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How do you like your steak?

40 posts listed with these questions.

Medium rare. With most cuts of meat, well done makes it overly dry, tough, and flavorless.

Rare. Medium rare at the most.

Well, you guys just totally ruined an awesome combo.

Though I wonder if someone will say, "I like my steak like I like my women: bleeding."

...

...I feel so dirty just writing that.

Good.

I could not, in good concience, stand for it. It absolutely makes a difference.

man i really hit a chord didnt i?

ThatNickGuy said:

I like my steak like I like my women...

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Tender?
Marinated in alcohol?
Not frozen?
Aged?

stienman said:

Tender?
Marinated in alcohol?
Not frozen?
Aged?

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All of the above?

Mathias said:

man i really hit a chord didnt i?

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I'd say the opposite.

Ahem.

Frank said:

I'd say the opposite.

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Really? Cause this is like the fourth thread that someone's cross-referenced what's going on in the picture thread.

Burn it like it's damned.

We can't have a steak thread without assuming it has to do with the pretentious foodie part of the new picture thread?

I don't think it matters, and bringing it up as though it were more important than it is seems cyclical.

In other words, it's your own dogged pursuit of that conversation that's making it what it is. Learn to let it go, man, and ignore others that bring it up if you don't want to continue it.

stienman said:

We can't have a steak thread without assuming it has to do with the pretentious foodie part of the new picture thread?

I don't think it matters, and bringing it up as though it were more important than it is seems cyclical.

In other words, it's your own dogged pursuit of that conversation that's making it what it is. Learn to let it go, man, and ignore others that bring it up if you don't want to continue it.

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Oh I haven't replied that that since this morning, and frankly, I don't really care about it at this point. This thread, however, didn't just magically appear coincidentally.

I've been around here long enough to know that it's par for the course. I suspect about three more threads, and about five more inter-thread references, followed by a lingering, lame meme.

Mathias said:

I've been around here long enough to know that it's par for the course. I suspect about three more threads, and about five more inter-thread references, followed by a lingering, lame meme.

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I don't know, dude... Usually even if I don't agree with you, I at least see your point. Not sure I follow your point on the Picture thread, though.

Both, one on top of the other, with a layer of bacon between them.

fade said:

I don't know, dude... Usually even if I don't agree with you, I at least see your point. Not sure I follow your point on the Picture thread, though.

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My point was that ultimately that "trash food" could very well be someone's dinner. I wasn't targeting anyone in particular; I just find it rude to call any kind of food "trash".

Maybe it should be referred to as nutritionally disadvantaged food.

Frank said:

Maybe it should be referred to as nutritionally disadvantaged food.

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Maybe you should shut the fuck up.

I started this thread because I wanted to see how many posts come up with (steak, medium, well done.)

Fine. You know what. Fuck off all of you. I'm out.

No steak for you!

I did just have steak it was awesome.

Mathias said:

I've been around here long enough to know that it's par for the course. I suspect about three more threads, and about five more inter-thread references, followed by a lingering, lame meme.

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Congratulations, you've deduced the formula for halforums. Now that you've accomplished this monumental feat, what are you going to work on next?

Seriously, though, that's all this forum is - riffing off each other's stuff, and riffing on each other. There are a million inside jokes and they're going to play out again and again and again, because it makes people feel good to make a connection they know someone else is going to 'get'. It's like a nerd mating call. I can post a pun that you'd only get if you know something about biology, relativity and someone's prom night, and people here are going to laugh.

Speaking of which, I think we need to develop schrodinger's grill to answer the steak question once and for all.

The steak is neither rare nor well-done until the lid is lifted?

The cat was never in some weird simultaneous life death state for the record. It was just that you couldn't know until you opened the box, so you had to represent it mathematically as such. Especially when observing fundamentally changes the experiment.

I lovemy meat like I love my women.

Rare

Or medium rare.

Well done just kills the flavor and most places cannot be trusted on the word medium.

Truth. Medium always turns out medium well.

And that's medium bad.

I thought really long and hard about it. I finally came to the conclusion that I really like tits.

Allen who is Quiet said:

I thought really long and hard about it. I finally came to the conclusion that I really like tits.

Spoiler: NSFW

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Stay on target.....

I'm trying my breast

Neither, and I will not be swayed.

--Patrick

Allen who is Quiet said:

I'm trying my breast

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I'm glad you got that off your chest, and am willing to support your position on the matter.

stienman said:

I'm glad you got that off your chest, and am willing to support your position on the matter.

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Lemme just nip the puns in the bud here, and implant the idea that many foods (including, say, melons) can be prepared in many different ways, and there's no need to go zooming around like you're in a motorboat, trying to correct everyone's opinions. Boobs.

This is getting udderly ridiculous.

Allen who is Quiet said:

I thought really long and hard about it. I finally came to the conclusion that I really like tits.

Spoiler: NSFW

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Great. Now I'm thinking about it long and hard too.

fade said:

Great. Now I'm thinking about it long and hard too.

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While I was thinking about it, I came.




















To that conclusion.

Ok, I'll be that guy.

Who is that so I can search out more of her for masturbation purposes?

Knock Knock

Frank said:

Ok, I'll be that guy.

Who is that so I can search out more of her for masturbation purposes?

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Carli Banks. Or so I heard

A google image search for her is fairly nsfw. Excellent.

This is one of the better derailments. If only all arguments could be settled as such.

Medium Rare everytime.

Because if it's under cooked it's fantastic. If it's cooked right it's fantastic and if it's slightly overcooked it can still be enjoyed.

Wait are we talking about beef? Yeah I think that rule applies still....

Mathias - Noone was saying the poor were pathetic trashy pieces of shit for eating the only food they could afford. The point of that thread was that if you were of age to know better, can easily afford it, there's no excuse for you to eat cardboard pizza.

i'mma be honest I don't see how peeps can get so upset over food

You don't get society or the "public" in general anyway Chips.

Why isn't there a "Nope" option?

Chippy said:

i'mma be honest I don't see how peeps can get so upset over food

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Eating is a base human need, like sex and pooping. Of course people feel strongly about them - who wants to be told they're dead wrong?

You're dead wrong.

I recommend avoiding doing all three at once.

Shegokigo said:

You don't get society or the "public" in general anyway Chips.

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no but seriously food? like upset over food?

Chippy said:

no but seriously food? like upset over food?

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Yep, it's no problem, I don't get "people" either. Have you seen the shows that have been most watched in America for the past few years? It's downright shameful.

Shegokigo said:

Yep, it's no problem, I don't get "people" either. Have you seen the shows that have been most watched in America for the past few years? It's downright shameful.

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Hey, Congress has gone down an entire grade in reading level. What next?

--Patrick

Isn't it obvious?

Chippy said:

i'mma be honest I don't see how peeps can get so upset over food

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It was pretty ridiculous.

Chippy said:

i'mma be honest I don't see how peeps can get so upset over food

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The day mommy stops preparing your meals you'll understand.

Hey, he's getting better. He can pour his own milk now and everything.

--Patrick
(and yes, this is meant as an example of just how crazy people can be about food)

Allen who is Quiet said:

I thought really long and hard about it. I finally came to the conclusion that I really like tits.

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It was clearly labelled NSFW, I'm at work, and I still felt the need to open that. Damn me. Off to the sysadmins it is...

Shegokigo said:

Medium Rare everytime.

Because if it's under cooked it's fantastic. If it's cooked right it's fantastic and if it's slightly overcooked it can still be enjoyed.

Wait are we talking about beef? Yeah I think that rule applies still....

Mathias - Noone was saying the poor were pathetic trashy pieces of shit for eating the only food they could afford. The point of that thread was that if you were of age to know better, can easily afford it, there's no excuse for you to eat cardboard pizza.

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Whatever. I'm going to cut my losses and just apologize for flipping out. I didn't mean to pull a Charlie.

You're still the man Mathias . No worries.

mr_thehun said:

I heard it's all the rage in germany

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Circle of Life.

Bubble181 said:

It was clearly labelled NSFW, I'm at work, and I still felt the need to open that. Damn me. Off to the sysadmins it is...

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You do know that the image downloads whether you open it or not.

sixpackshaker said:

You do know that the image downloads whether you open it or not.

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Yes, but my boss who likes to peak at my screen all the time doesn't know that.
Also, if that's the case, that's a serious problem for NSFW stuff spoilered on the main forums. I mean, I can avoid the NSFW forum, but I can't avoid all threads, and I can't tell when someone'll post such an obnoxious fun interesting intrigueing gif or image.

I'm quite glad that my monitor faces against a wall in my office and there's no way anyone but me can see my screen at any time.

In that case, Shegokigo ...

SeraRelm said:

In that case, Shegokigo ...

Spoiler: Definitely do NOT click on this at work! , damn it...

Spoiler: I'm warning you, don't do it! , son of a...

Spoiler: Ok you asked for it. , Hi.

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....So....Tempting.... (the image shows up automatically when quoting. That's sad, I was actually going to wait. )

Jay said:

The day mommy stops preparing your meals you'll understand.

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Medium plus.

Though I admit I've been somewhat disappointed in the places hereabout that claim to be "steak houses". When you manage to fuck up a gorgeous piece of Black Angus there's definitely something wrong with the place.

I don't know what part of the cow the "black angus" is... but I don't think I want to eat it.

sixpackshaker said:

I don't know what part of the cow the "black angus" is... but I don't think I want to eat it.

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Ask and thou shall be answered. Very tasty, very succulent... if done properly. The place where I ate managed to fuck it up.

It's just a breed of cow. They taste like any other beef cow.

Order steak any way you want to order steak.

But, if you like steak well done, order a cheaper cut of steak to begin with, because it will end up tasting better when cooked well done.

Filet Mignon, especially, is destroyed at well done.

Frank said:

It's just a breed of cow. They taste like any other beef cow.

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Philistine

I like it both ways to be honest . Depends on what mood I'm in.

North_Ranger said:

Ask and thou shall be answered. Very tasty, very succulent... if done properly. The place where I ate managed to fuck it up.

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It is a joke, I live 300 yards from 30 Angus Cows. But what matters with a cow is how it is fed and treated. What matters from a steak is how far from the hoof and the horns is the cut of beef.

We love steak -- all kinds of steak. And we are always in the search for SteakPerfection. So here's a thought experiment.

THOUGHT EXPERIMENT

Suppose that we want to compare all the different possible steaks in the world, in order to find the absolutely best tasting one. How many steaks would we have to taste in our blind taste test?

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY

If you don't have time to study the following calculations, here is the bottom line:

The number of possible steaks, based upon all the possible breed, feed, marbling, aging, cooking and other options is 229,790,030,170,071,000,000,000,000,000,000. That is more than 229 nonillion possible steak options -- more than all the grains of sand on earth.

With so many possible steak options, our love for steak can never be quenched, nor can the perfect steak ever be found.

Each of us can argue that we have discovered the "PERFECT" steak, and we need never fear being proven wrong!

BREED

Different breeds of cattle produce steaks that have different tastes, even if everything else (like feed, age, etc.) is the same. So part of our Thought Experiment requires comparing all the cattle breeds that are used to produce steaks -- which are called "beef cattle".

In the United States, there are about 250 beef cattle breeds that are "recognized". Worldwide, there are about 950. About half of all beef cattle is purebred and half is hybrid. If we limit our calculation only to purebred and 50-50 hybrids, the number of possible beef cattle breeds equals 902,500 (= 950^2).

But that's not the end of the Thought Experiment, because we have to add other variables that affect the taste of a steak.

SEX

Steaks come from beef cattle that can be divided into four sexes: bulls, which are uncastrated male cattle; steers, which are castrated male cattle; cows, which are female cattle which have born a calf; and heiffers, which are female cattle which have not born a calf.

Most steak masters believe that the very best steak comes from steers, but our Thought Experiment requires us to chack all the possibilities. So we have to compare all four "sex" possibilities.

AGE

Steaks come from beef cattle that can be almost any age over 9 months.

Steak from beef cattle that is under the age of 9 months is called veal, which is so completely different from beef that we exclude them altogether from our Thought Experiment.

Most steak masters believe that the very best steak comes from beef cattle that is between 9 and 29 months old, but our Thought Experiment requires us to chack all the possibilities -- or at least all the possibilities that are likely to result in significantly different steaks.

We begin by dividing the age of beef cattle into the following five major categories, in comformity with the USDA categories:

• A: 9 thru 29 months old;
• B: 30 thru 41 months old;
• C: 42 thru 5 years old;
• D: 6 or 7 years old; and
• E: 8 years and older.

Then we subdivide the first category into each of the ages of the first category, because many steak masters believe that a steak from a steer that is, for example, 16 months old will taste significantly different, when all other variables are equals, from a steak from a setter that is, for example, 29 months old.

Accordingly, we subdivide the A category in to each of the months: A-9, A-10, A-11, A-12, etc. through A-28 and A-29. This totals 21 subcateries, plus the remaining four categoreis, for a total of 25 different ages to test in our Thought Experiment.

FEED

From the time they are born until they are weaned at about the age of 9 months, all calves are fed a cows milk. What the mother cow eats will affect the taste, texture and juiciness of the steak that the calf eventually produces. However, for this Thought Experiment, we ignore this variable.

Feed then includes the following options:

• 27 grass options;
• 19 legume options;
• 5 silage options;
• 46 hay options; and
• 7 grain options.

None of these feed options is exclusive, and we assume that there may be two feed options for beef cattle. Accordingly, there are over 600 billion possible combinations (exactly 682,160,364,900, which equals (27*19*5*46*7)^2.

MARBLING

Marbling is a measure of the fine specks and streaks of fat inside a steak. It does not include the often-thick layer of fat outside the steak.

Marbling is divided into ten major categories, from Very Abundant Marbling (Vab) down to Practically Devoid Marbling (PD). In addition, we add two "extremely abundant" categories, to conform with the Japanese Kobe Beef marbling categories. Each of these twelve categories is divided into 100 degrees but, in practice, the categories are divided into 10 subcategories, from 00 through 90.

Thus, there are 108 (= 9*12) degress of marbling.

AGING

Today, there are three major aging methods: dry aging, wet aging and hybrid (which combines dry and wet, in succession) aging. Aging periods run from no extra time to 10 weeks. In dry aging, the beef is aged in a special room or locker at a temperature of about 34°, at a relative humidity of about 80%, at an air-flow of about 20 linear feet per minute, and with ultraviolet or comparable bacterial control.

Thus, there are 90 (=3^2 * 10) different, major, aging options.

CUTS

There are 16 major cuts of steak, which include the following:

• anterior boneless top loin steak;
• other boneless top loin steak;
• bone-in top loin steak;
• anterior boneless rib steak;
• other boneless rib steak;
• bone-in rib steak;
• tenderloin steak;
• top sirloin cap (culotte) steak;
• pin bone sirloin steak;
• flat (or double) bone sirloin steak;
• round bone sirloin steak;
• wedge bone sirloin steak;
• hanging tender (or hanger) steak;
• flank steak;
• flap (or bavette)steak; and
• top blade (or flat iron) steak.

We have not included the porterhouse or t-bone steak, since these are combinations of the top loin and tenderloin. Nor have we included the rib-eye steak, since it is derived from the rib steak. We have not included the five boneless sirloin steaks, wince their bone-in counterparts are included. Finally, we have not include other non-prime steaks, such as the round steak.

Thus, there are 16 different, primary cuts of steak.

THICKNESS

There are many different thickness options for steak, which range from one-half inch (or even less) to two-inch thickness. For purposes of this Thought Experiment, we will divide thicknesses in half-inch increments:

• 1/2" thick;
• 1" thick;
• 1 1/2" thick;
• 2" thick; and
• 2 1/2" thick.

Thus, in this Thought Experiment, there are five different thicknesses that will be considered.

TRIM

There are three different trimming methods before cooking a steak.

First is the close removal of all visible fat. Second is the removal of most visible fat. Third is cooking the steak with the normal amount of fat.

PRE-SEASONING

There are several major pre-seasoning options. These include no pre-seasoning whatsoever, or pre-seasoning with some of the following: salt, pepper, one of the common herbs, butter or oil.

Thus, in this Thought Experiment, we will consider 20 different pre-seasoning options.

COOKING

There are three major, basic cooking methods for steak: grilling, infrared, pan frying, pan broiling, pan roasting (moving to the oven after searing), roasting and braising.

In the case of grilling (including broiling) and in addition to gas, there are at least twenty major fuels, including hardwoods and lump charcoal from alder, apple, apricot, birch, cherry, hackberry, hickory, lemon, lime, maple, mesquite, mulberry, peach, pear, pecan, orange, red oak, walnut and white oak.

We will not include, in this Thought Experiment, other methods of cooking steak, such as stir fry and sauté, which require cutting the meat into thin slices before cooking.

Thus, in this Thought Experiment, we will consider 25 different cooking methods.

RESTING

There are three major resting options: none, five minutes and ten minutes.

Thus, in this Thought Experiment, we will consider three different pre-seasoning options.

TEMPERATURE

There are ten temperature levels for cooking steak:

• 125° to 212° (sous vide)
• 212° to 250°;
• 250° to 350°;
• 350° to 450°;
• 450° to 550°;
• 550° to 650°;
• 650° to 750°;
• 750° to 900°;
• 900° to 1200°; and
• 1200° to 1600°,

Thus, in this Thought Experiment, we will consider 10 different cooking temperature intervals.

TIME

There are eight major time increments for cooking the steak. These include the following total cooking times:

• 5 to 8 minutes;
• 8 to 10 minutes;
• 10 to 12 minutes;
• 12 to 15 minutes°;
• 15 to 20 minutes;
• 20 to 30 minutes;
• 30 to 60 minutes; and
• one hour or more.

Thus, in this Thought Experiment, we will consider eight different cooking time intervals.

POST-SEASONING

There are several major post-seasoning options. These include no post-seasoning whatsoever, or post-seasoning with some of the following: salt, pepper, one of the common herbs, butter or oil.

Thus, in this Thought Experiment, we will consider 20 different pre-seasoning options.

CALCULATION OF OPTIONS

Based upon the foregoing options, there are 239 nonillion possible steaks. 239 nonillion is 229 followed by 30 zeroes, or 229,790,030,170,071,000,000,000,000,000,000. Even without all of the feed options -- all of the grass and grains -- there are 337 quintillion possible steaks -- which is 337 followed by 18 zeroes.

Finally, even without all the cattle breed and feed options, there are 373 billion steak options.

CONCLUSION

The obvious conclusion from this calculation is that our love for steak can never be quenched, nor can the perfect steak ever be identified. Each of us can argue that our personal favorite is the "PERFECT" steak without any fear that we can ever be proven wrong!

sixpackshaker said:

But what matters with a cow is how it is fed and treated.

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And killed. There's a huge difference in taste when a cow is stressed by rounding them up in a herd or transporting them as opposed to just killing them out in the field when they're unaware.

For the record, I like my tenderloin Chicago-style rare.

Shakey said:

And killed. There's a huge difference in taste when a cow is stressed by rounding them up in a herd or transporting them as opposed to just killing them out in the field when they're unaware.

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Do you sneak up on it, and kill the cow with your Gonzo Dagger?

Adam said:

For the record, I like my tenderloin Chicago-style rare.

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Rare is not an option... see poll.

I can't remember the movie, but a bunch of guys end up in Graham Greene's house and he invites them to stay for dinner. Before dinner he asks everyone to bow their heads in prayer and lets loose with the greatest prayer in the history of prayers.

"Alberta beef is the best beef and I'll kill any corn fed son of a bitch that says otherwise."

sixpackshaker said:

Do you sneak up on it, and kill the cow with your Gonzo Dagger?

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Of course. I give it a nice pile of corn to munch on, and while I gently caress it's head I slit it's throat with it.

Actually, my parents have just enough cattle to be able to slaughter one or two a year. We have the butcher come out to kill it and clean it out right there. Makes for some of the best beef you'll ever eat.

Do they feed the cows corn?

Not very much, but yes.

Honestly as far as steak goes at this point I'd just vote no. I have been home for two weeks and tonight will be the third time we have had steak for dinner. Yes, I am tired of it. If that makes me less of a man I am kind of ok with that.

It doesn't make you less of man but more a bad person overall.

I am not eating steak tonight, but I might tomorrow.

Adam, that was magnificent, and now I REALLY, REALLY want a steak.

mr_thehun said:

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

why does China's beef suck?

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Because it actually comes from cats and dogs.

mr_thehun said:

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

why does China's beef suck?

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Why do I think you typed this while doubled over on the toilet?

makare said:

Honestly as far as steak goes at this point I'd just vote no. I have been home for two weeks and tonight will be the third time we have had steak for dinner. Yes, I am tired of it. If that makes me less of a man I am kind of ok with that.

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I have...

1200 degrees for an hour? Does that option need to really be included in the Thought Experiment?

MindDetective said:

1200 degrees for an hour? Does that option need to really be included in the Thought Experiment?

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Helps settle the stomach after eating a medium steak.

MindDetective said:

1200 degrees for an hour? Does that option need to really be included in the Thought Experiment?

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How do you think they make hockey pucks?

Adam said:

How do you think they make hockey pucks?

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Do you hypothesize much of a difference in flavor or texture between your hay-fed steer and your grass fed heifer hockey puck?

MindDetective said:

Do you hypothesize much of a difference in flavor or texture between your hay-fed steer and your grass fed heifer hockey puck?

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My liberal friends would tell me that the free range hockey pucks are ethically superior and thus taste better.