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CkSo here's a minor update since my last long rant: I left the big city and moved back down to my old home area (the one I left to avoid facing things that reminded me of my ex) which after alot of negative weeks finally turned around as I lost myself in a sea of amazing sex and lots of random hook ups from the downtown bar area here. I finally started feeling like my old self and was mostly contet on a day to day basis. Alot of my old friends resurfaced as well but I'll get into that in a minute. This lifestyle of alcohol,sex and almost no responsibility was possible due to the large savings I had created at my job and living with my brother and his gf (now wife) and their kids.

Problems began as my savings dwindled and as much as I don't mind their hospitality and respect to my privacy, I was missing being a good host myself. So I got back into the work world. However I did it a little too well... My new job pays easily twice my old one did (and that's saying something as my last job was the highest paying I had to date) but I'm jialso almost working twice the hours and bringing alot of it home. This inevitably led to me no longer having the time to "go on the hunt".

What free time I do have I have been spending with friends that I assumed wouldnt have kept talking to me after my breakup as they were mostly mutual friends that I met through her. They've been instrumental in keeping me "sane" (haha right?) One of them in particular I've been spending more and more time with. When I first met her, way back when my ex and I were first dating, I had an overpowering desire to devour her. She just struck all my right nerves. Except on a mental level. She was amazing to look at, a long time bisexual (so I knee she wouldn't flake out) and alot of fun to drink with. So we hut it off as friends, as my ex and I at the time weren't swinging yet.

Time went on and she ended up hooking up with a guy and had three kids back to back. Needless to say it destroyed her body and her new life pretty much took her out of mine. Until now. In the 2-3time years I haven't seen her she became a workout fanatic. She looks better now than she did then (that's also saying alot) so I'm right back to square one. New problem is though, she's in a serious relationship now with three kids. Not exactly my style. However that hasn't stopped us from constantly "playfully" flirting.

So we've been spending alot of time together when time permits. Alot of phone calls and text messages etc. Cut to about a week ago. She and I went out for a night of drinks alone. Which is rare because we usually have a few tag a longs. During our conversation she flat out starts talking about how much she misses female attention and that she's brought it up to her bf/common law husband and he flat out says "No". So she's been "pent up" for years. I try my best to change the subject but she keeps going on about it, then starts hinting hard at me to take the bait. I haven't really had a good romp since I started working so I let her continue.

So as we are getting back to my place (she met me there so we could take one car) she makes a move and I just can't resist (I've wanted a taste of her for almost 6years!) As is my nature, I immediately take control and begin pushing toward my door when she stops midway through and says she "feels we have something and doesn't want a quick thing. She wants to wake up with me the next morning when we do". My head is swimming at this point so I agree and she says she'll plan for us to have a two day getaway at the beach.

Now that I've had time to come down from it, I'm in an odd place. I've slept with married women plenty of times, none of which have been close friends though. On top of which I'm not sure what she's thinking about us "having something" because I like her as a friend and I lust after her but there's no "love" there she also says she's very happy in her relationship other than what she's been craving on the side. I'm almost sure that the beach getaway is a bad idea but the other side of me is pushing more and more. Could it happen without ruining her current relationship? Does she think about leaving him for me if she changes her mind? (Not flying with me as I don't date anyone with kids) what the hell is going to happen?!?

As it stands now, we're back to talking daily and flirting alot but she does make reference to the beach alot. Not sure what I'm going to do but it felt good just writing all of this. Feel free to opinonate or derail, I'll respond either way.

Tldr: Should I hit it and quit it with a good friend who's married? (Yes, she's that hot)

Stop thinking with your metaphoric dick. Do you want to be the one who ruins her relationship? If yes, knock yourself out. You'll end up hurting her, her kids and her boyfriend. If you don't want to be the one breaking them up (which I assume will happen anyway with the descriptions of her) then you need to get control of yourself and tell her no.

Be the adult.

I second the adult thing, but man, who knew it was that easy for lesbians to do their thing. Culture shock I guess as a kid who grew up in a small swamp-town and then who's biggest city he's ever lived in is fucking Edmonton, Alberta (and even then just a suburb of).

Well, ultimately one can't know your mind/ethical quandries, but, from my experience with friends, it will probably get messy. The messing around, getting what you want kind of fucking can be wonderful fun but if she wants to 'get away' then maybe she's taking this more seriously, yet she also seems unwilling to commit to that (and you don't want to have anything serious anyway)

I guess my attitude would be, given what little I can glean from you via the forums is, if you are okay with possibly sacrificing the friendship, then you seem the type to take what you want to satisfy you when it can. If that's worked for you so far, then I'd suggest you keep it up. If you are unwilling to lose the friendship, then demand from her a clear-cut answer as to what she's looking for and tell her that you might be in a situation where you guys just can't take the risk of waking up together. If she can't accept that, then, ideally, let it go, suppress your lust and stay friends.

And I know all this is easier said than done, and I hardly pretend to be some kind of master of even the most tenuous relationships, so I could be uselessly full of shit

Are you kidding me? Lesbians have it easier than anyone except maybe bisexual chicks. A guy walks into a bar and says, "I want to get laid!" and he'll be slapped, carted off or joined by all the other guys in the bar who stand and say, "I'm Spartacus!!" A woman walks into a bar and says, "I want to get laid!" and unless she's a Wookie's sister she'll get laid. And even a Wookie's sister will get laid if it's late enough in the evening.

I've known a few lesbians and man, they were monogamous as hell, mainly because they had such problems finding partners here. St. Albert is catholic as FUCK though which doesn't help anyone in that regard.

From what I've seen, heard and read about other people, it's that it never works out with "the other woman". As I understand it, you have a strong attraction for her but no real feelings. And I also think that she's not unhappy with her guy and kids, but just misses the female attention. That's even worse: you risk ruining a family without even having the potential of gaining anything in return.

Her problem is: she's bisexual and wants to have a girl once in a while. But she also chose to have a family with a guy who doesn't want that. If she misses girls too much, she should not have made that commitment. She made her choice, now she has to bear the burden.

Your problem is: you want some and she's hot. What I read in the beginning of your rant is that because of your work you hardly have any free time left and that which you do, you spend with friends. Well here's the solution: spend the time you would have with those beach getaway's on other people instead, hang out with friends who are available and interested or go look for new people. Satisfies your needs and doesn't ruin any families.

Dave said:

A woman walks into a bar and says, "I want to get laid!" and unless she's a Wookie's sister she'll get laid. And even a Wookie's sister will get laid if it's late enough in the evening.

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I know plenty of guys who do just that, with the same results.

Granted, they're gay guys, so that does make a difference.
Added at: 16:38
Oh, and to answer the question at hand, from someone who is neither a lesbian, female, or has enough sex to be at all relevant to the discussion, I'd say be honest. If you want to hit it, hit it, but let her know your intention. You're not running away into the sunset with her, you're just having a weekend full of steamy sex.

As far as breaking up her relationship goes? She's an adult, she holds responsibility over these decisions. Obviously she wants to cheat on him, and that's her decision to make.

I'd say go for it, but let her know you're not looking for anything long term. A brief passionate affair sort of sounds like what she's looking for anyway, from what you've presented us with.

She made the first move. Her relationship is her concern, not yours.

Null said:

I'd say go for it, but let her know you're not looking for anything long term. A brief passionate affair sort of sounds like what she's looking for anyway, from what you've presented us with.

She made the first move. Her relationship is her concern, not yours.

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A bit moral relativist isn't that? We are all responsible for the kind of people we are morality-wise and so we have to ask ourselves whether our behavior is right or wrong for us. If you really don't have a problem being the tool by which someone undermines a vow they made then that is your concern. But it is at least something worth thinking about.

Shegokigo said:

we're back to talking daily and flirting alot but she does make reference to the beach alot.

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Ha. You're the "other woman" that the person keeps on hand in order to make them feel wanted and attractive. She's not interested in you - she's interested in your attention. Just like the guy that promises his girlfriend that he's going to leave his wife and never does, I can gaurantee that if she wanted something other than her boyfriend and children, she'd not have stopped you.

She stopped because she doesn't want to break her promise to her boyfriend. The BS line about wanting to wake up in the morning was well played, and you ate it hook, line, and sinker.

She's teasing you because all she really wants is the emotional attention - to get hot and bothered about you once in awhile. Can you guess what she did when she got home to her boyfriend after flirting hard with you for a few hours, then saying no abruptly?

I'm normally all for the, "Don't break up the relationship" advice, but she is quite obviously stringing you along.

If you enjoy it, and like to think about "the beach getaway" then knock yourself out, but it's not going to happen. I suppose you could push, but she will always have a handy excuse so she can have her cake and eat it to.

makare said:

A bit moral relativist isn't that? We are all responsible for the kind of people we are morality-wise and so we have to ask ourselves whether our behavior is right or wrong for us. If you really don't have a problem being the tool by which someone undermines a vow they made then that is your concern. But it is at least something worth thinking about.

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I think the person who made the vow is the person on the hook for it, especially if they're the one who initiates breaking it. Hanging one person's failure to keep a vow on the person they elected to break it with seems like scapegoating.

Null said:

I think the person who made the vow is the person on the hook for it, especially if they're the one who initiates breaking it. Hanging one person's failure to keep a vow on the person they elected to break it with seems like scapegoating.

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No it is more like "it takes two to tango". Technically the person who is not cheating isn't doing anything "wrong" but that really depends on what you think is wrong.

Dave said:

Stop thinking with your metaphoric dick. Do you want to be the one who ruins her relationship? If yes, knock yourself out. You'll end up hurting her, her kids and her boyfriend. If you don't want to be the one breaking them up (which I assume will happen anyway with the descriptions of her) then you need to get control of yourself and tell her no.

Be the adult.

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Damn you Dave, I don't need rational thinking, I need more "dude hoorahing"! Seriously though, yeah the only reason I'm even debating with it is because she's been a really good friend, is a genuninely nice person and if I in anyway caused her relationship to fall apart, I would actually give a shit. As for what I'm going to do? We'll see.

Frankie Williamson said:

I second the adult thing, but man, who knew it was that easy for lesbians to do their thing. Culture shock I guess as a kid who grew up in a small swamp-town and then who's biggest city he's ever lived in is fucking Edmonton, Alberta (and even then just a suburb of).

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Easy? Kind of. Sleeping with married woman always was easy to get away with because I didn't exactly leave "evidence" of my involvement... not always anyway. But hooking up? Yeah it's COMPLETELY dependant on your area. I've lived in places where getting even a second glance from a woman was like trying to feed steak to a vegetarian. Currently though, they're like fish hopping around the lake, in and out of the water and I have a damn good boat.

Chad Sexington said:

Well, ultimately one can't know your mind/ethical quandries, but, from my experience with friends, it will probably get messy. The messing around, getting what you want kind of fucking can be wonderful fun but if she wants to 'get away' then maybe she's taking this more seriously, yet she also seems unwilling to commit to that (and you don't want to have anything serious anyway)

I guess my attitude would be, given what little I can glean from you via the forums is, if you are okay with possibly sacrificing the friendship, then you seem the type to take what you want to satisfy you when it can. If that's worked for you so far, then I'd suggest you keep it up. If you are unwilling to lose the friendship, then demand from her a clear-cut answer as to what she's looking for and tell her that you might be in a situation where you guys just can't take the risk of waking up together. If she can't accept that, then, ideally, let it go, suppress your lust and stay friends.

And I know all this is easier said than done, and I hardly pretend to be some kind of master of even the most tenuous relationships, so I could be uselessly full of shit

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I honestly don't feel too bad about what we've done so far. Going further? That's the line that's hard for alot of people. Again, if this were my typical married woman hookup? Yeah the beach condo would be booked for a week solid already. As for supressing my lust? It was hard enough when I was the one being held back, now it's just her? It's almost like begging for me to gnaw at her rope....

Jax said:

From what I've seen, heard and read about other people, it's that it never works out with "the other woman". As I understand it, you have a strong attraction for her but no real feelings. And I also think that she's not unhappy with her guy and kids, but just misses the female attention. That's even worse: you risk ruining a family without even having the potential of gaining anything in return.

Her problem is: she's bisexual and wants to have a girl once in a while. But she also chose to have a family with a guy who doesn't want that. If she misses girls too much, she should not have made that commitment. She made her choice, now she has to bear the burden.

Your problem is: you want some and she's hot. What I read in the beginning of your rant is that because of your work you hardly have any free time left and that which you do, you spend with friends. Well here's the solution: spend the time you would have with those beach getaway's on other people instead, hang out with friends who are available and interested or go look for new people. Satisfies your needs and doesn't ruin any families.

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All the rest of the people I'm currently spending my free time with are either male or women who are beyond straight. I miss my "night life crowd" for sure. I get what you're saying though, I know it's on her but damn I don't have much to lose by doing it. Again, I'm normally that cold and uncaring when it's someone I don't know.

Shego, you really don't have anything to feel guilty about in this situation. She got into a relationship with someone who knew she was bisexual, knew that she wanted female attention as well, and he's the one saying she can't do it. Despite that, she still wants women. In other words, they simply aren't meeting each others needs. Your not the one who'd be fucking things up here; they are doing it to themselves and if it's not with you, she'll find someone else.

That being said, if you do it and the BF/Husband finds out, that might be the end of it for them. She'll likely try to cling to you emotionally and if you can't be there for more than a fling, it might not be a good idea to get her hopes up.

Go ahead and do it if you want, you really don't have anything to feel guilty about. Just be prepared to deal with some bullshit if things come to light, so you might want to make sure she understands what to expect from you. Also, keep aware of what stienman's saying. It's about as likely as mindblowing sex until she commits to the trip.

Shegokigo said:

Easy? Kind of. Sleeping with married woman always was easy to get away with because I didn't exactly leave "evidence" of my involvement... not always anyway. But hooking up? Yeah it's COMPLETELY dependant on your area. I've lived in places where getting even a second glance from a woman was like trying to feed steak to a vegetarian. Currently though, they're like fish hopping around the lake, in and out of the water and I have a damn good boat.

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So, then... lesbians are silver carp?

stienman said:

Ha. You're the "other woman" that the person keeps on hand in order to make them feel wanted and attractive. She's not interested in you - she's interested in your attention. Just like the guy that promises his girlfriend that he's going to leave his wife and never does, I can gaurantee that if she wanted something other than her boyfriend and children, she'd not have stopped you.

She stopped because she doesn't want to break her promise to her boyfriend. The BS line about wanting to wake up in the morning was well played, and you ate it hook, line, and sinker.

She's teasing you because all she really wants is the emotional attention - to get hot and bothered about you once in awhile. Can you guess what she did when she got home to her boyfriend after flirting hard with you for a few hours, then saying no abruptly?

I'm normally all for the, "Don't break up the relationship" advice, but she is quite obviously stringing you along.

If you enjoy it, and like to think about "the beach getaway" then knock yourself out, but it's not going to happen. I suppose you could push, but she will always have a handy excuse so she can have her cake and eat it to.

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Shego, I have to agree with Stienman on this one. Shego, I respect you in many ways, but I don't think you should go down in this path. This woman is using you cause you give the attention she needs. She has 3 children with this man. If all else, she will always have her children, are you ready for that? (gotta think long term too)

I think you are so busy that you don't have time to really connect with people. you miss having time to meet and greet with people. Now you barely have time for physical stuff much less emotional so you are seeking someone that can connect on the emotional level (less hassle in the short run) but this particular choice seems to a bomb waiting to explode and the person who is going to be hurt is you

All I can say is how I feel about that: I would be so remorseful after doing something like that, especially since she has children. I'd consider it a betrayal against a person who has made a very serious promise. This might not be helpful at all, but I just think that it's wrong. It's wrong that she's tempting you while remaining in this partnership with someone who's uncomfortable with that, and it would be wrong to go through with it.

Do what makes your body feel good. We only live once, and briefly, at that.

Chibibar said:

Shego, I have to agree with Stienman on this one. Shego, I respect you in many ways, but I don't think you should go down in this path. This woman is using you cause you give the attention she needs. She has 3 children with this man. If all else, she will always have her children, are you ready for that? (gotta think long term too)

I think you are so busy that you don't have time to really connect with people. you miss having time to meet and greet with people. Now you barely have time for physical stuff much less emotional so you are seeking someone that can connect on the emotional level (less hassle in the short run) but this particular choice seems to a bomb waiting to explode and the person who is going to be hurt is you

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No, she doesn't have to think long term if it's just a fling... And the person's whose relationship might fall apart is her friend's. So Shego gets: Sex she's wanted for a long time, release from her busy schedule, while risking a friendship. Her friend risks destroying her family unit. So I don't think think Shego's the one at risk for hurt here, at least overall.

In the scenario in which stienman is correct, which is plausible I suppose, then Shego's at risk for pain only in a case of blue balls (excuse the anatomical impossibility ), and perhaps a jilted trust for her friend's taste. Again not especially undue suffering.

Ravenpoe said:

Oh, and to answer the question at hand, from someone who is neither a lesbian, female, or has enough sex to be at all relevant to the discussion, I'd say be honest. If you want to hit it, hit it, but let her know your intention. You're not running away into the sunset with her, you're just having a weekend full of steamy sex.

As far as breaking up her relationship goes? She's an adult, she holds responsibility over these decisions. Obviously she wants to cheat on him, and that's her decision to make.

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I think she's really aware of my stance on a relationship with her, however if it was something on the side of her relationship? I've done that before, much to my satisfaction. My concern props up when it's "I left my husband and I want you to be the second mommy to my kids!" that I just say "Uhhh not a chance." If/When I do hit it, it's going to be with that clearly stated after the few days of sex

Null said:

I'd say go for it, but let her know you're not looking for anything long term. A brief passionate affair sort of sounds like what she's looking for anyway, from what you've presented us with.

She made the first move. Her relationship is her concern, not yours.

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That's what I mean, I have no intentions of getting anything more than finally getting what I lusted after for so many years. Again, I've been there before (dating someone who wasn't looking for more) and I have no issue with it what-so-ever. Thanks for the "dude hoorah" though.

makare said:

A bit moral relativist isn't that? We are all responsible for the kind of people we are morality-wise and so we have to ask ourselves whether our behavior is right or wrong for us. If you really don't have a problem being the tool by which someone undermines a vow they made then that is your concern. But it is at least something worth thinking about.

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Yeah... doesn't bother me at all in all the situations I've been in before. Sometimes they get "permission" other times it's been "our secret" but as long as I'm coming out ahead? I didn't care. I'd know them in passing or for a few weeks, what they did was on them. That's just my view.

Ok Steiny, I'm gonna break down yours here for a second:

stienman said:

Ha. You're the "other woman" that the person keeps on hand in order to make them feel wanted and attractive. She's not interested in you - she's interested in your attention. Just like the guy that promises his girlfriend that he's going to leave his wife and never does, I can gaurantee that if she wanted something other than her boyfriend and children, she'd not have stopped you.

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Difference being, I don't want her to do anything of the sort. If she goes through with this? Great, I finally get a piece of that pie I've been staring at in the window for so long. If she doesn't? I have no problems when time finally frees me up to find it elsewhere. I'm not being stung along by any means.

stienman said:

She stopped because she doesn't want to break her promise to her boyfriend. The BS line about wanting to wake up in the morning was well played, and you ate it hook, line, and sinker.

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She wouldn't have gotten anything out of it, nor did she leave me "wanting more" (that badly anyway). I know her personally and know that she's been waiting for an opportunity like me (someone who will give her what she needs, without the drama attached afterward) for a long time and wants to savor it, instead of a quick one-two.

stienman said:

She's teasing you because all she really wants is the emotional attention - to get hot and bothered about you once in awhile. Can you guess what she did when she got home to her boyfriend after flirting hard with you for a few hours, then saying no abruptly?

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She fucked the shit out of her man? Yeah I totally know that. Does it bother me? Nope. Why? Because she's not getting everything she wants, no matter how many years they spend doing it together. As for teasing me and only wanting emotional attention? I'd believe that if she didn't have a long history of being with women before this guy. She lived with a few of them in long terms.

stienman said:

If you enjoy it, and like to think about "the beach getaway" then knock yourself out, but it's not going to happen. I suppose you could push, but she will always have a handy excuse so she can have her cake and eat it to.

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She's the one setting everything up for the "getaway". I'm not waiting by the phone or making reserverations she's breaking. It's really all her doing. Either way, I'm good.

I guess I'm looking at it from a different point of view, though in my case her husband's okay with it. It was pretty damn weird the time he called me to tell me she wasn't able to make our date, though. Started getting all chatty.

Jay said:

Spoiler

Too long, didn't finish reading.

I say you should turn straight and help me fix jeeps.

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Jay, you're always going to be one of my favorite dudes. Don't ever change a damn thing. For serious.

Null said:

I think the person who made the vow is the person on the hook for it, especially if they're the one who initiates breaking it. Hanging one person's failure to keep a vow on the person they elected to break it with seems like scapegoating.

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makare said:

No it is more like "it takes two to tango". Technically the person who is not cheating isn't doing anything "wrong" but that really depends on what you think is wrong.

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You're both right to an extent. The end answer? I don't care if it's "wrong". Why? Because in the end it's their choice. EX: If someone came up to me and handed me their life savings, saying that if they give me this money, it's going to bankrupt them and they're going to live on the street and probably die? I'd happily take the cash, deposit it into my bank account and never think twice. If this person was a close friend? I might offer to help em with a burger every now and then when driving them to the shelter. Maybe.

AshburnerX said:

Shego, you really don't have anything to feel guilty about in this situation. She got into a relationship with someone who knew she was bisexual, knew that she wanted female attention as well, and he's the one saying she can't do it. Despite that, she still wants women. In other words, they simply aren't meeting each others needs. Your not the one who'd be fucking things up here; they are doing it to themselves and if it's not with you, she'll find someone else.

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She's a good person, I mean she's happy in her relationship. It's just that "one thing" that creeps into her mind. She's never acted on it because she didn't have an outlet she could trust. Now what will happen if she loses her relationship? I'll still be her friend. I'll probably sleep with her a whole lot more. I will draw the line in the sand though (I've done it before) when it comes to more. I wouldn't say I wouldn't feel negatively about her situation, but I sure as hell wouldn't blame myself.

Null said:

So, then... lesbians are silver carp?

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Well the fish comparison can definitely go for some of them.... it's a hygiene thing though.

Chibibar said:

Shego, I have to agree with Stienman on this one. Shego, I respect you in many ways, but I don't think you should go down in this path. This woman is using you cause you give the attention she needs. She has 3 children with this man. If all else, she will always have her children, are you ready for that? (gotta think long term too)

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There is zero chance at long term. This is a "friend with benefits" kind of situation I'm looking at. As for using me? No more than I'd be using her so I'm good with that.

Chibibar said:

I think you are so busy that you don't have time to really connect with people. you miss having time to meet and greet with people. Now you barely have time for physical stuff much less emotional so you are seeking someone that can connect on the emotional level (less hassle in the short run) but this particular choice seems to a bomb waiting to explode and the person who is going to be hurt is you

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I'm not going to lie, there's part of me that seeks an emotional connection as well as a physical one. The issue is, with my current career path, there isn't much room for that, so I settle for the latter.

In a manner of speaking, you're treating yourself as analogous to the hand gun that people use to shoot themselves. It's not your fault they pull the trigger, you're just a tool to be used.

...kinky.

Cajungal said:

All I can say is how I feel about that: I would be so remorseful after doing something like that, especially since she has children. I'd consider it a betrayal against a person who has made a very serious promise. This might not be helpful at all, but I just think that it's wrong. It's wrong that she's tempting you while remaining in this partnership with someone who's uncomfortable with that, and it would be wrong to go through with it.

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You're completely right Cajun, and because she's someone I enjoy knowing as a person, I take that second though and even thought to post it here to vent. Why do you think I never rang your doorbell all the times I was out there?

Chad Sexington said:

No, she doesn't have to think long term if it's just a fling... And the person's whose relationship might fall apart is her friend's. So Shego gets: Sex she's wanted for a long time, release from her busy schedule, while risking a friendship. Her friend risks destroying her family unit. So I don't think think Shego's the one at risk for hurt here, at least overall.

In the scenario in which stienman is correct, which is plausible I suppose, then Shego's at risk for pain only in a case of blue balls (excuse the anatomical impossibility ), and perhaps a jilted trust for her friend's taste. Again not especially undue suffering.

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I don't honestly even think the friendship would get risked in this whole thing (unless it's the part where she's trying to secretly date me) because if her relationship were to fall apart, I know she'd blame herself instead of me. Probably just come to me for more "consoling". The second scenario, which isn't very viable, is correct: Nothing really lost.

Null said:

I guess I'm looking at it from a different point of view, though in my case her husband's okay with it. It was pretty damn weird the time he called me to tell me she wasn't able to make our date, though. Started getting all chatty.

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That's the worst. In the times I've experienced that, the guy was either trying to "get in on the action" or flat out trying to get with just me alone. Unnerving to say the least considering your position in it.

Adammon said:

In a manner of speaking, you're treating yourself as analogous to the hand gun that people use to shoot themselves. It's not your fault they pull the trigger, you're just a tool to be used.

...kinky.

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I have always wanted to sleep with a cop..... *waiting for it*

It's boner time!

Well, whatever you wind up doing, Sheki, hope it goes well for you.

Mathias said:

It's boner time!

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Is it racist if he's black?

Shegokigo said:

I don't honestly even think the friendship would get risked in this whole thing (unless it's the part where she's trying to secretly date me) because if her relationship were to fall apart, I know she'd blame herself instead of me. Probably just come to me for more "consoling". The second scenario, which isn't very viable, is correct: Nothing really lost.

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Then doooo eeeet... For all of us undersexed individuals out here.

(For the classy version of this response: Allow me to play Lord Henry to your Dorian Gray, and advise you to embrace physical pleasures of life!)

I say make sure she's aware that you're not looking to get involved with her. And make sure she gets it, because I've heard of people who are told "this isn't permanent, just for fun, no strings, don't want a relationship with you, etc." but don't actually hear it. That should be made as crystal clear as possible to her.

After that, it's her life to fuck up; as long as she has the facts straight. I'm surprised the guy said no--not because he should be "ooh, lesbianing hell yeah", but I'd think if it was just a matter of female attention, I would think he'd want her to be happy, get that fix, and stick around. I've told my wife, if there's anything she feels she's not getting in our relationship, to talk to me about it openly and honestly and we can figure it out. Just shooting up the "No" lacks empathy. At the least they should go to counseling of some kind if this is a real issue.

Quotemander Prime said:

I say make sure she's aware that you're not looking to get involved with her. And make sure she gets it, because I've heard of people who are told "this isn't permanent, just for fun, no strings, don't want a relationship with you, etc." but don't actually hear it. That should be made as crystal clear as possible to her.

After that, it's her life to fuck up; as long as she has the facts straight. I'm surprised the guy said no--not because he should be "ooh, lesbianing hell yeah", but I'd think if it was just a matter of female attention, I would think he'd want her to be happy, get that fix, and stick around. I've told my wife, if there's anything she feels she's not getting in our relationship, to talk to me about it openly and honestly and we can figure it out. Just shooting up the "No" lacks empathy. At the least they should go to counseling of some kind if this is a real issue.

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Or maybe he doesn't want his wife cheating on him with another woman? I dunno, seems logical.

Adammon said:

Or maybe he doesn't want his wife cheating on him with another woman? I dunno, seems logical.

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But I'd think he should try to get at why she feels this way.

Quotemander Prime said:

But I'd think he should try to get at why she feels this way.

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True enough. But that's a tough one - female attention of the labia-licking variety isn't exactly something he can provide. And if he's not open to 'outside relationships', it's kind of like the debt-ceiling debate. Republicans can fuck you up the ass and the Democrats are a bunch of pussies but no one's going anywhere until Shego gets screwed.

Shegokigo said:

I have always wanted to sleep with a cop..... *waiting for it*

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Me too, but she says I'm like her little brother. SIGH.

Shegokigo said:

Dear Penthouse....

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Go on...

I think it's settled then.

If you don't do her, we will.

Ravenpoe said:

I think it's settled then.

If you don't do her, we will.

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Damn straight. I haven't had sex in... *count* Oh god that's a depressing number of months.

Mathias said:

It's boner time!

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That's certainly one way to put it.

Null said:

Well, whatever you wind up doing, Sheki, hope it goes well for you.

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Danke Null, always appreciate your optimism. Even if you are a bit of a lying bastard sometimes.

Chad Sexington said:

Then doooo eeeet... For all of us undersexed individuals out here.

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I feel like riding out with my face half painted blue and just take her right now!

Quotemander Prime said:

I say make sure she's aware that you're not looking to get involved with her. And make sure she gets it, because I've heard of people who are told "this isn't permanent, just for fun, no strings, don't want a relationship with you, etc." but don't actually hear it. That should be made as crystal clear as possible to her.

After that, it's her life to fuck up; as long as she has the facts straight. I'm surprised the guy said no--not because he should be "ooh, lesbianing hell yeah", but I'd think if it was just a matter of female attention, I would think he'd want her to be happy, get that fix, and stick around. I've told my wife, if there's anything she feels she's not getting in our relationship, to talk to me about it openly and honestly and we can figure it out. Just shooting up the "No" lacks empathy. At the least they should go to counseling of some kind if this is a real issue.

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Yeah I'm going to make sure I drive that detail home as much as I can, I still get a slight vibe of her wanting more though. We'll see. As for him? He's a decent enough guy actually. His reason for "no" is mostly worry that she'll leave, though I'm almost positive she wouldn't, he's a bit insecure.

There's way too much talk and not enough pictures here.

where the hell is Sera?

Dave said:

Are you kidding me? Lesbians have it easier than anyone except maybe bisexual chicks. .

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uh, no...unless you're talking porn lesbians.

@Shego
I'm not going to consider her feelings at all, because she's made her decision and it's not your job to be her moral center.
so you've already made your choice to do it then? Is this that girl? the one you used to talk about?

Just make sure you sweep the room for cameras that you didn't put there, and make sure you have a failsafe burn plan to cut all contact in the extremely rare ( HA!) case she goes psycho on you.

Mathias said:

There's way too much talk and not enough pictures here.

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Fair enough.



Only picture I have of her that isn't too revealing of her identity. (I love her hair so bloody much, it's easily one of my favorite features).



Pic of us the night of the "attack".

Do her.

It might be my recently broke up status talking, but (completely selfishly) unless you want to risk getting caught in her bad shit along with the good, you should stay far away.

It sounds like you're doing good without it, honestly.

It's a choice, then. Short- or long-term? It's something that can't be undone. It's something that'll be hard to hide. I don't see this ending up being a good thing. At some point, word'll get to the hubby and then the entire relationship is going to hinge on whether his heart gets broken by it. Worse yet, there's the chance that she'll use it as leverage (against him) in the future.

That said, I also think it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. That's very tempting. I don't know if the reality could live up to the hype, the way you've been painting it. Assuming it even comes close, it should be very rewarding for both of you. But I don't see it becoming any sort of Same Time Next Year kind of thing.

Kati's advice is to do it unless she's a serial monogamist. Those people are always looking for the next new person to take them away from the last one, and you may not want her glomming onto you and bringing all her drama (unless of course you like the drama). Be sure you want the drama before you go inviting it to spend the evening.

--Patrick
On unrelated note: 'grats (and more than a little jealousy) on improving your job situation.

I wanna watch.

And I don't mean the kind you wear on your wrist.

I dunno about this.

If she just wanted to get her lez on she'd get all up in that at her first opportunity. The whole "weekend at the beach" thing seems like she's setting it up to be a lot more than that.

Best case scenario is that she's thinking "if I'm going to have a taco I might as well go for an all you can eat buffet." So the emphasis isn't on the beach but the weekend trip.

It's the whole wanting to wake up next to you thing too. That means romance, and more than just telling her she's looking fly in them jeans. This leads to the worst case scenario in which you are being guilted into being "other mommy" to some kids that hey look they pooped again isn't that something?

PROCEED WITH CAUTION

Try to gauge what level of romance she's looking for. I'd inquire a bit more as to why the beach as opposed to say, a classy hotel or something. Does she want to lay in your arms in the warm sun, watching the tide go in and out (fun fact: you can't explain that) or does she want to go some place where you can see half naked chicks without having to get a bunch of ones beforehand and listen to "pour some sugar on me" more than you intended to.

All this reasonable advice is ruining the potential drama this forum has been missing for a while now... STOP IT IMMEDIATELY!

Quotemander Prime said:

I say make sure she's aware that you're not looking to get involved with her. And make sure she gets it, because I've heard of people who are told "this isn't permanent, just for fun, no strings, don't want a relationship with you, etc." but don't actually hear it. That should be made as crystal clear as possible to her.

After that, it's her life to fuck up; as long as she has the facts straight. I'm surprised the guy said no--not because he should be "ooh, lesbianing hell yeah", but I'd think if it was just a matter of female attention, I would think he'd want her to be happy, get that fix, and stick around. I've told my wife, if there's anything she feels she's not getting in our relationship, to talk to me about it openly and honestly and we can figure it out. Just shooting up the "No" lacks empathy. At the least they should go to counseling of some kind if this is a real issue.

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Heh. I told my wife the same thing. It is a two way street with us.

shego, well, as long she understands (I mean really understands) the situation that this is just a physical fling and nothing more, then have fun! I am kinda shocked that her b/f isn't as open minded.

Chibibar said:

I am kinda shocked that her b/f isn't as open minded.

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He might be the kind of guy who has himself convinced that she's too good for him and will bolt as soon as she's had a taste of someone better. True or not, it's the sort of thing that can keep a guy up at night.

--Patrick

PatrThom said:

He might be the kind of guy who has himself convinced that she's too good for him and will bolt as soon as she's had a taste of someone better. True or not, it's the sort of thing that can keep a guy up at night.

--Patrick

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Or shit, maybe some people like relationships to consist of just two people. Shocking I know.

It's tricky. It's not something that always comes up when you decide to commit to someone, but I suppose it should be: Are you someone who wants to commit to one person sexually, or do you want this relationship to stay more open? Sometimes people don't realize it's an issue at first. Hell, it's something I've discussed with the fella. I'm not "there" yet, but I was curious to know what he would think of that if one of us ever started feeling unfulfilled. Ideally, it's something you know about that person before you become "exclusive" (or some version of that), but life's not perfect.

Cajungal said:

It's tricky. It's not something that always comes up when you decide to commit to someone, but I suppose it should be: Are you someone who wants to commit to one person sexually, or do you want this relationship to stay more open? Sometimes people don't realize it's an issue at first. Hell, it's something I've discussed with the fella. I'm not "there" yet, but I was curious to know what he would think of that if one of us ever started feeling unfulfilled. Ideally, it's something you know about that person before you become "exclusive" (or some version of that), but life's not perfect.

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Makes sense. For some people, the standard is 'exclusivity' so much that they don't even recognize the existence of other types of relationships. I suppose the trick is 'never assume'.

Adammon said:

Makes sense. For some people, the standard is 'exclusivity' so much that they don't even recognize the existence of other types of relationships. I suppose the trick is 'never assume'.

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People tend to get into troublesome shit through lack of communication.

Quotemander Prime said:

People tend to get into troublesome shit through lack of communication.

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Preach on brother, preach on.

Too true, The kind of people you don't think swing? They're the majority. I'm just sayin....

The ones you think are very open? I've seen more than enough that are even more jealous and possessive from that group.

Normally the reason the girls go behind the guy's back is because he either says "No, unless I can be there/join in" or "No, am I not good enough?"

Adammon said:

Or shit, maybe some people like relationships to consist of just two people.

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Exactly. And he's worried she will prefer Shego to him.

Disclosure: I'm one of those people Adammon mentions. I prefer the Perfect Pairing. I think I've found it. This makes me (us) very happy. I know that there are many people out there who have not found their One True Love. Honestly, I don't understand why someone would not leave one relationship for another if it were an obvious upgrade. I'm just pretty sure that's not what we're talking about. "Fling, not ring," and all that.

--Patrick

"Fling, not ring".

I like that, Patr. Nice one.

But to Shego... pretty much what everybody else has said. Make sure you both know what you're expecting to get out of this tryst/relationship/whatever, otherwise one or both of you is up for a rude awakening at some point in the future.

On a personal note, I despise cheating on principle, partly because I'm a hopeless romantic and partly because at once point I was the cheated partner. But from a practical point of view, I can understand how being a bisexual can put shades of gray into the whole matter. Not saying that the guy should have known his wife would automatically wish to take a walk on the other side someday, but at least understand that such a thing might happen. You know, keep an open mind and such.

But I digress. Do what you think is right, Shegs, but try not to get mixed up in the family drama should the hubby find out about his wife ordering a fish taco.

Ordering a fish taco. You made my night right before calling it one

As for the situation, he KNEW she was a long time bisexual who had spent years living with women as well as men when he got into the serious set-up with her. If he didn't know, then I gave him more credit than I should have.

Ze image, she is broken...