Whine like a baby, now with 500% more drama!
- Thread starter strawman
- Start date
Dave
Staff member
I just booked a comedy gig that so totally doesn't fit my style. When it came in I knew it wasn't right for me and instead of doing my usual "I'm busy on that date" I quoted an insane amount of money. Then they said yes. So now I'm locked into doing this event that I don't want to and I'm going to have to work twice as hard because I am getting paid enough that I don't want to blow it.
Just remember to wear goggles when you start smashing those watermelons.
Dave
Staff member
That's so crazy it just might work!
You can do it! I work best with deadlines and crazy-scary deadlines motivate like no other.
Just try to be as unfunny as possible. Given your track record as to determining funniness, you're bound to be hilarious.
More seriously, while I don't know the group or the people and don't know what "clean" means in this context (other than the obvious 7 words and such), it's probably a good group for dark/black/gallows humor - at least that's been my experience with people suffering from horrible diseases. On the other hand, HIV has become so manageable it may no longer get the same response.
You know what you have to do... Bomb this by being as inappropriate (but clean) as you can.
I think they asked for comedy, not a live snuff film.
What if he dances and sings the "weasel in my pants" song? Comedy gold, right?
Dave
Staff member
Drugging and raping them seems a bit extreme.
Until the chomping starts.
In that case, just eat some pudding and mumble nonsense words. (something something you're old and this is normal for you)
That's part of the comedy gold.
Me: Woo, paycheque! Time -
Bills: Yo dawg! Heard you got paid!
Me: Dammit, Bills, I -
Bills: S'okay, bro! Check sweet these owing balances!
Me: But this isn't -
Bills: Student loans, brah!
Me: *sigh*
Paycheque: See you again in 2 weeks!
Bills: Me too, hoss! It'll be good times!
Bills: Yo dawg! Heard you got paid!
Me: Dammit, Bills, I -
Bills: S'okay, bro! Check sweet these owing balances!
Me: But this isn't -
Bills: Student loans, brah!
Me: *sigh*
Paycheque: See you again in 2 weeks!
Bills: Me too, hoss! It'll be good times!
Dave
Staff member
Great something else for Gas to sing with some random dude from Romania.
The kids, mostly my son, aren’t grasping that the bitching, fighting, whining and complaining are literally painful at the moment.
Interrupting me while I’m helping you to bitch that I’m not doing it correctly/fast enough/or just need to bitch/beg me to buy you something else is not the way to make me want to keep helping you.
Interrupting me while I’m helping you to bitch that I’m not doing it correctly/fast enough/or just need to bitch/beg me to buy you something else is not the way to make me want to keep helping you.
Can you film this? And then, when people at work start doing the same thing to you, can you show it to them as a cautionary tale?
—Patrick
haha it would be just my luck that the time I film it would be the time I go berserk.
Palliative meds slowly lost effectiveness, Ali stopped eating completely by mid-last week, and his nausea severely increased. He was put on a second antiemetic and had his abdomen drained Monday; both made him more comfortable, but he just slid away personality-wise, kind of like an illness-spurred dementia. I had to move him to a water bowl several times a day so he'd remember to drink (boy was he thirsty), and his litterbox training went away just as his motor control decayed further, so I started giving him towel baths. I spent the rest of the week either working or hanging out with him, but it was clearly time (or past it). Thankfully he never displayed any signs of pain, just increasing confusion/disorientation, and dehydration. His euthanasia was this morning, and I'll get the ashes in a week or two. Thankfully I had 3 very close friends (who also loved him) with me, and they kept me company today. This is the first pet I've had die (Mixa was "lost" in that she's alive and well 2000 miles away, decidedly not the same), it's definitely a formative experience.
I'm so sorry. It's never easy. <hugs>
You assume it will become so, especially after you've gone through it many times. But they're all different, and they all touch your heart in different ways, and get tangled in different strings...
--Patrick
The day it becomes easy is the day I stop rescuing.
My mother is on my ass to work. My knees hurt so much that I could puke. I can barely stand to put weight on them and walking is misery. I shouldn’t have to waste time explaining this to a retired nurse. If it were my sister though...all the days off would have been suggested.
As far as she’s concerned nothing is wrong and I need to work hard every day blah blah blah. I fell badly less than a week ago.
God, I wish I’d gone to the hospital with the paramedics and gotten all the scans then. I was in shock though and didn’t even realize my knees were a mess
As far as she’s concerned nothing is wrong and I need to work hard every day blah blah blah. I fell badly less than a week ago.
God, I wish I’d gone to the hospital with the paramedics and gotten all the scans then. I was in shock though and didn’t even realize my knees were a mess
My left knee has grown a lump. It’s really weird.
Dave
Staff member
Disgusting old man health stuff alert!
So I have a hemorrhoid. (Or is it AN hemorrhoid?) Anyway, I've had it for about a month or more. I have had no discomfort since the first day or so of it appearing. So now I'm making a doctor's appointment but I don't want to because (a) I hate cold, squishy fingers up my butt and (b) it's time I get a colonoscopy again and I don't want one.
God damn getting old sucks.
God damn getting old sucks.
You think it's disgusting now, wait until you have it ligated!
Hopefully just a regular old lump and not a hematoma.
--Patrick