Sex advice for newbies

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Silver Jelly

Silver Jelly

Dear Dave,

This is a question for possible near-future events (If everything works out well)...
I'm 23, I'm not phisically all that great (I'm overweight, not especially fit and have a below average-sized "tool") and I have zero experience doing any kind of sexy stuff with the ladies.

What would be your advice, tips, fun facts to remember, for when this kind of sexual activities do (finally) happen? I'm looking more for a general answer than a "step by step guide", wich is something that, If I understand correctly, can't really exist, as each person and situation is different.

As a kind of fatherly figure in my life with whom I may speak about sex, I'm pretty curious to see what you may tell me!

Sincerely yours,

S.J.
 
E

Element 117

The links in this post should be considered NSFW
Listen to your partner, ask questions, and be honest. It goes without saying that anything either of you find painful/uncomfortable should be stopped. Use protection. Get tested, often. Learn about your partner's erogenous zones and understand the value of foreplay, for both genders...(without it for women, sex can be painful. I can't speak for men). Touch yourself. Not just masturbatory activity, but sensation as well. Play with safe approved toys. Learn what turns your partner on, and what turns them off. Explore positions your fantasies and fetishes, but understand the legal and safety issues of some of them, and make sure not to do anything that the partner doesn't agree to.

Work out at least 30 minutes a day 5 times a week, sexual intercourse not included. This will build stamina, and give you both more intense orgasm. Have fun. Don't try to emulate porn.

And the most important part: focus om pleasing your partner over gaining your own sexual pleasure.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
What they said is spot on. Foreplay is the greatest thing ever. See, men are microwave ovens and women are slow cookers. If you just go with how you feel you will be in heaven but she will be totally unsatisfied. Know that your first time with her might not be that great. Both of you are strangers to what the other wants and needs so you'll miss out on non-verbal clues as to what she wants. This is totally normal.

As Amy said, listen to her and put her needs above your own.
 
Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

Above everything except keeping her happy, bear one thing in mind: RELAX!

You're going to be keyed up, you're going to be nervous as hell, and you're going to be trying to keep all of this advice in your head. Just chill. Have a sense of humor about everything, and learn what does and doesn't work.
 
Null

Null

This is all solid advice. One thing to try, during foreplay, is try using your fingertips while your exploring your partner's body, instead of the whole hand. It's a more delicate type of touch, so if they want a lot of pressure/stimulation, it might not do enough, but it can be good to start with, to tantalize. Also, speaking from experience? Trim your nails and file off the edges, so you don't accidentally scrape them.
 
Necronic

Necronic

Staff member
There's also a mental aspect to it as well, don't ignore that. I'm not sure what details I can give here, as the mental turn ons will be different from one girl to another, but confidence and a subtle dominance has always been good for me. Think of it like dancing, you should lead. Like I said though, that's just for the girls I have been with. But the psychological aspect is incredibly important, it heightens the experience a LOT.

Also, and take this with however much salt you want, if you are concerned about size then consider shaving. Not with a razor, just some clippers.
 
Morphine

Morphine

SJ, admitting publically that your "tool" is below average size can only mean one thing: your balls are HUGE. Kudos for that.

And now, my advice:

Foreplay... yes, we cannot stress its importance enough.
Don't be afraid to speak. A silent partner is a turn off and communication is very important. Let her know what you're feeling, wanting, and ask her what she likes or wants.
Don't overthink it, relax, go with it and have fun.
The first time is never the best, so don't worry too much about that.

Good luck and happy orgasms n_n
 
Null

Null

You know, it's actually rather pleasant that there are so many honest, well intentioned responses to what could be a very sensitive issue, not to mention potential embarrassment for one of our own. Good job, everyone.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
You know, for what it's worth, SJ, I think you're a good looking dude. You always talk about your weight, and I just don't see it. I mean, maybe you carry around a little extra (like most people do) but it's nothing really noticeable. And photos are usually our most cruel judges, too. :p

So I guess that leads to my advice--something that hasn't really been said yet and is from someone else who can be a tad self-deprecating: Don't be too down on yourself in front of someone you'd like to sleep with. Everyone has their little problems with their own body; we're all trying to put it out of our minds. Instead try and focus on your good qualities. And you have many. You don't seem like the type who would harp on a woman's bad qualities, and you don't deserve that treatment either! ;)
 
Silver Jelly

Silver Jelly

I'm loving this thread! I was a little worried that this would turn into a joke-fest, but instead I'm getting awesome responses -with great advice- that are making me feel very VERY well. Thanks a lot, guys! ^__^

(Also, you MAY joke a little bit, c'mon, It's Halforums! :p)

I'll... keep you updated. :p
 
tegid

tegid

I think I can't stress this enough: You don't need to prove anything. Talk to her, ask some questions (for instance, about what she likes) and, of course, don't be ashamed of letting her know you are a virgin...

Also: Are there any news that I don't know about???
 
C

Chibibar

What Amy said is spot on. Take your cue from your partner and go slow. Foreplay is very important. I like what Dave said :) it is so true. It is a great feeling when both of you have an orgasm at the same time, but that takes practice ;)
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
SJ, the reason we are being this serious is because we've ALL been there! You think the first time I had was this magical moment filled with confidence and the singing choir of angels? Hell no! It was an almost comically painful fumbling of ineptitude in the back of a car with a drunk chick I hadn't ever met until that night. For her it was probably just about for the worst thing in the world but for me it was the best New Years EVER!!
 
Morphine

Morphine

Dave's right, sex is not something you can experience at its full potential on the first time, it takes time, practice and more importantly getting to know your partner and yourself.
My first time was sweet and loving but a painful awkward disaster, after that and for the rest of our relationship I thought what we had was good sex... and I was WROOONG. I didn't know mind-blowing sex until my next partner.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Morphine said:
Dave's right, sex is not something you can experience at its full potential on the first time, it takes time, practice and more importantly getting to know your partner and yourself.
My first time was sweet and loving but a painful awkward disaster, after that and for the rest of our relationship I thought what we had was good sex... and I was WROOONG. I didn't know mind-blowing sex until my next partner.
Click to expand...
Until the batteries wore out...
 
Morphine

Morphine

Dave;388990][QUOTE=Morphine said:
Dave's right, sex is not something you can experience at its full potential on the first time, it takes time, practice and more importantly getting to know your partner and yourself.
My first time was sweet and loving but a painful awkward disaster, after that and for the rest of our relationship I thought what we had was good sex... and I was WROOONG. I didn't know mind-blowing sex until my next partner.
Click to expand...
Until the batteries wore out...[/QUOTE]


I never run out of batteries...
 
drawn_inward

drawn_inward

Necronic said:
My first time involved around 3-7 seconds of awesomeness. I kicked ass!
Click to expand...
Sounds about like my first experience too. It was slightly embarrassing for sure.

SJ, I'd say for wanting to get some experience under your belt, I'd recommend waiting until you've got someone special. I'll probably sound old-fashioned, but sex with someone you really love is infinitely better than some random chick. That's my 2 cents. Everyone covered all the other stuff quite well.
 
Gusto

Gusto

Morphine said:
after that and for the rest of our relationship I thought what we had was good sex... and I was WROOONG. I didn't know mind-blowing sex until my next partner.
Click to expand...
This is what I'm most looking forward to with my next partner. I've only had one partner now and the sex was enjoyable but I don't think we were "doing it rite".
 
Bowielee

Bowielee

I'd just like to mention that you should also not let your manly pride get in the way of communicating with your partner that this is, in fact, your first time.
 
Necronic

Necronic

Staff member
dr_awkward;389048][QUOTE=Necronic said:
My first time involved around 3-7 seconds of awesomeness. I kicked ass!
Click to expand...
Sounds about like my first experience too. It was slightly embarrassing for sure.
[/QUOTE]

Why were you embarrassed? You won, it's not her fault she's not good enough at sex to finish as fast as you.

Seriously though, I hope things go good for you. Sex can be the most fun you ever have. The hardest part for me has always been letting the experience carry you. There's definitely a need to lead the dance, but at the same time you can't be too cerebral about it.
 
Frank

Frank

Alright Silver Jelly, ignore everything posted here so far. It's all nonsense. Now, the real trick to sex is to go in guns a blazing! Don't let the noise of whoever or whatever stop you, you're in this for you. You just get in there, you blast off, you get the hell out. Steel isn't strong, boy, flesh is stronger!
 
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