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I made a thread last December about proposing and I really appreciated the advice I got: I have pretty much listened to all of it. We've been living together for 5 months and we just renewed our lease for 2 years. We've discovered the little things that bug each other, but nothing big. Our relationship is actually stronger because we each make the other person stronger.

So shit is good.

I've saved up, picked out a ring, a time and a place. Now comes the hard part: Asking her Fathers for permission. Yes that is plural. She has a step-dad and the other kind of dad who are both big parts of her life (and now mine). I could probably be able to ask one of them on my own, but I am starting to get intimidated by having to ask twice.

So any advice on how would be welcome: I am assuming that over the phone isn't cool, but should I just drop by their houses real quick? Take them out to dinner? Pull them aside at a family function?

Thanks in advance.

Ask them both out for beers/dinner/whatever. Both will know what is going on and they SHOULD appreciate that you are including them both.

Your only problem is if one of them says no.

elope.

The only advice I can give (from an Asian thing) is that, follow Dave's advice on getting BOTH father. You don't want to step on one's toe by asking the other "first"

Problem is that the two fathers don't like each other as the divorce between my GF's parents was a bit messy and there is still hostility after 14 years.

So I have to do this on a one by one basis.

Lucky in Love said:

Problem is that the two fathers don't like each other as the divorce between my GF's parents was a bit messy and there is still hostility after 14 years.

So I have to do this on a one by one basis.

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Oh Boy, then probably have to choose one carefully over the other. I think the "safe" way would be current then biological (immediate family) but if I remember correctly the Asian way would be biological first then step father (technically you don't need his permission but out of curtesy you would need to)

The reason I said current father cause you probably deal with him more + mother, than the other father (imo) you know more than I do.

It should be a face to face confrontation.

Start with the one who you think is going to give you possibly the harder time. Why? Because you'll be primed more to do it and will the process to do it all over again even easier with the softer target. First ask yourself a few questions on how they'd feel about your relationship.

Is now a good time for you two to get married?
Are there any reasons you shouldn't?
Would they want their daughter marrying you?

Choose the right place. What does he like to do? Watch a game of baseball? Hockey? Football? Etc... Pick a spot not too noisy but a cool place where you're able to talk.

Don't show up looking like a bum. Clean yourself. Shave. Comb that mess of a hair. Wear comfortable but nice clothes. Look good but not GQ.

Start politely, unless you hung out with them before, they'll KNOW why they are there. Trust me when I say this, how you show up and present yourself is important. Treat them with respect... genuinely and discuss the issue early in the evening. Nothing is worse than dragging this before the first half hour.

At some point tell him about how you feel about the woman and take it from there. Speak from the heart and speak highly of her and why she is the one you want to make such an important decision with.

Explain how much you love their daughter, how she has changed your life.

"I would like your blessing to marry her. BLAH BLAH BLAH"

"I know this is a big step and I'm not expecting an answer right this minute. If you'd like some time to think about it, I understand."

If they WOULD like a few days to discuss it, be polite and when you're ready to leave say, "Let me know what you decide. I'd like to ask her soon."

Follow up with a call in a few days.

Go home and bang their daughter for good measure.

Asking a girl's father for permission is the most stupid ass-backwards thing. It makes me uncomfortable to even think about.

That's because you don't like girls and thus by default, your opinion is invalid.

Furthermore, you will probably die alone.

It is pretty old school, but whatever floats your boat.

If the guy I was dating asked my parents for permission to ask me I'd probably be pretty weirded out.

Why? Why would it be weird?

Because the only person whose permission and opinion matters in that situation is me. I am an adult woman. It makes no sense to ask for my parent's blessing before I get married. Also if I decided to say no I probably would be pretty pissed off that my parents even knew the guy asked. It's really none of their business.

I guess it's all a question about how a daughter values her parents and what their relationship is with them. Some people are old school and want to involve their loved one's family and while it generally can be a useless practice these days it can sure mean a lot if done right. I've done it and it meant a LOT to my woman's parents. When she found out she was shocked and taken aback for after a few minutes found a lot of appreciation that I cherished and valued her family enough to do such an act.

It shouldn't be treated as an obligation but far more as a sign of respect.

Now, others will feel different, that's for sure. Many who haven't and probably won't ever experience this situation.

But this thread isn't about how some posters feel about the practice or how backwards they feel about it, it's about giving advice to a member of this board who requires it at a time of need.

To the OP, good luck.

Unfortunately the guy can't ask the girl how she feels about it beforehand so she is left to just react to it.

Much like a woman's pregnancy.

Only if they went shopping for the ring together.

I still say to get them both together. They will both be at the wedding and damned well better be able to get along. I assume they are adults and should act like it.

When you ask them out, let each of them know the other will be there. Say, "I know you don't get along, but I feel it's important you both be a part of this. I don't want to exclude either of you." If they choose not to go it's their own damned fault.

As to asking the father, it's a show of respect to the family. I applaud Lucky and hope him the very best.

Jay said:

It shouldn't be treated as an obligation but far more as a sign of respect.

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So very much this... it's a sign of respect for the family, so much as it is an old-school obligation or necessity. Basically the statement is "I'm going to marry your daughter, but I'd like to get a feel for how bad/good this is going to make you all feel."

It's classy, it shows that you're serious about the relationship with the lady in question, and that you care enough about her relationship with her family to try and include them in the process.

Of course, as previously stated, it comes down to how well she gets on with her family in the first place. If my wife had had a father (or mother) around to ask, I would have done the same thing. Her mother, however, being an epic piece of crap, would not have received such respect, even if she HAD been available to contact. Such are my wife's feelings towards her family.

I don't know. I love my family. We are very close and spend alot of our time together. I still don't think that particular thing is any of their business.

makare said:

I don't know. I love my family. We are very close and spend alot of our time together. I still don't think that particular thing is any of their business.

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I don't know how people can think this. Unless they are estranged you are becoming a part of their family as well. Every holiday, birthday, funeral or gathering they will be there as well. Getting along with the families is of paramount importance. Starting off by showing them you understand this and respect them is a great thing.

Then throw a we got engaged party and invite them. Making them a part of the actual decision is kind of extreme. It should just be up to the two people marrying.

Charlie Don't Surf said:

Asking a girl's father for permission is the most stupid ass-backwards thing. It makes me uncomfortable to even think about.

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I can't think of anything more typical "ugly and obnoxious American stereotype" than someone who thinks their culture and the way they do things is the only good and right way to do things.

The idea that men/fathers are somehow in control of a woman's/daughter's love and sexuality is incredibly damaging.

Also, I've always wondered. What happens if they say "no"? Do you break up with the girl?

No you can still marry her. It just means you shouldn't expect her parents to help with the wedding. You're reading way too much into this. Its just something people do to be polite. It might not be the most rational or logical thing, but its a custom. Although I always thought you're supposed to ask both parents.

I love the "no" scenario.

"I'd like your blessing."
"No."
"Hah, I was just being polite, I'm gonna marry her anyway and fuck her every night. It's the 21st century and it's the woman's choice. You should've just said yes, because now you look dumb as fuck. HAH!"

Later...

"Will you marry me?"
"Let me call daddy and get permission."
"FFFFF--"

I think the guy needs to run run like hell.

Also I love the Quotemander...

What I don't get about that is do you think your mother's mother would have liked your father had he asked for permission? Was the lack of asking what created the rift between them?

Or would they just not have gotten married because she would have said a loud and resounding "hell no!" possibly followed by a reference to her dead body?

Charlie Don't Surf said:

The idea that men/fathers are somehow in control of a woman's/daughter's love and sexuality is incredibly damaging.

Also, I've always wondered. What happens if they say "no"? Do you break up with the girl?

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Alright man. I can see you are a "my way of thinking is absolute for all" kinda guy so I guess there's no real discussion to be had here. Good luck with that.

mr_thehun said:

I wouldn't have married my wife if I didn't like her family.

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That's ridiculous. I get that a bad family is nothing to enjoy, but if you love her and she loves you, the family shouldn't make you say "we're done". It's easier if the family is easy, but you might as well take your dates as sit-ins with the possible future in-laws rather than bother with the significant other if you're gonna see it that way.

Charlie Don't Surf said:

The idea that men/fathers are somehow in control of a woman's/daughter's love and sexuality is incredibly damaging.

Also, I've always wondered. What happens if they say "no"? Do you break up with the girl?

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Until the girl is of the age of majority, the her sexual activity does belong to the family. That is why there are statutory rape laws on the books, because it is not supposed to be her decision until she it the agreed upon age for that culture.

If you are not in position to handle every single bill that comes your way, you better be in good with the family. I know too many people that have to rely on the parents from time to time just to keep above water.

Asking permission should be a rubber-stamp from the parents. It is also a good idea to have an adult's perspective on that decision too.

sixpackshaker said:

Until the girl is of the age of majority, the her sexual activity does belong to the family. That is why there are statutory rape laws on the books, because it is not supposed to be her decision until she it the agreed upon age for that culture.

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This is incredibly fucking wrong. 16 year olds can fuck anyone under 18 they want. You're also wrong about why statutory rape laws exist.

I think that, in this case, the phrase "asking permission" is just a figure of speech. It's derived from that literal act, but today, it's more like what someone in here said about getting a feel for their reaction and how much help you can expect. It used to get under my skin until I took the time to really think about what it means today (or seems to mean) to most people. I don't expect the fella to ever do this; I've expressed to him that I don't really see the point, but I don't think I'd be insulted if he did. I would worry, however, because I can see his mom totally pouting if he neglected to tell his parents as well as mine before asking me.

Anyway, good luck. I hope that you can find a way to make it work.

It's just damn hilarious how Charlie is now so off his rocker and a caricature of himself.

I used to consider him a somewhat decent person to listen to on views on Gay Rights and Oscar Bait movies but now? It's like he's parodying every hipster I've ever met to a scarily degree of accuracy.

Charlie Don't Surf said:

This is incredibly fucking wrong. 16 year olds can fuck anyone under 18 they want. You're also wrong about why statutory rape laws exist.

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Well I hate to say it but he is right. Statutory rape laws have pretty much nothing to do with the minor, beyond their minor status. They are just designed to punish predatory adults.
Added at: 06:42

mr_thehun said:

You dont understand. Im not saying everyone should do it. I am saying that if my wifes family wasnt a big part of her life she wouldnt be the type of person i want to have a family with. Likewise if she wasnt a good fit into my family i wouldnt want her a part of my family.

I never said it was an easy family, we have all had plenty of fights over the years.

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That's sad. What if her family sucked and she was awesome? Maybe she was trying to find someone to make a really great family with?

what exactly do you mean by "type of person"?

sixpackshaker said:

If you are not in position to handle every single bill that comes your way, you better be in good with the family. I know too many people that have to rely on the parents from time to time just to keep above water.

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Maybe if two people aren't ready to be adults, i.e. living out of parents' home (either set of parents), paying their own bills, working, etc, they shouldn't be getting married.

I think it's hilarious that the sexuality angle even came up. Everyone acts like people getting married are two teenagers just out of high school. That's becoming more and more rare. If people are hooking up at that age and sticking together, it's likely they experienced their sexuality before any marriage, and probably are making a third member of their family without meaning to. I see that far more often these days than two high school sweethearts getting hitched the day after graduation.

Shegokigo said:

It's just damn hilarious how Charlie is now so off his rocker and a caricature of himself.

I used to consider him a somewhat decent person to listen to on views on Gay Rights and Oscar Bait movies but now? It's like he's parodying every hipster I've ever met to a scarily degree of accuracy.

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I didn't know hipster and caring about women's issues were synonymous! I guess I better go buy a case of PBR then

Maybe also some Valium.

I'm going to go do some drugs ironically

Charlie Don't Surf said:

I didn't know hipster and caring about women's issues were synonymous! I guess I better go buy a case of PBR then

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I don't think you care about women's rights. I don't see evidence of that in your posts about women. I see you as sexist as the guy who sees women as breasts and an ass that belongs in the kitchen or in bed. Why is this? Because the way you post about it says "I see women a certain way and that is the way they should be." It doesn't matter if that's distinct from the derogatory, demeaning way you're retaliating against--you're pigeon-holing a gender to your expectations, and treating that half of people as children in need of defense, and in need of being told "the way they should be."

There is no way you're supposed to be. Not men, not women; each individual person can form their own person, their own way of doing things, their own life. I think the practice of asking the father for permission is pointless and ridiculous in this day, and I'm happy to argue about it on the internet, but I'm not going to say whether someone should or shouldn't do that, or whether the bride-to-be should or shouldn't be offended. To each their own; a concept you have a hard time grasping, be it in terms as small and insignificant as movie preferences, or as important as equal rights.

You do not support women. You support your ideal of women. I wish the wisdom of that Sally poster (or whoever had the Slappy Squirrel avatar) would penetrate this, but I think you live in an environment so full of men who view women in demeaning ways that you can't help flying to the other extreme, regardless of what reason and clarity is brought up on the subject.

Charlie Don't Surf said:

I didn't know hipster and caring about women's issues were synonymous! I guess I better go buy a case of PBR then

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I know you're smart Charlie, you have to be to put on such a good act. Don't deflect, just admit it. You know exactly what I meant.

mr_thehun said:

strange enough, PBR is extremely expensive in China and comes in weirdly nice bottles like it is whiskey or something of that type.

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That's the same thing like how Stella is kind of pricey here in the states, where it's Europe's Budweiser.

Stella? What the hell is that?I'm from Europe and Europe's Budweiser,is the Czech Budweiser. xD Tastes much better then Import Bud.

Stella Artois?

Nope.Still dosnt ring a Bell.Maybe its because in Germany we fawn over our German Beer and kinda refuse to drink foreign beer.We sell it,but its a niche market.

It's Belgium's run of the mill pale lager. It's not bad, but it's not excellent either.

Which I never had until I moved to Shanghai.

Beer is fascinating.

My favorite Chinese beer is still Harbin. I don't drink qingdao all that much...some snow brands are pretty decent. The bars in Tianjin liked to push Heineken to the point where I can't stand to drink it anymore. I also like Erdinger. Mmm..

Too bad its 50-70RMB/pint.

I've also been meaning to try "Huang jiu". I didn't even know there was such a thing. Apparently it's a shanghai speciality. I've also been told old people drink it, so I don't know what to think.

Man Heineken is the worst beer in the world I would drink a case of MillerBudCoorsshit before I would swallow that crap.

It's incredibly bitter and...ergh. It doesn't go down well.

It doesn't taste much better going back up either.

I dunno, it just tastes like what I imagine letting piss sit in a green bottle for a few weeks must taste like. Not to mention it's also the beer for douches who think they look like rich guys since they drink their "Heini" instead of budcoorsmillerlite.

Sooo... the advise to the OP is now get the fathers together with a case of beer and ask them then?

I'm huge on dark beers. Newcastle (pref in a bottle), Guiness Stout or Yuengling Black whenever I'm fortunate enough to find some.

I used to drink lots of dark beers but lately I've been focused on the hoppiest beers I can find. A local place, Surly, does some of the best hoppy beers I've ever had. Plus they come in huge cans which is sweet. It's costly though which means it's not a everyday beer for sure.

Proposing? That's nothing! Time Ask About the Beers!

I think it is more of a family cohesion. It is just matter of "Do you want to get along with your future wife's family?" You be surprise how in-laws remember EVERY single bad thing you do but not a good thing. Now if the girl's parents are total douche and don't want them to be a part of your life, then who cares.

I guess it is Asian thing, cause when you married the girl, you marry the whole family (they become part of your family if you like it or not so that is why asking permission makes long term relationship WITH the family much smoother.) Also it could be a psychological thing that you could ask either parents favors (if you are in good favors) for stuff.

I guess I never really thought of it so much as asking permission to marry their daughter as simply giving them a heads up by saying "This is how I feel. These are my intentions. Because of these intentions, we'd likely be interacting a lot in the future, so I'd appreciate it if you approved of me and my intentions for your daughter."

I like white beers myself. Because I am racist.

I LOVE Hoegaarden glasses.

I also approve of the change of the topic to beer! lol

Her family is important to me, especially since we live really close to both sides. I am already Uncle Chewy to her nieces and nephew and we regularly have dinner with both sides. We get along pretty great (which I take it as a good sign since they didn't even acknowledge her last boyfriend).

I am not getting chumming with her family for financial reasons, but because family is important to me. One of the reasons my SO and I work well together is that we both hold family in high regard. Getting her fathers' blessings is important to me.

I guess what advice I am looking for is how to go about it: can I just show up at their homes or should I take them each out to dinner? Should I bring a token (like a bottle of alcohol)?

Plus I love hearing about stories of how other people did it.

P.S. I will be brewing all of the beer for my eventual wedding.

Jay said:

I'm huge on dark beers. Newcastle (pref in a bottle), Guiness Stout or Yuengling Black whenever I'm fortunate enough to find some.

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Ever tried New Belgium 1554? Used to favor Newcastle, but 1554 has supplanted it as my go-to beer.

Uncle Chewy? Is your sister Salma Hayek?

drifter said:

Ever tried New Belgium 1554? Used to favor Newcastle, but 1554 has supplanted it as my go-to beer.

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Never have. I'll give it a shot one day.

drifter said:

Ever tried New Belgium 1554? Used to favor Newcastle, but 1554 has supplanted it as my go-to beer.

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It's AMAZING.

@Lucky: I'd say that bringing a gift, whether alcoholic or not, tends to put a more formal tone on the meeting, so you probably couldn't go wrong with that - lets them know that you're treating it seriously. Sounds as though they already like you, and that you're doing this for all the right reasons. Best of luck!

Espy said:

It's AMAZING.

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Lucky in Love said:

I also approve of the change of the topic to beer! lol

Her family is important to me, especially since we live really close to both sides. I am already Uncle Chewy to her nieces and nephew and we regularly have dinner with both sides. We get along pretty great (which I take it as a good sign since they didn't even acknowledge her last boyfriend).

I am not getting chumming with her family for financial reasons, but because family is important to me. One of the reasons my SO and I work well together is that we both hold family in high regard. Getting her fathers' blessings is important to me.

I guess what advice I am looking for is how to go about it: can I just show up at their homes or should I take them each out to dinner? Should I bring a token (like a bottle of alcohol)?

Plus I love hearing about stories of how other people did it.

P.S. I will be brewing all of the beer for my eventual wedding.

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Here's how I popped the question before the question, to give an idea of the romantic I'm not:

I had the ring less than a week and had already been planning on bringing a care package from her family out to my fiancee at college for the weekend. I wasn't initially planning on popping the question that weekend because I wanted to plan something extravagant, but by the time I arrived on her campus the ring was already burning a hole in my pocket and I knew I wouldn't be able to hide my intentions or put it off very long.

However, since I was already on campus by that time, 3 hours away from both families, I felt I should at least let someone know what I was going to do before I did it and her family missed out on the whole process. Some may say it's nobody's business but mine and my wife, but to me this was about family, so it was everyone's business.

So, I called her parents up that night before I popped the question. I should probably have thought things through a little better, because when I called them, they assumed something had gone wrong with me or her (it was after 9pm that night, and we rarely called just to "chat". So her mother answered in a panic and I asked to talk to her father. I told him that it wasn't how I planned on things, but I'd likely be asking my fiancee to marry me by the end of the night, and I just wanted him to know that, and that I loved his daughter and would treat her right.

How did he respond? "You'll have to ask her mother, then." So he goes and makes up a story to her mother about how something serious is happening, and that I needed to talk to her about something really important. So great, no pressure. So I give the same spiel to her mother, who by this time is both relieved and in tears. Their only stipulations were that I made sure I let her finish college (which I was planning on anyway, obviously) and to let them help plan things (again, hey, sure).

So if I can do that and get away with it, I'm sure you'll be fine.

I'd want to surprise my family with the news

I think it's important to start off the union between families on the best possible note. You're not really asking for permission, you're asking her family to accept you and your family joining them. It shows that you respect what they've been through and that you're not just "taking their daughter" from them, to start a new life. It's asking for acceptance from her parents and to show that you can endure them instead of just running away. Basically, it's a means of showing good faith.

Lucky in Love said:

I guess what advice I am looking for is how to go about it: can I just show up at their homes or should I take them each out to dinner? Should I bring a token (like a bottle of alcohol)?

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If you don't know them well enough to figure out how to interact with them... heh heh heh.

Anyway, Without enough information to go on, I'd simply call them one night when you expect them to be home, and ask if you can come by for a chat. Then go over there and chat.

If she was raised by one dad more than the other, or considers one dad her "dad" (think about who she would call first if she needed help or was injured) then do that dad first. Don't tell either of them which you did first, unless, of course, they ask point blank. Don't bother lying, it'll only cause problems.

Assert that you are asking for their blessing for your marraige - not permission. Don't use any language that suggests that they have a say at all - merely that you 1) want them to understand your intentions and 2) want them to accept you into their family as your family accepts their daughter into yours.

They will either give you an answer right then, or they won't give you their blessing. If they hesitate and want "time to think about it" just chalk it up to them not liking the idea but not wanting to reject you outright. Expect them to ruin the surprise for your intended.

And ignore all that, if that's the case. You did what you wanted, and it's up to them whether they accept and support your union going forward, and if they don't it's their loss. Usually they wise up by the time you have children.

makare said:

I'd want to surprise my family with the news

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Some guys like to ask for the blessing prior to getting engaged, and I suspect that you'd probably give your guy that one thing if it was truly important to him.

Likewise, if you make it clear that you would be offended if he did that, he'd probably back off from that tradition.

I got engaged to my wife, and that evening went to her parent's and surprised them with the news together. I don't see why you couldn't do that, but you should make it clear to your boyfriend early enough in a relationship so you don't get burned because he wants to "do it right."

My wife is very, very social, and so while I didn't specifically plan for it to occur this way, I'm quite certain she's glad she was able to be there for the surprise, and participate in the emotional visit with her father and mother. It's not an issue of ownership or control at all - it's merely the desire to be present for such an important announcement to the people you love.

stienman said:

I got engaged to my wife, and that evening went to her parent's and surprised them with the news together.

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Did you bring a baby as a surprise present?

stienman said:

be there for the surprise, and participate in the emotional visit with her father and mother. It's not an issue of ownership or control at all - it's merely the desire to be present for such an important announcement to the people you love.

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This is what I am thinking of. For me if I found out that I was the last to know I would be really upset. It would completely spoil the whole event for me.

Emrys said:

Did you bring a baby as a surprise present?

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Our first time was our wedding night...

That's why they skipped the formalities.

makare said:

That's why they skipped the formalities.

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Day 1: Get engaged talk to parents
Day 2: Get license, get married, and boink like there was no tomorrow.

Day 4: (What? I told you there was no tomorrow on day 2.)

Actually we got married and sealed in DC, which, IIRC, required a Maryland marraige license, and they require a long waiting period and blood tests and everything, so it was a little more lengthy than that. We got engaged next to the river on a log bench with a plaque that read, "Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it" (Song of Solomon 8:7) in the snow and ice of a cold January winter. We sat down and talked playfully, and I pulled her hat over her eyes. When she pulled it back up, I was on my knees with the ring box open.

She took the ring box, turned it this way and that, and, finally peering into the lid, said, "Oh! There's a light in there!" Apparently she was more interested in why the diamond was so dazzling than the actual diamond or ring itself, since it wasn't a particularly sunny day. It was a simple band, and we later went to the jeweler to get an engagement and wedding ring set and have the diamond placed in it.

The light in the ring box is a source of continual amusement for us though.

Her brother was getting married that spring in May, and it was the only time she would be able to count on her entire family being there that year, so we asked them if they'd mind us doing a double wedding. He said we'd have to ask his fiance. She said it was ok, as long as they were done first.

So we were married in May with them at their arranged location. Mormon sealings and weddings are pretty simple, small affairs, and we had separate receptions back in Michigan - we had our reception after the honeymoon, which was in the mountains of Virginia.

13 years later she still puts up with me.

I'd heard once that you should only bother asking if she still lives with her parents because otherwise she's "her own woman." Reading through the thread though I can see the reasoning against that.

Well today is the day I ask the parents and next Monday will be her. Luckily she is working late tonight, so I won't have to come up with an excuse of why I was out.

Wish me luck!

P.S. I really do appreciate all of the advice, I had no one to talk to about this IRL as we are all very interconnected. Plus I do love surprises.

Go get 'em, Tiger!

(No homo?)

No homo.

Good luck.

Good luck!

Bonne chance! Buona fortuna! Good luck, brah!

well wishes!

Go git em

Well my plan didn't go as... planned, but it went well. My GF works for her step-dad as a fill-in (he is an optometrist), so she was working at his office until 8 last night. Which gave me cover to see her dad without her knowing. I went there and he invited me in. After we got into the living room, I just said "I am just going to cut to the chase: I am going to ask your daughter to marry me and it would mean a lot to get your blessing." I really couldn't do the small talk and I wanted to get it out of the way.

He was very happy to give his blessing! His wife was out walking the dog, so it actually worked out really well so that I could do this one at a time. We broke out the nice scotch and we had a drink to toast. His wife came in and we told her what had happened and she was thrilled. I actually brought the ring with me (which I had gotten earlier in the day) and she loved it! So I am feeling good about my choice.

I was planning to go to the step-dad's office and talk to him right after she left, but I ended up having dinner with her dad and step-mom, so I got back late and I really couldn't think of a good last minute excuse. All is not lost because I am going to just do the same thing after work today and just say I was held over at work as to why I am a bit late.

BTW: This is the pic of the ring; I had it made in Israel and got it in the post yesterday. Bathroom lighting doesn't do it justice.

ooo pretty

Nicely done, young man!

What made me sure that I was doing the right thing is that as I was driving to her dad's house, I was strangely calm. My mind actually tried to psych myself out and I had to take a breath and realize that I was cool and not panicking, so why try to start?

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! "Fathers of the Bride"

The step dad went well; I brought him a gift of sangria cause he loves that stuff. I told him I bought it for him last month, but I actually got it last December as a gift and forgot about it. He a fairly anal-retentive guy, so I was worried a bit that he would say no because it is "too soon" or something or other. He did manage to keep me on edge for a few minutes before giving his blessing.

Of course, now I have to play it cool until Monday when I plan to propose.

Again, thank you to everyone in this thread. I really do appreciate all of the advice and an outlet.

Way to go man.

Let me the first to say this as clearly as possible.

Nice story bro.

And good on you for being a man.

Jay called me a man!

I am also wondering why he isn't playing the TOR beta RIGHT NOW!

TheBrew said:

Jay called me a man!

I am also wondering why he isn't playing the TOR beta RIGHT NOW!

Click to expand...

dude, he is multi-tasking. He was chatting with Shego while playing the game (or was it loading hehe)

congrat man. Glad everything went according to plan.

I'm working at work.... sadly.

Tonight, I'll continue playing my Bounty Hunter.

D'aw how sweet! That ring is beauuuutiful! So shiny!

You could say, it's downright precious.

Just got back and I wanted to give an update!

SHE SAID YES!

Plus I self-taught my self CRS Scripting this morning, so I am feeling pretty good (if exhausted).

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course she said yes.

Many conga-rats to you.

Congrats.

Now give me all the gory details.

Did you get in?

To the TOR beta? Not yet.

CRS programing?

Hell at my age CRS is Can't Remember Shit.

And a hearty Huzzah for your upcoming nuptials.

Thanks!

CRS scripts are used to manage call center scripts for Cisco VOIP systems. It is those automated scripts that play for just about every company now when you call them "Welcome to BlahBlahBlah. Press 1 for..." The scripts we have here were created years ago and nobody working here actually knows how to write them anymore. There are some guides on the scripting editor, but they don't explain how the scripts work with the server and they miss some important steps on how variables are defined. So my team was tasked with editing a script yesterday and when I was looking over everything, I had an epiphany and everything clicked. So that was a minor victory for me and I wanted to post it in what has become my own little Minor Victory Thread.

Pro-tip: When your fiance asks you what the greatest thing that happened this summer was, don't mention the CRS thing.

Of course. It will be the time Taco Bell messed up my order and I ended up getting 6 Chalupas.

TheBrew said:

Thanks!

CRS scripts are used to manage call center scripts for Cisco VOIP systems. It is those automated scripts that play for just about every company now when you call them "Welcome to BlahBlahBlah. Press 1 for..." The scripts we have here were created years ago and nobody working here actually knows how to write them anymore. There are some guides on the scripting editor, but they don't explain how the scripts work with the server and they miss some important steps on how variables are defined. So my team was tasked with editing a script yesterday and when I was looking over everything, I had an epiphany and everything clicked. So that was a minor victory for me and I wanted to post it in what has become my own little Minor Victory Thread.

Click to expand...

Holy shit! CRS scripting is what I used to do! I worked at a place called Call Interactive (an offshoot of First Data Resources) and that was one of the things I did there while working the overnight shift in the call center. Talk about coincidence. That's not exactly a common skill set.
Added at: 10:42
And congrats you crazy kids!