness". Mind you, I have that same feeling with most, if not all, superhero stories and such. It may just be that i'm a b it oversensitive to that sort of thing.
F) If you want a huge big following, you really need sexier animals. How about a cat-girl and a wolf-man or such in the sequel? (please don't introduce a catgirl unless you either kill her off or give her all of the wrong attributes of humans and cats to be sexy
). In other words, I'm out of actual criticisms. G) Story wise, like a lot of other people here, I only really got interested when the story started going. The story's good, but it starts off relatively slowly. I think the book might've been better with some tighter pacing in the earlier chapters.
All in all, as a debut, I'd give it a 9.2/10. As a book in general, 8.4/10. Or, to make another comparison, it's not as good as the best Discworld novel, it's better than some of them, and it's definitely better than the first few of them. So, make another 40 or so books in this world, make about 20 spin-off works, try to avoid the whole Alzheimer thing, and I think you'll be right up there with Pratchett in 20 years or so.
fade
Staff member
I think E is hard in superhero, fantasy, and sci-fi novels. You have to explain some things, but you want to avoid the dreaded infodump. That's not an easy task to tackle. You know who did it particularly well? del Toro in the Hellboy movie. He never explicitly gives you Hellboy's abilities. They're clear enough from the story.
I hate when E is taken to the other bad side from the infodump, where the supernatural/sci-fi element is irrelevant. I read a book about telepathic people who never used their powers--it was just a label to get the book a paranormal sub-genre (because it's popular these days). The telepathic people could've been an oppressed race, ethnicity, or sexuality, and it would've made zero difference to the story.
Gotta thank both Fun Size and Nick; Fun Size for the review of my book (and I saw he did for Nick's too--I assume it was his) and Nick because his book shows mine as frequently viewed. Free coattail rides, woo!
Gotta thank both Fun Size and Nick; Fun Size for the review of my book (and I saw he did for Nick's too--I assume it was his) and Nick because his book shows mine as frequently viewed. Free coattail rides, woo!
Free shipping, estimated time of 5-8 days. I expect it will probably be here Tuesday though. It usually only takes two-three days unless there's a backorder. THe benefit of living so close to Concord.[DOUBLEPOST=1365302236][/DOUBLEPOST]Sorry Nick, was waiting until
A) I had moved in to my new apartment
B) I had got back from my business trip to Germany and Saudi Arabia, and perhaps most importantly,
C) We got internet installed in the new place.
So not sure when your book finally went up on amazon.ca, but I just ordered it now.
I was kind of right. It shipped yesterday and the estimated delivery day was today. I have to work, y'know, so I put my currently unemployed roommate on high-alert. After 5:30pm rolled around, he gave up and went to get his passport photos taken (I told him to. Figured after 5pm it's safe to say they aren't coming). He came back to find a notice that the UPS guy had tried to deliver the package and now I have to pick it up at their store.
Luckily the store is not far from here at all; it's only one stop over on the subway. But I don't know when the heck I'm going to have time to get over there during store hours, due to the aforementioned job and all.
Also their delivery thing says delivered at "12:00pm Saturday", then has today's date on it.
I hate couriers. Send me my stuff regular mail and I'm happier.
Luckily the store is not far from here at all; it's only one stop over on the subway. But I don't know when the heck I'm going to have time to get over there during store hours, due to the aforementioned job and all.
Also their delivery thing says delivered at "12:00pm Saturday", then has today's date on it.
I hate couriers. Send me my stuff regular mail and I'm happier.
Mine should be arriving tomorrow. Can't wait!
I'm suddenly picturing a gentlemen Charmander rollerblading behind Dill, holding onto his trench coat.Free coattail rides, woo!
I was delirious with fever last night and thanks to either Bubble for pointing it out or Nick for writing it, everything in my house was copacetic. I just kept saying it over and over. "The couch is here and it's copacetic." "What's that light out there? Must be copacetic." It was weird. Not as bad as the time I thought my dorm room was full of medieval people screaming at me every time I turned out the light, but still annoying.
Okay, I just did a word search of the manuscript and "copacetic" only comes up four times.
I'm gonna have to go with the old classic of "Fuck you, it's funny."
I'm gonna have to go with the old classic of "Fuck you, it's funny."
Four? Seriously? Either I'm oddly sensitive to it, or maybe it's in there a hunderd times but with a typo each time?Okay, I just did a word search of the manuscript and "copacetic" only comes up four times.
I'm gonna have to go with the old classic of "Fuck you, it's funny."
No, but seriously, I'm going to look again... I believe you, but it's really weird to me that it'd be so few. Must be that I read so quickly because it's scuh a good book that it all seemed to be close together?
I'm not getting on your case exactly, Nick; I just hate that I turn into a crazy person when I have a high fever and because I'd been reading your book at length the other day, I saw probably three of those four times. I didn't notice the first time I read, except that it was the first time I'd ever encountered that word.
That's funny. I didn't notice the usage either, though it isn't used often in casual conversation. I think it probably blended as one of those expressions one person cycles regularly into conversation. As an example, I tend to intentionally throw the word "vaguely" into conversation where it's not appropriate, like telling the physical therapist that the stretch left me feeling "vaguely awful".
Picked it up from the UPS Store last night. Had to leave work two hours early to do so.
Did I mention I hate courier services?
Did I mention I hate courier services?
I know what you mean. When I order something, I'm never sure if it's going to arrive when we're home, be left at the door to hopefully still be there when we get home, or be at the UPS office where we have a scant few days to claim it before it returns from whence it came.
http://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/1drtsb/shameless_selfpromotion_my_first_published_novel/
In my growing desperation to get word out about my book, I joined Reddit. I've never even used it before aside from skimming through some AMAs others have linked, but as I said, I'm growing desperate. I just don't know how to promote the book. I've tweeted a couple of my favourite writers. Greg Rucka was kind enough to re-tweet, but that's it. I've sent free digital copies out to a few websites or blogs, like Comics Alliance, but again, never heard back from them again after saying they'll look at the book. Not that I expected Dill to be a household name overnight, but the vast majority of people that have read or bought the book have been friends and family.
The first reply to the thread I created certainly didn't fill me with hope, either. But that's the internet for you, I guess.
"Fedora and trench coat mentioned in first paragraph. Had a laugh and stopped reading, partly because of that and partly because it wasn't engaging."
Dammit, I like that cliche. Asshole.
In my growing desperation to get word out about my book, I joined Reddit. I've never even used it before aside from skimming through some AMAs others have linked, but as I said, I'm growing desperate. I just don't know how to promote the book. I've tweeted a couple of my favourite writers. Greg Rucka was kind enough to re-tweet, but that's it. I've sent free digital copies out to a few websites or blogs, like Comics Alliance, but again, never heard back from them again after saying they'll look at the book. Not that I expected Dill to be a household name overnight, but the vast majority of people that have read or bought the book have been friends and family.
The first reply to the thread I created certainly didn't fill me with hope, either. But that's the internet for you, I guess.
"Fedora and trench coat mentioned in first paragraph. Had a laugh and stopped reading, partly because of that and partly because it wasn't engaging."
Dammit, I like that cliche. Asshole.
Reddit is shit. Don't let them get you down.http://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/1drtsb/shameless_selfpromotion_my_first_published_novel/
In my growing desperation to get word out about my book, I joined Reddit. I've never even used it before aside from skimming through some AMAs others have linked, but as I said, I'm growing desperate. I just don't know how to promote the book. I've tweeted a couple of my favourite writers. Greg Rucka was kind enough to re-tweet, but that's it. I've sent free digital copies out to a few websites or blogs, like Comics Alliance, but again, never heard back from them again after saying they'll look at the book. Not that I expected Dill to be a household name overnight, but the vast majority of people that have read or bought the book have been friends and family.
The first reply to the thread I created certainly didn't fill me with hope, either. But that's the internet for you, I guess.
"Fedora and trench coat mentioned in first paragraph. Had a laugh and stopped reading, partly because of that and partly because it wasn't engaging."
Dammit, I like that cliche. Asshole.
You must be patient and let it grow organically. Desperate attempts at promotion will come off as just that. Just keep up the good work and it will come.
Reddit can be useful for marketing, but you have to bear in mind that if Shakespeare had tried promoting Romeo and Juliet on there, he'd have been spammed with negative critiques about how boring it is, unrealistic, badly written, with unrealistic phrasing and an ending that isn't good but isn't properly bad either. Half of those will be from people who didn't read the book and wouldn't care to if they could.
The only way to get this sort of thing any positive mileage on Reddit or the likes is to coordinate with friends/family/Halforumites to get some good reviews/replies going and to have people who "obviously" have nothing to do with you give positive feedback. That will/may draw some other useful people to look into it and maybe pass on the message. Just a single thread with no replies is pretty much food for trolls.
Your book most certainly isn't bad - believe me, I'm honest and assholeish enough to say so if it was (I might sugarcoat it a bit, but I'd say it). There's a lot of fiction/science fiction/fantasy/steampunk out there, much of it self-published - the fact that you aren't is already a big step up (to some people) credibility-wise. Yes, it'll be hard to stand out - but noir animalism isn't a genre I've seen much, so that's another good point ;-)
Don't worry, and as Tress has said: desperation will not breed success, as it can be sensed a mile away - just like when trying to woo women. Now you're wooing the audience. Don't look to me for more info on how to do that, as I suck at both of those ;-)
The only way to get this sort of thing any positive mileage on Reddit or the likes is to coordinate with friends/family/Halforumites to get some good reviews/replies going and to have people who "obviously" have nothing to do with you give positive feedback. That will/may draw some other useful people to look into it and maybe pass on the message. Just a single thread with no replies is pretty much food for trolls.
Your book most certainly isn't bad - believe me, I'm honest and assholeish enough to say so if it was (I might sugarcoat it a bit, but I'd say it
). There's a lot of fiction/science fiction/fantasy/steampunk out there, much of it self-published - the fact that you aren't is already a big step up (to some people) credibility-wise. Yes, it'll be hard to stand out - but noir animalism isn't a genre I've seen much, so that's another good point ;-) Don't worry, and as Tress has said: desperation will not breed success, as it can be sensed a mile away - just like when trying to woo women. Now you're wooing the audience. Don't look to me for more info on how to do that, as I suck at both of those ;-)
Dave
Staff member
Yeah, seriously, Nick, I have two issues with you on Reddit.
- I'm not sure you have the temperament for Reddit. Take the worst day ever here and that's the norm there. I'm worried about you enough as it is.
- Your comment about the dude's face didn't come across as funny. It looks unprofessional and may turn people off. I'd edit it were I use.
I agree...I've learned the hard way that Reddit is an awful place to promote your book. Almost all of my 3-star reviews on Amazon came from Redditors
Basically this. First books seldom sell big unless they are backed/related to another big author. You need to build up your fan base with more work before you'll start bringing in the cash.
Well, the guy was pretty civil with me (and vice versa), so I thought a little joke would be okay. I won't edit it, but if he doesn't take it as the joke it was meant to be, I'll just not bother responding again.
http://thelotteryparty.com/the-city-of-smoke-and-mirrors/
So here's a funny little thing. I'm somewhat active on Bleeding Cool, a British nerd news-site. On one news topic discussing work-for-hires, I talked about how hard it is to get your name out there as a new writer and that I'd kill for the opportunity to have my name on a DC comic.
Anyway, someone on there saw it and offered to review the book and interview me on their blog. I'm still in the middle of the interview (e-mailing each other back and forth for the Q&A), but he put up the review. And by god, is it ever gushing. I almost blush when I read all the positive things he has to say.
So here's a funny little thing. I'm somewhat active on Bleeding Cool, a British nerd news-site. On one news topic discussing work-for-hires, I talked about how hard it is to get your name out there as a new writer and that I'd kill for the opportunity to have my name on a DC comic.
Anyway, someone on there saw it and offered to review the book and interview me on their blog. I'm still in the middle of the interview (e-mailing each other back and forth for the Q&A), but he put up the review. And by god, is it ever gushing. I almost blush when I read all the positive things he has to say.
http://thelotteryparty.com/the-city-of-smoke-and-mirrors/
Which was also at the top of my last comment.