This is a tribute to American ingenuity, American perseverance, and above all else, American recklessness.
defector.com
#2
figmentPez
That's some non-approved use, dude really didn't pay attention when they said onlyfans.
#3
Bubble181
EAR:
PLASTIC OWL - I just want to make it very, very clear that I do not live in the USA and thus, cannot feature in this list.
“FRUIT FLY WAS ON HER HEADPHONE WHICH SHE PUT IN HER EAR AND FELT ‘BUZZING’, USED HYDROGEN PEROXIDE TO KILL THE FLY BUT WITH PERSISTENT BURNING/DISCOMFORT IN EAR, UNSURE IF THE FLY STILL ALIVE” - OK, but did the fly turn out to still be alive or not?!
NOSE:
“A BOOK OR A BUG” - ...how can you be unsure between those two?
THROAT
“PATIENT SAYS HE FORGOT TO TAKE FOIL OFF FOIL-WRAPPED BURRITO” - Yeah, ok, we've all been high at some point, but how'd you get the whole thing stuck in there? Is chewing a lost art?
PENIS
AAHHHHH NOPE NOPE NN....Actually this year's list isn't that impressively crazy.
VAGINA
AHHH THE HYGIENE
RECTUM
“SENT IN BY WIFE FOR POSSIBLE 16OZ GLASS BOTTLE IN RECTUM” - possible. Might also be something completely else.
“PATIENT COMPLAINING OF RECTAL PAIN. PATIENT ADMITS TO INSERTING SEX TOYS 6 MONTHS PRIOR” - OK, and...Is it "it's still hurting from back then" or is it "it's still in there"?
“SAYS GIRLFRIEND PUT VIBRATOR IN RECTUM WHILE HE WAS ASLEEP” - Yes, I, too, have seen all that porn of guys taking advantage of sleeping women (and sometimes vice versa). Shockingly, the odds of someone inserting a vibrator up your ass without you waking up when you're not in a druf-induced coma are pretty slim, I assure you.
Most likely the paperwork wasn't updated then. They recorded what the patient complained of, and then reported a successful outcome, but didn't detail what they found.