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The biggest little news in the world.

Oct 28, 2011#1

Espy

Say hello to my little friend:

Based on this picture I'm not entirely convinced we aren't having some kind of turnip with arms and legs, but the doctor swears up and down it's a baby. A real baby.

Commence baby advice and jokes:

Oct 28, 2011#2

Dave

How long have you known, DADDY?!? Congrats!

Oct 28, 2011#3

Biannoshufu

See Mind Detective's thread. I think it all applies. Also Congratulations Pops.

Oct 28, 2011#4

Espy

Dave said:
How long have you known, DADDY?!? Congrats!

Thanks

Well, about 8 weeks or so. We suspected at about 4 weeks or so, took a test or two to confirm it, then we went to the doc a few weeks ago and we just had our 12 week doc appointment yesterday. So that picture is from 2 weeks ago and yesterday we got to hear the heartbeat. We agreed to not tell anyone until 12 weeks once the serious risks of miscarriage had passed.
So yeah. Baby. BOOM.

Oct 28, 2011#5

Chad Sexington

Congrats! So...are you quitting smoking or will you have a pack waiting for him when he gets out?

Oct 28, 2011#6

Espy

Biannoshufu said:
See Mind Detective's thread. I think it all applies. Also Congratulations Pops.

Got it bookmarked. Thanks

Oct 28, 2011#7

drifter

Oct 28, 2011#8

Biannoshufu

College fund? College fund? Ahem

Oct 28, 2011#9

gargoyle_eva

Get him on menthols straight away...they taste like toothpaste...so no problems getting him or her to bursh his teeth. (him is being used in the general term, not male specific here.)

Oct 28, 2011#10

BananaHands

Congrats! Am I the only one that expects that baby to come out looking exactly like his avatar, cigarette and all?

Oct 28, 2011#11

Espy

BananaHands said:
Congrats! Am I the only one that expects that baby to come out looking exactly like his avatar, cigarette and all?

You are not the only one. I expect it to have a nice glass of 20yr Scotch as well.

Chad Sexington said:
Congrats! So...are you quitting smoking or will you have a pack waiting for him when he gets out?

Pff, it helps babies develop lung strength.

Biannoshufu said:
College fund? College fund? Ahem

Gas told me to start an "apocalypse fund" so I'm thinking of going that route.

Oct 28, 2011#12

North_Ranger

A multitude of conga rats!

Oct 28, 2011#13

LittleSin

Congrats! Did you get the gender? I'm squinting at the picture...and I'm thinking a girl.

Oct 28, 2011#14

MindDetective

WOOHOO! Get ready for a rollercoaster ride, buddy! Kinda wishing I was still in Minnesota now. Not much, though.

Oct 28, 2011#15

Jay

Congrats

Oct 28, 2011#16

Espy

LittleSin said:
Congrats! Did you get the gender? I'm squinting at the picture...and I'm thinking a girl.

They said we can't find out until our 20 week check up. So... like I said: Turnip.

Thanks Jay, MD, NR and everyone else for the congratulations, I want to say, I really earned them. I put a lot of work into making this happen.
If you know what I mean. :unibrow:

Oct 28, 2011#17

North_Ranger

Was the bed broken?

Or any other piece of furniture, vehicle and/or major landmark?

Oct 28, 2011#18

Espy

North_Ranger said:
Was the bed broken?

Or any other piece of furniture, vehicle and/or major landmark?

No comment.

Oct 28, 2011#19

North_Ranger

Espy said:
No comment.

In other words, yes :unibrow:

Oct 28, 2011#20

Allen who is Quiet

Espy, I don't know what you mean. Can you explain it in simple English?

Oct 28, 2011#21

Ravenpoe

Allen who is Quiet said:
Espy, I don't know what you mean. Can you explain it in simple English?

Pictures would help, too.

Oct 28, 2011#22

Krisken

Congratulations on your creation of new human larvae! I look forward to it's rapid expansion and expulsion (don't want a picture of that).

Oct 28, 2011#23

Espy

Allen who is Quiet said:
Espy, I don't know what you mean. Can you explain it in simple English?

Simple English. Let me find the easy translation by google... ah, here we go:
Bow-chicka-wow-wow. (Repeat)
Added at: 14:44
Thanks Krisken! I look forward to populating my underground chamber of evil with minions.

Oct 28, 2011#24

Emrys

Congratulations! Get him on Halforums as soon as you can. You can't start the indoctrination too soon.

Oct 28, 2011#25

Chibibar

congrat man! I second start college fund NOW

Oct 28, 2011#26

sixpackshaker

Congratulations he looks so much like you.

Oct 28, 2011#27

Azurephoenix

I'm late to the party here but congratulations anyways! Another member of the Halforums family!

Oct 28, 2011#28

Hylian

Congrats Espy!

Oct 28, 2011#29

Hailey Knight

Congratulations on your turnip!

Oct 28, 2011#30

fade

So...you entered the Monolith and are evolving into a higher state of being?

Oct 28, 2011#31

bhamv3

If it's a girl, and she's still single in, say, eighteen years, can I date her?

Oct 28, 2011#32

Cheesy1

Awesome news, sir! Congrats!

Oct 28, 2011#33

Tress

bhamv3 said:
If it's a girl, and she's still single in, say, eighteen years, can I date her?

I can almost hear Espy cleaning his gun already.

EDIT: Or his wife. That too.

Oct 28, 2011#34

Biannoshufu

Krisken said:
! I look forward to it's rapid expansion and expulsion (don't want a picture of that).

Tress said:
I can almost hear Espy cleaning his gun already.

I thought his wife is a super soldier or something? If yes, then I'm sure she has better aim.

Oct 28, 2011#35

Krisken

I dig the pumpkin seed tears.

Oct 28, 2011#36

strawman

Tress said:
I can almost hear Espy cleaning his gun already.

EDIT: Or his wife. That too.

Espy cleaning his wife?

Espy's wife cleaning his "gun"?

A little clarity here would be nice.

Oct 28, 2011#37

Espy

Well now this is just getting silly.

Oct 28, 2011#38

Biannoshufu

Take or discard:
can I just give you a bit of advice? Any hobbies, goals, or things you wanted to get done while you were still a free adult member of society? Get those things done before month 7. Get used to insomnia, and get over any bio-phobia. Those cute little Centers Of Your Universe can poop out some terrifyingly strange and noxious shit. And if you have any relatives you can butter up now for free child care later ( say around months 12+ ) do it now. Shutting up. good luck

Oct 28, 2011#39

MindDetective

Biannoshufu said:
Take or discard:
can I just give you a bit of advice? Any hobbies, goals, or things you wanted to get done while you were still a free adult member of society? Get those things done before month 7. Get used to insomnia, and get over any bio-phobia. Those cute little Centers Of Your Universe can poop out some terrifyingly strange and noxious shit. And if you have any relatives you can butter up now for free child care later ( say around months 12+ ) do it now. Shutting up. good luck

I thought I would be more grossed out by the bodily fluids. For the most part it doesn't seem too awful (1 month in...)

Oct 28, 2011#40

Krisken

Bland food goes in, stinky poop comes out. You can't explain that.

Oct 28, 2011#41

Biannoshufu

MindDetective said:
I thought I would be more grossed out by the bodily fluids. For the most part it doesn't seem too awful (1 month in...)

oh just wait until you start solid food.

Oct 28, 2011#42

Thread Necromancer

Late to the party (It is kinda my thing though). Big congrats Espy.

Oct 29, 2011#43

@Li3n

Well, time to stock up, they'll be two of you soon:

Oct 29, 2011#44

Espy

Biannoshufu said:
Take or discard:
can I just give you a bit of advice? Any hobbies, goals, or things you wanted to get done while you were still a free adult member of society? Get those things done before month 7. Get used to insomnia, and get over any bio-phobia. Those cute little Centers Of Your Universe can poop out some terrifyingly strange and noxious shit. And if you have any relatives you can butter up now for free child care later ( say around months 12+ ) do it now. Shutting up. good luck

This seems like fantastic advice. Consider it noted. Oddly enough we have people lining up offering to watch the future child. For free. It's... strange. Hopefully they actually want to once said child arrives. Also, my wife has assured me I will be changing many diapers so I guess I better learn to deal with it one way or the other huh?

Added at: 11:55

Krisken said:
Bland food goes in, stinky poop comes out. You can't explain that.

I'd like to nominate this post for "Post of the Month."

Oct 30, 2011#45

Silver Jelly

Congratulations!!!

(I'd like to nominate this post for "Most unoriginal Post of the month")

Oct 30, 2011#46

fade

I mean this in no way as a response to Amy, because hers was benign, and I realize the hypocrisy: but get used to conflicting constant parental advice. One thing that came close to making me angry was the parents who "helped" by issuing decree-like advice as gospel. A recommendation or suggestion is nice, especially if solicited, but constantly telling me what to do bothered the crap out of me. Maybe it doesn't bother you, but it really got under my skin, and it takes a lot to make me angry.

Oct 30, 2011#47

LittleSin

fade said:
I mean this in no way as a response to Amy, because hers was benign, and I realize the hypocrisy: but get used to conflicting constant parental advice. One thing that came close to making me angry was the parents who "helped" by issuing decree-like advice as gospel. A recommendation or suggestion is nice, especially if solicited, but constantly telling me what to do bothered the crap out of me. Maybe it doesn't bother you, but it really got under my skin, and it takes a lot to make me angry.

My parents do this to the point of taking some of the fun out of being a parent.

"Don't have him go out wearing that Metallica shirt! They'll think he's a Satanist!" (WTF, BTW.) "Take that facebook status about him pooping on the floor down! It makes him look like a simpleton!" Okay.... "What are you doing taking ap icture of him with that beer bottle in the back ground?!"

Oct 30, 2011#48

North_Ranger

LittleSin, here's a modest proposal on dealing with helicopter grandparents.

Oct 30, 2011#49

linglingface

Congrats on your turnip baby!!

Oct 30, 2011#50

ThatNickGuy

I, for one, welcome our future turnip overlord.

Oct 30, 2011#51

North_Ranger

ThatNickGuy said:
I, for one, welcome our future turnip overlord.

Only if he can beat the inherent coolness of JCM's son, the mutant powers of Jet and the growing brood of... goddammit, who was that forumite who's getting closest to the clown car joke again? My memory, she fails me.

Oct 30, 2011#52

ThatNickGuy

They'll ALL have to contend with my cat. Lord Diomedes enjoys the competition.

Oct 30, 2011#53

Krisken

Great, we're creating potential 2nd generation Halforumites.

Oct 30, 2011#54

LittleSin

I think I"m going to give Jet my halforum ID in my Will. He can then continue....whatever it is I do here?

I guess tell long pointless stories?

Oct 30, 2011#55

North_Ranger

LittleSin said:
I think I"m going to give Jet my halforum ID in my Will. He can then continue....whatever it is I do here?

I guess tell long pointless stories?

Eat 1d6 investigators per turn?

Oct 30, 2011#56

LittleSin

North_Ranger said:
Eat 1d6 investigators per turn?

Oct 30, 2011#57

Biannoshufu

fade said:
I mean this in no way as a response to Amy, because hers was benign, and I realize the hypocrisy: but get used to conflicting constant parental advice. One thing that came close to making me angry was the parents who "helped" by issuing decree-like advice as gospel. A recommendation or suggestion is nice, especially if solicited, but constantly telling me what to do bothered the crap out of me. Maybe it doesn't bother you, but it really got under my skin, and it takes a lot to make me angry.

Surprise surprise, fade dislikes my advice.
(hee hee I'm such a shit

)

Oct 30, 2011#58

Emrys

North_Ranger said:
Only if he can beat the inherent coolness of JCM's son, the mutant powers of Jet and the growing brood of... goddammit, who was that forumite who's getting closest to the clown car joke again? My memory, she fails me.

Stienman and his ever-growing horde.

Oct 30, 2011#59

strawman

Emrys said:
Stienman and his ever-growing horde.

rar!

Oct 30, 2011#60

Chad Sexington

stienman said:
rar!

That's the least intimidating roar of an infinite menace I have ever heard.

Oct 30, 2011#61

Dei

My advice is that once they can walk always have a camera handy. Because they will do things that are bad but that you will love having pictures of later, once you can laugh at it. (Imagine if you will, a 2 year old, a family size container of hot cocoa mix, and a once clean kitchen.)

Oct 30, 2011#62

SpecialKO

With the cost of cigarettes these days, you may have to go without to provide for the kid.

It would be the best "I quit" commercial, ever. :twisted:

Oct 30, 2011#63

strawman

Chad Sexington said:
That's the least intimidating roar of an infinite menace I have ever heard.

That's the plan. Overtake the world with billions of cute babies. Everyone will be too awed to resist.

Awwwwww!

Oct 31, 2011#64

North_Ranger

stienman said:
That's the plan. Overtake the world with billions of cute babies. Everyone will be too awed to resist.

Awwwwww!

Also, you might want to check that plan with the missus. I mean, she's the one who has to push out those billions of cute babies.

Oct 31, 2011#65

Allen who is Quiet

I think a bit of pain would be well worth having an army of crazed babies who do not fear death

Oct 31, 2011#66

bhamv3

Dave Barry said:
Childbirth, as a strictly physical phenomenon, is comparable to driving a United Parcel truck through an inner tube.

Oct 31, 2011#67

MaryMarvel

Awww yay CONGRATS! Good luck!

Oct 31, 2011#68

Allen who is Quiet

Fine. I think a lot of pain is well worth an army of babies that don't fear death.

Oct 31, 2011#69

Espy

MaryMarvel said:
Awww yay CONGRATS! Good luck!

Thanks! We are pretty excited!

Nov 1, 2011#70

Espy

Thanks Ame! I just told all my employees I'm going to start scheduling them babysitting shifts when the baby is born

Nov 1, 2011#71

Biannoshufu

You realize we expect your avatar to change to the real baby when he/she/they are born?

Nov 1, 2011#72

Espy

I'm planing an entire GlamourShots session with a nice highball of scotch, because really, babies shouldn't smoke.

Nov 1, 2011#73

Biannoshufu

Do not even pretend to do this. Photoshop is one thing..... this is just dumbfuckery

Nov 1, 2011#74

Piotyr

Maybe that's just a really good Photoshop. I'll just tell myself that and maintain blissful ignorance of that reality.

Oh, also, congrats Espy.

Nov 1, 2011#75

Espy

Thats terrifying.

Thanks Piotyr!

Nov 5, 2011#76

Officer_Charon

Damn, thought I weighed in on this one... congrats, brah!

Amy's advice is solid. Also, don't be afraid to milk parents/in-laws for free babysitting, too.

And when you get a moment, don't neglect a date night or two with your wife.... I've gone 16 months without time alone with my wife due to my family living out of state, and no reliable babysitters nearby. Take advantage of this as much as you're both willing to do.

Nov 10, 2011#77

Cajungal

Congratulations!!

Nov 11, 2011#78

Espy

Thanks Cajun! How the heck are you? Those chillens behavin?

Jan 18, 2012#79

Espy

Quick update, forgot to add that we did our 20 week ultrasound and it's a girl!!!

I'm super excited. I cannot wait to meet this little girl. I'm going to be so whipped it's not even funny.

Jan 18, 2012#80

MindDetective

Woohoo! So exciting.

When we did our 20 week, we had the tech record it and keep it secret. We revealed the gender to everyone (including ourselves) at the first baby shower.

Jan 18, 2012#81

Espy

Yeah, we have no patience

Plus we wanted to narrow our name list.

Jan 18, 2012#82

LittleSin

I learned the sex for Jet just because i wanted to know what colour/theme to do his room in. ^^;;;

Jan 18, 2012#83

sixpackshaker

LittleSin said:
I learned the sex for Jet just because i wanted to know what colour/theme to do his room in. ^^;;;

A friend of the family did that, and the tech got it wrong... So baby boy went into a Fu-Fu room.

Jan 19, 2012#84

BananaHands

sixpackshaker said:
A friend of the family did that, and the tech got it wrong... So baby boy went into a Fu-Fu room.

Apparently my room was pink because of the same reason.

Jan 19, 2012#85

@Li3n

BananaHands said:
Apparently my room was pink because of the same reason.

Yes, that totally wasn't an experiment to see what happens...

Jan 19, 2012#86

North_Ranger

BananaHands said:
Apparently my room was pink because of the same reason.

I wonder if it's appropriate to make jokes about babies not being hung like a bear...

Jan 19, 2012#87

sixpackshaker

North_Ranger said:
I wonder if it's appropriate to make jokes about babies not being hung like a bear...

It is just that they missed, because they thought "IT" was the umbilical cord.

Jan 19, 2012#88

Gusto

Espy said:
Yeah, we have no patience

Plus we wanted to narrow our name list.

I guess "Kevin" is out the window.

At this rate, I'll never have a Halforums namesake!
Added at: 14:13
My parents didn't know my gender until I was born. My female-alternate-universe name is Sara.

Jan 19, 2012#89

strawman

Gusto said:
My parents didn't know my gender until I was born. My female-alternate-universe name is Sara.

Sara isn't an evil name, though. Which, of course, means that you are Sara's evil alternate universe twin.

Jan 19, 2012#90

Gusto

Because Kevin is so sinister.

Jan 19, 2012#91

Allen who is Quiet

Gusto said:
I guess "Kevin" is out the window.

At this rate, I'll never have a Halforums namesake!
Added at: 14:13
My parents didn't know my gender until I was born. My female-alternate-universe name is Sara.

Don't worry Gusto. I won't name any children I have after you.

Jan 19, 2012#92

Adammon

Gusto said:
Because Kevin is so sinister.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/We_Need_To_Talk_About_Kevin

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