[Rant] So yeah... I've got a problem. *RAAAANT*

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Shegokigo

Shegokigo

As some of you know, I had an "interesting" Halloween weekend. I barely remember the events of the two nights in question, the worst of it being that I did not sleep with my current recurring partner, and instead woke up on the bed of her friend, whom is straight and has now recently responded that we did not sleep together. Normally this would be a sigh of relief except that I know for a fact (nearly fact anyway) that I had to have done something sexual with SOMEONE that evening. Bigger problem is that noone seems to know who it was, if it was anyone. Maybe I masterbated furiously for hours on end on her bed? Fuck if I know at this point, but something happened.

I know it all stems from my lifestyle having very few responsibilities at this point (I work fine on a hangover) and since my income has grown exponetially in the past 2 years I can easily afford the habit. I've always had a drink or two, nearly nightly, even when I'm home alone (Glass of wine with dinner, vodka redbull on long gaming nights etc) but the "blackout" drinking is new (within the past 4 months) and my biggest concern is I end up catching something I don't want to catch from someone I won't remember. I mean I know I'm not exactly the monogamous type but at least I knew who they were.

What's the purpose of all that? The fact that my drinking has increased in amount steadily to this point and now I realize there's a serious issue. BlahblahblahtherapyblahblahblahAAblahblah. No. I'm smart enough to acknowledge this problem and that I need to stop or at the very least cut back, so mostly the purpose of this is to tap our general populace here and ask "Have you ever had a problem with this or something similar? How did you beat it/live with it?". I definitely don't want to quit completely but not sure I have a choice at this juncture because once I start, I don't stop when I should. *Note of revelance, it takes ALOT of drinks/mixing to get me to that point, I've been able to drink most people under the table with little work, which I guess is also why I've been upping my intake so much, as it takes more to get a real buzz going these days.
 
strawman

strawman

The first step is figuring out if it's an addiction, or a habit. Try going without for a week. Make note of the times and places you feel like drinking, but don't drink. If you can do that without too much difficulty, you probably aren't strongly addicted.

If it's just a habit, you need to learn where, when, why, and how you are tempted to drink. Decide which ones are appropriate and/or acceptable, and then figure out ways to avoid the situation, place, or desire, and implement plans in advance that will make it difficult for you to drink. Take only a little cash with you, but no credit card, when going to visit a friend at a restaurant or bar. Make sure you aren't hungry or thirsty when you go shopping. Don't go to places/parties where alcohol is free. Etc, etc, etc.

If you discover that you cannot go a week without drinking, or that it's making you crazy in ways you didn't realize, I think you will need to find professional support in whatever form you're most comfortable.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Well it's kind of like my smoking. I have 1-2 cigarettes a day when I'm solo, much like my drinks. When I go out, my night can range anywhere from 1-2 drinks to 10+(pure alcohol/mixed drinks) depending on alot of factors. Who I'm with. What my intentions are for the night. What I have to do the next day. How long I'm there. etc.

I've gone 1-2 weeks without a smoke or drink, and while I may not get "crazy' I know I get much crankier and easier to annoy/anger until I get back in the swing of it. So it's an addictive habit I guess I could call it.
 
Tress

Tress

I had a similar problem. My idea of a party was to down a fifth of Jack by myself, mix in some other drinks and beers, and then do whatever the hell I felt like. As you can tell, this is a recipe for disaster. After one particularly humiliating night I realized that I was out of control. I should have seen it coming given the well-established history of alcoholism in my family, but it wouldn't have been a problem if I had that much self-recognition.

So here's what I did. No alcohol for a year. No beer, no liquor, no Nyquil. Nothing. Furthermore, I promised myself that I would still go to parties/bars with friends. I wasn't going to hide from alcohol, I was going to ignore it to prove who was in control. I became the guy at parties who was always the designated driver, and always had a coke instead of something stronger.

It worked pretty well. I taught myself how to control any urges with alcohol and how to have fun without it. Now I will drink on occasion, and it's never a problem. I don't feel out of control at any point in time. So my advice is this. Forget a week. Go a month or a year without alcohol, but still go places. If you can't keep a promise to yourself to not drink for a set period of time, you have a real problem. At that point it's time to see a doctor/counselor/go to AA meetings. On the other hand, if you can clean for a set period of time, you're fine. You can get control of your life.

Good luck.
 
Null

Null

The difference is whether you like to drink, or have to drink to function normally. I know you're against getting some kind of help, but if you're blacking out and having things happen to you that you aren't aware of, that's a pretty clear sign that something needs to change.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Yeah Tress, I know abstinence also prevents 100% of sexual disease but who wants to live that way? ;) I do get what you're saying though and how that could be a viable option, but just seems like overkill.

Null, I like to drink, definitely don't need it to function normally. I'm pretty much the same with or without alcohol (personality wise), the blackouts were never so bad to the point where I lost hours upon hours of memory like this last time and definitely what caused me to reevaluate my current situation.
 
Tress

Tress

I'm talking about doing it for a set period of time, not the rest of your life. My little experiment was years ago. Now I drink when I want without a problem. Isn't that your end goal?
 
Null

Null

Stop justifying the situation. If you think you have a problem, do something about it besides getting defensive. I know that's advice I could definitely take as well. But honestly, if you're serious about making a change, you might not be able to do it alone, and there is help available. People who refuse help that they actually need are foolish.
 
Adam

Adam

While I hate to remove personal responsibility from the equation, blacking out, which is unusual for you, could be a sign of external factors like someone drugging your drink. Watch your drinks closely my dear! We want you to stay safe.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

@Tress - I just want to get back to the way it was before. 1-2 Solo, and enough socially that recall everything I had done. I know you didn't mean for life, I guess I just feel like quitting completely for any amount of time is necessary if I can already acknowledge the issue.

@Null - Defensive, wha?

@Adam - I won't say that's not a possibility, a drink usually doesn't leave my hand once it's poured but some of the places I went to that night (from what I understand) weren't all exactly on the up and up. So it's wholly possible that maybe the actual bartenders may have done something, not much I can do about that except avoid those places all together.
 
Adam

Adam

Shegokigo said:
@Adam - I won't say that's not a possibility, a drink usually doesn't leave my hand once it's poured but some of the places I went to that night (from what I understand) weren't all exactly on the up and up. So it's wholly possible that maybe the actual bartenders may have done something, not much I can do about that except avoid those places all together.
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Just keep your eyes open. I'd be annoyed greatly if something happened to you.
 
phil

phil

I'll sometimes just try to stick to strict limits for myself. I'll only have 3 beers for the night so I better make them last, or I'll only spend 20 bucks including tips so once that's gone I'm done. It helps to kind of keep things even throughout so I can have my enjoyable buzz and not get plastered.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Yeah I'm sure I'll catch some flak for this, but I don't pay for my own drinks. Nearly ever, unless I'm home and purchased the bottle/mixers myself. So "cash limits" wouldn't work. However doing a mental "stop at #" might be something to try, I mean it works for me solo at home (I'll never have more than 2 drinks). The only issue is if I blew through my 2-3 drinks within the first hour of being out, it'd be strange during the "do you want me to bring you something? I'm headed back to the bar" times.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

I don't drink, for two reasons. One is that I have a very poor tolerance for alcohol, and drinking it makes me very hot, flushed, and uncomfortable. The other is because my father was an alcoholic. That is probably the main reason.

Not to go armchair therapist, but rather than treat the symptom, maybe you need to find what is causing you to drink to excess.
 
Gusto

Gusto

When I'm drinking beer, I keep my used bottlecaps in my left front pocket. That way I can see how many I've had if I ever forget. Of course, if I forget, the answer is usually "enough".
 
Gryfter

Gryfter

Shegokigo said:
Yeah I'm sure I'll catch some flak for this, but I don't pay for my own drinks. Nearly ever, unless I'm home and purchased the bottle/mixers myself. So "cash limits" wouldn't work. However doing a mental "stop at #" might be something to try, I mean it works for me solo at home (I'll never have more than 2 drinks). The only issue is if I blew through my 2-3 drinks within the first hour of being out, it'd be strange during the "do you want me to bring you something? I'm headed back to the bar" times.
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Bars do serve non-alcoholic drinks.

Basically, you have already identified that you don't like the results of over-indulging. Try swapping out every other drink order with a water. Drinking more water while you are boozing can do nothing but help you in the long run and it might prevent getting more intoxicated than you'd like.
 
phil

phil

Shegokigo said:
Yeah I'm sure I'll catch some flak for this, but I don't pay for my own drinks. Nearly ever, unless I'm home and purchased the bottle/mixers myself. So "cash limits" wouldn't work. However doing a mental "stop at #" might be something to try, I mean it works for me solo at home (I'll never have more than 2 drinks). The only issue is if I blew through my 2-3 drinks within the first hour of being out, it'd be strange during the "do you want me to bring you something? I'm headed back to the bar" times.
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You can bring me some fries with dat shake, sugar.

baddaboom! question dodged.
 
Tress

Tress

One night I had a bottle of vodka, 2 piña coladas, and two beers. I blacked out and woke up puking my guts out in a shrub. Afterwards I blacked out again and woke up in a bed with a friend of mine the next morning. Believe it or not, that's not the incident that made me change my ways. So yeah, I know how bad it can get.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

@Ravenpoe - Oooh kiddo, that's a WHOLE nother *RAAANT* thread ;)

@Gusto - Beer? Do I look like I want/have a gut?

@Gryfter - Never even considered the water swapping between drinks, helpful tip. Thanks.

@phil - By the time I've got a girl buying me drinks, lines are pretty unnessesary, but kudos on the thought.

@Tress - I've had luck with hangovers not including massive amounts of puking. As for waking up in bed with someone? Other than the sometimes "Wait where am I?" feeling of a new partner's bedroom being unfamiliar first thing in the morning I've never had a complete "blackout" before with the exception of Halloween weekend.
 
Espy

Espy

Tress said:
One night I had a bottle of vodka, 2 piña coladas, and two beers. I blacked out and woke up puking my guts out in a shrub. Afterwards I blacked out again and woke up in a bed with a friend of mine the next morning. Believe it or not, that's not the incident that made me change my ways. So yeah, I know how bad it can get.
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Wow. Thats... not good.
 
Tress

Tress

The best part was the next day when another friend called up, sounding stressed. Her exact words were "Listen, that thing I told you about last night... let's keep it between us, okay? I don't want anyone else to know." Given that I have no idea what the hell we talked about, I responded with "Don't worry, I'll never tell a soul."
Added at: 11:18
Espy said:
Wow. Thats... not good.
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Yeah, I was a different person back then. Not a good person.
 
Hylian

Hylian

I don't really have any advice to offer that hasn't already been given but i would like to just say be careful and take care of yourself cause we want to see you well and happy
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Yes, I know Biann, I know. I was really waiting to hear back from her friend before I considered anything but her statement that nothing happened between us is what sparked this whole thing.

Your advice is still key in what I'm mostly sticking to.
 
C

Chibibar

Wow Shego. hmmm. at least you identify the issue, but only you can fix it.

As to your question about addiction, I do have two major one. Gaming and sweets. Yes, gaming can be an addiction (anything can when you go overboard) I usually play games like crazy. I mean like anytime I can get my hands on. It is pretty bad. I spend tons of money on video games (you see my Steam list hehe) but it was hard to cut back until my job forces me to cut back (i.e. take away time to PLAY games) not sure how that apply to your situation.

I love sweets. I bake a lot and eat a lot back in the days. I also burn all those calories with outdoor activities. Lately, I start slowing down and getting fat, I realize it is lack of exercise and sweets. I love it, but now I resolve to bake and give away ;) (I hardly eat sweets now) but man, there are times I just want to gorge on 24 chocolate moose cupcakes :)
 
Jay

Jay

So, when you go to these places to drink... do you accept drinks from men? You know, those who are trying to get in your salacious pants?
 
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