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So yeah... I've got a problem. *RAAAANT*

#1

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

As some of you know, I had an "interesting" Halloween weekend. I barely remember the events of the two nights in question, the worst of it being that I did not sleep with my current recurring partner, and instead woke up on the bed of her friend, whom is straight and has now recently responded that we did not sleep together. Normally this would be a sigh of relief except that I know for a fact (nearly fact anyway) that I had to have done something sexual with SOMEONE that evening. Bigger problem is that noone seems to know who it was, if it was anyone. Maybe I masterbated furiously for hours on end on her bed? Fuck if I know at this point, but something happened.

I know it all stems from my lifestyle having very few responsibilities at this point (I work fine on a hangover) and since my income has grown exponetially in the past 2 years I can easily afford the habit. I've always had a drink or two, nearly nightly, even when I'm home alone (Glass of wine with dinner, vodka redbull on long gaming nights etc) but the "blackout" drinking is new (within the past 4 months) and my biggest concern is I end up catching something I don't want to catch from someone I won't remember. I mean I know I'm not exactly the monogamous type but at least I knew who they were.

What's the purpose of all that? The fact that my drinking has increased in amount steadily to this point and now I realize there's a serious issue. BlahblahblahtherapyblahblahblahAAblahblah. No. I'm smart enough to acknowledge this problem and that I need to stop or at the very least cut back, so mostly the purpose of this is to tap our general populace here and ask "Have you ever had a problem with this or something similar? How did you beat it/live with it?". I definitely don't want to quit completely but not sure I have a choice at this juncture because once I start, I don't stop when I should. *Note of revelance, it takes ALOT of drinks/mixing to get me to that point, I've been able to drink most people under the table with little work, which I guess is also why I've been upping my intake so much, as it takes more to get a real buzz going these days.


#2

fade

fade

Did you get her pregnant?


#3

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Who? What are you talking about Fade?


#4

strawman

strawman

The first step is figuring out if it's an addiction, or a habit. Try going without for a week. Make note of the times and places you feel like drinking, but don't drink. If you can do that without too much difficulty, you probably aren't strongly addicted.

If it's just a habit, you need to learn where, when, why, and how you are tempted to drink. Decide which ones are appropriate and/or acceptable, and then figure out ways to avoid the situation, place, or desire, and implement plans in advance that will make it difficult for you to drink. Take only a little cash with you, but no credit card, when going to visit a friend at a restaurant or bar. Make sure you aren't hungry or thirsty when you go shopping. Don't go to places/parties where alcohol is free. Etc, etc, etc.

If you discover that you cannot go a week without drinking, or that it's making you crazy in ways you didn't realize, I think you will need to find professional support in whatever form you're most comfortable.


#5

Espy

Espy

^^^^^^

What that guy said.


#6

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Well it's kind of like my smoking. I have 1-2 cigarettes a day when I'm solo, much like my drinks. When I go out, my night can range anywhere from 1-2 drinks to 10+(pure alcohol/mixed drinks) depending on alot of factors. Who I'm with. What my intentions are for the night. What I have to do the next day. How long I'm there. etc.

I've gone 1-2 weeks without a smoke or drink, and while I may not get "crazy' I know I get much crankier and easier to annoy/anger until I get back in the swing of it. So it's an addictive habit I guess I could call it.


#7

Tress

Tress

I had a similar problem. My idea of a party was to down a fifth of Jack by myself, mix in some other drinks and beers, and then do whatever the hell I felt like. As you can tell, this is a recipe for disaster. After one particularly humiliating night I realized that I was out of control. I should have seen it coming given the well-established history of alcoholism in my family, but it wouldn't have been a problem if I had that much self-recognition.

So here's what I did. No alcohol for a year. No beer, no liquor, no Nyquil. Nothing. Furthermore, I promised myself that I would still go to parties/bars with friends. I wasn't going to hide from alcohol, I was going to ignore it to prove who was in control. I became the guy at parties who was always the designated driver, and always had a coke instead of something stronger.

It worked pretty well. I taught myself how to control any urges with alcohol and how to have fun without it. Now I will drink on occasion, and it's never a problem. I don't feel out of control at any point in time. So my advice is this. Forget a week. Go a month or a year without alcohol, but still go places. If you can't keep a promise to yourself to not drink for a set period of time, you have a real problem. At that point it's time to see a doctor/counselor/go to AA meetings. On the other hand, if you can clean for a set period of time, you're fine. You can get control of your life.

Good luck.


#8

Null

Null

The difference is whether you like to drink, or have to drink to function normally. I know you're against getting some kind of help, but if you're blacking out and having things happen to you that you aren't aware of, that's a pretty clear sign that something needs to change.


#9

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Yeah Tress, I know abstinence also prevents 100% of sexual disease but who wants to live that way? ;) I do get what you're saying though and how that could be a viable option, but just seems like overkill.

Null, I like to drink, definitely don't need it to function normally. I'm pretty much the same with or without alcohol (personality wise), the blackouts were never so bad to the point where I lost hours upon hours of memory like this last time and definitely what caused me to reevaluate my current situation.


#10

Tress

Tress

I'm talking about doing it for a set period of time, not the rest of your life. My little experiment was years ago. Now I drink when I want without a problem. Isn't that your end goal?


#11

Null

Null

Stop justifying the situation. If you think you have a problem, do something about it besides getting defensive. I know that's advice I could definitely take as well. But honestly, if you're serious about making a change, you might not be able to do it alone, and there is help available. People who refuse help that they actually need are foolish.


#12

Adam

Adammon

While I hate to remove personal responsibility from the equation, blacking out, which is unusual for you, could be a sign of external factors like someone drugging your drink. Watch your drinks closely my dear! We want you to stay safe.


#13

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

@Tress - I just want to get back to the way it was before. 1-2 Solo, and enough socially that recall everything I had done. I know you didn't mean for life, I guess I just feel like quitting completely for any amount of time is necessary if I can already acknowledge the issue.

@Null - Defensive, wha?

@Adam - I won't say that's not a possibility, a drink usually doesn't leave my hand once it's poured but some of the places I went to that night (from what I understand) weren't all exactly on the up and up. So it's wholly possible that maybe the actual bartenders may have done something, not much I can do about that except avoid those places all together.


#14

Adam

Adammon

Shegokigo said:
@Adam - I won't say that's not a possibility, a drink usually doesn't leave my hand once it's poured but some of the places I went to that night (from what I understand) weren't all exactly on the up and up. So it's wholly possible that maybe the actual bartenders may have done something, not much I can do about that except avoid those places all together.
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Just keep your eyes open. I'd be annoyed greatly if something happened to you.


#15

phil

phil

I'll sometimes just try to stick to strict limits for myself. I'll only have 3 beers for the night so I better make them last, or I'll only spend 20 bucks including tips so once that's gone I'm done. It helps to kind of keep things even throughout so I can have my enjoyable buzz and not get plastered.


#16

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Yeah I'm sure I'll catch some flak for this, but I don't pay for my own drinks. Nearly ever, unless I'm home and purchased the bottle/mixers myself. So "cash limits" wouldn't work. However doing a mental "stop at #" might be something to try, I mean it works for me solo at home (I'll never have more than 2 drinks). The only issue is if I blew through my 2-3 drinks within the first hour of being out, it'd be strange during the "do you want me to bring you something? I'm headed back to the bar" times.


#17

Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

I don't drink, for two reasons. One is that I have a very poor tolerance for alcohol, and drinking it makes me very hot, flushed, and uncomfortable. The other is because my father was an alcoholic. That is probably the main reason.

Not to go armchair therapist, but rather than treat the symptom, maybe you need to find what is causing you to drink to excess.


#18

Gusto

Gusto

When I'm drinking beer, I keep my used bottlecaps in my left front pocket. That way I can see how many I've had if I ever forget. Of course, if I forget, the answer is usually "enough".


#19

Gryfter

Gryfter

Shegokigo said:
Yeah I'm sure I'll catch some flak for this, but I don't pay for my own drinks. Nearly ever, unless I'm home and purchased the bottle/mixers myself. So "cash limits" wouldn't work. However doing a mental "stop at #" might be something to try, I mean it works for me solo at home (I'll never have more than 2 drinks). The only issue is if I blew through my 2-3 drinks within the first hour of being out, it'd be strange during the "do you want me to bring you something? I'm headed back to the bar" times.
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Bars do serve non-alcoholic drinks.

Basically, you have already identified that you don't like the results of over-indulging. Try swapping out every other drink order with a water. Drinking more water while you are boozing can do nothing but help you in the long run and it might prevent getting more intoxicated than you'd like.


#20

phil

phil

Shegokigo said:
Yeah I'm sure I'll catch some flak for this, but I don't pay for my own drinks. Nearly ever, unless I'm home and purchased the bottle/mixers myself. So "cash limits" wouldn't work. However doing a mental "stop at #" might be something to try, I mean it works for me solo at home (I'll never have more than 2 drinks). The only issue is if I blew through my 2-3 drinks within the first hour of being out, it'd be strange during the "do you want me to bring you something? I'm headed back to the bar" times.
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You can bring me some fries with dat shake, sugar.

baddaboom! question dodged.


#21

Tress

Tress

One night I had a bottle of vodka, 2 piña coladas, and two beers. I blacked out and woke up puking my guts out in a shrub. Afterwards I blacked out again and woke up in a bed with a friend of mine the next morning. Believe it or not, that's not the incident that made me change my ways. So yeah, I know how bad it can get.


#22

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

@Ravenpoe - Oooh kiddo, that's a WHOLE nother *RAAANT* thread ;)

@Gusto - Beer? Do I look like I want/have a gut?

@Gryfter - Never even considered the water swapping between drinks, helpful tip. Thanks.

@phil - By the time I've got a girl buying me drinks, lines are pretty unnessesary, but kudos on the thought.

@Tress - I've had luck with hangovers not including massive amounts of puking. As for waking up in bed with someone? Other than the sometimes "Wait where am I?" feeling of a new partner's bedroom being unfamiliar first thing in the morning I've never had a complete "blackout" before with the exception of Halloween weekend.


#23

Espy

Espy

Tress said:
One night I had a bottle of vodka, 2 piña coladas, and two beers. I blacked out and woke up puking my guts out in a shrub. Afterwards I blacked out again and woke up in a bed with a friend of mine the next morning. Believe it or not, that's not the incident that made me change my ways. So yeah, I know how bad it can get.
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Wow. Thats... not good.


#24

Tress

Tress

The best part was the next day when another friend called up, sounding stressed. Her exact words were "Listen, that thing I told you about last night... let's keep it between us, okay? I don't want anyone else to know." Given that I have no idea what the hell we talked about, I responded with "Don't worry, I'll never tell a soul."
Added at: 11:18
Espy said:
Wow. Thats... not good.
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Yeah, I was a different person back then. Not a good person.


#25

figmentPez

figmentPez

Gryfter said:
Bars do serve non-alcoholic drinks.
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When Shego asks for a virgin, she's usually referring to something different.


#26

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

How else would I keep this perfect complexion?


#27

strawman

strawman

Shegokigo said:
How else would I keep this perfect complexion?
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The average adult has 10 pints, or two gallons of blood. The average bath is about 50 gallons.

Isn't it time consuming to drain 40 people? Have you considered Therapy er, I mean Avon?


#28

Hylian

Hylian

I don't really have any advice to offer that hasn't already been given but i would like to just say be careful and take care of yourself cause we want to see you well and happy


#29



Biannoshufu

*sigh*


#30

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Yes, I know Biann, I know. I was really waiting to hear back from her friend before I considered anything but her statement that nothing happened between us is what sparked this whole thing.

Your advice is still key in what I'm mostly sticking to.


#31

fade

fade

stienman said:
The average adult has 10 pints, or two gallons of blood. The average bath is about 50 gallons.

Isn't it time consuming to drain 40 people? Have you considered Therapy er, I mean Avon?
Click to expand...
F


#32

strawman

strawman

fade said:
Fabulous!
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Yeah, I noticed the mistake earlier, but only corrected the number of people, and not the "two gallons" part.

I'll sit in the corner of shame.



#33



Biannoshufu

Shegokigo said:
Your advice is still key in what I'm mostly sticking to.
Click to expand...


#34



Chibibar

Wow Shego. hmmm. at least you identify the issue, but only you can fix it.

As to your question about addiction, I do have two major one. Gaming and sweets. Yes, gaming can be an addiction (anything can when you go overboard) I usually play games like crazy. I mean like anytime I can get my hands on. It is pretty bad. I spend tons of money on video games (you see my Steam list hehe) but it was hard to cut back until my job forces me to cut back (i.e. take away time to PLAY games) not sure how that apply to your situation.

I love sweets. I bake a lot and eat a lot back in the days. I also burn all those calories with outdoor activities. Lately, I start slowing down and getting fat, I realize it is lack of exercise and sweets. I love it, but now I resolve to bake and give away ;) (I hardly eat sweets now) but man, there are times I just want to gorge on 24 chocolate moose cupcakes :)


#35

Jay

Jay

So, when you go to these places to drink... do you accept drinks from men? You know, those who are trying to get in your salacious pants?


#36

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

You've acknowledged that it might be a problem. Or it's something that's starting to bother you, at least, which might just mean you're getting older and maturing. That's always the first step.

Personally, I just hope you don't become as unprofessional as this drunken bastard:



#37



Chibibar

Jay said:
So, when you go to these places to drink... do you accept drinks from men? You know, those who are trying to get in your salacious pants?
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Heh. Make me think of chaser bottle ;)


#38

fade

fade

So you didn't knock her up?


#39

PatrThom

PatrThom

I have no experience with this issue.
However, I propose that limiting yourself to no more than 2 alcoholic drinks/hour* will keep you from blacking out. You can have all the drinks you want, but only 2 of them may be full-on alcoholic (bottle of beer, goblet of wine, or one mixed drink) per hour. Watch the calories, though.

--Patrick
*I believe the body can clear 1 drink per hour without problems. At double that rate (2/hr), you probably won't reach impairment until 3-4hrs in.


#40

Shannow

Shannow

Bollocks to all this. Drink more.


#41

Tress

Tress

Shannow said:
Bollocks to all this. Drink more.
Click to expand...
:drunk:


#42

Shannow

Shannow

:puke:


#43

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Chibibar said:
Wow Shego. hmmm. at least you identify the issue, but only you can fix it.

As to your question about addiction, I do have two major one. Gaming and sweets. Yes, gaming can be an addiction (anything can when you go overboard) I usually play games like crazy. I mean like anytime I can get my hands on. It is pretty bad. I spend tons of money on video games (you see my Steam list hehe) but it was hard to cut back until my job forces me to cut back (i.e. take away time to PLAY games) not sure how that apply to your situation.
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Oh I'm very familiar with addictions, I've had more than my share in my time. I've overcome nearly all of them simply by stopping and enduring or lowering "dosages".

Jay said:
So, when you go to these places to drink... do you accept drinks from men? You know, those who are trying to get in your salacious pants?
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If a drink is offered to be paid for, I always go to the bar and pick them up directly. If something were slipped, it had to have been done by one of the bartenders....

ThatNickGuy said:
You've acknowledged that it might be a problem. Or it's something that's starting to bother you, at least, which might just mean you're getting older and maturing. That's always the first step.
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Mostly I'm concerned that if the blackout was caused by excessive drinking, then I may need to change my habits as what I end up doing could be much more severe than sleeping with someone I don't remember.

PatrThom said:
I have no experience with this issue.
However, I propose that limiting yourself to no more than 2 alcoholic drinks/hour* will keep you from blacking out. You can have all the drinks you want, but only 2 of them may be full-on alcoholic (bottle of beer, goblet of wine, or one mixed drink) per hour. Watch the calories, though.

--Patrick
*I believe the body can clear 1 drink per hour without problems. At double that rate (2/hr), you probably won't reach impairment until 3-4hrs in.
Click to expand...
So far I'm enjoying the 1 drink + 1 water back and forth idea. Was a great suggestion.

Shannow said:
Bollocks to all this. Drink more.
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Now this bit of advice is quite self explanitory and I can definitely get behind it! :)


#44

AshburnerX

AshburnerX

Make sure you don't go drinking on an empty stomach. Having food in your stomach will delay the absorption of alcohol, meaning it's much harder to get smashed. Make sure it's something you won't digest quickly like rice. The one drink/one water thing will help too.

Also I'm pretty sure Jay was implying the questionable morality of accepting drinks from men trying to sleep with you when they never had a chance due to your orientation and less about the roofie issue. Honestly, I get why it bothers some guys but it's a sword that cuts both ways and the bar scene is fucking awful anyway.


#45



Biannoshufu

curiously, at the infamous blackout party, you did make your own drinks that caused you to black out, right?


#46

@Li3n

@Li3n

Biannoshufu said:
curiously, at the infamous blackout party, you did make your own drinks that caused you to black out, right?
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Ah, she made the classic mistake of not realising that the other person build up an immunity and both glasses where spiked...


#47

fade

fade

That was right after she waged a land war in Asia.


#48

Jay

Jay

Pretty much what Mr. Ashburner said... without the fact that it bothers me. More of an "observation question" if that term exists than anything else.


#49

Null

Null

fade said:
That was right after she waged a land war in Asia.
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For some reason that seems like a euphemism for some crazy angry sex.


#50

phil

phil

Null said:
For some reason that seems like a euphemism for some crazy angry sex.
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Let's just say that her Mongolian hoard invaded some girl's great wall of china, IfYouKnowWhatIMean


#51

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

phil said:
Let's just say that her Mongolian hoard invaded some girl's great wall of china, IfYouKnowWhatIMean
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Just stay protected when going down the Mekong Delta.


#52

fade

fade

OOooooooooooooOOooooh.

I get it.


#53

Null

Null

I'm betting someone got Thai'd up.


#54



Biannoshufu

Null said:
I'm betting someone got Thai'd up.
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ugh.


#55



Chibibar

Null said:
I'm betting someone got Thai'd up.
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I take offense to that! at least she didn't Bangkok anyone ;)

(You know, being part Thai, I don't know any good Thai jokes :()


#56

Null

Null

Obviously I don't know any *good* ones either, just the occasional lame pun.


#57

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

AshburnerX said:
Make sure you don't go drinking on an empty stomach. Having food in your stomach will delay the absorption of alcohol, meaning it's much harder to get smashed. Make sure it's something you won't digest quickly like rice. The one drink/one water thing will help too.

Also I'm pretty sure Jay was implying the questionable morality of accepting drinks from men trying to sleep with you when they never had a chance due to your orientation and less about the roofie issue. Honestly, I get why it bothers some guys but it's a sword that cuts both ways and the bar scene is fucking awful anyway.
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1: I rarely eat as late at night as I drink, for alot of reasons. Don't think I'll be trying that route.
2: I rarely let anyone buy me a drink, when they offer, I will go to the bar and get the drink from the bartender as I stated before, as for letting guy's buy me a drink by leading them on? Nope. If I'm not already very blatantly "there" with someone already, I'll straight turn down the offer.

Biannoshufu said:
curiously, at the infamous blackout party, you did make your own drinks that caused you to black out, right?
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That's just it, I don't recall the party at all. All I really remember is heading out for the night with CBC to the clubs we were going to visit for the Costume contests then waking up in her friend's bed. It's obvious at some point we went to her friend's house, possibly for a party but even at places like that I make my own drinks (and most everyonelse's, my reptuation as a bartender for many years usually gets me that position)

Jay said:
Pretty much what Mr. Ashburner said... without the fact that it bothers me. More of an "observation question" if that term exists than anything else.
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Yeah, like I said, I've never led a guy on for free drinks just to be like "lolidonteatdicklol" at the end of the night. Do I let rowdy guys buy us (myself, my partner and any other girls we might be out with) because they've been watching us dance/fondle/makeout all night? Yep. They know what type of person they're buying for at that point (with the exceptions that think that buying me a drink will make me at least go BI for them lol) so I don't feel the least bit guilty. I will make it clear though, I don't put on "shows" for drinks. "Hey if you two make out I'll buy you a round hyukhyuk!". No.

Amorous Eyes said:
I've tried to reply this this several times but it either comes out as a very long personal story, or just stuff that I don't know will make any impact whatsoever.

So I'll try to keep it short: blacking out = BAD!
Seriously. Do something the fuck about it!
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This IS me doing something about it. Reaching out for advice when I know there's a problem.

Amorous Eyes said:
Have I ever had experience with any of this?
- Yes. It's also scary as fuck to have no recollection of what you may have done the night before.

What did I do about it to fix it?
- I got a divorce. That fixed most of my problems.
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Not really able to apply that to myself. I have personal reasons for why I may drink so much, but not exactly something I'm ready to confront yet.

Amorous Eyes said:
I still drink, though I quit for a long time. I was practically straight-edge during that time. Now I drink true socially. For me that means I drink about 2-3 times a month, and about 1-2 drinks during those times. It's almost purely for the taste. Putting me on anything that lowers my inhibitions is a bad, BAD idea if I'm not in very trusted company.
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Well I thought I was in trusted company till this happened. I'm still trying to piece together the exact details and noone that I would trust seems to have a clue and are chaulking it up to "You had too much".


#58



Biannoshufu

you blacked out. there is time you cannot account for. You woke up thinking/feeling that you'd had sex with someone Maybe you shitfaced out with some friends in a safe space, maybe you got rohypnoled and raped by a dude you never even saw. Primary task? Get tested, for everything.


#59

AshburnerX

AshburnerX

Biannoshufu said:
you blacked out. there is time you cannot account for. You woke up thinking/feeling that you'd had sex with someone Maybe you shitfaced out with some friends in a safe space, maybe you got rohypnoled and raped by a dude you never even saw. Primary task? Get tested, for everything.
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Yeah... pretty much this too.


#60

Null

Null

Don't ask for advice and then say "Well, I'm not gonna do that."


#61

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

The reason I didn't panic about the possibility of that is that CBC says she was with me till I passed out on the couch. By that time, from what I understand, there were very few people in her friend's house and the night was pretty much over. Granted I'm not sure about the whole sexual feeling and the fact that I was in her friend's bed the next morning but maybe a check-up just to be on the safe side wouldn't hurt.

Null said:
Don't ask for advice and then say "Well, I'm not gonna do that."
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So I'm to take all advice given every time it's given?


#62



Biannoshufu

Null said:
Don't ask for advice and then say "Well, I'm not gonna do that."
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but that's how it WORKS here. Norris Standard Time.


#63

Null

Null

Shegokigo said:
So I'm to take all advice given every time it's given?
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No, but you can evaluate it and perhaps try it, rather than rejecting it out of hand, when it's not obviously bad advice. Advise you can reject automatically is shit like "Just follow each shot with a swallow of ipecac, that way you won't get drunk." Suggesting methods to slow down your alcohol absorption is a whole different ballgame, as is suggesting you evaluate why you drink as heavily as you do. If you want to change the results your habits have lead to - blacking out and getting date raped, as an example - suggestions to change the lifestyle you're pursuing aren't out of line.


#64

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

I think I clearly agreed with some of the advice given to me in this thread already didn't I?


#65



Chibibar

Shegokigo said:
I think I clearly agreed with some of the advice given to me in this thread already didn't I?
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You did. I have to agree with Amy that you should get tested just in case. I black out once or twice before (someone slip a roofie on me) and like you, I get all my drinks from the bar or trusted friend that I have known for years.


#66



SeraRelm

So what you're saying is, there's a stranger in your bed, there's a pounding your head, glitter all over the room, and pink flamingos in the pool?

(sorry)
Shego- In terms of social drinking, I'd probably suggest sticking with "weaker" drinks. You'll still have the accessory (glass) in hand, but you won't bomb yourself out as much as you've been. I'm not a big fan of low alcohol content beverages, but it's better than blacking out.

Jay- Why would it be solely the purview of men to attempt to get in her pants?


#67

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

I freakin love that video Sera :)

I think it was more the "mixture" of drinks than the potency, as normally I do a good 7-9 mixed strong drinks and everything's fine. It's either that I mixed too much, or maybe I did go way overboard....


#68

PatrThom

PatrThom

Or you need to keep your cup covered.

--Patrick


#69

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

Biannoshufu said:
you blacked out. there is time you cannot account for. You woke up thinking/feeling that you'd had sex with someone Maybe you shitfaced out with some friends in a safe space, maybe you got rohypnoled and raped by a dude you never even saw. Primary task? Get tested, for everything.
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Please, this, before you see comic book girl or anyone else for overnights again.


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