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So I'm in the bathroom here at work about an hour ago. I was in a stall because it lets me read the paper without disapproving stares. So as I'm sitting there I hear the door open and a guy comes in to take a leak. He's there for a few moments, whistling merrily to himself to the sounds of splashing on porcelain when he lets out a large, rumbling fart...followed by an audible "Fuck!!" He then hurries to the stall right next to mine where his colon explodes like it had an alien baby trying to escape from it. The smell was delectable!

I left but now I'm wondering who it is walking around with crap in their pants. Sure hope they were wearing black...

Here I thought you were looking to leave work early today and wanted to inform us early that you were going to be shitting on your bosses desk.

I.... never knew there was a word for that. I never knew there was a ..condition(?) that required that word!?

That's awesome. The wife won't be pleased.

lol

I nearly peed my pants lol !

Update:

As far as I know nobody has gone home. So he either:

1. Is working through it.
2. Was a student, not an employee.
3. Took his underwear off and is going commando.

I have heard nor smelled anything out of the ordinary.

Dave is going Batman all over this case!

Daveman and the mystery Sharter!

Dave: "I am the Bat"

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---------- Post added at 12:12 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:07 PM ----------

alternatively...

:laugh: Gross.

what, the fact that Dave encountered a sharter or the fact that he investigated it?

I was playing soccer once and had to take a shit really bad. I ran behind some bushes and had an epic dump. Used my underwear to wipe my ass, left them there, and went back to playing commando. Dat's how the Chaz-meister rolls.

Chazwozel said:

I was playing soccer once and had to take a shit really bad. I ran behind some bushes and had an epic dump. Used my underwear to wipe my ass, left them there, and went back to playing commando. Dat's how the Chaz-meister rolls.

Click to expand...

:shocked:

:lol:

Dave;362698][QUOTE=Chazwozel said:

I was playing soccer once and had to take a shit really bad. I ran behind some bushes and had an epic dump. Used my underwear to wipe my ass, left them there, and went back to playing commando. Dat's how the Chaz-meister rolls.

Click to expand...

:shocked:[/QUOTE]

:batman:

How do you know the fart wasn't just the warning shot that let him know he had to go real bad? He could have gotten out of that clean.

At first, Dave, I thought you were going to say you're the one who sharted. After you pissed on your cat and now sharting, I'd think you had a serious problem.

If he was a sitter he wouldn't have to worry about these kinds of accidents.

The Lovely Boner said:

How do you know the fart wasn't just the warning shot that let him know he had to go real bad? He could have gotten out of that clean.

Click to expand...

Shhhh, it's better the other way.

And Crone, the sharting was gross. The investigation... well that just shows he cares.

Shakey said:

If he was a sitter he wouldn't have to worry about these kinds of accidents.

Click to expand...

Indeed. Although I've gotten into sitting simply because it's another chance to get off my feet for a couple minutes. I'm a lazy pisser.

. . . which brings up a question for espy. Way back when we had the epic Stand or Sit thread, espy was shocked by the idea of sitting just to pee, but made a post implying that he tried it and loved it. I admit I've been curious ever since to know if he really did try it, and if he did indeed love it. Espy?

Wildsoul said:

At first, Dave, I thought you were going to say you're the one who sharted. After you pissed on your cat and now sharting, I'd think you had a serious problem.

Click to expand...

Come to think of it, Dave is showing quite the interest in bodily fluids/functions lately isn't he?

Shegokigo;362804][QUOTE=Wildsoul said:

At first, Dave, I thought you were going to say you're the one who sharted. After you pissed on your cat and now sharting, I'd think you had a serious problem.

Click to expand...

Come to think of it, Dave is showing quite the interest in bodily fluids/functions lately isn't he?[/QUOTE]

If you were more intimate with the male psyche, you'd have known that every male has a certain fascination with personal body fliuds.

Crone said:

I.... never knew there was a word for that. I never knew there was a ..condition(?) that required that word!?

Click to expand...

Ironically(?), Crohn's disease would fit the bill.

The Lovely Boner said:

How do you know the fart wasn't just the warning shot that let him know he had to go real bad? He could have gotten out of that clean.

Click to expand...

But what about that one topic about the guy who had a date and had to do both things at once and someone couldn't and destroyed the girl's bathroom because he didn't have something called pee bottles? What if it was that guy? He wouldn't have gotten out clean. No one would.

drifter;362862][QUOTE=Crone said:

I.... never knew there was a word for that. I never knew there was a ..condition(?) that required that word!?

Click to expand...

Ironically(?), Crohn's disease would fit the bill.[/QUOTE]

Thread Necromancer said:

.

---------- Post added at 12:12 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:07 PM ----------

alternatively...

Click to expand...

Love the second one.

Philosopher B. said:

Love the second one.

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I fought hard about changing my signature to "Holy misfired colon Daveman!"

I think I remember Mangler talking about this sort of thing, too.

The dude must have IBS or lactose intolerance.

And, yes, sitting is the way to prevent any such catastrophic colonic calamities.

Dave makes my favorite posts.

aw crap.

doomdragon6 said:

Dave makes my favorite posts.

Click to expand...

.

I've sharted in the middle of the night when I have diarrea. Fun times.

Dave said:

I was in a stall because it lets me read the paper without disapproving stares.

Click to expand...

Wait wait are you implying you've stood at a urinal and read a paper?

drawn_inward said:

The dude must have IBS or lactose intolerance.

And, yes, sitting is the way to prevent any such catastrophic colonic calamities.

Click to expand...

no. it isn't. not always. in fact, it can give you a false sense of security.

---------- Post added at 03:55 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:54 AM ----------

Ezeran;363721][QUOTE=Dave said:

I was in a stall because it lets me read the paper without disapproving stares.

Click to expand...

Wait wait are you implying you've stood at a urinal and read a paper?[/QUOTE]

I've actually been places where they had newspaper tacked to a corkboard, hanging just above urinals, so yes.

Incidentally, newspapers and TV's above urinals makes people follow urinal etiquette because they won't be tempted to look sideways. That's one of the most important rules.

Chazwozel said:

I was playing soccer once and had to take a shit really bad. I ran behind some bushes and had an epic dump. Used my underwear to wipe my ass, left them there, and went back to playing commando. Dat's how the Chaz-meister rolls.

Click to expand...

So...that was an alpha shart then?

Fun Size;364129][QUOTE=Chazwozel said:

I was playing soccer once and had to take a shit really bad. I ran behind some bushes and had an epic dump. Used my underwear to wipe my ass, left them there, and went back to playing commando. Dat's how the Chaz-meister rolls.

Click to expand...

So...that was an alpha shart then?[/QUOTE]

Chaz makes twosies like an real man. You weenies and your porcelain lady-seats...