[Contest] Win a Humble Bundle!!

[Dave]

Since stienman doesn't want me to repay him, I'm instead going to have a contest and the winner gets it!

It's the Humble Weekly Bundle and includes ALL CHAPTERS of the Walking Dead game!!

The Contest:

Write a Fake Onion-Style Headline

Rules:

• Write the headline only - the story does not need to be written.
• Post the headline in this thread and do so ANONYMOUSLY!! This way, we can be certain that there is no user bias in voting.
• Did I say voting?!? Yes! YOU will have a big say on who wins!
• You can vote for as many as you want. Likes = 1 point, Love = 2 points. Anything else is noted but doesn't really count.
• I will be posting these on Twitter under the HFNN - Halforums Fake News Network - and see which ones get any play at all.
• Contest will stay open until next Wednesday night and the Tweets will go out soon after. Prizes will be doled out Friday, June 7.

So get to writing! Oh, and there may be an additional prize if you're nice.

 

[Chad Sexington]

Fox News Predicts Rising Number of Women in the Workforce Will Lead to Societal Collapse

Oh wait... Oops.

 

[Anonymous]

"Dave's special sauce" extra special for one Wendy's customer.

 

[Anonymous]

Entire Original Series Cast to Make Appearance in Next Star Trek Film
Abrams can't trust rebooted characters to act unguided, say sources

 

[Anonymous]

George Lucas will be directing the next Star Trek film.

 

[Anonymous]

Hotdog Bites Man; Oscar Meyer Quietly Removes Genetically Modified Pork Products from Market.

 

[Anonymous]

Aquverse Announces First XBox One Add-On
No word on functionality of cone-shaped cups (sold separately)

 

[Anonymous]

Valve has announced that Half-Life 3 official release date will be on October 21st 2028.

 

[Anonymous]

US Air Force crew joins "Mile-High" club over Afghanistan.
"Skyhook" scandal explodes as more female airmen come forward regarding the flight deck crew.

 

[Anonymous]

Paul Ryan confused about sexuality after seeing self in P90X commercial; joins Democratic Party

 

[Anonymous]

Japanese man divorces wife when he discovers her genitalia is not pixelated.

 

[Anonymous]

'I am under 18' button clicked for the first time in the history of the internet.

 

[Hylian]

'I am under 18' button clicked for the first time in the history of the internet.

Hey! You were supposed to make a fake onion headline not post one they already used.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-am-under-18-button-clicked-for-first-time-in-his,6396/

 

[Anonymous]

National Wheat Farmers Association set to change name of Gluten to "Bread Protein"
Experts say a rise in gluten-intolerance may result in hate crimes.

 

[Anonymous]

Military Research in New Weapon Shut Down by Cease and Desist Letter from Lucasarts
Close-quarters laser-based melee weapon allegedly too similar to lightsabers

 

[Anonymous]

New HTC Phone sets Competing Phones on Fire
Broadcasts remote signal to cause iPhones, Galaxy phones to spontaneously combust

(Taipei, Taiwan) According to the latest specs released by HTC Corp. from their Taiwan headquarters, their newest phone, the HTC Equalizer, will be equipped with an internal device that is designed to broadcast a specific remote signal. This signal causes the batteries in all nearby Apple iPhones and Samsung Galaxy phones to quickly overload, leading to temperatures high enough to ignite the phone casing itself.

"The Equalizer represents a new paradigm in our company's competitive strategy," a company spokesperson said. "Our past strategies have proven too passive, which has led to falling market share. We are confident that the Equalizer will become the number one phone in the market when everyone else's phones start bursting into flames in their handbags and pockets."

The Equalizer is expected to go on sale in the US and Europe by the end of the year. It will be available in several colors, including Charred Black, Blazing Red, Electrifying Blue, and Ash Gray.

 

[Anonymous]

Date of Boxing Match between Obama and Putin to be Finalized
Obama seen as slight favorite in charity match between the two manliest presidents

 

[Anonymous]

Tony Romo engineers huge comeback in big game.

 

[Anonymous]

Congress passes law that pictures of celebrity babies can no longer be called news. Network News ratings expecting a harsh drop.

 

[Anonymous]

Dodo Bird Brought Back From Extinction Thanks To Cloning
Strangled back into extinction ten minutes later due to annoying warbling

 

[Anonymous]

Surgeons Extract Man's Feels
Repeated impacts to the man's feels after playing The Walking Dead necessitated emergency procedure

 

[Anonymous]

EA Finalizes Purchase of Every Children's Hospital, Soup Kitchen, & Women's Shelter
Says Rep - "Go ahead. Now you'll just look like a huge jerk for hating us."

 

[Anonymous]

EA Finalizes Purchase of Every Children's Hospital, Soup Kitchen, & Women's Shelter
Says Rep - "Go ahead. Now you'lljust look like a huge jerk for hating us."

EA begins Charging for Value-Added Services at Hospitals, Soup Kitchens, and Women's Shelters
Medication, spoons, and beds now cost extra

 

[Anonymous]

EA begins Charging for Value-Added Services at Hospitals, Soup Kitchens, and Women's Shelters
Medication, spoons, and beds now cost extra

3 Years Later, EA Announces Closure of Hospitals, Soup Kitchens, and Women's Shelters
"There's just no profit to be had from keeping those servers operating. I mean services."

 

[Anonymous]

Obama Secretly Repeals Second Amendment
Gunowners now face jail terms, summary execution

 

[Anonymous]

Monsanto Develops GM Wheat that Encourages Penis Growth
Opposition to GM foods drops sharply

 

[Anonymous]

EA Sports announces new "printable Madden," allowing customers to pay $60 to print the cover-art for the newest Madden game and insert into their existing Madden box.

 

[Anonymous]

Twitter Unveils Newest Trend - TW'ING - 20 Character Tweets
Says CEO - "We Hope T

 

[bhamv3]

Man, I'm torn between wanting the ones that sound like real Onion headlines to win, and wanting the ones that make me chortle out loud to win.

 

[Bumble the Boy Wonder]

Man, I'm torn between wanting the ones that sound like real Onion headlines to win, and wanting the ones that make me chortle out loud to win.

 

[Anonymous]

Mars Rover Curiosity Begins Mutating Due to Cosmic Radiation
Mutations include a new limb, helf-repair abilities, and energy blasts from optic sensors

 

[Anonymous]

Privacy Advocates Warn: Xbox One Can Smell Fear
If you find yourself in a room with Microsoft's new Kinect, do no look directly into it's sensor, back away slowly and maintain a submissive posture.

 

[Anonymous]

NFL Signs 6 Year Deal With Youtube - Super Bowl Halftime to Begin Showcasing Viral Stars

 

[bhamv3]

NFL Signs 6 Year Deal With Youtube - Super Bowl Halftime to Begin Showcasing Viral Stars

I would actually be ok with this. Get Nick Pitera first.

 

[Anonymous]

Armed Homosexuals Storm Church, Force Parishioners to Marry People of the Same Sex
Church officials forced to promise never to conduct heterosexual marriages ever again