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I posted about this in the rant thread, because I didn't want to make a new thread, but I've since changed my mind. I think this would be therapeutic.

I recently discovered that an old friend had passed away to cancer. A mutual friend of ours had sent me her obituary, and I was shocked to read the news. She was the first friend I ever made as an adult (or at least insomuch as I've ever been an adult... manchild is likely more accurate), and though we had gone separate ways, I still thought of her fondly, and had always meant to get back in touch.

And then I saw the date on the obituary. February 2008. Two years ago. I was floored, I couldn't believe it had been that long. Thinking back, it was nearly three years ago when we last spoke.

A little backstory, because human curiosity always asks the same question. She and I had a very close friendship. It wasn't romantic, or sexual in any way, but it was very intimate. She was someone I had met randomly and formed a near instant bond with. I was 18, fresh out of highschool, trying to find my identity as an adult in the adult world, and she was the first real friend I made there. We'd spend hours talking about everything, and I don't think there's much hyperbole to say that her influence determined a great deal the kind of person I would become. Being that we were both in college, we eventually went different directions, but not before a few very important years of friendship, and I regret never getting around to picking up the phone and getting back in contact.

I'm not really all that shocked by any of this. I knew back then that she was sick, but she didn't like to talk about it, so I never asked. Whenever it would come up, she always managed to convey a feeling that nothing was wrong, and that she was doing fine. It's only in hindsight that I realize how much she was hiding, and how little time she had left. In a way, I'm honored she chose to spend some of that time with me.

I've spent today thinking nice thoughts about all the good times we had together. It's easy to get caught up thinking how the world won't have her anymore, but it seems much more beneficial to remember how mine will always be brighter because of her. But I still wish I had called. If anyone reading this has someone like this in their life, a friend that you've always meant to catch up with, maybe you should pick up the phone.

You know what's weird about a situation like that? You don't even know how to grieve. About 7-8 years ago, I was visiting friends from my home town. I hadn't really kept in touch in probably 4-5 years. When I get there, one of my childhood buddies is missing. I ask, "Hey, where's Brian at?"

I get these incredulous stares, especially from his little brother, and one of my other friends tells me he's dead. He died a year ago. He had drowned in a boating accident. I didn't even know how to react. I was floored. I didn't even know how to feel, it was just sudden emptiness. It was so awkward. Probably one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life.

Anyways, what I was trying to say is I understand how you feel.

Frankie said:

You know what's weird about a situation like that? You don't even know how to grieve. About 7-8 years ago, I was visiting friends from my home town. I hadn't really kept in touch in probably 4-5 years. When I get there, one of my childhood buddies is missing. I ask, "Hey, where's Brian at?"

I get these incredulous stares, especially from his little brother, and one of my other friends tells me he's dead. He died a year ago. He had drowned in a boating accident. I didn't even know how to react. I was floored. I didn't even know how to feel, it was just sudden emptiness. It was so awkward. Probably one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life.

Anyways, what I was trying to say is I understand how you feel.

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Thanks Frankie. That's how I felt yesterday when I found out. It's a very weird position to be in, like being displaced in time. Everyone else is two years advanced from where you are. Compounded by the fact that I don't have any other friends who knew who she was, at least on any personal level, so no one to talk about her with.

Which is, ultimately, why this thread is here. You guys make for cheap therapy.

Poe - I am very sorry for your loss. She sounds like a very special person. I formed a similar friendship with a guy when I was in my early 20's. Time has changed our relationship quite a bit and we don't stay in touch nearly as often as we used to, but I cherish the times in the past when we would just talk for hours about everything. As with your friend, that relationship really helped to shape who I am as an adult and where I wanted to go in my life. While it is easy to kick yourself over not calling, I would venture to guess that she wouldn't have wanted to you remember her as being very ill or suffering. She sounds like she would have wanted you to do exactly what you have been doing - remembering the happier, good times that you spent together.