WhAt do men want?

[Anon]

So, in a great relationship. Very lovey dovey. Compliments flying, sex is amazing, mindblowing. We are head over heels. Then...slowly the sex, still awesome, compliments.. A bit less and seeming insincere.

And the lovey dovey...stopping. He won't say I love you or I miss you unless I say it first. Conversation returns to being kind of cordial, although there are some throws of "you look great" mostly in the throes of passion.

Anyway, I keep on with it, with the lovey doviness. Is this the right thing? He has said before he loves that about me, but nor having it reciprocated feels like I'm annoying him with it. I don't want eyes rolled by him about me. Ever.

So do I back off? Or trek forward until I'm told by him otherwise.

Guys, how do you feel about this??

 

[Cajungal]

I'm not a guy, but if I may...

It sounds like he cares for you and is simply getting comfortable. It can be exhausting to continue at the same "lovey-dovey" levels that people begin on. I'm more affectionate in general than my fella, but he's found ways of expressing his love that are more his "style" I guess. They're quieter, less over-the-top, but they show me his feelings nonetheless. If you're feeling a genuine desire to continue this, and it's not just to try and get him to do the same, then I'd continue, personally. Just don't be worried if you don't feel the need later. It's natural to cool down a little bit and enjoy one another's company and awesome attributes in a more subtle way.

 

[ThatNickGuy]

That's pretty common, I'd say. It's the cooling off after the honeymoon period, that's all. How long have you been together?

 

[Anon]

We've been together almost 2.5 years. We kind of pride ourselves on being "different". We are both older, dont wNt to play the "game" and value honesty and not taking each other for granted. Sex is very important for both of us. It's the whole "I've never felt this way before " type of thing, and everyone says that but it feels like it's true.

I know I overanalyze so much and I just have this fear of things ending if he gets bored and really giving 1000% to making myself a better person and making him happy (which makes me happy)

I just dont want him to hold anything back for dear of hurting my feelings. I'd rather know I did something annoying. Nor guarantee I'd stop, bur I'm willing to negotiate rather than keep
Looking like a fool.

 

[strawman]

You've reached the "comfortable" stage of your relationship. If the lovey dovey part is important to you, you have to tell him and make sure he understands your expectations.

Keep in mind, too, that after this length of time you may have also grown used to all the little things he does for you on a regular basis that even though he's doing nice lovey-dovey things for you, you may have become used to having them done, and now you're looking for more than you originally needed/wanted. You might need to keep an eye out, reset your expectations, and work to appreciate the things he does that you now take for granted.

 

[PatrThom]

It may also be that he sees the relationship as self-obvious/Q.E.D. and does not feel he needs to constantly reaffirm it. You know, he knows you know, therefore it is a Fact. There will be times in the future when there are episodes of unusually high romance activity, but I bet he sees the relationship has stabilized and there is no longer any need for (either of you) to provide ongoing "proof."

--Patrick

 

[BananaHands]

I'm sure he's still into you, but you might want to back off before it seems like you're smothering him. If you keep throwing in those lovey dovey comments and getting upset that he's not responding, it might start to wear on him.

I know I overanalyze so much and I just have this fear of things ending if he gets bored and really giving 1000% to making myself a better person and making him happy (which makes me happy).

Focus on yourself more, don't start changing and making yourself do everything for this guy because of some fear you're going to lose him. He started dating you. Not someone who just does whatever they think he'd find appropriate.

 

[GasBandit]

Break his ankles.

 

[Necronic]

In answer to the OP, men want paper that doesn't smudge.

 

[Null]

What it sounds like is the "push-pull dynamic" is in play. When one party puts too much energy or affection into the relationship, the other party will often withdraw, just because they need some emotional space. Being too affectionate can come across as being needy, and neediness repels partners. Back off a little, and you might find your partner slowly moving in to fill that void.

You might find this article helpful: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200701/suffocating-in-relationship

 

[Gryfter]

Hopefully this goes without saying but you have spoken to him about this, right? Just something you might want to do before asking the advice of folks on an internet board.