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I got a very interesting fortune from a cookie that reads, "A tub and rub will change your day."

I thought this was hilarious so I decided to work this into a routine. I looked up where "Chinese" fortune cookies were made and it turns out that most of them are made in New York City.

So looking at it that way, what would some VERY New York-centric fortunes be?

"You will be mugged."

Fugetaboutit

"Hey, asshole, I'm givin' a fortune here!"

This cookie has more substance than your next slice of pizza.

Ever play the "in bed" game with fortune cookies?

I did it once when working in the oil field. I had a dozen rednecks laughing their asses off at the cookies.

"This cookie has more room than your apartment."

sixpackshaker said:

Ever play the "in bed" game with fortune cookies?

I did it once when working in the oil field. I had a dozen rednecks laughing their asses off in bed.

Click to expand...

let's try it now.

"This fortune cookie was made in New York City."

"NEW YORK CITY?!!"

Gruebeard said:

let's try it now.

Click to expand...

"Those aren't lucky numbers, they're the price of your seats for Hamilton."
"Touch the 3rd rail - automatic fail."[DOUBLEPOST=1518468439,1518468353][/DOUBLEPOST]"Disappointment comes in all colors - especially orange and blue."

Cheat sheet: https://www.buzzfeed.com/samimain/w...-real-new-yorker?utm_term=.laxRZdBw#.rj66l9R0

MindDetective said:

"Hey, asshole, I'm givin' a fortune here!"

Click to expand...

That's more Jersey.

In Manhattan, the "fortune" you find in your cookie is actually the receipt for your meal for tax purposes.

--Patrick