Some people on the board may remember me mentioning this five or six months ago, but for the (vast majority) who don't, here's the rundown.
A friend, Scott, I've known for around ten years started dating a girl a year and a half ago. I met her, but she was always quiet; I made many attempts to make her feel included, but it was almost invariably just Scott and I (and several of our mutual friends). He didn't keep many friends throughout high school, so me and my close group of friends were pretty much the only 'real' friends he had (more on that in a second).
About ten or twelve months ago, we pretty much stop hanging out. I'll call to leave a message, he never calls back. On the off-chance I get a hold of him, he's watching a movie with the girlfriend and says I need to let him know in advance if we're going to do something. I've seen him maybe twice in the past year or so, and any time I've talked to him has been me trying to get a hold of him.
Finally, a couple weeks ago, I message him and say, "You said I was your best friend, but you've been actively avoiding me for the past year. What's up?" He goes on a long spiel saying that he's moving on and growing up, and that he's not interested in hanging out with friends (not me and our group of mutual friends; the social rejects he still hangs out with from a previous mutual job) because they don't relate to him anymore. Or, as he put it, "I'm not interested in coming over to somebody's house, having them show me their new toy, and pretending to be interested. My girlfriend and I are looking at buying a house, getting an education... I'm moving on in life, and none of my friends are."
I tell him that he hasn't even bothered to ask me, and he asks how I could relate. I tell him that I'm going for a PhD next year, and that I'm looking into buying a house as well, rather than renting the entire five-plus years. He falls silent, then starts gushing that I'm an awesome friend who will call him out on stuff like this, and that we'll have to hang out. Sometime.
I tell him I've never had a problem with that, and ask him when 'sometime' is. He tells me I'll have to set something up in advance. I tell him that I've tried for the past year, and he always refuses--when is this 'sometime'. He falls silent, then hangs up.
It just pisses me off because we used to be really close. For a couple years, I was his only friend--we clicked, we made each other laugh hard enough to where our stomachs hurt, and we worked together for about five years. I'm probably the only person who's seen him cry, the only person (outside of family and girlfriends) he's willingly hugged, and...he's one of my closest friends.
I don't want to watch him just fade into memory like so many others have, but it doesn't look like I have a choice.
TL; DR: A friend of ten years has cut me off for virtually no reason, and won't bother to explain why. I'm, understandably, upset by this.
A friend, Scott, I've known for around ten years started dating a girl a year and a half ago. I met her, but she was always quiet; I made many attempts to make her feel included, but it was almost invariably just Scott and I (and several of our mutual friends). He didn't keep many friends throughout high school, so me and my close group of friends were pretty much the only 'real' friends he had (more on that in a second).
About ten or twelve months ago, we pretty much stop hanging out. I'll call to leave a message, he never calls back. On the off-chance I get a hold of him, he's watching a movie with the girlfriend and says I need to let him know in advance if we're going to do something. I've seen him maybe twice in the past year or so, and any time I've talked to him has been me trying to get a hold of him.
Finally, a couple weeks ago, I message him and say, "You said I was your best friend, but you've been actively avoiding me for the past year. What's up?" He goes on a long spiel saying that he's moving on and growing up, and that he's not interested in hanging out with friends (not me and our group of mutual friends; the social rejects he still hangs out with from a previous mutual job) because they don't relate to him anymore. Or, as he put it, "I'm not interested in coming over to somebody's house, having them show me their new toy, and pretending to be interested. My girlfriend and I are looking at buying a house, getting an education... I'm moving on in life, and none of my friends are."
I tell him that he hasn't even bothered to ask me, and he asks how I could relate. I tell him that I'm going for a PhD next year, and that I'm looking into buying a house as well, rather than renting the entire five-plus years. He falls silent, then starts gushing that I'm an awesome friend who will call him out on stuff like this, and that we'll have to hang out. Sometime.
I tell him I've never had a problem with that, and ask him when 'sometime' is. He tells me I'll have to set something up in advance. I tell him that I've tried for the past year, and he always refuses--when is this 'sometime'. He falls silent, then hangs up.
It just pisses me off because we used to be really close. For a couple years, I was his only friend--we clicked, we made each other laugh hard enough to where our stomachs hurt, and we worked together for about five years. I'm probably the only person who's seen him cry, the only person (outside of family and girlfriends) he's willingly hugged, and...he's one of my closest friends.
I don't want to watch him just fade into memory like so many others have, but it doesn't look like I have a choice.
TL; DR: A friend of ten years has cut me off for virtually no reason, and won't bother to explain why. I'm, understandably, upset by this.
