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So, for various reasons I've quit drinking, and one week later I face a neighborhood gathering for wine and cheese. I need something to say when someone offers me a drink that isn't going to cause that immediate awkwardness when someone at a gathering says "I don't drink.", particularly when I have imbibed with several of them in the past. I figured I'd have more time to come up with something.,

Alcoholism support forums often have threads on this topic, so you might find it useful even if you're not quitting for alcoholism. Answers range from the brusque "None of your business." to the vague "For my health." I've a friend on a 'cleanse' who has quit drinking while she's on it, so there's that. Athletic friends of mine often quit while they're training, so you can try saying that if it's believably part of your life.

This has no advice on what to say, but this has a list of some drinks to make it look like you're drinking when you're not.

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2009/11/12/guide-to-drinking-for-the-teetotaler/

You could say you're taking an antibiotic...

I generally just say, "I don't feel like a drink right now." The truth is I drink very little, but I don't really discuss that. I figure keeping it short term ("right now") is enough to satisfy people. If someone insists more information of you, they're the ones making in awkward, not you.

Good luck!

What's wrong with just saying "I don't drink anymore?"

Or just "No thanks."

I don't drink, and I've never had any problem turning down drinks at social gatherings. No one's ever given me shit for it.

Take a step closer and smile, "Alcohol now gives me explosive diarrhea. "

Just say you're trying to cut down or go the Poe way and just say no.

Get ready for this:

There must be an odd social stigma about drinking. I often do not partake in groups. I prefer to drink alone and at 3 am while contemplating, "What went wrong?" Honestly, though some folks around here look at me like I am crazy for not accepting free beer/wine when it is offered. I usually just say that I don't feel like having it right now and that I just want some water, or that it tastes weird with dessert, yadda yadda. I feel like saying, "None of your flippin business."

I dunno what's wrong with you mutants. Bourbon is my kool-aid.

I often ask myself the same question.

But seriously, just say you don't drink. I wouldn't say that you just don't want it because then people will check up to see if you want over and over (I'm guilty of that).

I don't really drink and no one gives a shit when I say no thanks, this may be in part due to the fact that everyone knows that it doesn't take much to get me drunk and I'm past the age of getting people drunk for hahas.

My last workplace had new people showing up every quarter/half year (along with the regular employees), so it meant that, perhaps monthly, I got to tell someone that I don't drink, followed by more questions. None of them pressed it much, some thought it was weird, and some (who have been there with me for years) kept asking if I wanted a drink, even though they knew I would decline. There were others who stopped inviting me to events altogether, as drinking culture was pretty big. Even on sports/picnic days, plenty of people would bring beer or wine, they never considered non-alcoholic beverages, so I would have to provide my own and bring some to share.

Even if you've had drinks with them before, there's nothing stopping you from saying "I've decided to stop drinking" or "I'm cutting back on my alcohol intake."

And if they ask why, tell a lengthy story about how the last time you had a drink, it turned out to be drugged, and when you woke up you were in a brothel in Jamaica, in bed with two women, a man, an alpaca, and what appeared to be several half-eaten packets of ramen. And, really, you'd like to keep that as a once-in-a-lifetime thing.

bhamv3 said:

Even if you've had drinks with them before, there's nothing stopping you from saying "I've decided to stop drinking" or "I'm cutting back on my alcohol intake."

And if they ask why, tell a lengthy story about how the last time you had a drink, it turned out to be drugged, and when you woke up you were in a brothel in Jamaica, in bed with two women, a man, an alpaca, and what appeared to be several half-eaten packets of ramen. And, really, you'd like to keep that as a once-in-a-lifetime thing.

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... Where can I get one of these drugged drinks?

Ravenpoe said:

... Where can I get one of these drugged drinks?

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You rang?

Just had this problem myself; on my brother-in-law's bachelor party the organisers decided to go for "we do it all by bike" coupled with "we start off dirnking, then go do something with alcohol, afterwards we'll drink, in between there's an open bar, and later on we'll be going from bar to bar and drinking all the money we have left over" as a game plan.
I decided not to drink, given that drunk driving a bike and a car are legally the same in Belgium. None of them wanted to believe me, but I really didn't want to drink. I just said a drunk driving ticket would cost me my job in mobile security. *shrug*

Mostly, when I'm not in the mood to drink, I just sya I'm not in the mood to drink, or that I have to drive home/back/whatever afterwards. Most people, at least, accept "driving" as a reason not to drink. Those that still insist after that are morons anyway.

Stick with the simple answer. "No thanks" and "Do you have something without alcohol?"

If they press for more information and you don't want to go into detail, "I've quit drinking for personal/medical/religious reasons." And leave it at that. If they're a good friend you'll probably want to go into more detail, but for most acquaintances that should be enough.

Also, if you do attend similar events frequently, you might want to start carrying ginger ale, sprite/sevenup or similar in your vehicle so you can provide your own drinks when needed. I've never been to a function where they didn't provide nonalcohol options though, so it's not been necessary for me, but you never know.

"I'm trying to lose weight"

"My parole officer tells me I can't drink any more."

But seriously.

"No thanks, me & alcohol don't get along any more."

"Sorry, I'm cutting back because of health reasons."

I personally do not drink and my reason is that my best friend when I was in second grade was killed because his father was driving drunk.

I typically just say that I don't drink and most people leave it at that. If pressed, I give my reason and they always accept that. So you should be able to just say for personal reasons or whatever and most decent people should be okay with it.

When I don't want a drink, I usually just say "Just water (soda, tea, whatever), thanks." Usually if you don't make a big deal out of it, no one else will either.

Alternately, you can fill a glass up with something (water, soda, tea, whatever) and when someone offers you a drink, raise yours up and go "got one, thanks!"

I'm not a big drinker. Mostly because so many drinks just don't taste good to me, but also because drinks get expensive reeeally fast. I have nothing against downing one or two if society demands it, but I have never once felt that pull to keep at it until consciousness fades. Just weird that way, I guess.

Tinwhistler said:

Alternately, you can fill a glass up with something (water, soda, tea, whatever) and when someone offers you a drink, raise yours up and go "got one, thanks!"

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Was just going to suggest this. Bonus points if you put cellophane over the top to shield it from spilling/getting spiked.

--Patrick

A simple "no thanks" will usually suffice. I don't think most people care if others drink or not, unless they're alcoholics.

I've never had so many ask me why I wasn't drinknig when I DD'ed to the strip club on Saturday.

I know I asked myself the same thing several times...

My question is, where are y'all going that people offer you drinks?!

Officer_Charon said:

My question is, where are y'all going that people offer you drinks?!

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Seriously.

On a more serious note, like Tin said, if you don't make it a big deal, neither should anyone else. If they do, simply reply "because of reasons," and leave it at that. They shouldn't get too pushy, unless they REALLY want you to have that roofie cocktail

Officer_Charon said:

On a more serious note, like Tin said, if you don't make it a big deal, neither should anyone else. If they do, simply reply "because of reasons," and leave it at that. They shouldn't get too pushy, unless they REALLY want you to have that roofie cocktail

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Do you know how expensive roofies are? If he's gone to the effort, she shouldn't let that stuff go to waste. It's just rude.

I went to this crawfish boil the other day. I took along a cooler full of Miller High Life, it was the end of the month so I went to my go to cheap beer. This guy at the party kept offering me Lite Beer from Miller. He was getting a little rude that I was refusing his beer. I don't really remember what I ended up telling him. I did keep it polite.

But I wanted to tell him... I think Lite tastes terrible, costs 25% more, and has 33% less alcohol in it, and I would not drink it if it were free and I was thirsty.

sixpackshaker said:

I went to this crawfish boil the other day. I took along a cooler full of Miller High Life, it was the end of the month so I went to my go to cheap beer. This guy at the party kept offering me Lite Beer from Miller. He was getting a little rude that I was refusing his beer. I don't really remember what I ended up telling him. I did keep it polite.

But I wanted to tell him... I think Lite tastes terrible, costs 25% more, and has 33% less alcohol in it, and I would not drink it if it were free and I was thirsty.

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An old boss of mine once walked into our lab, announced "Lite beer? Reminds of me of sex on the beach. Fuckin' near water." and walked out.

Chad Sexington said:

An old boss of mine once walked into our lab, announced "Lite beer? Reminds of me of sex on the beach. Fuckin' near water." and walked out.

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I used to have a dentist like that.

--Patrick

I thought it was "in a canoe" and "close to water" ?

Bubble181 said:

I thought it was "in a canoe" and "close to water" ?

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But then the misdirect is wholly gone. Because sex on the beach is a cocktail, and then the twist... plus fuck is fun to say.

I ... feel my boss' construction is superior.

FWIW, "Sex in a Canoe" does sound like the name of some sort of mixed drink.
...a tasteless, colorless, extremely low-strength drink, but still.

--Patrick

Tell them you're preggers