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Post embarassing things you wrote in the past

Sep 24, 2009#1

The Lovely Boehner

I have been feeling particularly masochistic this morning, so I've been going through old blogs/journals both online and offline. I wrote all of these things earnestly.

CDS said:
I, myself, became a libertarian in light of all the absurdity and stupidity on every side I saw. Even though the LP isn't that great, at least the core ideals are something I can get behind.

CDS said:
Charlie's Angels 2- Harmless, stupid, action-packed, SEXY fun. Nothing better than three hotties kicking ass and showing ass in the same movie. The super overly-stylized action is fun I think. I hope some of them leave so some hotter girls can come in. That's a bad thing to say, but dammit, I like boobies.

CDS said:
Dawn of the Dead(2004): A-
Starsky and Hutch: B

Actually there is some other stuff about the opposite sex I am far too ashamed to share. It's becoming less of a mystery why I was single more often than not through college.

Sep 24, 2009#2

Cajungal

I wrote a LOT of shitty poetry when I was 12-16. There's no way I'm ever ever ever showing it to anyone, though. I think I burned most of it.

Sep 24, 2009#3

Gusto

That is the best Charlie's Angels 2 review EVAR.

Sep 24, 2009#4

The Lovely Boehner

Gusto said:
That is the best Charlie's Angels 2 review EVAR.

I'm not sure if I am more ashamed about praising it being a popcorn, turn-off-your-brain movie, or about being an internet male towards lucy liu, drew barrymore, and cameron diaz

Sep 24, 2009#5

Cajungal

Ouch.

Ooh, and one time I online-argued all night with a guy who said that all women were all whores and anyone who has sex is automatically a filthy person---but men are still better. This was before I learned the whole "pick your battles" thing.

Sep 24, 2009#6

North_Ranger

Just check my older posts

There' not enough money in the world for me to translate in English the 3rd-grade sci-fi story I wrote for class. But I will say this: it involved a kid. Biting chests. To kill aliens.

Sep 24, 2009#7

Dave

CHARLIE wrote some of these things?

When I was in 6th grade I entered a story contest and won. The story was about an airplane that goes down in a secluded area that has dinosaurs and they have to survive. In the end, the main character is about to get killed when he wakes up! It was all a dream! And he was getting ready to go on a plane trip! WHAT A TWIST!

Granted, I was 10 years old or so but the fact that I thought I was so clever makes me cringe to this day.

Sep 24, 2009#8

strawman

Yay highschool poetry:

I often wonder when I wander
whereto I wander when I wonder

See CG? If I can do it, you can too!

-Adam

Sep 24, 2009#9

Gusto

The most bullshitty thing I've ever written was during a brief period in high school where I was in an online DBZ roleplay community.

I do not regret this, because it led me very naturally into D&D, and it taught me that playing ridiculously overpowered characters was not necessarily fun.

Sep 24, 2009#10

Cajungal

stienman said:
Yay highschool poetry:

I often wonder when I wander
whereto I wander when I wonder

See CG? If I can do it, you can too!

-Adam

Nooooooooooooooooooooo.

No no no.

Sep 24, 2009#11

bhamv3

I fail to see what's embarrassing about liking boobies.

Hell, the fourth ever post in my Livejournal is:

They're just breasts, I don't know what you're getting so worked up about.

Sep 24, 2009#12

The Lovely Boehner

from an actual topic I posted on forumopolis circa Jan 2003

CDS said:
The Donnas arouse me

Come on, they're hot sexy rocker chicks. And in every single one of their songs, all they talk about is screwing guys. It's like they were manufactured for teenage guys or something...... cannot....resist.......

later in same thread

CDS said:
Well, in my experience, every female pretty much says no to sex. So... a group of girls encouraging me to "Take it off" and "shake it off baby for me" is quite good. I'm sure I'll grow out of it, but I have teenage hormones, so most of my female relationships/friends all have an aura of sex underlying everything. Sue me.

Sep 24, 2009#13

sixpackshaker

Teaching High School Geography.
I was telling the kids about an article I read about the man that changed our lives, and we did not even know him. Malcolm McLean the inventor of Container Shipping.

I was writing "Container Ship" on the board. I was on the last letter of "Ship," when a student asked me a question. I ended up writing "Container Shit" instead.

Sep 24, 2009#14

Gusto

Charlie Dont Surf said:
from an actual topic I posted on forumopolis circa Jan 2003

CDS said:

The Donnas arouse me

Come on, they're hot sexy rocker chicks. And in every single one of their songs, all they talk about is screwing guys. It's like they were manufactured for teenage guys or something...... cannot....resist.......

Click to expand...

later in same thread

CDS said:

Well, in my experience, every female pretty much says no to sex. So... a group of girls encouraging me to "Take it off" and "shake it off baby for me" is quite good. I'm sure I'll grow out of it, but I have teenage hormones, so most of my female relationships/friends all have an aura of sex underlying everything. Sue me.

Click to expand...

This is excellent.

Sep 24, 2009#15

Cajungal

CDS used to be someone's bhamv.

Sep 24, 2009#16

SeraRelm

I'm sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that's good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

*serious response*
Songs I wrote when I was much younger.

Sep 24, 2009#17

strawman

Tinwhistler said:
I don't know that I'd call this embarrassing, but I wrote this once to make fun my neice when she was going through her emo phase:

No one understands
As I sit in the corner
alone in the dark
with the burrito.
It sits there on my plate
It is hot with passion
in a cold, uncaring world.
Life is cruel.
I cut the burrito
like my pale wrist.
Does it hurt
like my soul hurts?
As my burrito dies
to give me life
I die inside.
I hate myself

Awesome!

I wrote this in highschool. I can only now shake my head...

Code:

'Timing info:
'There are 120 half-cycles in a 60Hz AC waveform
'We want to be able to trigger a triac at any of 256
'points inside each half-cycle.  So:
'1 Half cycle takes 8 1/3 mS
'1/256 of one half cycle takes about 32.6uS
'The Pause function here waits (34 * 0xD)uS, plus 3uS overhead
'Overhead includes CALL PAUSE.
'This was originally assembled using Parallax's "8051 style"
'assembler, and was not optimized any further.  I suppose
'it could be modified to be closer to 32 or 33uS, but it is
'sufficient for my testing purposes.

list 16c84

    movlw  0xFD      '11111101
    tris   0x5       'Port A
    movlw  0xFF      '11111111
    tris   0x6       'Port B
WaitLow:             'Wait for zero-crossing start
    btfss  0x5,0x0   'Port A, Bit 1
    goto   WaitLow   'If high, goto WaitLow
WaitHigh:            'Wait for end of Zero Crossing
    btfsc  0x5,0x0   'Port A, Bit 1
    goto   WaitHigh  'If low, goto waitHigh
    call   Pause     'Wait for 0xD * 34 + 3 uS
    bcf    0x5,0x1   'Put Low on port A, Bit 1
    movlw  0x3       'Put 3 into W
    movwf  0xD       'Put W into 0xD
    call   Pause     'Call Pause, 105 uS
    bsf    0x5,0x1   'Put High on Port A, Bit 1
    decf   0xE       'Decrement E
    movf   0x6,W     'Copy Port B to W
    movwf  0xD       'Copy W to 0xD
    goto   Start     'Wait for zero Crossing

Pause:     'This pauses for 0xD * 34 + 3 Micro Seconds
           'Our goal is approx. 32 uS per 0xD
           'But this is close enough for testing
    movlw  0xA       'Move 10 to W
    movwf  0xC       'Move W to 0xC
Label1:
    decfsz 0xC       'Decrement C
    goto   Label1    'If C is not zero, goto Label1
    decfsz 0xD       'Decrement D
    goto   Pause     'If D is not zero, goto Pause
    return           'Return

I'm thinking, "Hello! There's a timer in that chip! Idiot!"

Also, no, it wasn't close enough for testing.

-Adam

Sep 24, 2009#18

Gusto

SeraRelm said:
I'm sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that's good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

Click to expand...

*serious response*
Songs I wrote when I was much younger.

But seriously, your song sounds like xkcd.

Sep 24, 2009#19

Singularity.EXE

At one of my old forums I built an entire persona of me being a school teacher in Japan, but then once I got bored of that I created my "brother's" account and started calling myself out on things. And then built his persona as being a college student away and living in the dorms (I was still a freshman in high school at this point) and the mods caught on to that.

Ooh boy, was my face red.

Sep 24, 2009#20

Lally

There is some very terrible fanfiction out there by a 14-16 year old Lally...

But I found this little gem in my blog from when I was sixteen and it made me laugh pretty hard... the best thing is I think I was being totally serious:

"If I had a little more willpower I'd try the whole eating disorder thing. I never actually hear of anyone dying from one of those. I've met quite a few girls that have had eating disorders and nothing bad ever happens to them. They get over their eating problem and start eating like a normal person again... and then they stay skinny! What is that! **pout** There should be some bad karma attached or something. Blast this fouled Italian metabolism."

Sep 24, 2009#21

SeraRelm

Gusto, shame on you.

Sep 24, 2009#22

Gusto

Just sayin' is all.

I feel like I'm shitting on people in this thread and it's only because I can't find any proof of my bullshit from years past.

Sep 24, 2009#23

SeraRelm

... Gusto, shame on you again! Go to Whitecastle immediately.

Sep 24, 2009#24

Gusto

But...

But I'm in Canada.

Sep 24, 2009#25

SeraRelm

How could you not have seen that movie?
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtle9YrzTWk]three[/ame]

Sep 24, 2009#26

strawman

Gusto said:
But...

But I'm in Canada.

There's dozens of them near Canada:

http://maps.google.com/maps?q=white+castle+near+canada&ie=UTF8&hl=en&z=4

-Adam

Sep 24, 2009#27

Shegokigo

Tinwhistler said:
I don't know that I'd call this embarrassing, but I wrote this once to make fun my neice when she was going through her emo phase:

No one understands
As I sit in the corner
alone in the dark
with the burrito.
It sits there on my plate
It is hot with passion
in a cold, uncaring world.
Life is cruel.
I cut the burrito
like my pale wrist.
Does it hurt
like my soul hurts?
As my burrito dies
to give me life
I die inside.
I hate myself

Is this your niece?

Sep 24, 2009#28

Gusto

Wow. No I haven't seen that movie.

I feel dumb now.

Sep 24, 2009#29

Adammon

Here's my nanowrimo submission from 2005(?). It's been edited a couple times so it's dropped below 50,000 words. I just skimmed through it again and, y'know, not too embarassing considering it was my first ever attempt to write anything.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/20167869/Trail-of-the-Dead

Sep 24, 2009#30

fade

Charlie Dont Surf said:
CDS said:

Charlie's Angels 2- Harmless, stupid, action-packed, SEXY fun. Nothing better than three hotties kicking ass and showing ass in the same movie. The super overly-stylized action is fun I think. I hope some of them leave so some hotter girls can come in. That's a bad thing to say, but dammit, I like boobies.

Click to expand...

Oh wow, so you WERE a human male with a libido at some point. As though there's anything wrong or unnatural with being attractive to the female body. Like it or not, you're programmed for it. You and Kissinger always baffled me because you failed to realize that condemning physical sexual attraction is just as offensive as never doing anything but being physically attracted to a woman. It's not sexist. It never was. Sexism isn't viewing a woman as an object. Sexism is ONLY viewing a woman as an object. We're all objects, but we're also all thinking organisms, AND we're all gestalt. Pretending we don't see everything as an object is equivalent to putting your fingers in your ears and going "LALALALALA NOT LISTENING!".

If I were, say Barrymore, I would be offended if you didn't find me physically attractive, since that was part of the role I was trying to portray. At the same time I would be offended if you only saw me as physically attractive. They're not mutually exclusive.

Sep 24, 2009#31

Shegokigo

Tinwhistler said:
Uh, no. This is my neice.

She grew out of emo pretty quickly once we started teasing her about it. Thank god.

-----> Joke
V
V
V
V
----->Tinwhistler's Head.

*looks at picture for a few minutes...... right click, save*

Sep 24, 2009#32

Chazwozel

fade;262357][quote=Charlie Dont Surf said:
CDS said:

Charlie's Angels 2- Harmless, stupid, action-packed, SEXY fun. Nothing better than three hotties kicking ass and showing ass in the same movie. The super overly-stylized action is fun I think. I hope some of them leave so some hotter girls can come in. That's a bad thing to say, but dammit, I like boobies.

Click to expand...

Sep 24, 2009#33

Adammon

Chazwozel said:
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Charlie and Kiss, you guys are totally putting the pussy on a pedestal.

They only have eyes for each other

Sep 24, 2009#34

Shegokigo

Chazwozel said:
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Charlie and Kiss, you guys are totally putting the pussy on a pedestal.

Tinwhistler said:
Shegokigo said:

*looks at picture for a few minutes...... right click, save*

Click to expand...

Game, set, match.

In this game, there can be no losers..... not for me anyway. :slywink:

Sep 24, 2009#35

Wasabi Poptart

I have some awful things I wrote as part of a free-form role playing group. A friend in the group tried to talk me into teaming up with him to write a book a la Hickman & Weis. We got one chapter worked out. It was beyond terrible.

Sep 24, 2009#36

bhamv3

Great, now I'm horny.

Sep 24, 2009#37

Shegokigo

That's not saying much those is it Bhamv? :slywink:

Sep 24, 2009#38

Rob King

Looking through an old blog for something to contribute. I can't find anything completely horrifying, but this post did sort of catch my attention.

But to contribute to the poetry, I'll put something of my own! Only two years old, and I kind of still like it. But it is quite foolish:

Proposal for the Changing of the Anomaly of Language That is the Word \"Orange\"

Orange we know,
Is a word with no rhyme.
Search if you will,
But you're wasting your time.

This colour, no doubt,
Is abandoned indeed,
Rhymes for the others
Are found with great speed.

So I would propose
A most foolhardy aim,
To modify \"orange\"
But not change it's name.

That's just too outrageous!
Surely you jest!
Cry misunderstanders,
While pounding their chests.

But our word \"orange\"
is a strange one, amen?
With it's letters \"G.E.\"
Preceded by \"N.\"

Similar words,
Like arrange and change,
Have companions plenty,
They're not estranged.

Was it an error,
Or is something amiss?
Why don't we say
Fair orange like this?

So from this day onwards
I am fixing this wrong.
\"Or-ange\" it is,
Like it should all along.

Now my dear list'ner,
My rant finds it's end.
Like red, blue, and green,
\"Or-ange\" has some friends.

And my most dear colour,
You might think it's strange,
Can end a rhyme scheme,
Just watch: \"Or-ange!\"

Sep 24, 2009#39

ZenMonkey

I wrote a slashfic story about Matt and Sheriff Buck from American Gothic about a dozen years ago.

Sep 24, 2009#40

figmentPez

Back when I frequented Alt.Games.Video.Nintendo, before Pez got added to figment, I wrote this post, which for some unfathomable reason I decided to save:

> >>>> <Running gag> jake is a newbie. </rg>
> >>>>
> >>>
> >>>Justin is a newbie....
> >>
> >>We've got lots of newbies, Kwarklord.
> >
> >Yeah, and our newbies can beat up your newbies!
>
>
> Hey this is starting to look like a Pokemon fight.
>
> GO FIGMENT!
>
> Thomas!

<Figment does his insult attack>

"Your father was a hamster and your mother smelt of elderberries, now go
away or I shall have to taunt you a second time!"
---
figment

Part II
> ::Team Rocket captures your newbies::

<Editor's Note: figment does not actually exist, and thus cannot be
captured>

Jessie: huh, what happened to that newbie?

James: I don't know, he was here a moment ago. At least I think he was.

Meowth: Can't you two do anything right?
::Mewoth fury swipes Jessie & James::

::figment sneaks up behind Team Rocket and does his Dueling Proverbs
attack::
Figment:"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it" But "Forewarned is
Forearmed"

James: I don't get it.

Jessie: I'm not sure it's supposed to make sense.

Meowth: I'm confused

::Figment hurls and allegory, which approaches and bites Team Rocket::

Team Rocket: Looks like Team Rocket is blasting off again!

At least I wasn't stupid enough to save my bad habit of falling for troll-bait. Once I got into an argument with a guy who claimed that all emulation was illegal, eventually it devolved into him, literally, arguing that the sky isn't blue.

Sep 24, 2009#41

Shegokigo

Sep 24, 2009#42

strawman

Shegokigo said:

You post that all the time, and only now you're embarrassed by it?

-Adam

Sep 24, 2009#43

Shegokigo

stienman said:
You post that all the time, and only now you're embarrassed by it?

-Adam

You sir.

Almost made me chuckle.

Bravo. :clap:

Sep 24, 2009#44

Iaculus

bhamv3 said:
Great, now I'm horny.

Just woke up, did you?

Sep 25, 2009#45

Jake

Tinwhistler;262394][quote=Shegokigo said:
In this game, there can be no losers..... not for me anyway. :slywink:

Which segues nicely into some poetry I wrote in high school. Heh

Lust
I watch you, possessed.
Your slightest movement
Sets my flesh aflame.
My eyes caress you with hunger.

I watch you lick your lips.
Imagining how your skin feels
Soft, smooth, yeilding
My loins stiffen in response

My hands itch to caress you.
My mouth burns to be pressed upon yours.
I can taste you on my mouth.
I can smell your heat.

Your cries of desire
Burn hot on my neck.
Our bodies intertwined,
Connected in a primal dance

The world falls away.
No words. No excuses. Just you.
Beneath me, subjugated.
Mine.[/QUOTE]
I hope you handed that in as an English assignment and gave your teacher one of these :unibrow:

. Bonus if it was a male teacher.

Sep 25, 2009#46

strawman

Jake;262997][quote=Tinwhistler said:
The world falls away.
No words. No excuses. Just you.
Beneath me, subjugated.
Mine.

I hope you handed that in as an English assignment and gave your teacher one of these :unibrow:

. Bonus if it was a male teacher.[/quote]

Handed it in? Shoot, I hope he had it read over the PA!

-Adam

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