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Some people on the board may remember me mentioning this five or six months ago, but for the (vast majority) who don't, here's the rundown.

A friend, Scott, I've known for around ten years started dating a girl a year and a half ago. I met her, but she was always quiet; I made many attempts to make her feel included, but it was almost invariably just Scott and I (and several of our mutual friends). He didn't keep many friends throughout high school, so me and my close group of friends were pretty much the only 'real' friends he had (more on that in a second).

About ten or twelve months ago, we pretty much stop hanging out. I'll call to leave a message, he never calls back. On the off-chance I get a hold of him, he's watching a movie with the girlfriend and says I need to let him know in advance if we're going to do something. I've seen him maybe twice in the past year or so, and any time I've talked to him has been me trying to get a hold of him.

Finally, a couple weeks ago, I message him and say, "You said I was your best friend, but you've been actively avoiding me for the past year. What's up?" He goes on a long spiel saying that he's moving on and growing up, and that he's not interested in hanging out with friends (not me and our group of mutual friends; the social rejects he still hangs out with from a previous mutual job) because they don't relate to him anymore. Or, as he put it, "I'm not interested in coming over to somebody's house, having them show me their new toy, and pretending to be interested. My girlfriend and I are looking at buying a house, getting an education... I'm moving on in life, and none of my friends are."

I tell him that he hasn't even bothered to ask me, and he asks how I could relate. I tell him that I'm going for a PhD next year, and that I'm looking into buying a house as well, rather than renting the entire five-plus years. He falls silent, then starts gushing that I'm an awesome friend who will call him out on stuff like this, and that we'll have to hang out. Sometime.

I tell him I've never had a problem with that, and ask him when 'sometime' is. He tells me I'll have to set something up in advance. I tell him that I've tried for the past year, and he always refuses--when is this 'sometime'. He falls silent, then hangs up.

It just pisses me off because we used to be really close. For a couple years, I was his only friend--we clicked, we made each other laugh hard enough to where our stomachs hurt, and we worked together for about five years. I'm probably the only person who's seen him cry, the only person (outside of family and girlfriends) he's willingly hugged, and...he's one of my closest friends.

I don't want to watch him just fade into memory like so many others have, but it doesn't look like I have a choice.

TL; DR: A friend of ten years has cut me off for virtually no reason, and won't bother to explain why. I'm, understandably, upset by this.

Ah womyn... AMIRITE!

As much as I hate to say, I have been on both sides of this situation before. The best thing I can say isn't advice so much as philosophy. People do change. They do grow apart.

Everyone walks a different path in life. Sometime two people will walk side by side on a path. Sometimes those paths will diverge. Cherish what you had and take joy in knowing for a time you made each other's lives richer and cherish the times to come when others will cross your path and mutual enrichment begins anew.

I'd give the same advice. Just let him go. Maybe y'all will hook up again when he breaks up with the reason he's drifting away. But if that's the end of the relationship, you just have to move on and find a new guy.

(Man, I could've made the exact same post in Timmus' thread)

You rank your friends?

Reboneer said:

You rank your friends?

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If you say you don't, I won't believe you.

Oh, I thought he meant this was the second time he's lost a best friend.

Good thing that's not the case. Cause losing one best friend you can pass off as misfortune. Losing two of them makes you look careless.

Silver Jelly;296382][quote=Reboneer said:

You rank your friends?

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If you say you don't, I won't believe you.[/QUOTE]

Best, maybe, but second and further?

Reboneer;296391][quote=Silver Jelly;296382][quote=Reboneer said:

You rank your friends?

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If you say you don't, I won't believe you.[/QUOTE]

Best, maybe, but second and further?[/QUOTE]

Well, I don't think anybody has a "list" per se, but I think one can have one (or more) best friends, some other people that are really good friends but maybe not like the "best friends" I said (and those are second best friends, we could say) and then more general categories for people.

Bros before Hos.

If a guy gets a taste of consistent pussy and turns his back to his friend, he's no longer truly a man... nor a friend. He has balls to judge you though. REAL SMALL BALLS. I would have punched him in the teeth and I would told the girl a piece of my mind.

I've been in your position before. I lost a few friends this way over the years so I can relate. People change. People become little bitches.

A couple of friends of mine tried to talk my wife out of dating me (before we were married, of course). They thought she was trying to trap me.

Friends do weird things when confronted with the prospect of moving on. What you have to do is take a look at this guy and say to yourself, "If I met him right now would I hang out with him?" If the answer is no then you are not losing anything other than the mourning of a guy you used to like.

I have lost several friends through the years (friends moving,just cut off, etc) and I can say it is never fun. Sadly there isn't much that can be done since it is there decision. But you never know you may get a phone call one day and it could be your friend calling up wanting to talk to you. Granted sometimes there is too much of a wall between you to ever be as close as you used to be but their are other times when you can simply fall back into old times like nothing ever happened.

Call him up, tell him to drop Yoko and you guys will get the band back together.

I don't know what to say. I have a best friend who is "kinda" like that. We drop off and on but always seem to be able to pick things up where we left off.

Of course he always "drop off" when there is a girl involve. I guess maybe he might be ashamed of his "friends" I don't know, but at least this time around his g/f happen to be a co-worker of mine working in the same building (I introduce them) but still can't get him to hang out with us (our group of friends)

Dave said:

What you have to do is take a look at this guy and say to yourself, "If I met him right now would I hang out with him?" If the answer is no then you are not losing anything other than the mourning of a guy you used to like.

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This. Recently I had my 20 year high school reunion (yes I'm an old bag). Many of my former classmates were contacting each other via Facebook. I was really happy to find a few of them again. Then, I started to realize how very different we have all become. People I used to be close to are now people I wouldn't care about hanging out with. I have one person that the opposite happened - we really weren't friends in school, but now we have a lot in common and we wish we lived closer so we could hang out.

I will also say that it is possible that his girlfriend doesn't like you for some reason and has convinced him that his old friends are going to hold him back. Maybe she's controlling. Maybe he's afraid to do something she won't like. I can't say that for sure since I don't know her or anything about their relationship, but it does happen.

General Specific said:

Call him up, tell him to drop Yoko and you guys will get the band back together.

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And tell him to do it fast, before someone shoots him...

Of course he always "drop off" when there is a girl involve. I guess maybe he might be ashamed of his "friends" I don't know, but at least this time around his g/f happen to be a co-worker of mine working in the same building (I introduce them) but still can't get him to hang out with us (our group of friends)

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I have a friend who's gf hangs out with us, but if we're doing something she doesn't like most of the time he won't be there either, even when he could have without loosing any "them" time... so annoying. Even more annoying is how defensive he gets when i make fun of him for it...

My best friend (and best man at my wedding) ended up knocking up a girl he met at the bar (She was up on the bar doing a shot out of some other girl's cleavage) and essentially dropped off the face of the planet. I don't really have a problem with not seeing him, being a new dad and all. I've emailed him a couple times to say hey but at this point I don't bother to make an effort because I know he won't return it.

And that's fine, I did somewhat the same thing when my girlfriend moved in with me 8 years ago. No babies but just a different perspective on life - and no desire to get rip-roaring drunk at the bar every weekend.

Almost my entire friend base flipped completely about five or six years ago. I still talk to people from before, but I only stay in consistent contact with one guy from my wedding party, for God's sake. It happens, but that doesn't mean it's easy to deal with. For example, my best man and I used to hang out ALL THE TIME. Hockey games, poker nights, bar trips, you name it. Suddenly one day I realized I hadn't talked to him in forever. I called him, we got together at a bar, and it became clear VERY QUICKLY that we had moved in two different directions. He's not a bad guy, he just has different priorities and viewpoints on life than I do, and I don't see us ever being as close as we once were. It's cool.

My good friend from high school has completely shut off contact though, and the last reason I had was because I texted him about the birth of my daughter instead of calling him, despite the fact that only my wife and I's immediate families got phone calls. I couldn't even get that pissed because of how incredibly lame that is.

Throughout grade school and even high school, I have consistently lost best friends due to moving, academic circumstances, etc. It is nothing new, you just keep on going. Life is transient.

Gruebeard said:

I'd give the same advice. Just let him go. Maybe y'all will hook up again when he breaks up with the reason he's drifting away. But if that's the end of the relationship, you just have to move on and find a new guy.

(Man, I could've made the exact same post in Timmus' thread)

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I see what you did there.

Take solace in the fact that someday he'll lost his girlfriend, look around, and realize that without her he has nothing left.

Heavan said:

Take solace in the fact that someday he'll lost his girlfriend, look around, and realize that without her he has nothing left.

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Or, what is just as likely is that they end up married, with kids and he looks back and shakes his head at what his life was like before he met her.

People are allowed to grow and change. We can't bottle them up in a pristine condition no matter how hard we try.

Take solace in the fact that someday he'll lost his girlfriend, look around, and realize that without her he has nothing left.

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Yes, and as he realizes what a mess his life has become, he'll come crawling to the one light he had: you. And like the ending of a movie, he'll expect you to forgive him, take him back in, and your little feud will just be something that the two of you laugh off in the far future as you're drinking beers together on the front porch. But no. The world doesn't like happy endings. You'll spit at his feet and tell him that you have no room in your heart for blood traitors. That you will show no mercy to those who have broken the sacred law to which all men are bound. You will show him the path he must walk, much like God showed Cain, and he will shamefully wander off to wherever the world takes him. You will never meet him alive again.

And then one day, you will see a priest standing in a graveyard, crossing himself. Intrigued, you will ask him what he is doing. "I am presiding over a funeral", he says. "What, a funeral? But there is no ceremony!" "Yes, my son", he will say, "this is the funeral of a man who was forsaken out by others and died a pauper, alone and unloved." And you will cry, "Surely someone must love this man. How can there be a human who has been cast out by even his own brothers?" And you will look, and you will see in the name on the tombstone what evil you had wrought on his life.

Deschain said:

Take solace in the fact that someday he'll lost his girlfriend, look around, and realize that without her he has nothing left.

Click to expand...

Yes, and as he realizes what a mess his life has become, he'll come crawling to the one light he had: you. And like the ending of a movie, he'll expect you to forgive him, take him back in, and your little feud will just be something that the two of you laugh off in the far future as you're drinking beers together on the front porch. But no. The world doesn't like happy endings. You'll spit at his feet and tell him that you have no room in your heart for blood traitors. That you will show no mercy to those who have broken the sacred law to which all men are bound. You will show him the path he must walk, much like God showed Cain, and he will shamefully wander off to wherever the world takes him. You will never meet him alive again.

And then one day, you will see a priest standing in a graveyard, crossing himself. Intrigued, you will ask him what he is doing. "I am presiding over a funeral", he says. "What, a funeral? But there is no ceremony!" "Yes, my son", he will say, "this is the funeral of a man who was forsaken out by others and died a pauper, alone and unloved." And you will cry, "Surely someone must love this man. How can there be a human who has been cast out by even his own brothers?" And you will look, and you will see in the name on the tombstone what evil you had wrought on his life.

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I like you and your quotes.

Deschain said:

Take solace in the fact that someday he'll lost his girlfriend, look around, and realize that without her he has nothing left.

Click to expand...

Yes, and as he realizes what a mess his life has become, he'll come crawling to the one light he had: you. And like the ending of a movie, he'll expect you to forgive him, take him back in, and your little feud will just be something that the two of you laugh off in the far future as you're drinking beers together on the front porch. But no. The world doesn't like happy endings. You'll spit at his feet and tell him that you have no room in your heart for blood traitors. That you will show no mercy to those who have broken the sacred law to which all men are bound. You will show him the path he must walk, much like God showed Cain, and he will shamefully wander off to wherever the world takes him. You will never meet him alive again.

And then one day, you will see a priest standing in a graveyard, crossing himself. Intrigued, you will ask him what he is doing. "I am presiding over a funeral", he says. "What, a funeral? But there is no ceremony!" "Yes, my son", he will say, "this is the funeral of a man who was forsaken out by others and died a pauper, alone and unloved." And you will cry, "Surely someone must love this man. How can there be a human who has been cast out by even his own brothers?" And you will look, and you will see in the name on the tombstone what evil you had wrought on his life.

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Epilogue: And then you'll do a little dance on his grave, to make sure your revenge is complete.

I appreciate the advice from everyone, and I understand people will grow, change, and drift apart--I've lost several friends, including many I made while studying abroad, because we didn't have a lot in common anymore.

I guess I'm just frustrated because it just seems like, out of nowhere, he actively decided I wasn't a part of his life anymore and took every effort to cut me out of it. And I'd just sort of like to know why.

Also, as for 'second best friend', I mean that he, my bud Donny (who I've known since we were both less than a year old), and I were all really tight-knit.

Enresshou said:

And I'd just sort of like to know why.

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Always blame the g/f... makes it easier to reconnect after, even if he was a huge ass doing that.

If someone's letting go of you, and you've tried to reach out, there's little you can do to stop it. Like someone else said, if he gets dumped, he'll have to look around and realize that he lost all his "not grown-up enough" friends. It honestly sounds like he is just looking for an excuse. Or maybe she's really controlling.

Adammon;296844][quote=Heavan said:

Take solace in the fact that someday he'll lost his girlfriend, look around, and realize that without her he has nothing left.

Click to expand...

Or, what is just as likely is that they end up married, with kids and he looks back and shakes his head at what his life was like before he met her.

People are allowed to grow and change. We can't bottle them up in a pristine condition no matter how hard we try.[/QUOTE]

"Woo, I got a girlfriend! Time to ditch all my friends and make her my sole social contact, including her in every aspect of my life!"

That isn't growing.

I must admit, I've dropped a few friends and acquaintances off the radar. It usually happens if the person and I cease to have something meaningful to share. I admit being a douchebag and doing this to a former long-distance girlfriend after all our contacts - limited as they were since she worked and I studied full-time and we lived on different sides of the globe - turned into her telling me I don't contact her often enough. And after a certain time... well, I feel too much shame to contact her again and going through the same motions again.

Most of my friendships are quite transitory, I admit. I'm something of a hermit... and the people with whom I stick around the longest are the ones who understand that.

oh god damn it, this thread hits a little too close for me to like it.

My best friend (i've known him for 25 years, he's more than a brother) is currently dating an evil hag and we can see him drifting away more and more..

She just forbade him to play d&d with us (session is once a month) and he agreed. He has no balls left.

I don't recognize the dude anymore and if his relationship goes on, i'm pretty sure she won't let him see us anymore. As he has no spine anymore, i guess he'll agree too.

if that happens, i'll be pissed off out of my mind but the only thing i can do is be there for him if he ever comes back to his senses. If not, well it means, i'll have one less friend.

people change. Some girls are evil and life goes on

A similar thing happened between two of my friends.

One day one of them decided that he had outgrown his friendship and blatantly told him so to his face. They fell out for some time but five or so years later they are still best friends.

It was pretty weird and that could have easily been the end of the friendship but they were still working at the same business and they kept in contact despite it all. I think the fact that they retained contact allowed things to blow over.

Not that the same thing applies in all circumstances, but you never know...