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There are Cougars eyeing me at Starbucks...

#1

Calleja

Calleja

Well... do they count as cougars if they aren't hot? If not, then I'm being eyed by unattractive forty-somethings who dress like they were 16.

Oh, the cellulite.

Help?


#2

ElJuski

ElJuski

You're on your own, bitch.


#3

Calleja

Calleja

They just asked me for a lighter and giggled when I said I didn't have one.

I have never felt eye raped before.

Mommy.


#4



Wasabi Poptart

I hope they aren't hungry.


#5

Morphine

Morphine

uhm, crazy idea here... have you tried ignoring them?


#6

Calleja

Calleja

They're RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, they're always in my peripheral vision and there are no other places in the entire starbucks. Stupid popular starbucks.

Ok, I just distinctly heard them deciding who gets me. I am not even kidding they are discussing amongst themselves who saw me first.

I am OUT OF HERE.

---------- Post added at 12:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:44 PM ----------

......ok, new development. Another 40 year old joined them.... and she's HAWT.




...maybe I'll stay a little longer. :paranoid:


#7



Disconnected

there is only one thing to do. grab your package and wait in the alley.


#8

Calleja

Calleja

Bah, the hawt cougar is not a cougar... she's happily married and not eyeing me lustfully at all. The bitch.

The other two are now telling stories of their "20-something" conquests. The hawt one laughs. IT'S NOT FUNNY YOU HAWT NON-COUGAR!


#9

Espy

Espy

Calleja said:
They're RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, they're always in my peripheral vision and there are no other places in the entire starbucks. Stupid popular starbucks.

Ok, I just distinctly heard them deciding who gets me. I am not even kidding they are discussing amongst themselves who saw me first.

I am OUT OF HERE.

---------- Post added at 12:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:44 PM ----------

......ok, new development. Another 40 year old joined them.... and she's HAWT.




...maybe I'll stay a little longer. :paranoid:
Click to expand...
This own't end well.


#10

Cajungal

Cajungal

They're probably lonely, so they're talking big. You should walk over there, take em home, and knock em both out at once. Take one for the team, old nut.


#11

Calleja

Calleja

Seriously, are they modeling their lives on Sex and the City characters or something!?


GASP! NO! It's worse!!!

These, people, are the REal Non-Housewives of Mexico.


#12

General Specific

General Specific

My advice?



#13

Dave

Dave

Walk up to the one talking the loudest and ask her, "Pardon me, but don't I know you?" No matter WHAT she says say, "I think I dated your daughter."


#14

Cajungal

Cajungal

Oooooh DAMN. :heh:


#15

Necronic

Necronic

Thats wrong dave.....aren't you old people supposed to have solidarity?


#16

Calleja

Calleja

Ok, a table inside was freed up and I ran to it. Ahh, air conditioning.

Now... new scenario. There's a table of HAWT girls right next to me... but I'm not sure how old they are. I mean their bodies say 22, but some of their faces say 16.

Halforums, I need a reason to check IDs at a Starbucks! STAT!

---------- Post added at 01:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:59 PM ----------

I HAVE BECOME A 20 SOMETHING COUGAR! :Leyla:


#17

General Specific

General Specific

Calleja said:
Ok, a table inside was freed up and I ran to it. Ahh, air conditioning.

Now... new scenario. There's a table of HAWT girls right next to me... but I'm not sure how old they are. I mean their bodies say 22, but some of their faces say 16.

Halforums, I need a reason to check IDs at a Starbucks! STAT!

---------- Post added at 01:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:59 PM ----------

I HAVE BECOME A 20 SOMETHING COUGAR! :Leyla:
Click to expand...

My advice?



#18

Krisken

Krisken

And make her cry by saying grand-daughter instead.


#19

Azurephoenix

Azurephoenix

Now the circle is complete...


#20

Dave

Dave

When I was younger I worked at Red Lobster. One of our hostesses was like 50 or so (at the time) and she had a habit of dating much younger men. I found out one day that I had gone to school with her daughter so we hatched a plan to prank her. Her mom told her to meet her for lunch there as she wanted to introduce her to her new boyfriend.

They were sitting in the booth and I walked over and gave her a kiss on the cheek and then sat down. Her daughter looked like she was going to implode right there.


#21

Krisken

Krisken

Azurephoenix said:
Now the circle is complete...
Click to expand...
At this moment the 16 year olds are saying to each other

"Oh my god. That old guy over there is eying us up. Maybe we can get rid of him by saying we dated his son..."


#22

Azurephoenix

Azurephoenix

Krisken;407657][QUOTE=Azurephoenix said:
Now the circle is complete...
Click to expand...
At this moment the 16 year olds are saying to each other

"Oh my god. That old guy over there is eying us up. Maybe we can get rid of him by saying we dated his son..."[/QUOTE]

Exactly! :)


#23

Denbrought

Denbrought

It's important that you stand on two legs, try not to crouch, as that'll make you look like prey. Standing on your tip-toes and spreading your arms should help, it'll puzzle it and won't recognize you as food. Don't run, as that will trigger their prey-chasing instincts. At most, you can try backing away towards the entrance. Remember that normally they'll be accompanied by one to five cubs each, so try not to go closer to them, as that might trigger their motherly instincts and prompt them to attack.


#24

Calleja

Calleja

Tee hee.. I'm getting looks from one of the girls at the next table.

I'm wearing a white shirt and my tattoo can be seen a bit through it. I just distinctly heard them say it's "hot".

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm getting a phone number today.





I love starbucks


#25

Espy

Espy

Krisken;407657][QUOTE=Azurephoenix said:
Now the circle is complete...
Click to expand...
At this moment the 16 year olds are saying to each other

"Oh my god. That old guy over there is eying us up. Maybe we can get rid of him by saying we dated his son..."[/QUOTE]

In fact if you, not that I do, had an account at "twilightteensforum.com" there is a thread right now called, "Creeeeeepy old guy eying us upomgwheresedwardwhenuneedhimwtflol!"


#26



LordRavage

I keep picturing this scene happening in all StarBucks....in Mexico.


#27

Calleja

Calleja

I love flirting. Seriously, it's fun and ego-boosting and awesome.

They're all 20 -22 by the way :biggrin:


#28

Cajungal

Cajungal

Score! Have fun! ;)


#29



Disconnected

Calleja said:
Ok, a table inside was freed up and I ran to it. Ahh, air conditioning.

Now... new scenario. There's a table of HAWT girls right next to me... but I'm not sure how old they are. I mean their bodies say 22, but some of their faces say 16.

Halforums, I need a reason to check IDs at a Starbucks! STAT!

---------- Post added at 01:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:59 PM ----------

I HAVE BECOME A 20 SOMETHING COUGAR! :Leyla:
Click to expand...
dear penthouse, you won't believe this...


#30

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Calleja said:
Tee hee.. I'm getting looks from one of the girls at the next table.

I'm wearing a white shirt and my tattoo can be seen a bit through it. I just distinctly heard them say it's "hot".

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm getting a phone number today.





I love starbucks
Click to expand...
I guess Miss Monogamy is out of the picture...


#31

Piotyr

Piotyr

I think the cougars are more likely to share your taste in music.


#32

Calleja

Calleja

We're still talking and seeing each other like once a week, but I've slowed things down and openly told her that I'm seeing other people. she's still pursuing me, though... which is both awesome and a bit... uncomfortable at times. I dunno, I'm unsmitten but I'm not sure why.

---------- Post added at 01:27 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:26 PM ----------
Piotyr said:
I think the cougars are more likely to share your taste in music.
Click to expand...
Ask morphine what music she likes. She's younger than me.


#33

General Specific

General Specific

Watch it turn out that these girls are the cougars' daughters


#34

Denbrought

Denbrought

Calleja;407697][QUOTE=Piotyr said:
I think the cougars are more likely to share your taste in music.
Click to expand...
Ask morphine what music she likes. She's younger than me.[/QUOTE]
We assume you had plenty of time to corrupt her, she's been compromised.


#35

Cheesy1

Cheesy1

General Specific said:
Watch it turn out that these girls are the cougars' daughters
Click to expand...
HA! I was JUST thinking that!

"By the way, my mom and her friends said they think you're 'delicious.'" :p


#36

Calleja

Calleja

Nah, the cougars left a few minutes ago and the hotties haven't.

We just discussed the best places in town to watch the world cup and booze it up. We're talking about meeting to watch the Germany-Argentina match. They don't even really like football. tee hee.


#37

Dave

Dave

He could share them!


Dear Penthouse, I know I made this letter as a joke a few posts ago, but this time I couldn't believe it was happening to me....


#38

Cheesy1

Cheesy1

. . . And you wouldn't believe what it was like after they took their dentures out! . . .


#39

Calleja

Calleja

............hoyl shit.

One of them just showed me her own tattoo. The John Lennon face doodle. On her hip.



I.... I'm gonna get married.


#40

Morphine

Morphine

I guess we can assume that your "smittening" is now gone?

...take pictures of em n_n


#41



Roxxoredizorz



#42

Calleja

Calleja

They had to go. I got the number of my favorite one with that tattoo.

Good day, today is. :biggrin:


#43

Baerdog

Baerdog

Man, am I the only one getting flashbacks from that Subway thread? Anyone? Bueller?


#44

Calleja

Calleja

Hey, the starbucks threads are a staple of Calleja posting!! I just hadn't done one in a while.

The forum is awesome for pretending you're busy.

---------- Post added at 02:03 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:58 PM ----------

I swear, this Starbucks is a HAVEN for the hotties in my area. What the fuck, of the 10 or 12 women in here I want to get to know like 8 of them and marry 4.

Sad thing is I'm now leaving :(


#45

Cajungal

Cajungal

Poor Fernando. So many chicas, so little time.


#46

figmentPez

figmentPez

Krisken said:
And make her cry by saying grand-daughter instead.
Click to expand...
That seems more like advice for Iacalus than for Calleja.


#47

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Bumble the Boy Wonder

If only you had seven penises.


#48

Denbrought

Denbrought

Bumble the Boy Wonder said:
If only you had seven penises.
Click to expand...


#49

Cajungal

Cajungal

Denbrought;407760][QUOTE=Bumble the Boy Wonder said:
If only you had seven penises.
Click to expand...
[/QUOTE]

Den, you make me want to dance. :p


#50

ElJuski

ElJuski

This has been a remarkable journey, this whole thread

remarkable


#51

Jay

Jay

Pics or I'm calling BS. :)


#52

Calleja

Calleja

I'm at home already so consider it BS for all I care.


#53

Jay

Jay

You're a fast texter aren't cha?


#54

Calleja

Calleja

uh? texter?


#55

Jay

Jay

Don't play coy, Sir.

I'll be honest with you. The first part of this thread was amusing and I was on board.... then not so much on the part on where you're chatting it up with hotties. I find it absolutely ridiculous that you're texting on these forums while "flirting" with these women. Getting numbers, showing tats. Comon man, the Jay wasn't born yesterday.


#56

Calleja

Calleja

You mean typing?

I had my laptop out, I went there for the wifi. I specifically said in the AMA thread that I was using the forums to appear "busy". They were on the table beside me, not even 4 feet away. I talked to them without moving the laptop. She pulled her pants down with her thumb to show the tat, without even standing up from her place. WTF are you going on about?

No, scratch that, Why the fuck am I defending myself to you?


#57

Cajungal

Cajungal

Don't worry, Fernando. We know you have game. ^_^


#58

Calleja

Calleja

I don't WANT you to think I have game. I share EVERYTHING in these forums, including when I'm at a starbucks chatting with hotties or when I shoot semen in my eyes. I share, I don't do it so you think or don't think anything about me.


#59

Jay

Jay

Oooh, getting defensive a touch a bit over there Nando. Mmmmmm.... esta donde la verita amigo?


#60

Cajungal

Cajungal

Man, Jay, you're totally putting down the ladies' men lately. I am suspicious. :p


#61

Calleja

Calleja

You're calling me a liar in front of people I actually care about. So yeah, I'm gonna get defensive. You're a fucking troll, though, I see that now. No more feeding you, little boy, fuck along.


#62

Jay

Jay

I'm suspicious that you can't let men fight their own battles or mind your own business. :)


#63

Cajungal

Cajungal

Psh, open forum, bud. It's all my business.


#64

Calleja

Calleja

Any business of mine is business of Cajungal's, capisce?


#65

Denbrought

Denbrought

Jay said:
Mmmmmm.... this where the [italian != spanish] friend?
Click to expand...
Mmm, butchered spanish, just what I love to have for dinner.


#66

Jay

Jay

Calleja said:
You're calling me a liar in front of people I actually care about. So yeah, I'm gonna get defensive. You're a fucking troll, though, I see that now. No more feeding you, little boy, fuck along.
Click to expand...
Using that "you're calling me a liar against others" routine? Dude, I'm disappointed. I only found your story suspicious and pointed it out. You're the one thinking I'm out to get you. Don't share things that are hard to believe and not expect to be called on it. No need to call me names or use swear words. It just proves my point.

:)


#67

Cajungal

Cajungal

Calleja said:
Any business of mine is business of Cajungal's, capisce?
Click to expand...
S'truth. We're a posse.


#68

Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

.... Okay, who put the Chaz in Quebec's water supply again...


Actually... that's not really fair to Chaz.

None of this was called for. Jay might have started out joking around, but now it's just spiteful. The pair of you need to chill the fuck out.


#69

Calleja

Calleja

Talking to people on the table next to you is hard to believe?

Where do you live, Pakistan?


#70

Jay

Jay

But... I thought you were done? Or is that just another thing that you write that isn't really really true?

And Charon, I'm totally joking around. Though, getting him riled up is kinda funny.... he's way too defensive.

Sorry to get on your bad side Nando, I didn't mean any harm. :whistling:


#71

Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

There comes a point when trolling is no longer funny, and starts becoming annoying to the rest of us.

You were amusing yourself at a Fernando Freak-out, he was feeling put-upon, and the rest of us had to watch it happen.

Not necessary. If you want the lulz, go troll Chatroulette.


#72

Gusto

Gusto

Calleja loves being the center of attention.
Jay doesn't like any one person getting attention

Calleja = negaJay.

:hm:

Quod Era Demonstrandum.


#73

Cajungal

Cajungal

Officer_Charon said:
Fernando Freak-out
Click to expand...
I'm thrilled that this is catching on.


#74

Calleja

Calleja

....you think that was a "Fernando Freak-Out"?

Dude, you're not helping.


#75

Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

I... that was... dammit.

I'ma be over here. Apparently brain-fingers interlock ain't engaged properly this morning. Afternoon. Wossname.


#76

Krisken

Krisken

Cajungal;407822][QUOTE=Calleja said:
Any business of mine is business of Cajungal's, capisce?
Click to expand...
S'truth. We're a posse.[/QUOTE]
A, dare I say it, clique? :D


#77



Element 117

Officer_Charon said:
There comes a point when trolling is no longer funny, and starts becoming annoying to the rest of us.

You were amusing yourself at a Fernando Freak-out, he was feeling put-upon, and the rest of us had to watch it happen.

Not necessary. If you want the lulz, go troll Chatroulette.
Click to expand...
*enters thread*

*shoots OFC with a chain gun*
*beats OFC with a baseball bat, *

*leaves thread*


#78

Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

.......... Ow.


#79

ElJuski

ElJuski

I HAD FORESEEN THIS


FROM THREADS BEFORE


#80

Gusto

Gusto

Gilman Chatsworth said:
I HAD FORESEEN THIS


FROM THREADS BEFORE
Click to expand...
THE DREAMER AWAKENS :Leyla:


#81

ElJuski

ElJuski

BEEEWOOOOoOOOOOOooOOOOoOOOOOOOO


#82

Jay

Jay

That's about right Mr. Miller.

BTW, I'm in a Tim Horton's right now, these 2 cougars just came in....


#83

ElJuski

ElJuski

Why are you in Tim Horton. Pics or it didn't happen plz.


#84

Gusto

Gusto

Jay said:
That's about right Mr. Miller.

BTW, I'm in a Tim Horton's right now, these 2 cougars just came in....
Click to expand...
In Canada?!



#85

Krisken

Krisken

Jay said:
That's about right Mr. Miller.

BTW, I'm in a Tim Horton's right now, these 2 cougars just came in....
Click to expand...
Man, this story never gets old!


#86

ElJuski

ElJuski

I think it ends with semen.


#87

Jay

Jay

Gimmie a second.... why am I at Tim Horton's? Well.... I'm having supper! Then going to play some cosom hockey.



#88



makare

SANDWICH


#89

ElJuski

ElJuski

...not a banana.


#90

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

It has bacon.

I'm at the zoo, checking out these cougars.


#91



makare

Im at the mellencamp checking out the john cougars.


#92

LittleSin

LittleSin

They did a piss poor job on the sandwhich.


#93

Gusto

Gusto

LittleSin said:
They did a piss poor job on the sandwhich.
Click to expand...
It's like it's Tim Horton's or something. ;)


#94



Wasabi Poptart

Cougar sammich?


#95

LittleSin

LittleSin

Gusto;407933][QUOTE=LittleSin said:
They did a piss poor job on the sandwhich.
Click to expand...
It's like it's Tim Horton's or something. ;)[/QUOTE]

My (soon to be) brother-in-law always makes a fantastic sandwhich. That's why he's been employee of the year for the past four years. :)

...now I want a sammich.


#96

phil

phil

Wasabi Poptart said:
Cougar sammich?
Click to expand...
:Leyla:


:unibrow:


:hump:

In that order, I think.


#97



makare

Ive never heard of Tim Hortons before


#98

checkeredhat

checkeredhat

Jay said:
That's about right Mr. Miller.

BTW, I'm in a Tim Horton's right now, these 2 cougars just came in....
Click to expand...
If you weren't in Quebec I'd call bullshit. Attractive women don't go to Timmy's.


#99

ElJuski

ElJuski

I was just at the Taco Bell drive thru, and these Cougars drive up in a COUGAR...


#100

checkeredhat

checkeredhat

LittleSin;407937][QUOTE=Gusto;407933][QUOTE=LittleSin said:
They did a piss poor job on the sandwhich.
Click to expand...
It's like it's Tim Horton's or something. ;)[/QUOTE]

My (soon to be) brother-in-law always makes a fantastic sandwhich. That's why he's been employee of the year for the past four years. :)

...now I want a sammich.[/QUOTE]


This is only MILDLY related, but, the new bread is awful. It LOOKS delicious and had me excited, but it tastes terrible and it has the consistency of rubber.


#101



crono1224

This thread traveled a lot farther than I thought possible in three pages.


#102

Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

Apprently it went from a Mexican Starbucks to a Quebecois Tim Hortons

(Donuts and a sammich? WTF?)


#103

Cajungal

Cajungal

That bacon looks sad.


#104

phil

phil

makare said:
Ive never heard of Tim Hortons before
Click to expand...
From what I gather it's like a dunkin doughnuts and a starbucks had a little mistake baby.

Cajungal said:
That bacon looks sad.
Click to expand...

BECAUSE IT'S NOT IN MY BELLY


#105

Calleja

Calleja

I'm chatting on msn with lennon-tattoo girl. We are so down for the germany-argentina match and "mutual tattoo showing off".... :biggrin:


#106

phil

phil

weren't you going to like settle down and steady date some broad?


#107

Calleja

Calleja

I addressed that earlier in this thread too. We're taking it slower, and openly seeing other people. The initial smitten-ness faded.


#108

phil

phil

ah, ok.


#109

General Specific

General Specific

I'm a fan of the Carolina Panthers, panther being another name for the same animal as a cougar!

I missed out on the pun time-frame didn't I?


#110

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Hey Dawg, I heard you like Cougars....



#111

Ross

Ross



There's nothing more frightening then driving with a live goddamn cougar next to you.


#112



Chazwozel

Guys, I'm in my lab having a beer and these three cougars totally just sucked my dick.


Oh snap one of them is showing me her shark tattoo. I think...I think I'm in love.



#113

Andi

Drachenherz

Chazwozel said:
Guys, I'm in my lab having a beer and these three cougars totally just sucked my dick.


Oh snap one of them is showing me her shark tattoo. I think...I think I'm in love.

Click to expand...
I'd let her bite me anytime, *raaawl*


#114

Jay

Jay

*looks at watch*

Chaz you're late. Where the hell have you been??


#115

Dave

Dave

He's been playing Also Sprach Zarathustra for his boss with his shirt off.


#116



Iaculus

Dave said:
He's been playing Also Sprach Zarathustra for his boss with his shirt off.
Click to expand...
:eyebrows:

Kinky.


#117

Dave

Dave

Iaculus;408541][QUOTE=Dave said:
He's been playing Also Sprach Zarathustra for his boss with his shirt off.
Click to expand...
:eyebrows:

Kinky.[/QUOTE]



#118

Denbrought

Denbrought

Dave;408544][QUOTE=Iaculus;408541][QUOTE=Dave said:
He's been playing Also Sprach Zarathustra for his boss with his shirt off.
Click to expand...
:eyebrows:

Kinky.[/QUOTE]

[/QUOTE]
I remember when I first watched that, I was laughing soooo hard. Then I watched his Aristocrats video and I couldn't breathe.


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