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Dear Dave,

This is a question for possible near-future events (If everything works out well)...
I'm 23, I'm not phisically all that great (I'm overweight, not especially fit and have a below average-sized "tool") and I have zero experience doing any kind of sexy stuff with the ladies.

What would be your advice, tips, fun facts to remember, for when this kind of sexual activities do (finally) happen? I'm looking more for a general answer than a "step by step guide", wich is something that, If I understand correctly, can't really exist, as each person and situation is different.

As a kind of fatherly figure in my life with whom I may speak about sex, I'm pretty curious to see what you may tell me!

Sincerely yours,

S.J.

The links in this post should be considered NSFW
Listen to your partner, ask questions, and be honest. It goes without saying that anything either of you find painful/uncomfortable should be stopped. Use protection. Get tested, often. Learn about your partner's erogenous zones and understand the value of foreplay, for both genders...(without it for women, sex can be painful. I can't speak for men). Touch yourself. Not just masturbatory activity, but sensation as well. Play with safe approved toys. Learn what turns your partner on, and what turns them off. Explore positions your fantasies and fetishes, but understand the legal and safety issues of some of them, and make sure not to do anything that the partner doesn't agree to.

Work out at least 30 minutes a day 5 times a week, sexual intercourse not included. This will build stamina, and give you both more intense orgasm. Have fun. Don't try to emulate porn.

And the most important part: focus om pleasing your partner over gaining your own sexual pleasure.

Xiaofang Nuren said:

And the most important part: focus om pleasing your partner over gaining your own sexual pleasure.

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QFT.

If you are like most men, you won't have any trouble popping off. And, if you are like most men, your partner will not have an orgasm.

Do not be like most men.

Tinwhistler;388815][QUOTE=Xiaofang Nuren said:

And the most important part: focus om pleasing your partner over gaining your own sexual pleasure.

Click to expand...

QFT.

If you are like most men, you won't have any trouble popping off. And, if you are like most men, your partner will not have an orgasm.

Do not be like most men.

[/QUOTE]


I like you!!

What they said is spot on. Foreplay is the greatest thing ever. See, men are microwave ovens and women are slow cookers. If you just go with how you feel you will be in heaven but she will be totally unsatisfied. Know that your first time with her might not be that great. Both of you are strangers to what the other wants and needs so you'll miss out on non-verbal clues as to what she wants. This is totally normal.

As Amy said, listen to her and put her needs above your own.

Above everything except keeping her happy, bear one thing in mind: RELAX!

You're going to be keyed up, you're going to be nervous as hell, and you're going to be trying to keep all of this advice in your head. Just chill. Have a sense of humor about everything, and learn what does and doesn't work.

This is all solid advice. One thing to try, during foreplay, is try using your fingertips while your exploring your partner's body, instead of the whole hand. It's a more delicate type of touch, so if they want a lot of pressure/stimulation, it might not do enough, but it can be good to start with, to tantalize. Also, speaking from experience? Trim your nails and file off the edges, so you don't accidentally scrape them.

There's also a mental aspect to it as well, don't ignore that. I'm not sure what details I can give here, as the mental turn ons will be different from one girl to another, but confidence and a subtle dominance has always been good for me. Think of it like dancing, you should lead. Like I said though, that's just for the girls I have been with. But the psychological aspect is incredibly important, it heightens the experience a LOT.

Also, and take this with however much salt you want, if you are concerned about size then consider shaving. Not with a razor, just some clippers.

SJ, admitting publically that your "tool" is below average size can only mean one thing: your balls are HUGE. Kudos for that.

And now, my advice:

Foreplay... yes, we cannot stress its importance enough.
Don't be afraid to speak. A silent partner is a turn off and communication is very important. Let her know what you're feeling, wanting, and ask her what she likes or wants.
Don't overthink it, relax, go with it and have fun.
The first time is never the best, so don't worry too much about that.

Good luck and happy orgasms n_n

You know, it's actually rather pleasant that there are so many honest, well intentioned responses to what could be a very sensitive issue, not to mention potential embarrassment for one of our own. Good job, everyone.

You know, for what it's worth, SJ, I think you're a good looking dude. You always talk about your weight, and I just don't see it. I mean, maybe you carry around a little extra (like most people do) but it's nothing really noticeable. And photos are usually our most cruel judges, too.

So I guess that leads to my advice--something that hasn't really been said yet and is from someone else who can be a tad self-deprecating: Don't be too down on yourself in front of someone you'd like to sleep with. Everyone has their little problems with their own body; we're all trying to put it out of our minds. Instead try and focus on your good qualities. And you have many. You don't seem like the type who would harp on a woman's bad qualities, and you don't deserve that treatment either!

I'm loving this thread! I was a little worried that this would turn into a joke-fest, but instead I'm getting awesome responses -with great advice- that are making me feel very VERY well. Thanks a lot, guys! ^__^

(Also, you MAY joke a little bit, c'mon, It's Halforums! )

I'll... keep you updated.

I think I can't stress this enough: You don't need to prove anything. Talk to her, ask some questions (for instance, about what she likes) and, of course, don't be ashamed of letting her know you are a virgin...

Also: Are there any news that I don't know about???

tegid said:

Also: Are there any news that I don't know about???

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None... But "near future" science fiction stories may happen, for example, ten years from now... XD

What Amy said is spot on. Take your cue from your partner and go slow. Foreplay is very important. I like what Dave said it is so true. It is a great feeling when both of you have an orgasm at the same time, but that takes practice

SJ, the reason we are being this serious is because we've ALL been there! You think the first time I had was this magical moment filled with confidence and the singing choir of angels? Hell no! It was an almost comically painful fumbling of ineptitude in the back of a car with a drunk chick I hadn't ever met until that night. For her it was probably just about for the worst thing in the world but for me it was the best New Years EVER!!

My first time involved around 3-7 seconds of awesomeness. I kicked ass!

Necronic said:

I kicked ass!

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I'm not familiar with that position/technique.

It was a typo.



He meant "licked".

Dave's right, sex is not something you can experience at its full potential on the first time, it takes time, practice and more importantly getting to know your partner and yourself.
My first time was sweet and loving but a painful awkward disaster, after that and for the rest of our relationship I thought what we had was good sex... and I was WROOONG. I didn't know mind-blowing sex until my next partner.

Morphine said:

Dave's right, sex is not something you can experience at its full potential on the first time, it takes time, practice and more importantly getting to know your partner and yourself.
My first time was sweet and loving but a painful awkward disaster, after that and for the rest of our relationship I thought what we had was good sex... and I was WROOONG. I didn't know mind-blowing sex until my next partner.

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Until the batteries wore out...

Dave;388990][QUOTE=Morphine said:

Dave's right, sex is not something you can experience at its full potential on the first time, it takes time, practice and more importantly getting to know your partner and yourself.
My first time was sweet and loving but a painful awkward disaster, after that and for the rest of our relationship I thought what we had was good sex... and I was WROOONG. I didn't know mind-blowing sex until my next partner.

Click to expand...

Until the batteries wore out...[/QUOTE]


I never run out of batteries...

Necronic said:

My first time involved around 3-7 seconds of awesomeness. I kicked ass!

Click to expand...

Sounds about like my first experience too. It was slightly embarrassing for sure.

SJ, I'd say for wanting to get some experience under your belt, I'd recommend waiting until you've got someone special. I'll probably sound old-fashioned, but sex with someone you really love is infinitely better than some random chick. That's my 2 cents. Everyone covered all the other stuff quite well.

obligatory

Morphine said:

after that and for the rest of our relationship I thought what we had was good sex... and I was WROOONG. I didn't know mind-blowing sex until my next partner.

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This is what I'm most looking forward to with my next partner. I've only had one partner now and the sex was enjoyable but I don't think we were "doing it rite".

I'd just like to mention that you should also not let your manly pride get in the way of communicating with your partner that this is, in fact, your first time.

Xiaofang Nuren said:

Don't try to emulate porn.

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QFT!

dr_awkward;389048][QUOTE=Necronic said:

My first time involved around 3-7 seconds of awesomeness. I kicked ass!

Click to expand...

Sounds about like my first experience too. It was slightly embarrassing for sure.
[/QUOTE]

Why were you embarrassed? You won, it's not her fault she's not good enough at sex to finish as fast as you.

Seriously though, I hope things go good for you. Sex can be the most fun you ever have. The hardest part for me has always been letting the experience carry you. There's definitely a need to lead the dance, but at the same time you can't be too cerebral about it.

Tinwhistler said:

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That, combined with your avatar, is very appropriate.

Null;391027][QUOTE=Tinwhistler said:

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That, combined with your avatar, is very appropriate.[/QUOTE]


Well, playing the tinwhistle does require one to develop a degree of tongue and finger coordination.

Congratulations, Calli.

TeeHeeHee... you know it!:wub:

Alright Silver Jelly, ignore everything posted here so far. It's all nonsense. Now, the real trick to sex is to go in guns a blazing! Don't let the noise of whoever or whatever stop you, you're in this for you. You just get in there, you blast off, you get the hell out. Steel isn't strong, boy, flesh is stronger!

Frank said:

Alright Silver Jelly, ignore everything posted here so far. It's all nonsense. Now, the real trick to sex is to go in guns a blazing! Don't let the noise of whoever or whatever stop you, you're in this for you. You just get in there, you blast off, you get the hell out. Steel isn't strong, boy, flesh is stronger!

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OK!

Cajungal said:

Congratulations, Calli.

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Nearly had me spit cereal at the monitor.

Good one, Cajungal.

lol. that is a good one

Always remember. A wizard is never late. Nor is he early.

He arrives precisely when he means to.

Philosopher B. said:

Always remember. A wizard is never late. Nor is he early.

He arrives precisely when he means to.

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XD

Man, I saw this thread had been updated at 3AM by SJ and thought he was giving us a first-time recap or something.

A blow-by-blow, as it were?

When the time comes, there will be STREAMING VIDEO!

That would be creepy. You probably shouldn't do that.

Baerdog said:

That would be creepy. You probably shouldn't do that.

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Yes, you should clearly film it in HD and then make it available for download later!

Philosopher B.;392612][QUOTE=Baerdog said:

That would be creepy. You probably shouldn't do that.

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Yes, you should clearly film it in HD and then make it available for download later![/QUOTE]

And post a link as my Facebook status.

That'll be the talk of the next family reunion...

And excellent for Failbook as well.

Just to play devil's advocate here -- wouldn't streaming video + bluetooth headset + ventrilo allow him to get real time feedback and advice from the community at large?

evilmike said:

Just to play devil's advocate here -- wouldn't streaming video + bluetooth headset + ventrilo allow him to get real time feedback and advice from the community at large?

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I just realised I have no idea about what kind/size of condoms I should buy... And I should probably put one on for practice before the real deal, shouldn't I?

Friends with old condoms thay can lend me for practice because they don't use them, here I come.

Wait, that didn't sound right!

Yeah, you probably should. I have a few pieces of advice based on personal experience.

1. The devil take Lifestyles. They suck so much.

2. *heavenly choir*: http://www.trojancondoms.com/Product/ProductDetails.aspx?ProductId=48
-I didn't think they'd make much of a difference, but it's the best one I've ever used. It was the only one the fella didn't hate as well.

Buena suerte.

I agree that Lifestyles condoms are crap. I don't know what brands are available to you over in Spain though.

I swear, everytime I read you SJ in this thread I go "D'awwwww" out loud.

Ternurita.

I like polyurethane condoms better than latex condoms. Like the Trojan Supra, for instance. Plus, you don't have to worry about any "I'm allergic to latex!" surprises when you pull it out from your wallet "Not to worry!" you can say "it's latex free. Now put in that ball gag and hand me the riding crop..."

what?

:laugh:

Best advice so far, Tin!

@Morphine: Yeah, well, I hope she feels a similar with my tender clumsiness and inexperience... But, after all, that's the way I LIVE, so I guess she already likes that if she wants to have sex with me... XP

Silver Jelly said:

Best advice so far, Tin!

@Morphine: Yeah, well, I hope she feels a similar with my tender clumsiness and inexperience... But, after all, that's the way I LIVE, so I guess she already likes that if she wants to have sex with me... XP

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Indeed, don't try to hide it...

No, I won't! (and I can't)

No you can't, but you could TRY, which I think would be a very very bad idea. I'm glad we agree!

My first time involvement fumbling, nervousness followed by limpness in the John Thomas, and fears of latent homosexuality.

Seriously, though, there's been some great advice here.
1.) Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay.
2.) Talk with your partner.
3.) Listen to your partner.
4.) Learn what turns you on, learn what turns her/him/them on, and combine.
5.) Protection. Use it.

I know the stereotype of the person who uses somebody to have sex but never calls. But what I don't know is... What is that call supposed to be about?

(yeah, tis question is probably more the result of my social awkwardness than my sexual inexperience, but this still seemed like a good place to ask)

The call is about anything. What they mean is that you banged someone and then just never talked to them again. It's not inherently bad, but only if there was an understanding that this was a one time thing, which for a lot of people, they think it wasn't.

I imagined it could be something like that, but I preferred to ask. Sometimes I'm surprised at some social interactions thta others might find obvious.

Silver Jelly said:

I imagined it could be something like that, but I preferred to ask. Sometimes I'm surprised at some social interactions thta others might find obvious.

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Welcome to life, brah. Half the time, folks are just trying to figure out what others mean... Don't stress over it, just keep on trying.

Yeah, the "call" afterwards is sort of just a sign that you're still interested i nthe other person, and weren't just in it to score.
Asking out on a date, trying to meet up for coffee, whatever, are good day-after calls. Giving a C- and a "good effort but needs some practice" might not be.

As far as condoms go, I've always been a fan of the Durex Featherlites. They're thinner than usual (because, seriously, people who say you don't feel a condom are either lying or insensitive down there), and slightly (just 2 mm) wider than average, which, to me, is the difference between painful blue ring around my penis, or just very tight. You may not have the same problem.
If you're unsure about the condoms you may like or not, buy some and try them out. If you're below-averagely endowed, don't be afraid to try some smaller-sized ones; if they're a better fit, use them. It's rather silly to use a condom that's too big and have it slide off. Sort of defeats the purpose.

Also, good luck mate.

i don't like featherlite, i've had to change 3 times during intercourse because it kept ripping off. WAY TO KILL THE MOOD btw

Some girls think virgins are hot. Just sayin'.

HowDroll said:

Some girls think virgins are hot. Just sayin'.

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This has been my experience, but alas, that time has passed...

HowDroll said:

Some girls think virgins are hot. Just sayin'.

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There's also girls who like balding men. I have yet to find one.

The virgin thing is more common, I think.

most girls don't mind if you're balding or not