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Totally didn't go back into lurker mode I swear.... Oh and Icarus Syndrome?

#1



Cobra Star

So yeah, life has been crazy:

Moved to this new city with my brother (well mostly, alot of my stuff from my previous house is in boxes at my parents, I mostly just have the neceisities here) and we're still looking for a 4 bedroom (one for me, one for him and his gf, one for my son and one for my daughter).

I was going to start Tech school this June but with things in the hectic limbo they are, I had to push back to September. I have my new job starting at the end of this month/early next month. I am still in the process of finding us a place and everything feels like it's in limbo. I can't really DO much right now.

I'm going back and forth from here and my parents place as well (My kids are staying with them this summer till I have the house + job situated) That's a 4 1/2hr drive. So that takes up weekends usually.

With everything going crazy the one thing that really caught me off guard is that I met someone. As I stated in my AMA thread: http://www.halforums.com/forum/show...e-Lurker-First-Time-Poster.-Regular-Now-Maybe. I have always had problems with my relationships because I never really was honest with myself over what I wanted in a relationship and always settled with contentment instead of happiness.

Well this girl is completely different than anyone I've seen before. Right off the bat she's a gamer (casual, mostly Wii/Mario with a little WoW tossed in) but she's still in the "mindset". She loves anime (even attends cons) and fantasy/sci-fi as a whole. I can be myself around her completely and I've never felt happier while spending time with someone.

So what's the problem? *insert effeminate Elvis here*
She's 9yrs younger than me. (She's 20 turning 21 and I just hit 29) That's the big one.
There are other minor issues:
She's short and not fat but not skinny. (I used to be pretty superficial, if someone wasn't fit/hot I wouldn't even give them the time of day and all my previous relationships were with smoking hot women. It's not really an issue since I went into this with knowing her attitude before her looks).
While she does love the same things I do ie: Anime/gaming/movies. They tend to be more around her age group. (Inuyasha, Vampire Stuff, Animal Crossing, etc).
She also has a small speech impediment that she's had since she was a child, though she really got it to a stable controlled situation now (Sometimes she pronounces her Rs as Ws: The Wat got in the cuboawds)
She doesn't have alot of relationship experience. (Only dated 2 guys before me and one was a 4yr relationship)
She's not "feminine" almost at all. She usually wears shorts with rips in them, a T-Shirt and flip flops. With her hair in a pony tail and no make-up. (Again this was mostly a "getting used to it" kind of thing as all my previous relationships were with "high maintience" girls)

While I know those things are superficial and I did get past them (Some even work in my favor like the inexperience to dating gives me a chance to "not fuck this one up"), they are hurdles none the less. Though when we lay down at night, watching a movie or TV show.... none of those things seem to matter. Just being around her makes me feel happier than I ever did in the long term relationships I was in before. We've only been dating about 2 weeks, but I can already see more potential in her than I ever did in my past....

Halforums, opinions?


#2

Null

Null

Good luck. Have fun while it lasts.


#3



Cobra Star

Fun while it lasts?


#4

ThatGrinningIdiot!

ThatGrinningIdiot!

Nothing created by man is meant to last forever.


#5

David

David

Cobra Star said:
those things are superficial and I did get past them...
Just being around her makes me feel happier than I ever did in the long term relationships I was in before. We've only been dating about 2 weeks, but I can already see more potential in her than I ever did in my past....
Click to expand...
Than I fail to see a problem. Full speed ahead!


#6



Cobra Star

That's how I feel about it. The "issues" are more of just a ridiculous nagging thought in the back of my mind. Ie: Will my family like her due to her age. Will I ever have to defend her against idiots who make fun of her. Should I try and get her to change her eating/dressing habits or be happy with the way she is etc.


#7

Dave

Dave

Enjoy her for who she is. If she isn't overly feminine most of the time who cares? Does she mind dressing up on occasion? Score!

Just don't try and change her as she sounds like a lot of fun, comfortable with who she is (which is a HUGE THING!) and likes you back for who you are! You are asking about how to go out with a fun, low-maintenance woman?!? Dude! Have fun!


#8

ThatGrinningIdiot!

ThatGrinningIdiot!

Cobra Star said:
That's how I feel about it. The "issues" are more of just a ridiculous nagging thought in the back of my mind. Ie: Will my family like her due to her age. Will I ever have to defend her against idiots who make fun of her. Should I try and get her to change her eating/dressing habits or be happy with the way she is etc.
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You can encourage her to develop new tastes, but to imply that you can change her as though she were a dress up doll . . . .

Edit: Listen to Dave, his wisdom is sound as it is ancient. :p


#9

Azurephoenix

Azurephoenix

From my experience... you can never make someone change... they will change if they want to and only then.


#10

Null

Null

She's 20, you have kids. You have responsibilities, she has anime conventions. I'm not saying it's doomed, I'm just saying that you've got more complications to your life, so just enjoy this for what it is and don't put any expectations on it.


#11

Dave

Dave

Null said:
She's 20, you have kids. You have responsibilities, she has anime conventions. I'm not saying it's doomed, I'm just saying that you've got more complications to your life, so just enjoy this for what it is and don't put any expectations on it.
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Negative Nancy!

Dude, my wife is 5 years my junior and it's perfectly fine. If that's the only thing about them that is incompatible then they'll be just fine.


#12

David

David

My mom was 26 with two kids when my dad, 20, married her. They've been married for 21 years now.


#13



Chibibar

my wife is 7 years younger than me. We are doing great.


#14

Hylian

Hylian

My Grandpa is about 14 years older than my Grandma


#15

drawn_inward

drawn_inward

Dave;400744][QUOTE=Null said:
She's 20, you have kids. You have responsibilities, she has anime conventions. I'm not saying it's doomed, I'm just saying that you've got more complications to your life, so just enjoy this for what it is and don't put any expectations on it.
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Negative Nancy!

Dude, my wife is 5 years my junior and it's perfectly fine. If that's the only thing about them that is incompatible then they'll be just fine.[/QUOTE]

The age gap isn't the problem, it's the life experiences. Cobra has experienced a shit-ton of stuff in life: marriage, kids, divorce (twice right?), living adulthood, etc. This girl is young, not experienced in life. To take on Cobra is to take on kids and serious commitment right away.

I don't know if you are soliciting advice, but here's some if you want it or not. Get your life straight, brother. You've got kids not living with their parents. You don't have a stable home. You're not sure about education. I hope at least your job is stable. And, on top of this you're worried about some tail?? Find a soulmate? She gets you b/c you're a gamer? Man up and take care those kids and quit worrying about your needs.


#16



Wasabi Poptart

I don't think Null's comment is so much about the age difference, but about the difference in their lives. A carefree 20 year old woman might not want to be saddled with the responsibility of raising 2 children who are not her own (granted, this relationship is only 2 weeks old, but this is assuming it continues into more serious territory). There is a difference between a 20 year old who seemingly has a lot of freedom and a 29 year old with quite a bit of responsibilities to consider.


#17

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

I'm 27, and my girlfriend is 19. The creepy bit is that she's only three years older than my niece. But I've gotten over that. Though I still feeld old, realizing that the little baby girl I once held in my arms, the hyperactive little ray of sunshine who always hugged my leg when I came over is now almost adult. But that's a whole 'nother fettle of kish.

Dude, seriously. If she makes you happy, be happy with her.


#18



Chibibar

ok. First things first.

Cobra: you gotta fix your situation first. Get your home and work stable. If you want to go out with this girl, let her know of your situation. She has to know/understand that you are in a "rut/bind" right now and a single parent. Honesty is really needed, sure her life experience is "low" but you be surprise how much life experience may have. Don't assume that she is 20 that she doesn't have life experience.


#19

Null

Null

Wasabi Poptart said:
I don't think Null's comment is so much about the age difference, but about the difference in their lives. A carefree 20 year old woman might not want to be saddled with the responsibility of raising 2 children who are not her own (granted, this relationship is only 2 weeks old, but this is assuming it continues into more serious territory). There is a difference between a 20 year old who seemingly has a lot of freedom and a 29 year old with quite a bit of responsibilities to consider.
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Yeah, that's pretty much what I'm talking about. The age isn't the thing, the complications are. If you were both unencumbered, then it would be fine. That is not the situation here.


#20

ElJuski

ElJuski

who are you? All these people with their name changes my gosh


#21



Cobra Star

Ok maybe I made my living situation sound worse than it is so I'll clarify:

My kids spend EVERY summer with their grandparents. June with my parents and July with my ex's parents. This isn't because "I can't handle them". It also gave me the opportunity I needed to find a good place for them, instead of putting them in the apartment I'm staying at with my brother (which is more than roomy if I did).
I'm very "sure" about school. School is not "in a chaotic point", it simply doesn't fit into my current schedule of work + moving. (it will in the next semester start: Sept)
I wasn't even "looking for tail/soulmate" this girl found me (at a comic book shop my brother took me to visit and we hit it off from there.)
As for burdening her with my kids? That remains to be seen. When she became aware of my situation (she knows what I've been through and my current situation, I've been honest from day one about it all) she was very accepting and immediately began asking me questions about them, wanting to know more about them and showing general interest in that side of my life as well as the one she was getting to know. (I did let her know that I had no intentions of introducing them to a new "mommy" any time soon and she understood)

Financially I'm very stable, I left my old living area with plenty of money to hold me over and make sure my kids have everything they need on a day to day basis (even though my parents/ex's parents provide them with more than enough while they're visiting). I've been single almost a year so I don't have any "relationship drama" following me around. So my life is pretty "straight" as it can be and on the right track (following my 5 and 10yr plan accordingly).

--

Few other things. I'm not trying to "change" her, it was simply the kind of insignificant things that kept going through my mind as I was trying to adjust to the way she is. Like I said, I really have never been with someone like this and it almost feels "too easy". I keep waiting for the "loltrap!" to spring but she's told me some of the bigger downfalls in her life already and I think this really might be "real".
I'm also not interested in "burdening her" with my kids. I have always been the main caretaker of my kids, even when I was in relationships with their mother and my ex. If she accepts them and they accept her? Great. She's not "mom", she's "dad's girlfriend". Simple as that.

While saying all this, I DO appreciate all the advice coming my way, both positive and critical. Just thought I'd clear up some misconceptions

Jigglymuff said:
who are you? All these people with their name changes my gosh
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I'm Cobra Star. You on the other hand, were El Juski.


#22



Chibibar

heh.. I'm still Chibibar. Life is never easy, but sometimes the forces that be MIGHT throw you a bone or two. I say, enjoy the moment but with honesty. Let her know the situation so there won't be surprises :)

She sounds like a lot of fun and low maintenance :) a winner!


#23



Cobra Star

Might want to read up on some of my edits there Chibi. :sneaky:


#24



Element 117

This is one of those times when I think I should just take people's advice and not open my mouth, because this is going to sound colder than I intend it. But rest easy that it's only my opinion, and I'm often [STRIKE]always[/STRIKE] wrong

politely, you should end the dating as gently as you can, if you wish to retain her friendship. Referencing her appearance, the speech impediment, and the age difference as hurdles indicates to me you don't really know who she actually is as a person enough to determine what the real hurdles would be. It takes a while to get a feel for someone's personality, which will be where the biggest hurdles are, rather than the five minute glance at the as you put it, superficial aspects. If you did not have kids, this would not be an issue, really, just a fun learning experience, but children add all kinds of angles to things previously unconsidered.


#25

Null

Null

Well, Cobster, at least you asked at an internet forum where very few, if any, knows you that well, or has any familiarity with your current light-o'love. Just the people you should trust for advice you won't take anyway.


#26

Krisken

Krisken

Honestly, the only people who can decide if you two are right for each other are you and her. Any advice from us wouldn't be on a limited amount of information, no matter how much you tell us. We also don't have her perspective on the relationship and what she hopes to get out of it.

However it turns out, good luck :)


#27



Element 117

Krisken said:
Honestly, the only people who can decide if you two are right for each other are you and her. Any advice from us wouldn't be on a limited amount of information, no matter how much you tell us. We also don't have her perspective on the relationship and what she hopes to get out of it.

However it turns out, good luck :)
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damn your moderate voice of reason you smuggler scum! May you develop lupus!


#28

Null

Null

The doctors thought Rob, owner/chief editor of 4WFG had lupus. Turns out it was just neuropathy, which is thankfully responding quite well to treatment and physical therapy.


#29



Cobra Star

There seems to be another misunderstanding here. I asked for "opinions" not "advice" :p

Also I think people misread the initial post again. I did not say her looks are my current "hang-up" I said they were the things that initially itched at me. It was something "new" not "off-putting". I'm quite passed those issues and enjoying myself on a daily basis.

As a matter of fact, she's over here right now, playing WoW in the same room my brother and GF are. :)

I do think I made it clear about my children's involvment in an earlier post as well. I wonder what I'm doing wrong that's causing consistant misunderstanding.


#30



Element 117

Sometimes people's opinions include advice, and being nitpicky about that isn't really good form in a thread of this type, but I think further comments are probably unnecessary to me since I inferred that what you're really looking for is confirmation that you're pursuing the proper course of action.


#31

Cajungal

Cajungal

Poster beware: Opinion threads are often cluttered up with unsolicited advice. :p It's just what happens. Take what you know doesn't apply to you with a grain of salt, I guess. Have fun if you like her. See what happens.


#32

ElJuski

ElJuski

Amorous Eyes said:
Re: Jigglymuff / El Juski..
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Oh, I'm well aware :p


#33

LittleSin

LittleSin

STOP. Please oh please stop with the excessive use of quotation marks.

"Seriously."

- LittleSin, who can get hung up on the little things.


#34

Null

Null

Well, dude, if you just wanted to be told you were on the right track and were after congratulations, you should have said so. I don't mind lying to complete strangers I have no real opinion of.


#35

Tinwhistler

Tinwhistler

I used to have a speech impediment. A couple really. I stuttered, and I did the "w for r" thing as well.

I usually rehearse what I'm going to say a split second before I say it, and that helps the stuttering. I've gotten good enough at it I hardly know I'm doing it now. But if I'm tired, surprised, or you catch me off guard, or I let my mouth outrun my brain, wham, there it is. The w thing slips out every now and then too. It doesn't bug me nearly as much as it used to.

She sounds like a decent gal. I hope things work out.


#36

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

Tinwhistler said:
I used to have a speech impediment. A couple really. I stuttered, and I did the "w for r" thing as well.
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A lisp. Or a wisp. Or a lithp. Or a withp.


#37

LittleSin

LittleSin

Tinwhistler said:
I used to have a speech impediment. A couple really. I stuttered, and I did the "w for r" thing as well.

I usually rehearse what I'm going to say a split second before I say it, and that helps the stuttering. I've gotten good enough at it I hardly know I'm doing it now. But if I'm tired, surprised, or you catch me off guard, or I let my mouth outrun my brain, wham, there it is. The w thing slips out every now and then too. It doesn't bug me nearly as much as it used to.

She sounds like a decent gal. I hope things work out.
Click to expand...
You had my impediments!

SPEECH BUDDIES!


#38

David

David



#39

Gusto

Gusto

If I try to talk too fast I stutter a bit.


#40



Wasabi Poptart

I have never understood people who want others' opinions and then get defensive when it's something they don't want to hear. Now I think you just want a pat on the back for dating some homely chick with a speech impediment. You're so awesome and non-superficial!


#41



Cobra Star

Wait, who said I was getting defensive? It was simply a remark against the comment made about "You shouldn't take the advice of people that you don't know."

I really did want to hear the opinions of people that while don't know me very well, I know pretty well and I value the thoughts and collective ideas that they share. I sure as hell wasn't looking for a pat on the back, I EXPECTED to be smacked around a bit for even having such superficial thoughts to begin with. I thought I made it clear that they were minor speed bumps that I did learn were unimportant in the long run and began to value the things that were in front of me.

I have no idea why every thread I start seems to turn back on me and attempts to swallow me up in attack tactics. It's like everything I say is twisted around into something I did not even remotely mean. I value advice and opinions, I just don't blindly follow them. I wasn't aware that was a crime. It sure as hell wasn't back on Image or Halfpixel, Dave has tried hard not to make it that way here either....


#42

Krisken

Krisken

Then it was meant as a response to what I had said, Cobra. Maybe to prevent confusion (as seems to have occurred many times in this thread) you should quote the person you are referencing to. I think that would have helped quite a bit for clarity.


Edit: Didn't mean to seem to be attacking you, if that is how it appears. Was certainly not my intention.


#43



Cobra Star

Amorous Eyes said:
That's the feeling I'm getting now. You can replace the "my advice" with "in my opinion" in any of the replies. Would that help?
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When did I even come close to that being my opinion? If anything there are more instances of me contricting it than helping it. Also, when did I call her homely? What the hell. Not only are words being taken the wrong way, now they're just outright being put in my mouth?

Amorous Eyes said:
Re-read this very paragraph and you might get an idea. Your wording doesn't really come across as friendly but more like condescending and passive aggressive (defensive?). Are you saying this forum changed the day you came out of lurking and started posting threads?
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I'm saying that I've seen MANY newbies and delurkers attacked back into the shadows/off the boards because of outright misunderstandings and pounding accusations. It's grown as the community has shrank.


#44

Krisken

Krisken

You're supposed to say "It's not you, it's me!"


#45



Cobra Star

Well that's funnier than actually acknowledging a problem I suppose....

Anyway, tonight went fantastic. My brother and his GF are taking a liking to her, even though they also warn me about falling too fast. They're concerned I'll jump too deep into another relationship too fast. I'm just taking it in stride as the days go by. Seeing her almost daily is nice though. Everytime she's over I can just see what I've been missing all these years....


#46

Krisken

Krisken

Cobra Star said:
Well that's funnier than actually acknowledging a problem I suppose....
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Not quite sure what you want us to do. No one was inflammatory and the advice suggestions (even if you didn't want it) weren't offensive. If you have been reading the forums as long as you say, I can't imagine you think it's worse than it was back in the Image days.

I guess I can just erase what I've written and just post:
"Mmmhmm. I see." and leave it at that.


#47



Cobra Star

It doesn't matter. I'm not gonna let it phase me. If people want to misunderstand and put words in my mouth, there's little I can do to convince them otherwise.

Again I really do appreciate the advice and opinions expressed here so far. I was simply curious on other people's take on the situation as I've already discussed it with family and friends over on this side of the monitor. I'm glad she found me, I'm glad I was able to get over my idiotic tendencies and I'm glad she's in my life now. I hope it stays strong and grows from here, I understand the hurdles I will have to face as they come: If she really keeps a positive attitude when my kids come back from vacation, how my family will react to her, how her family will react to me and so forth. Those are the real issues that will cause any kind of bumps along our road and I hope to cross them in time.

Regardless of the direction the thread went in, I'll be happy to keep HF updated with how things continue to proceed.


#48



Chibibar

If my post seem to be attacking, I am sorry. I don't think I was attacking you (not sure about the others). I still stand by my statement "a winnah!" good luck. I'm sure your brother is looking out for your best interest (most siblings do at least mine does) so I'm sure you are in good hands.


#49

Dave

Dave

Good for you, CS! Have fun, man!


#50



Wasabi Poptart

I know the "attacking" is being done by me. I can only tell you what I see from my perspective based on what you have posted. In the OP you talk about how she is not as "hot" as the women you typically date. You make it a point to let us know she's short, chubby, and not very feminine. I hope she never comes on here to see how you have worded the OP. I know if I was dating someone and they pointed out all of my "flaws" like that to a group of strangers, I would be reduced to tears. Especially when you say her looks did bug you (they are "hurdles" according to the OP), but you've gotten over it now - as if she's a consolation prize. And to top it off, you come on here to post about her while she's at your house, leaving her with your brother and his GF. She sounds like a buddy instead of a woman you are really into.

Sorry if you don't like what I have to say. I try to be honest with people and unfortunately I don't cover it with sugar and sprinkles. I'm sure you'll get over this hurdle as well.


#51

Dave

Dave

Wasabi Poptart said:
sugar and sprinkles
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Great. Now I want cupcakes.


#52

LittleSin

LittleSin

Wasabi Poptart said:
I know the "attacking" is being done by me. I can only tell you what I see from my perspective based on what you have posted. In the OP you talk about how she is not as "hot" as the women you typically date. You make it a point to let us know she's short, chubby, and not very feminine. I hope she never comes on here to see how you have worded the OP. I know if I was dating someone and they pointed out all of my "flaws" like that to a group of strangers, I would be reduced to tears. Especially when you say her looks did bug you (they are "hurdles" according to the OP), but you've gotten over it now - as if she's a consolation prize. And to top it off, you come on here to post about her while she's at your house, leaving her with your brother and his GF. She sounds like a buddy instead of a woman you are really into.

Sorry if you don't like what I have to say. I try to be honest with people and unfortunately I don't cover it with sugar and sprinkles. I'm sure you'll get over this hurdle as well.
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Thank you for putting my thoughts a feelings into words.

I was so offended by his OP that I could only comment on something stupid, afraid I would shoot my mouth off and sound like an ass.


#53



Element 117

Dave said:
Good for you, CS! Have fun, man!
Click to expand...


#54



Chibibar

Dave;401083][QUOTE=Wasabi Poptart said:
sugar and sprinkles
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Great. Now I want cupcakes.[/QUOTE]

I got like 2 dozen of devil's food cupcake here that I baked yesterday ;)
I have to agree with Wasabi cause that mirrors my thought.


#55



Element 117

LittleSin;401085][QUOTE=Wasabi Poptart said:
I know the "attacking" is being done by me. I can only tell you what I see from my perspective based on what you have posted. In the OP you talk about how she is not as "hot" as the women you typically date. You make it a point to let us know she's short, chubby, and not very feminine. I hope she never comes on here to see how you have worded the OP. I know if I was dating someone and they pointed out all of my "flaws" like that to a group of strangers, I would be reduced to tears. Especially when you say her looks did bug you (they are "hurdles" according to the OP), but you've gotten over it now - as if she's a consolation prize. And to top it off, you come on here to post about her while she's at your house, leaving her with your brother and his GF. She sounds like a buddy instead of a woman you are really into.

Sorry if you don't like what I have to say. I try to be honest with people and unfortunately I don't cover it with sugar and sprinkles. I'm sure you'll get over this hurdle as well.
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Thank you for putting my thoughts a feelings into words.

I was so offended by his OP that I could only comment on something stupid, afraid I would shoot my mouth off and sound like an ass.[/QUOTE]

I had the exact same reaction, honestly.


#56



Chibibar

To post on the other side of the coin. I am kinda glad that Cobra decides to talk about his hang ups and overcome it. It does show the he is growing. I hope Cobra is NOT thinking this girl is a consolation prize, but I remember a quote (not exact since I can't find it quickly on the net) "We may be Beachfront property in the Hampton, but soon we'll just be regular condos" (basically it is a movie about a girl falling for a guy and living with super models. This was one of the super models that she is also looking for true love)

What I am trying to say is that the outer beauty is only skin deep. It is the inner quality that really last. Sure you could date some hot chick/dude, but how long that look will last? what if that person is uber hot but have little in common or not much interest in your interest? the relationship doesn't last long IMO. I think that is what some of the forumites get a little upset on the original post. I'm sure you are swell guy CS :) but the original post does come off a little "harsh" but the later clarification DID help a lot and I do pray that the girl never read this ;) or figure it was you posting it.

I am glad that you can see the GREATER quality in the gal you are seeing. Now if she has habits that really bugs you like smoking, doing drugs, excessive drinking, or stuff like that, that is a different story ;)


#57



Chazwozel

Jigglymuff said:
who are you? All these people with their name changes my gosh
Click to expand...

Null is lying bastard

---------- Post added at 10:31 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:29 AM ----------
B.T.;401091][QUOTE=LittleSin;401085][QUOTE=Wasabi Poptart said:
I know the "attacking" is being done by me. I can only tell you what I see from my perspective based on what you have posted. In the OP you talk about how she is not as "hot" as the women you typically date. You make it a point to let us know she's short, chubby, and not very feminine. I hope she never comes on here to see how you have worded the OP. I know if I was dating someone and they pointed out all of my "flaws" like that to a group of strangers, I would be reduced to tears. Especially when you say her looks did bug you (they are "hurdles" according to the OP), but you've gotten over it now - as if she's a consolation prize. And to top it off, you come on here to post about her while she's at your house, leaving her with your brother and his GF. She sounds like a buddy instead of a woman you are really into.

Sorry if you don't like what I have to say. I try to be honest with people and unfortunately I don't cover it with sugar and sprinkles. I'm sure you'll get over this hurdle as well.
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Thank you for putting my thoughts a feelings into words.

I was so offended by his OP that I could only comment on something stupid, afraid I would shoot my mouth off and sound like an ass.[/QUOTE]

I had the exact same reaction, honestly.[/QUOTE]

HAHA! Even I don't have the nuts to point out my wife's flaws to Halforums!


#58



Wasabi Poptart

IMO, if he was truly growing he wouldn't feel the need for validation over this new relationship from the members of an internet message board.


#59

drawn_inward

drawn_inward

Don't bring in your personal laundry if you don't want folks to tell you how dirty it is.

I didn't see anyone attacking anyone else. I saw folks giving advice, and some folks congratulating. If you don't want the advice of the forum, avoid posting personal threads.
You should feel happy b/c the forum swallows up most that post personal threads.


#60



Wasabi Poptart

dr_awkward said:
Don't bring in your personal laundry if you don't want folks to tell you how dirty it is.

I didn't see anyone attacking anyone else. I saw folks giving advice, and some folks congratulating. If you don't want the advice of the forum, avoid posting personal threads.
You should feel happy b/c the forum swallows up most that post personal threads.
Click to expand...


#61

drawn_inward

drawn_inward



#62

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Wasabi Poptart said:
IMO, if he was truly growing he wouldn't feel the need for validation over this new relationship from the members of an internet message board.
Click to expand...
Everyone comes here for some sort of validation. Yes he seems to be changing. None of us are a fully self aware Buddha.


#63

Cajungal

Cajungal

I can understand wanting to share something new and exciting. But yeah... asking for opinions can open you up to a whole lot of stuff you might not want to hear.


#64



Element 117



#65

Dave

Dave

I have come here with stories of pooping. Sometimes you just want to share.

Besides, had I first posted about my wife and I when we first dated I'd have said the following things:


  1. She smokes. I have always said I'll never date a woman who smoked.
  2. She has a kid. Nope. Never going to date a woman with a kid.
  3. She's a tad on the heavy side. I usually date women more my size (at the time I weighted 120 pounds or so).
  4. I met her at a bar. I usually hate women I meet at bars.
Imagine how that would have sounded. A lot like the OP, I assume. He's acknowledging that the girl is not the usual type he goes for and that is okay. It means that he's attracted to her aside from the preconceived notions of what his "type" is. Sounds to me like he is growing as a person. That he may not have communicated it perfectly is neither here nor there. They like each other and that's all that matters.


#66



Chibibar

@dave: hehe I know my grammar and sentence structure is probably one of the worst in the forum. there are times that my thoughts and my words don't convey properly so I can see how some of us (myself included) can take the OP the wrong way :) but it is all good now.


#67

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

What a shit storm.... a hilarious one.... but a shit storm none the less.


#68

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Shegokigo said:
What a shit storm.... a hilarious one.... but a shit storm none the less.
Click to expand...
Especially since no one has ripped into you for posting about personal relationships.


#69



Element 117

sixpackshaker;401146][QUOTE=Shegokigo said:
What a shit storm.... a hilarious one.... but a shit storm none the less.
Click to expand...
Especially since no one has ripped into you for posting about personal relationships.[/QUOTE]

No one besides WP really ripped CS until he said we were attacking him, really. Also, pretty sure Shego would start killing her critics.


#70

Tinwhistler

Tinwhistler

I've criticized Shego before. I'm not dead.



Or am I?


#71



Element 117

Tinwhistler said:
graveyard silence
Click to expand...
.


#72



Chibibar

B.T.;401149][QUOTE=sixpackshaker;401146][QUOTE=Shegokigo said:
What a shit storm.... a hilarious one.... but a shit storm none the less.
Click to expand...
Especially since no one has ripped into you for posting about personal relationships.[/QUOTE]

No one besides WP really ripped CS until he said we were attacking him, really. Also, pretty sure Shego would start killing her critics.[/QUOTE]

I thin the difference is that Shego painted a different picture in her OP so...... yea

plus she does live in Texas and I don't want to die yet :)


#73



Element 117

FWIW, I actually tried to be kind in my post to CS. I think he's a hoopy frood, and deserves slack from me in my silence


#74



Wasabi Poptart

Dave said:
I have come here with stories of pooping. Sometimes you just want to share.

Besides, had I first posted about my wife and I when we first dated I'd have said the following things:


  1. She smokes. I have always said I'll never date a woman who smoked.
  2. She has a kid. Nope. Never going to date a woman with a kid.
  3. She's a tad on the heavy side. I usually date women more my size (at the time I weighted 120 pounds or so).
  4. I met her at a bar. I usually hate women I meet at bars.
Imagine how that would have sounded. A lot like the OP, I assume. He's acknowledging that the girl is not the usual type he goes for and that is okay. It means that he's attracted to her aside from the preconceived notions of what his "type" is. Sounds to me like he is growing as a person. That he may not have communicated it perfectly is neither here nor there. They like each other and that's all that matters.
Click to expand...
There is a difference between "I want to share" and "I'm going to share, ask for your opinion, then balk when I don't like what you say to me". Also, sharing that you have met someone great who you like despite not being your usual type is a whole lot different than laying out what their flaws are in detail. While he says he's over it, I don't have much faith that it is true or else those "hurdles" would not still be talked about as such. They sound like they are still a prominent thought or else it wouldn't have mattered enough to mention.


#75

Azurephoenix

Azurephoenix

Wasabi Poptart said:
Also, sharing that you have met someone great who you like despite not being your usual type is a whole lot different than laying out what their flaws are in detail.
Click to expand...
I agree with you here... but I have a gut feeling that he may have been trying to say that he did meet someone great despite her not being his usual type and it didn't translate well from what he was thinking in his mind.


#76

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

http://www.viddler.com/explore/thegreatergood/videos/7/

It's kind of like that.

or maybe this one:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4285735180713973313#docid=4036988286905371108


#77



Cobra Star

Ok, I outright apologize for how I seemed to have worded the situation all together.

She's a fantastic girl and she's quirky. She's more down to Earth than anyone I've ever been with and while at first I thought it was a negative, it's really turning into an awesome positive.

She cute, she's funny, she loves alot of the same things I do and being with her is easy and not a chore or a game at all. There is an issue with her age, being 8yrs younger than me. Though she has had her share of misfortunes in life and can be serious and mature when the time calls for it. I can see her growing with me, while still teaching me to forget some of the drama I've had in my life with her as a fresh start. First impressions are sometimes what people judge off of, I'm glad I didn't go off of it and it's beginning to look like a real positive relationship.


#78

Krisken

Krisken

Sweet. I'm glad to hear it! :)


#79



Element 117

Cobra Star said:
Ok, I outright apologize for how I seemed to have worded the situation all together.

She's a fantastic girl and she's quirky. She's more down to Earth than anyone I've ever been with and while at first I thought it was a negative, it's really turning into an awesome positive.

She cute, she's funny, she loves alot of the same things I do and being with her is easy and not a chore or a game at all. There is an issue with her age, being 8yrs younger than me. Though she has had her share of misfortunes in life and can be serious and mature when the time calls for it. I can see her growing with me, while still teaching me to forget some of the drama I've had in my life with her as a fresh start. First impressions are sometimes what people judge off of, I'm glad I didn't go off of it and it's beginning to look like a real positive relationship.
Click to expand...
http://www.halforums.com/forum/show...carus-Syndrome&p=401088&viewfull=1#post401088

i mean that sincerely.


#80

Cajungal

Cajungal

:) I hope that y'all continue to have a nice time.


#81

Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Nope, too late. You're a moron. There is no redemption here. Prepare your



or have it done for you.


#82

LittleSin

LittleSin

Despite a shakey OP, I really do wish you the best. Everyone deserves to be happy. :)

EDIT: I just noticed that I got negative rep for something I said in this thread and told to "grow up". Was it the quatation mark thing, I wonder? Or was it because I told Tin we were speech buddies? Decisions, decisions.


#83



Element 117

Fuck the users who give negative rep with pissy little passive aggressive weak comments, Fuck them in the taint with a fucking horn of a rhino on PCFuckingP.


#84

Tinwhistler

Tinwhistler

LittleSin said:
Despite a shakey OP, I really do wish you the best. Everyone deserves to be happy. :)

EDIT: I just noticed that I got negative rep for something I said in this thread and told to "grow up". Was it the quatation mark thing, I wonder? Or was it because I told Tin we were speech buddies? Decisions, decisions.
Click to expand...

Weird. I got positive rep for posting about my stutter. (Shrug) Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of forumites?

--edit--

I got negative rep for this one though. Funny :)


#85

ElJuski

ElJuski

WHO IS THAT GUY


#86

drawn_inward

drawn_inward

Jigglymuff said:
WHO IS THAT GUY
Click to expand...
JCM


#87



Wasabi Poptart

B.T.;401241][QUOTE=Cobra Star said:
Ok, I outright apologize for how I seemed to have worded the situation all together.

She's a fantastic girl and she's quirky. She's more down to Earth than anyone I've ever been with and while at first I thought it was a negative, it's really turning into an awesome positive.

She cute, she's funny, she loves alot of the same things I do and being with her is easy and not a chore or a game at all. There is an issue with her age, being 8yrs younger than me. Though she has had her share of misfortunes in life and can be serious and mature when the time calls for it. I can see her growing with me, while still teaching me to forget some of the drama I've had in my life with her as a fresh start. First impressions are sometimes what people judge off of, I'm glad I didn't go off of it and it's beginning to look like a real positive relationship.
Click to expand...
http://www.halforums.com/forum/t138...carus-Syndrome&p=401088&viewfull=1#post401088

i mean that sincerely.[/QUOTE]

^This. Enjoy it if you really like her.


#88

Null

Null

Well, I'm glad I didn't say what I really thought, then. Hope it works out well, fingers crossed, all that.


#89

Krisken

Krisken

Tinwhistler;401269][QUOTE=LittleSin said:
Despite a shakey OP, I really do wish you the best. Everyone deserves to be happy. :)

EDIT: I just noticed that I got negative rep for something I said in this thread and told to "grow up". Was it the quatation mark thing, I wonder? Or was it because I told Tin we were speech buddies? Decisions, decisions.
Click to expand...

Weird. I got positive rep for posting about my stutter. (Shrug) Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of forumites?

--edit--

I got negative rep for this one though. Funny :)[/QUOTE]
We really need a thread for collecting + and - Rep comments. Might encourage some creativity with them.


#90

Null

Null

A thread for rep comments would be hilarious. Misspellings especially.


#91



Wasabi Poptart

OMFG the last rep comment I got was awesome. Whomever you are, thanks! lol


#92

Null

Null

The only comment I got was "degressive", which I think meant "digressive", which is odd because I was responding to the previous post.


#93

Espy

Espy

Theres a lot less Icarus in this thread than I expected. I am pleased by this.


#94

Baerdog

Baerdog

Well to be fair, the girl does seem like she's pretty mature for her age. I bet she's been through a lot.


#95

Null

Null

It kind of makes me think of Justin Bateman's character in Juno - how he connected with the girl because she reminded him of what life was like when he was younger, things were simpler, and he didn't have all the responsibilities pressing down on him.

Of course, that being said, at least Cobster knows this girl. I've never even actually spoken to the one who my heart beats for. Which makes me the loser, here.


#96

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

You should prop a body on a motorcycle and show it to her for a date. Then be outraged.

:awesome:


#97



Chazwozel

Cobra Star said:
Ok, I outright apologize for how I seemed to have worded the situation all together.

She's a fantastic girl and she's quirky. She's more down to Earth than anyone I've ever been with and while at first I thought it was a negative, it's really turning into an awesome positive.

She cute, she's funny, she loves alot of the same things I do and being with her is easy and not a chore or a game at all. There is an issue with her age, being 8yrs younger than me. Though she has had her share of misfortunes in life and can be serious and mature when the time calls for it. I can see her growing with me, while still teaching me to forget some of the drama I've had in my life with her as a fresh start. First impressions are sometimes what people judge off of, I'm glad I didn't go off of it and it's beginning to look like a real positive relationship.
Click to expand...
Does she know you have kids? And if not, when are you dropping that bomb on her?


#98



Cobra Star

I was an idiot in every way. This girl has blown me away and any idiotic misconceptions I may have had:

(taken in the reflection of the TV before another anime marathon)


Chazwozel said:
Does she know you have kids? And if not, when are you dropping that bomb on her?
Click to expand...
Told her on the 3rd date. She's excited to meet them and asked a million questions about their personalities and likes/dislikes. I did make it clear that I wasn't looking for a new "mom" for them though.


#99



Element 117

haha, he totally did go into a lurker mode! (and got a life,)


#100



Cobra Star

I hadn't posted since I was out of town for a few days (visiting my kids before they take off to my ex-inlaws for a month), then I did spend a few days with my job orientation/putting in other resumes. As it stands I'm trying to catch up on a ton of threads...


#101



Element 117

Lurker MODE!


#102



Wasabi Poptart

Pie a la MODE!



Much yummier than lurker mode.


#103

Baerdog

Baerdog

Cherry pie. Heh. Heh. Heh.


#104

Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

Pie a la mode: So much less creepy than lurker mode.

More fattening, though.


#105

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

Depends on the lurker.


#106

Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

..... oh ew....


#107

Calleja

Calleja

I have only one response to the entirety of this thread. It's one that didn't originally come from me, no, but it has grown on me and become part of my usual responses in every day life.



:Leyla:


#108

Dave

Dave

Good for you, Cobra. Good for you.


#109



Chibibar

Yay Cobra. I am glad you are totally honest with her from the get go. It is good since you do have other obligation (kids and stuff)

Women like surprises, but not that kind of surprise :)


#110

Cajungal

Cajungal

Aww, sounds like things are going well. :) I'm so glad.


#111



Cobra Star

To those of you who've known couples or are a couple with an age gap, I ask a few questions of morality.... (I apologize in advance if any of this comes out the wrong way, I seem to have a tendency to not quite put into text the way that I'm feeling, just know that what I post is with the best of intentions and not meant in a malicious or demeaning manner)

Things are going very very well, though concerns have bubbled up. Problems that shouldn't be problems seem to be showing up. Not sure exactly how to put it. Due to her age, she has only been in one serious relationship before. It was from 17-20 and she lived with him for 1 year. They've been split for around 8 months when we met. Since she's been living on her own she spends alot of time at her parents place (down the street from where she lives) or over here at my brother's place. She's never really lived alone as she went from her parents house to her bf's house. She's currently only working 3 days a month (medical tests) so she's got ALOT of free time. I don't. She wants to be over here everyday (an issue as my brother's gf really doesn't like her, so when she's over it's very uneasy. We spend most of our time in my bedroom watching movies.), or just wants to be with me the entire day. Now, I'm a "attached at the hip" kind of guy in a relationship. I LOVE being around the person I'm with as much as possible, the issue comes from the fact that due to my current situation (work starting soon, moving soon, back and forth visiting my kids) I don't have alot of time to give her and feel guilty when I have to tell her I can't see her. Not really sure what to do. I tell her that I'm not avoiding her and that I'd love to see her, but some days it's just not possible.

Next issue: Moving too fast. The number one thing my brother warned me about when I started dating her, was not to do the same mistake as in my past (married 1st girl in 3 months due to pregnancy, moved in with 2nd girl within 6 months) so I'm trying not to. The thing is, this girl has blown me away in so many aspects. Every girl I've dated before I had to "shy away" from the kind of person I am (geek, gamer, overly affectionate, etc) but not with her. She embraces and reflects all of my personalities, which makes me so at ease around her that I find myself just staring "into" her every moment she's around. So what does this mean? We moved kind of fast. Again I think this is due to her inexperience in relationships and only really knowing one way of "being with someone". We slept together on our 5th date, she's slept over at least 5-6 times now, though I tried holding back on using the "L" word (it wasn't that I wasn't feeling overwhelming emotion for her, it's just that I wasn't sure if I should so soon) I told her around the 9th date that I did. Now this is as far as I'll allow it to go. My brother is worried that I'll move out and in with her in a matter of weeks/months but I tried to assure him that it wasn't the case. I know that some people date for long periods of time before getting emotionally involved, some sleep together for a good while before it comes into play, though I feel the difference comes from the amount of time we spend together. A new couple may see each other 4-6 hrs a day, 3 days a week. I've been seeing her 5-6 days a week, 6-10hrs a day. Not sure if that validates anything but we have been getting close, quickly, because of it. Does one measure "too fast" by how much time is spent together, or how many "days" you've known someone? I'm not quite sure.

All I know is how I feel when she's around. It's a feeling I've never really experienced before and it feels amazing. That's really the best way I can put it. These "issues" are minor and not deal breaking in anyway, just concerns I have that I would like OPINIONS on. :biggrin:


#112

ElJuski

ElJuski

The scientific numbers you've attached make me shudder. But only because dating and those feelings and all of that should be organic. But the real deal is, is that you know who you are and what have been capable of in the past, for better or for worse. So, use your common sense. If you want to take things slower, be honest. Explain to her what your concerns are, and hopefully she'll be honest with you. If you guys are really good together you'll stick around together and work on those issues as they pop up.

The funny thing about dating, and really, any dating advice, and love in general all together, is that hindsight is 20-20. My brother cheated on his girlfriend and moved in with the other girl after a couple months of dating. They've now been happily married for two years and survived some really intense drama during their first year of marriage. Those two are perfect for each other in a way that I don't see very often. You have to do what you have to do. Consider people's opinions and advice (and obviously rational thought. Don't go stalk a girl in a Subway) but ultimately follow--ugh, so cliche--what's in your heart.

The only thing that separates the stoic ex-lover from the Creep Who Just Couldn't Move On is ultimately time, you know? Well, that and a police report.


#113



Disconnected

Cobra Star said:
To those of you who've known couples or are a couple with an age gap, I ask a few questions of morality.... (I apologize in advance if any of this comes out the wrong way, I seem to have a tendency to not quite put into text the way that I'm feeling, just know that what I post is with the best of intentions and not meant in a malicious or demeaning manner)

Things are going very very well, though concerns have bubbled up. Problems that shouldn't be problems seem to be showing up. Not sure exactly how to put it. Due to her age, she has only been in one serious relationship before. It was from 17-20 and she lived with him for 1 year. They've been split for around 8 months when we met. Since she's been living on her own she spends alot of time at her parents place (down the street from where she lives) or over here at my brother's place. She's never really lived alone as she went from her parents house to her bf's house. She's currently only working 3 days a month (medical tests) so she's got ALOT of free time. I don't. She wants to be over here everyday (an issue as my brother's gf really doesn't like her, so when she's over it's very uneasy. We spend most of our time in my bedroom watching movies.), or just wants to be with me the entire day. Now, I'm a "attached at the hip" kind of guy in a relationship. I LOVE being around the person I'm with as much as possible, the issue comes from the fact that due to my current situation (work starting soon, moving soon, back and forth visiting my kids) I don't have alot of time to give her and feel guilty when I have to tell her I can't see her. Not really sure what to do. I tell her that I'm not avoiding her and that I'd love to see her, but some days it's just not possible.

Next issue: Moving too fast. The number one thing my brother warned me about when I started dating her, was not to do the same mistake as in my past (married 1st girl in 3 months due to pregnancy, moved in with 2nd girl within 6 months) so I'm trying not to. The thing is, this girl has blown me away in so many aspects. Every girl I've dated before I had to "shy away" from the kind of person I am (geek, gamer, overly affectionate, etc) but not with her. She embraces and reflects all of my personalities, which makes me so at ease around her that I find myself just staring "into" her every moment she's around. So what does this mean? We moved kind of fast. Again I think this is due to her inexperience in relationships and only really knowing one way of "being with someone". We slept together on our 5th date, she's slept over at least 5-6 times now, though I tried holding back on using the "L" word (it wasn't that I wasn't feeling overwhelming emotion for her, it's just that I wasn't sure if I should so soon) I told her around the 9th date that I did. Now this is as far as I'll allow it to go. My brother is worried that I'll move out and in with her in a matter of weeks/months but I tried to assure him that it wasn't the case. I know that some people date for long periods of time before getting emotionally involved, some sleep together for a good while before it comes into play, though I feel the difference comes from the amount of time we spend together. A new couple may see each other 4-6 hrs a day, 3 days a week. I've been seeing her 5-6 days a week, 6-10hrs a day. Not sure if that validates anything but we have been getting close, quickly, because of it. Does one measure "too fast" by how much time is spent together, or how many "days" you've known someone? I'm not quite sure.

All I know is how I feel when she's around. It's a feeling I've never really experienced before and it feels amazing. That's really the best way I can put it. These "issues" are minor and not deal breaking in anyway, just concerns I have that I would like OPINIONS on. :biggrin:
Click to expand...
what were the questions?


#114

Cajungal

Cajungal

Like Gilman up there says--honesty. You have a different life from her. She'll just have to understand that you don't always have fun for fun.

As for moving too fast... I'm sure that you genuinely care for her, but just remember that new-relationship-excitement eventually fades. It's hard to see if you're going too fast or not, because different things work for different people. Some things work out no matter how fast you go in the beginning, others don't. Just do what you think is right for yourself and your children, I guess. You know your situation better than us. I'm glad you've found someone so compatible. :)


#115



Chazwozel

Disconnected;407599][QUOTE=Cobra Star said:
To those of you who've known couples or are a couple with an age gap, I ask a few questions of morality.... (I apologize in advance if any of this comes out the wrong way, I seem to have a tendency to not quite put into text the way that I'm feeling, just know that what I post is with the best of intentions and not meant in a malicious or demeaning manner)

Things are going very very well, though concerns have bubbled up. Problems that shouldn't be problems seem to be showing up. Not sure exactly how to put it. Due to her age, she has only been in one serious relationship before. It was from 17-20 and she lived with him for 1 year. They've been split for around 8 months when we met. Since she's been living on her own she spends alot of time at her parents place (down the street from where she lives) or over here at my brother's place. She's never really lived alone as she went from her parents house to her bf's house. She's currently only working 3 days a month (medical tests) so she's got ALOT of free time. I don't. She wants to be over here everyday (an issue as my brother's gf really doesn't like her, so when she's over it's very uneasy. We spend most of our time in my bedroom watching movies.), or just wants to be with me the entire day. Now, I'm a "attached at the hip" kind of guy in a relationship. I LOVE being around the person I'm with as much as possible, the issue comes from the fact that due to my current situation (work starting soon, moving soon, back and forth visiting my kids) I don't have alot of time to give her and feel guilty when I have to tell her I can't see her. Not really sure what to do. I tell her that I'm not avoiding her and that I'd love to see her, but some days it's just not possible.

Next issue: Moving too fast. The number one thing my brother warned me about when I started dating her, was not to do the same mistake as in my past (married 1st girl in 3 months due to pregnancy, moved in with 2nd girl within 6 months) so I'm trying not to. The thing is, this girl has blown me away in so many aspects. Every girl I've dated before I had to "shy away" from the kind of person I am (geek, gamer, overly affectionate, etc) but not with her. She embraces and reflects all of my personalities, which makes me so at ease around her that I find myself just staring "into" her every moment she's around. So what does this mean? We moved kind of fast. Again I think this is due to her inexperience in relationships and only really knowing one way of "being with someone". We slept together on our 5th date, she's slept over at least 5-6 times now, though I tried holding back on using the "L" word (it wasn't that I wasn't feeling overwhelming emotion for her, it's just that I wasn't sure if I should so soon) I told her around the 9th date that I did. Now this is as far as I'll allow it to go. My brother is worried that I'll move out and in with her in a matter of weeks/months but I tried to assure him that it wasn't the case. I know that some people date for long periods of time before getting emotionally involved, some sleep together for a good while before it comes into play, though I feel the difference comes from the amount of time we spend together. A new couple may see each other 4-6 hrs a day, 3 days a week. I've been seeing her 5-6 days a week, 6-10hrs a day. Not sure if that validates anything but we have been getting close, quickly, because of it. Does one measure "too fast" by how much time is spent together, or how many "days" you've known someone? I'm not quite sure.

All I know is how I feel when she's around. It's a feeling I've never really experienced before and it feels amazing. That's really the best way I can put it. These "issues" are minor and not deal breaking in anyway, just concerns I have that I would like OPINIONS on. :biggrin:
Click to expand...
what were the questions?[/QUOTE]

In and out just like the real Batman.

I love you.


#116



Cobra Star

Disconnected said:
what were the questions?
Click to expand...
The age/life difference between us, is it a real issue or something that can easily be worked on? The moving too fast, something real or more of a person-to-person basis kind of thing? Sorry I didn't make that more clear.

While I know it varies from couple to couple, I was simply curious to the general consensus.


#117



Disconnected

I suppose stop worrying what other people think of the age gap. It will be an issue if you think it might possible maybe upset someone somewhere.

ten year gap myself here, things were, are and will be great for us. Honesty is the best policy.

As for the in/out comment this site auto logs me out faster than i can make a post sometimes.


#118



Wasabi Poptart

Age and maturity are two different things. She honestly sounds like she has some growing up to do. Can it be worked on? I would say yes, but it takes time and it also will mean she needs to learn to be independent. Can't do that if you're glued at the hip. What's going to happen when you need to take care of your kids and she can't be with you? Will she get jealous of the time you spend with them? If you ask her straight out, of course the answer will be no. When it really does happen will be the telling tale. I do think in this case you have a real issue on your hands since she apparently doesn't like being alone. And given your track record of jumping into serious relationships quickly, I would say you need to slow down, step back for a minute, and evaluate what is going on here.

---------- Post added at 10:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:37 AM ----------

Also...my husband and I have a 6 year age gap. He's younger than I am. It's made no difference in our lives whatsoever. I also dated someone who was 10 years my senior. No big deal there either.


#119

Calleja

Calleja

Morphine is 19 and I'm 25 and we're getting married when she turns 21 at Las Vegas. Chewbacca will be our minister. Elvis will also be there, for some reason. She says. I don't want no stupid elvis.

Stupid 19 year olds and their Elvis.


#120



Wasabi Poptart

Then you'll have babies and I can send you that Beatles onesie!!!!


#121

Cajungal

Cajungal

Can I be the flower girl?! I'm very very good at throwing things.

---------- Post added at 01:14 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:14 PM ----------

While walking in a straight line.


#122



Cobra Star

Wasabi Poptart said:
Age and maturity are two different things. She honestly sounds like she has some growing up to do. Can it be worked on? I would say yes, but it takes time and it also will mean she needs to learn to be independent. Can't do that if you're glued at the hip. What's going to happen when you need to take care of your kids and she can't be with you? Will she get jealous of the time you spend with them? If you ask her straight out, of course the answer will be no. When it really does happen will be the telling tale. I do think in this case you have a real issue on your hands since she apparently doesn't like being alone. And given your track record of jumping into serious relationships quickly, I would say you need to slow down, step back for a minute, and evaluate what is going on here.
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Thanks WS. I get that I should give her some space to try and learn to stand on her own feet for a bit, I just can't help but want to be around her as often as I'm able. :blush: As for the kids situation? Yeah that's a real hurdle that will be coming in August that I look forward to seeing how it plays out. I'm not sure if it's wrong or not, but I think the fact that she's so inexperienced at relationships is one of the biggest reasons I like being with her. She doesn't bring any emotional baggage or distrust from previous "burns". She's always so optomistic, much like I used to be and it's nice to have this "chance not to fuck things up" again.


#123

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

My word of advice is keep g/f's away from your kids. Especially if you don't have the intention of marriage. Kids tend to latch onto your friends. And if they are not around long, it gets confusing for the kids.


#124



Chibibar

sixpackshaker said:
My word of advice is keep g/f's away from your kids. Especially if you don't have the intention of marriage. Kids tend to latch onto your friends. And if they are not around long, it gets confusing for the kids.
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^-- I have to agree. You don't want to confuse your kids. especially if they are young kids. If they are teenagers, then no worries but younger.. not so much

my wife and I are 7 years apart. My mom is 12 years older than my step dad (married for 20 years)


#125



Cobra Star

Well the kids are 12 (in November) and 9. They will know her as "my girlfriend" and not "new mom" right from the start. I will make that clear. I told her when I told her about my kids, that its the way I wanted it to be.

It's not that I don't have intention to marry (if things continue on the path they are going, she is very much marriage material) it's just that I don't intend on it any time soon.

I do appreciate the concern though.


#126



Wasabi Poptart

How long have you been dating her now?


#127



Cobra Star

A month, this week. So we'll have about 2-3 months by the time she actually sees the kids in person at all.

So yeah, "fast" start, but slowing it down from this point on. This "phase" will be the one we sit in for a good while.


#128

Morphine

Morphine

Calleja said:
Morphine is 19 and I'm 25 and we're getting married when she turns 21 at Las Vegas. Chewbacca will be our minister. Elvis will also be there, for some reason. She says. I don't want no stupid elvis.

Stupid 19 year olds and their Elvis.
Click to expand...
By the way, I'm 20, sweetheart ¬¬


#129

LittleSin

LittleSin

Most experts suggest that you wait 6 months before introducing a new love to your children. Just throwing it out there.


#130

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

That's sound advice. Six months is about the time it takes for the fresh factor of a new relationship to wear off, you start seeing the real darker sides of each other, getting on each other's nerves, and either learning to accept that, compromise, etc, or starting towards breaking. So it's good to wait that long and see how you handle each other at that point.


#131



Wasabi Poptart

I agree that you are in the "honeymoon" period of the relationship. You haven't gotten to the ugly yet.


#132



Cobra Star

That would be easier to do in a situation different from mine. I do not have "help" in watching my kids for "dates" or "outings". (Nearest relative is 4hrs away) They're pretty much my day in day out life when they're not away these two months.

As far as honeymoon part? Perhaps on her side. I've been in enough relationships to have felt the difference. Granted I may not know the ins and outs of her day to day behavior yet. I do know how I feel and how I act when I'm around her.


#133

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

Cobra Star said:
As far as honeymoon part? Perhaps on her side. I've been in enough relationships to have felt the difference.
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Everyone who's been in relationships says that.


#134



Wasabi Poptart

The way you feel will be different. SHE is different than anyone else you've been involved with. Right now you guys are experiencing infatuation. Once all of that new and shiny wears off, and reality sets in, that's when you'll be better able to tell if your differences (age and life experience included) will be a real factor in the survival of your relationship.


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