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So here's the deal

#1

phil

phil

You can relocate to anywhere on earth and any kind of house and you just own it outright. You'll get a cool million a year, no taxes or anything. You can take 10 people with you and immediate family doesn't count to the 10. The people can be anyone but their relationship with you is the same as it is now. So like if you wanted to bring Bill Burr because he's funny and seems like a guy you'd hang out with you can roll the dice and hope he doesn't see this as kidnapping.

BUT

you live in that phone commercial where everyone is Jason Statham and they occasionally do weird shit like sword fight with umbrellas or surf bulls and stuff. No, the weeabo song is not playing all the time.

You and the people you bring with you do not look like JasonStatham.

Negotiations :

If the money isn't enough I could up it to a max of 10 million per year but if you know in your heart you'd do this for less please be honest. I'd also allow for psychic communication with the animal type of your choice but the animals also sound like Jason Statham.



Deal?

also feel free to elaborate on your answer. Where do you end up living? what price did you settle on? did you take the animal telepathy option?


#2

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

So Tuesday?


#3

phil

phil

HCGLNS said:
So Tuesday?
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I could pencil you in. please have your companions listed and final salary price on my desk by then.


#4

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Hopefully Bill Murry is one of your ten, so he could chauffeur you around.


#5

WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

I'm disappointed that the music wouldn't be playing.


#6

strawman

strawman

I don't see the downside, but I haven't seen the commercial so maybe I need to check that out.


#7

phil

phil

WasabiPoptart said:
I'm disappointed that the music wouldn't be playing.
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You could always hire someone to follow you around and play it.[DOUBLEPOST=1461627552,1461627508][/DOUBLEPOST]
stienman said:
I don't see the downside, but I haven't seen the commercial so maybe I need to check that out.
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#8

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

I never noticed that he was Jason. But I never have seen this long version.


#9

GasBandit

GasBandit

Hello Halforums House: Live Action version.


#10

strawman

strawman

Yeah, I'm on board. Particularly if I'm allowed to play the music if I want as well.


#11

bhamv3

bhamv3

I would relocate to the most remote location I can find. My house would be simple but functional, though with a good automated security system. I could probably live happily with just a decent PC and a fast Internet connection. I would bring no one, not even my wife. She probably wouldn't be happy living in a world of Jason Stathams. Plus she isn't nearly as antisocial as I am. Though she can visit as much as she likes, if she wants.

I would have my food and other essential supplies delivered to my by drone. If necessary, I would hire a Jason Statham or two to serve as bodyguards or household servants. I would have trouble telling them apart. They would find this to be mildly racist, though since I would pay them well, they would be willing to overlook such minor foibles from their employer.

I would live out the rest of my days in idle hermithood, enjoying my porn, games, and porn games. Life would be good.


#12

WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

Aussie says the music has to be played by a mariachi band. I'm not so sure, but for a million I think I'd let it slide.


#13

GasBandit

GasBandit

WasabiPoptart said:
Aussie says the music has to be played by a mariachi band. I'm not so sure, but for a million I think I'd let it slide.
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For a million a year, tax free, over and above the value of the house itself, I'd let a whole goddamned lot slide.


#14

Squidleybits

Squidleybits

Are there hot tubs, pain meds and cats?


#15

GasBandit

GasBandit

The real question is, you say "it can be any kind of house..." Does it have to be a house in a traditional "walls and roof and foundation on the ground" kind of house, or can I, say, live in a massive airship? Or a giant, 300 foot tall, 1000-foot wide, armored all-crushing megacomplex on indestructable treads and bristling howitzers? Can I hollow out the moon and call that my house?


#16

phil

phil

GasBandit said:
The real question is, you say "it can be any kind of house..." Does it have to be a house in a traditional "walls and roof and foundation on the ground" kind of house, or can I, say, live in a massive airship? Or a giant, 300 foot tall, 1000-foot wide, armored all-crushing megacomplex on indestructable treads and bristling howitzers? Can I hollow out the moon and call that my house?
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I'm gonna say any kind of thing that is real. Castle? Check. Penthouse in Manhattan? Check. Underground missile silo? Check.

Actual winterfell? Not so much.


#17

phil

phil

bhamv3 said:
I would live out the rest of my days in idle hermithood, enjoying my porn, games, and porn games. Life would be good.
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Everyone in your porn looks like Jason Statham. It's still Sasha grey or whomever but her face at least is Jason Statham.


#18

bhamv3

bhamv3

phil said:
Everyone in your porn looks like Jason Statham. It's still Sasha grey or whomever but her face at least is Jason Statham.
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Hmm...

Eh, it's ok. I can work with this.


#19

Gruebeard

Gruebeard

I can't work with it; I wanted to pick a tropical beach, but if all the sunbathers are Jason Statham, then that would be pointless.


So I'll have to pick a tropical island where I have contact with no one except the occasional supply boat to deliver food and books. Because if I can't ogle women in bikinis, I'd rather just be left alone.


#20

phil

phil

I appreciate everyone's honesty.

THE OLD DEAL IS DEAD LONG LIVE THE NEW DEAL

So every time you yawn, a song that has wake up in the beginning plays as if there was a speaker in your chest. The "chest speaker" can be muffled if you try. Songs could include Chop Suey, wake me up before you go-go, tick tock by Ke $ha etc. You get the idea. I'll allow you to mix it up as you please.

The song plays at a volume in accordance with how big of a yawn it was. If you yawn twice in succession the song plays twice, overlapping each other.

THE PAYOUT

You never have to pay for gas again. If you have or get an electric car at some point you won't pay for the power that is used for it. This is for your car, or a car you will be riding in. If you started a trucking company you won't just get free gas for the trucks that are technically yours or other situations like that.

Just sign on the dotted line!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


#21

Dei

Dei

Way too much annoyance for not enough gain.


#22

GasBandit

GasBandit

phil said:
I appreciate everyone's honesty.

THE OLD DEAL IS DEAD LONG LIVE THE NEW DEAL

So every time you yawn, a song that has wake up in the beginning plays as if there was a speaker in your chest. The "chest speaker" can be muffled if you try. Songs could include Chop Suey, wake me up before you go-go, tick tock by Ke $ha etc. You get the idea. I'll allow you to mix it up as you please.

The song plays at a volume in accordance with how big of a yawn it was. If you yawn twice in succession the song plays twice, overlapping each other.

THE PAYOUT

You never have to pay for gas again. If you have or get an electric car at some point you won't pay for the power that is used for it. This is for your car, or a car you will be riding in. If you started a trucking company you won't just get free gas for the trucks that are technically yours or other situations like that.

Just sign on the dotted line!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Click to expand...


#23

bhamv3

bhamv3

Dei said:
Way too much annoyance for not enough gain.
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Concurred, especially since I live in a city with an awesome public transportation system.

Back to my Stathamporn.


#24

WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

No deal. 4 people in this house yawning at once will produce way too many songs being played at the same time.


#25

phil

phil

WasabiPoptart said:
No deal. 4 people in this house yawning at once will produce way too many songs being played at the same time.
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It wouldn't be everyone, just you.


#26

WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

phil said:
It wouldn't be everyone, just you.
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Oh hell no. My kids would try to find ways to make me sleepy all the time.


#27

blotsfan

blotsfan

phil said:
I appreciate everyone's honesty.

THE OLD DEAL IS DEAD LONG LIVE THE NEW DEAL

So every time you yawn, a song that has wake up in the beginning plays as if there was a speaker in your chest. The "chest speaker" can be muffled if you try. Songs could include Chop Suey, wake me up before you go-go, tick tock by Ke $ha etc. You get the idea. I'll allow you to mix it up as you please.

The song plays at a volume in accordance with how big of a yawn it was. If you yawn twice in succession the song plays twice, overlapping each other.

THE PAYOUT

You never have to pay for gas again. If you have or get an electric car at some point you won't pay for the power that is used for it. This is for your car, or a car you will be riding in. If you started a trucking company you won't just get free gas for the trucks that are technically yours or other situations like that.

Just sign on the dotted line!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
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Deal!

For my song I choose 4'33



#28

Bubble181

Bubble181

blotsfan said:
Deal!

For my song I choose 4'33

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Doesn't have "wake up" in the beginning of the song ;-)


#29

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

Nuts to the new deal.

Old deal would be a nice cabin in the woods. With canoes and moose and tasty fishes and whisky and potatoes and snow and wool sweaters and Christmas presents and puppy dogs and....


#30

blotsfan

blotsfan

Bubble181 said:
Doesn't have "wake up" in the beginning of the song ;-)
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Damn missed that.


#31

CynicismKills

CynicismKills

Yeah that's an awful deal, gas isn't even that expensive right now.


#32

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

What if it was the time of Mad Max?


#33

phil

phil

CynicismKills said:
Yeah that's an awful deal, gas isn't even that expensive right now.
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Right now

I've had people go for this before they found out about the gas part. Really everyone going against it just reassures me of my own sanity for thinking it was crappy.

What if though, I throw in free car trade ins for life? Bring your car in, pick any other one and its yours. You can even come back the next day and do it again. You can't sell it though.


#34

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

Does Manuella come with the car?


#35

phil

phil

HCGLNS said:
Does Manuella come with the car?
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Manuella, automatic, whatever you want!

Also


#36

PatrThom

PatrThom

NIW
RAC SIHT

--Patrick


#37

bhamv3

bhamv3

I had a classmate back in university who worked as a show girl at car shows. According to her, the money sucked, having everyone leering at you sucked, the guys trying to take upskirt pictures sucked, the guys outright propositioning her like she's a hooker sucked, and hours sucked, basically everything sucked.

I asked her why she did it then. She said her boyfriend liked the glamor of having a show girl as a girlfriend.

Yeah, it was kind of messed up.


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