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Dear Dave or Jay,

Okay, so I joined that Geek2Geek dating site. I found a few local matches for me and sent a message to them. One read it but I didn't get a response. It seems like she and I have a lot in common, and I mean a LOT. I just shrugged it off and kept looking. Turns out there aren't many geeks in the Bryan/College Station area. In fact, I can count my local matches on two hands. As for those who have even logged on in the past few months, I can count them on one hand.

Then I realized that my profile looked so bland and I'd made a few mistakes. No wonder I didn't get any response. There weren't many details in it and some of the boxes were completely blank (I'm new to this). Also, looking "just for fun right now" is apparently online code for expressing a desire for one night stands. I honestly didn't know that. I changed it but that site has a delay in updates (up to 24 hours); I hadn't realized it at the time and assumed it would update instantly like Facebook.

When it updates soon, the profile will actually look decent. Would it be proper to send another message within the next several days, explaining the faux pas? Or would that come across a bit strong? Normally I wouldn't care but there are so few matches here that it might be worth another shot. Plus the Renaissance Faire is coming up soon and that would be a good opportunity.

And yes, I realize I'm sounding a lot like this guy right now.

I am neither Dave nor Jay, so my advice is taken with a grain of salt.

You didn't get a response with your old profile. Updating your new profile and resending a message can have only two results that affect you:

1) They continue to ignore you.

2) They are interested in you and contact you.

So, by emailing them, things can either stay the same or improve. I'm failing to see how you can possibly lose in this scenario

if you decide to try an explain things, you should try come across more like this guy.

I'm with Adammon. Seems like the worst that could happen is being ignored more. So no, it's not too insistent.

So long as you don't sent a picture of your junk a second time. That...that's too much.*

*This statement null and void if in both instances your junk is dressed up as a different character from Star Wars/Star Trek. Then you're just showing creativity, which chicks dig.

As put before, once you update your profile send another message. Be short & sweet. Say something like, "Being really new to this, my last profile was a mess. I have updated it and hope that these changes - which actually do reflect my personality - will interest you in some way. I apologize for bothering you again. Thanks!"

Or something like that.

Or you could go the humor route. "I just re-read my profile. Hoo-boy! I sound like some kinda pervert! As this isn't the case I have updated my profile to be more like me and not some creepy guy you might find on an online dating site. Oh, wait. DAMN!"

Don't do that humor thing Dave said. THAT made him sound like a creeper.

Yeah. Go with the junk thing. "Me and little C3PO wanted to let you know my profile is updated. These are the droids you're looking for!"

Even Dmitri the lover calls twice.

First Lady Puffinstuff said:

Even Dmitri the lover calls twice.

Click to expand...

WISDOM.

makare said:

Don't do that humor thing Dave said. THAT made him sound like a creeper.

Click to expand...

That was the point. I was joking.

Dave;440708][QUOTE=makare said:

Don't do that humor thing Dave said. THAT made him sound like a creeper.

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That was the point. I was joking.[/QUOTE]

I get that you were joking. But if some guy sent that to me I would be like "woah weirdo"

makare said:

Don't do that humor thing Dave said. THAT made him sound like a creeper.

Click to expand...

... oops. Um, how do I unsend a message?

Haha kidding. This is good advice. I'm just going to wait for my profile to finally update and then try again with that short but sweet message. Thanks a lot.

If there is no response after that go with Dave's response followed by "why wont you looooove meeeee?!"

preferably in audio format.

Girls respond well to pressure. Maybe I should slam her with a deadline and tell her that I'll lose all interest if she doesn't respond by Wednesday. Perhaps I should start a second account to try to woo her in case that doesn't work.

But in all seriousness, what should I use as the message title?

Pull a Van Gogh....send her a body part which you've severed in a fit of lovelorn wantonness.

Message title?

_your name__ 2.0, maybe?

Exchange Awesomeface for coolface.jpg, and we might have a winner

IronBrig4 said:

what should I use as the message title?

Click to expand...

Subject: NOT A STALKER!!!

IronBrig4 said:

But in all seriousness

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Doh!

Dave said:

Pull a Van Gogh....send her a body part which you've severed in a fit of lovelorn wantonness.

Click to expand...

It doesn't even have to be from your own personal body.

Okay, so the profile updated. I followed the advice I was given (the short but sweet message) explaining how my profile was a mess at first. And to put in a detail so that it didn't look so impersonal, I told her my favorite book was The Hobbit. Several minutes later, I couldn't view her profile at all, meaning she either closed her account or blocked me. I've driven a girl away without even meeting her. It's not like I bombarded her with messages; in fact, that first message I sent to her was several days back and I'd left her alone afterwards. I KNEW I should've painted my junk and sent a pic of it.

Btw, I don't think Geek2Geek is going to help me much here. There is now ONE match in the area for me. In the meantime, there's over forty guys in College Station who are looking for the same thing as me. I kinda feel like Ted in that HIMYM episode when he uses a dating agency but they can't find anybody for him.

PS - Although her profile comes up as a match I can't click on it. So this probably means blockage. I'm staying away from her profile.

PS again - There are now no matches for me. Somebody should write a screenplay of my love life. I'm sure it can turn into a good sitcom.

Sounds like it's just time to hit up northgate, dude. Head over to Fitzwilly's to drown your sorrows in cheap beer and pound them out of your head with half-assed live music that's waaaay too loud.

I haven't been to Fitzwilly's yet, but I go to The Corner every Friday. At any given moment there's fifty drunk chicks stumbling around. But... I don't want one of those drunk chicks. I want a geek.

I don't know if it's still there, but there used to be a coffee shop with free wifi behind the Fuddruckers on Harvey Rd right down from the sorority houses where a lot of the college girls used to hang out. There was a netzone next door to it but I think that's closed now.

Anyway, I dunno what I'm doing telling you all this. I've been off the market for years and even before that it's not like I was mack-tastic or anything, so my chick-chasing advice is limited to standard platitudes and bad stereotypes.

IronBrig4 said:

I don't want one of those drunk chicks. I want a geek.

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You might be surprised to find a geek among the drunk chicks.

Have you looked at speed-dating groups in your area?

Aw that sucks Ironbrig. Her loss I suppose.

Speed-dating? I suppose that's worth a shot. There's also two girls in my anthropology seminar who seem to like me. One of them's a big fan of Dr. Horrible and Firefly, and she flipped out when I showed her that pic of me with Joss Whedon. I am well aware that I shouldn't date someone I see on a daily basis, but I only see them once a week so it should be cool.

I know that I wasn't dumped because I never even met this Geek2Geek girl. Still, you can't help but feel a little rejected.

It sounds like someone who maybe signed up for the site, decided not to use it/got a boyfriend and just never thought to remove her profile, until someone actually persisted in contacting her beyond the normal one message.

IronBrig4 said:

One of them's a big fan of Dr. Horrible and Firefly, and she flipped out when I showed her that pic of me with Joss Whedon.

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You guys like the same things and you are backing off because you have a seminar with them? Oh, you mean something ELSE in common you can talk about? That's TERRIBLE!! [/sarcasm]

Dude. The ask the girl out. If you are nervous, do it in a group. Have a lot of you go for coffee. Or you can say, "You know, I've thought you are a pretty cool person for some time now, but the more we talk the more I know I want to ask you out."

Actually, I am planning on bringing brownies to tomorrow's seminar. I tried a new cookies and cream recipe (Oreo cookies in the batter and icing). So that should be a good icebreaker.

IronBrig4 said:

Actually, I am planning on bringing brownies to tomorrow's seminar. I tried a new cookies and cream recipe (Oreo cookies in the batter and icing). So that should be a good icebreaker.

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Good luck, bringing food is always a good icebreaker. I met the love of my life by bringing a turnip to the party as a snack.

Wait...is that a euphemism for something?

"Hey baby, wanna taste of my turnip?"

Well, I talked with those two girls in my anthro seminar. One of them's engaged (she doesn't wear a ring so I hadn't known) and the other's got a boyfriend. Said boyfriend lives all the way up in Edmonton but you gotta respect that. At least I got two more friends out of it, so that part's good. And the brownies came out really well. It was fun crushing the Oreos because I felt like the Incredible Hulk whenever I smashed them with a rolling pin.

Now I've gotta get back to the drawing board.

IronBrig4 said:

Well, I talked with those two girls in my anthro seminar. One of them's engaged (she doesn't wear a ring so I hadn't known) and the other's got a boyfriend. Said boyfriend lives all the way up in Edmonton but you gotta respect that. At least I got two more friends out of it, so that part's good. And the brownies came out really well. It was fun crushing the Oreos because I felt like the Incredible Hulk whenever I smashed them with a rolling pin.

Now I've gotta get back to the drawing board.

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Goes to show that all the good nerd girls are already taken

At least, they're taken as far as people who think a boyfriend 2200 miles away means she's off limits.

I guarantee you, if Ironbrig doesn't hook up with her, someone else will.

You think I should try it? I'd been thinking I should keep my distance because of the principle of the thing but... that's never gotten me anywhere before. Perhaps I could ask her to Midnight Yell in a couple weeks?

IronBrig4 said:

You think I should try it? I'd been thinking I should keep my distance because of the principle of the thing but... that's never gotten me anywhere before. Perhaps I could ask her to Midnight Yell in a couple weeks?

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That's a call I can't make for you. All I can tell you, is if she's not bonin' you by the end of the year, she'll be bonin' somebody else. Whether you want to be the guy who disabuses her of the notion that high school boyfriends are forever, is up to you. But somebody will.

If you decide to go for it though, I'd recommend you try to keep it innocent and platonic at first. But exactly how you progress from there, I wouldn't be able to say. You risk the "FRIEND ZONE" from this approach.

But if her boyfriend turns out to be some kind of psychotic jealous guy who comes to beat you up make sure to send him to Gas's house instead.

IronBrig4 said:

Well, I talked with those two girls in my anthro seminar. One of them's engaged (she doesn't wear a ring so I hadn't known) and the other's got a boyfriend. Said boyfriend lives all the way up in Edmonton but you gotta respect that. At least I got two more friends out of it, so that part's good. And the brownies came out really well. It was fun crushing the Oreos because I felt like the Incredible Hulk whenever I smashed them with a rolling pin.

Now I've gotta get back to the drawing board.

Click to expand...

I could have him arrested for something.

From personal experience stay away from dating sites........I married a man from one and that didnt work then I dated one and that blew up in my face.........Shit if i think about it Doc may be the only decent person I ever met on a singles site and well were not together hence why it worked out lol

---------- Post added at 09:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:45 PM ----------

Ok maybe dont give up but I jsut hate dating sites all together !

Frank said:

I could have him arrested for something.

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Is there a law in Canada against looking like one of those hillbillies from Deliverance?

IronBrig4;441740][QUOTE=Frank said:

I could have him arrested for something.

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Is there a law in Canada against looking like one of those hillbillies from Deliverance?[/QUOTE]

Nope, we even created them their own separate province. We call it "Newfoundland"

I gotta agree with GB here. Don't be a douche about pushing it, but the odds of her high-school sweetie who she never sees being "the one" is pretty unlikely, and if you're there and she thinks you're awesome, there's a fair chance (if you don't mind risking the friendship) that she'll eventually be amenable to a few dates, at least.

Good luck, in any case. There's a very small point of intersection between "stuck in the friendship zone", "respectful awesome guy I hang out with", and "creeper who won't stop making inappropriate comments who I can't avoid".

SpecialKO said:

"creeper who won't stop making inappropriate comments who I can't avoid".

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Yeah, nobody likes a creeper. The worst comment, though, would be "SSSSSSSsssssssssssss...."

Okay, I think I'll ask the girl to Midnight Yell. I've also set up an eHarmony account because they have a deal right now. The people on eHarmony actually seem normal. They don't creep me out like Craigslist.

Adammon;441508][QUOTE=IronBrig4 said:

Well, I talked with those two girls in my anthro seminar. One of them's engaged (she doesn't wear a ring so I hadn't known) and the other's got a boyfriend. Said boyfriend lives all the way up in Edmonton but you gotta respect that. At least I got two more friends out of it, so that part's good. And the brownies came out really well. It was fun crushing the Oreos because I felt like the Incredible Hulk whenever I smashed them with a rolling pin.

Now I've gotta get back to the drawing board.

Click to expand...

Goes to show that all the good nerd girls are already taken [/QUOTE]

^what he was about to say.

IronBrig4 said:

Okay, I think I'll ask the girl to Midnight Yell. I've also set up an eHarmony account because they have a deal right now. The people on eHarmony actually seem normal. They don't creep me out like Craigslist.

Click to expand...

I just called Eharmony and had them refund me....I hated it hope it works out better for you !

IronBrig4 said:

Okay, I think I'll ask the girl to Midnight Yell. I've also set up an eHarmony account because they have a deal right now. The people on eHarmony actually seem normal. They don't creep me out like Craigslist.

Click to expand...

EHarmony is kind of bullshit for the reason that when they show you your matches you're seeing everyone who has ever signed up, free weekend, specials etc. So, if their account has lapsed, they can no longer receive messages and respond to yours that you send. You are not made aware of this fact.

OR so I am told, everything I just wrote could be complete bullshit.

sixpackshaker said:

^what he was about to say.

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There are plenty around. It's just that some guys who are looking for em tend to start shaking and drooling like epileptic chihuahuas any time they meet one who seems remotely interesting, and that can be intimidating.

I know several geek/gamer girls. Most are in committed long term relationships or married.

And CG's right - lord knows I've been that way myself. Hell, the start of the whole Blonde Sonja project is just begging for that kind of reaction though somehow I've managed to avoid it.

Well, it's understandable behavior--the excitement of meeting someone nice who shares your interests. It can happen to anyone in any subculture.

I never seem to meet any geeky girls near me

But than again I don't get out much so what do I really expect?

You oughta take your new look for a night on the town.

The main problem is I don't drink so bars are out and I don't really know any places nearby to go. And even if did I see a girl I am way to shy to say anything. Sometimes being majorly introverted has its downsides. I have been tempted to see of any of my friends know anyone but I don't know if I would really trust there choosing abilities but that could just be me being a shy introvert.

You can go to a bar for socializing, too. Are there any mellow type bars that have a lot of pool tables or trivia or something? Order a sprite with a lime in it, don't tell anyone it's not an alcoholic beverage, and mingle. Cafes and bookstores are good places, too, provided everyone there isn't buried in a laptop. I've gotten approached at a Barnes and Noble and a coffee house, and they opened up with the book I was reading/looking for and what flavor iced coffee I ordered. Plenty of conversation starters, and the worst that can happen is someone doesn't feel like talking.

Anyway. Sorry for dumping a bunch of unsolicited advice on you...

I don't mind the advice.

I still don't know if a bar would the best setting for me but I think the book store may have possibilities. A huge problem for me is that I tend to over think things I constantly run every possible scenario I can think of through my mind trying to find the most likely outcome.

Yeah, most bars I've been to attract people I'd prefer not to spend my weekends with. There's this one place, more like the pubs I visited in England, and a pool hall that are laid back and good for conversation that came to mind.

I totally feel you on the over-thinking bit. It's one of my greatest flaws.

Hylian said:

A huge problem for me is that I tend to over think things I constantly run every possible scenario I can think of through my mind trying to find the most likely outcome.

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Try to avoid that with dating, because the universe tends to actually try to surprise you.

I was thinking about making a separate thread for this, but it's related so I'll just put it here.

So eHarmony seems to be working out. This one girl and I made it past all the guided communications steps and started e-mailing each other the other day. We're both grad students although we go to different universities. She lives in Huntsville (not Alabama, but about an hour east of here) so distance isn't much of a factor. We share many interests and hit it off right away. We each sent each other a couple long emails on Saturday. Then on Sunday I sent her another email responding to her previous questions, followed by a very short addendum with some pics. She had sent me pics of her time spent in Halifax, so I wanted to send her a couple more photos of Waimea Bay and Diamond Head. I haven't heard back from her since then, but it's been such a short time and I want to give her some space. The last thing I want to do is shoot myself in the foot by crowding her. Plus she's a grad student and we don't always have time for e-mails.

I really like this girl, though, and think this might be something worth pursuing. I'm thinking about asking for her phone number on Wednesday or after she sends her next e-mail, whichever comes first. Then we can work on a face-to-face meeting. That's what the people on the eHarmony boards are suggesting, but I wanted a second opinion from you all. Does it sound like a good idea?

Btw, I did tell her I dressed up as Captain Hammer for Comic Con. Normally that wouldn't be something to share, but she told me she makes her Renaissance festival outfits so I figured it would only be fair to share that tidbit.

Well, I guess if you guys are hitting it off then I can't see what harm asking for her phone number is so you guys can take the next step. Just be sure to not send her message after message until you get responses. Eagerness is good, over-eagerness is not.

Just a little update here. I can take a hint that the Canadian girl isn't interested in me as anything else but a friend. That's a bummer, but I've hit it off with a couple girls on eHarmony and that girl I mentioned in my last post gave me her number. I have a good feeling about this one. We've been talking a lot and we have more in common every time. Today, I very tentatively said that Star Trek: TNG is a guilty pleasure of mine. She then replied that she owns every season. If she likes Firefly as well then I'll probably die from one of those anime-style nosebleeds.

Hehe, yay. Im glad this whole thing is working out for you.

I just got off the phone with her and it turns out she does indeed love Firefly and Serenity. She seems to share all my geeky hobbies. Indiana Jones, superheroes, Dr. Horrible, D&D, you name it and she likes it. Now the only trouble is trying to find a free weekend to meet up. We're both grad students so right now we're in that stage of the semester where we have to research our term papers.

You know, this is funny. Funny in regards to the whole online dating situation and not necessarily your woes! My buddy and I were discussing this exact thing 2 weekends ago.

Let me elaborate. Online dating is generally a clusterfuck and completely in the favor for those who were born with vaginas. As there are easily 20 men to 1 woman ratio on those types of sites, the majority of these online women are about the worst scumbags you can possibly have to deal with. I’ve been on these websites a long way back when I was single and it was an annoying experience to say the least.

You’ll learn and after my post, you’ll understand. Firstly, don’t take it hard that she ignored you, that much was a given, sorry I wasn’t here quickly enough to provide you the support I could have. You see… these women on these websites aren’t human beings. They are hypocritical attention whores who are perusing a catalogue of penises. Simply put, your dick wasn’t appetizing enough and she’s got plenty in reserve.

I mentioned I was chatting with my buddy about this. You see, he’s recently found himself to be single and we discussed how hard it is to find single attractive women online after the age of 30. The odds are that my buddy, a 32 year old average looking single dad of one, to find an attractive normal woman around his age… is quite the feat to beat. Generally, women over the age of 30 are a lot like parking spaces. All the good ones are taken and all that’s left are reserved for the handicapped.

After our conversation, I went online and actually tested the waters simply for the sake to see if things were different. I created 3 accounts. One for a guy like me, with a bit of gusto and white lies to make myself look more interesting, one for an average lookin’ girl with a few brief lines with a picture stolen off facebook and a third profile taken from a good lookin’ girl I found on google images without making her look fake.

I logged back in 2 days later and these were the stats:

The guy had about 15 something views with no messages and virtual gift from a female member that looked like the human equivalent of the Titanic.

The average looking girl had about 200+ views, with about 20 messages and 50 or so virtual gifts.

The good looking girl had about 500+ views with her “free” account mailbox being full (limit was 50) with 90 something virtual gifts.

I digress but nonetheless, this is interesting don’t you agree?


If your plan is to date online, then expect to be disappointed and expect it to be attention whoring centric. With a catalogue of dick to peruse, most of these online women will try to find their ideal mate.

The same women who’ll be back, still perusing the same catalogue looking for prince charming and fail over and over and over.

My advice? If you’re a geek, balls up and go out, hit places that are “geek” related and try to meet someone in person. Sure, you may get turned down but at least you’re not trying to talk to her while she’s looking at a parade of cocks waving at her for attention.

Regards,
Jay

I read that in Sideshow Bob's voice and it was fantastic.

Jay, you should record that and post it to youtube. You'll get a bazillion hits in absolutely no time.

Yes, definitely put it up on Youtube. Make sure the video begins with you sitting in a well-appointed study, dressed in a suit and reading a leather-bound book a la Masterpiece Theater. You might beat the Numa Numa guy in views.

When I tried Geek2Geek there were seven potential matches. Most of those hadn't even logged on within the past six months. Out of curiosity I did a match search whilst pretending to be a woman seeking a man. There were over forty.

This eHarmony thing seems to be working out, though. She also friended me on Facebook (her initiative, not mine).

Jay said:

My advice? If you’re a geek, balls up and go out, hit places that are “geek” related and try to meet someone in person. Sure, you may get turned down but at least you’re not trying to talk to her while she’s looking at a parade of cocks waving at her for attention.

Click to expand...

Sounds like any night at the bar.

At geek events the swords to scabbards ratio is likely higher than it would be on a dating sight.

Jay said:

from a female member that looked like the human equivalent of the Titanic

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I knew my wife was up to something.

Also as per online dating sites: agreed but only from second hand experience here (i.e. viewing/talking to others trying it)

good luck IronBrigman

First Lady Puffinstuff said:

Jay, you should record that and post it to youtube. You'll get a bazillion hits in absolutely no time.

Click to expand...

And they'd all peruse his penis.

Use OKcupid or Plenty of Fish, those are the 2 best sites.

I have some amusing experience with two dating sites and most of what I experienced follows exactly what Jay said with one exception. I did meet my wife on PlentyofFish.com but I had to sift through a LOT of crap and rejection to find her. Let's just say that I agree with Jay's assement of what most women on sites like that are after.

My wife showed me what her inbox from PlentyofFish looked like once we had been dating for a few weeks... it was completely full, she had thousands of views and a ton of weirdos had "favorited" her (or whatever it's called). Most of the emails were dudes wanting to see her boobs and propositions for sex though... still... there were a large amount of dudes simply trying to find someone to be with.

I signed up for eHarmony once... they said they were sorry but I couldn't be matched with anyone at that time. Way to help out my ego there eHarmony... bastards...

Well, apparently the girl dropped off the planet again. We chatted over Facebook on Tuesday. On Thursday I texted her, asking if I could make a quick call to her on Friday (or an e-mail if she preferred). No response. So I just sent her an e-mail wishing her luck on the GRE and a Happy Halloween, and that we should find a time and place to meet up if it was still all right with her. I'm leaving it in her court now. If she gets back to me, great. If not, that would kinda suck because we've got a lot in common but at least I didn't put all my eggs in one basket.

In other news, I had a first date with another of my matches yesterday. It was pretty good and I'm gonna give her a call later today, like I said I would.

She didn't drop off the face of the planet, she's dating at least one person from the online site while talking to you.

AKA: She's perusing the penises.

Jay said:

AKA: She's perusing the penises.

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"I'll take one of those, one of those... oh damn, is that the Fun Size?"

Asians abstain!

Now she's talking to me again and said I could call her tomorrow.

Is there something about dating logic that I should know about? There's so many twists and cul de sacs. It's wild.

I would say one thing you should keep in mind is that when it isn't serious, don't treat it seriously. It's really hard not to when you are really into someone, but when you are at a stage where you have not even met up, don't put too many eggs in that basket. It's something I see guys fall into all the time. Like with this girl, who knows why she you couldn't get ahold of her for a couple of days. Honestly, it doesn't even really matter. Because for right now, it's not serious.

Also, your post count = 666

Jay said:

Asians abstain!

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wait, so now we can't peruse penises?

I'm half-Asian, so will I need to peruse penises with one eye closed?

And I know it's not too serious, which is why I'm communicating with other girls. In fact, I had a date with one of them last week. She broke it off over e-mail the next day >_< but that's beside the point. I'm not getting too attached, but at the same time I kinda want this to work.

IronBrig4 said:

I'm half-Asian

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I see now!

He perused.

UDFy-38135539 said:

He perused.

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But he didn't select. This is important.

"Can I help you, sir?"
"No thanks, just looking."

Officer_Charon;448796][QUOTE=UDFy-38135539 said:

He perused.

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But he didn't select. This is important.

"Can I help you, sir?"
"No thanks, just looking."[/QUOTE]

does the penis store operate like a bookstore?

UDFy-38135539;448803][QUOTE=Officer_Charon;448796][QUOTE=UDFy-38135539 said:

He perused.

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But he didn't select. This is important.

"Can I help you, sir?"
"No thanks, just looking."[/QUOTE]

does the penis store operate like a bookstore?[/QUOTE]

What, with everybody sampling the merchandise, but far fewer actually making a selection? Or do you mean with regards to the snotty baristas in the overrated coffee shop contained therein?

mr_thehun said:

Shop smart, shop peniS mart.

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Oh, you ass.... Honey Bunches of Oats in the sinuses HURTS

IronBrig4 said:

And I know it's not too serious, which is why I'm communicating with other girls. In fact, I had a date with one of them last week. She broke it off over e-mail the next day >_< but that's beside the point.

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You had one date. What was there to break off?

Their torrid love affair.

escushion said:

You had one date. What was there to break off?

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This is how I define the act in which romantic interpersonal communication ends.

If it ends...
Before the first date: rejection
After one date: breaking things off
After having gone on multiple dates: dumping or breaking things off
After having established a committed relationship: breakup

If there is a more appropriate way to define it, let me know. No, I didn't think the other girl and I were together in case you were wondering that. She said she didn't want to juggle a relationship and school at the same time. I respected her decision and said I bore her no ill will. And since she's a vet student and I'm a history grad student, we're on opposite sides of the campus and won't have to see each other again. Thus, we can avoid the craziness that happens when people break the Platinum Rule.

Before the first date: Rejection based on prejudice
After the first date: Rejection upon confirmation of prejudice
After multiple dates: Breaking things off
After both parties commit: Breakup

Before the first date: Apathy.
After the first date: You had something stuck in your teeth.
After multiple dates: Apathy.
After committing longer-term: Apathy.

One date isn't "breaking it off" - there's no it to break off. You just don't get a second date.

It's like, after a job interview, if they don't call you back, you didn't get fired, you just didn't get hired.

In fact, that's basically what a first date is - an interview for the job of 'significant other'.

Null said:

One date isn't "breaking it off" - there's no it to break off. You just don't get a second date.

It's like, after a job interview, if they don't call you back, you didn't get fired, you just didn't get hired.

In fact, that's basically what a first date is - an interview for the job of 'significant other'.

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Rejection is rejection is rejection.

Haha! Can you point me towards the original place for that image, FLP?

I found it via google image search for "rejection" here: The Ultimate Rejection Letter | TruckerFun.com

That's not the original source, but they don't link to where they got it from. A quick google search for key terms in the letter, or a tineye search for it might bring more clues...

Don't need the original. Thanks!

Just letting you all know that the match and I have been talking a lot over the past month or so. Since school is finally winding down we've got some spare time and we're going out next Tuesday. YATTA!!!

As an aside, the girl hates talking on the phone. She's into texting, e-mail, Facebook, and Skype video chats, but she hates the phone for some reason. Weird, eh?

IronBrig4 said:

She's into texting

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Send that bitch a smiley face. Bitches love smiley faces.

IronBrig4 said:

Just letting you all know that the match and I have been talking a lot over the past month or so. Since school is finally winding down we've got some spare time and we're going out next Tuesday. YATTA!!!

As an aside, the girl hates talking on the phone. She's into texting, e-mail, Facebook, and Skype video chats, but she hates the phone for some reason. Weird, eh?

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Well... not at all. My wife HATES talking on the phone too (she does that all day in call center) she loves to text. Also, sometimes you can "correct" a text while typing, but hard to take back if you accidentally said something.

Good luck on your relationship. As other have said, just enjoy each other company and learn more about each other. don't take it too serious or you might scare the girl off

Chibibar said:

Good luck on your relationship. As other have said, just enjoy each other company and learn more about each other. don't take it too serious or you might scare the girl off

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So she won't be impressed that I downloaded the floor plans to every place she's ever lived in?

IronBrig4;458923][QUOTE=Chibibar said:

Good luck on your relationship. As other have said, just enjoy each other company and learn more about each other. don't take it too serious or you might scare the girl off

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So she won't be impressed that I downloaded the floor plans to every place she's ever lived in?[/QUOTE]

not unless you are planning to do a major "seek out the clue" date with her. like leaving little clues around the building that will lead her to the actual date site

IronBrig4 said:

Just letting you all know that the match and I have been talking a lot over the past month or so. Since school is finally winding down we've got some spare time and we're going out next Tuesday. YATTA!!!

As an aside, the girl hates talking on the phone. She's into texting, e-mail, Facebook, and Skype video chats, but she hates the phone for some reason. Weird, eh?

Click to expand...

Nope, I hate talking on the phone and much prefer texting.

I hate talking on the phone too, but it's because the rampant overabundance of cell phones has annihilated accepted standards of call quality. Even the smartest smartphone these days is absolute balls on call quality compared to a good old fashioned land line... but you just can't get away from them, so any phone call sounds like absolute ass.

So we moved the date to next Wednesday. The original plan called for me driving to her town, meeting up in the late afternoon and walking through downtown (at least what passes for it in such a small place), then going to a cafe and leaving separately. Now she's alluding to the possibility of having dinner at her place. I'm eager to see where this leads.

IronBrig4 said:

I'm eager to see where this leads.

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Hokay. Cake, you are pretending to be chambermaid, and vacuum creanar, you are preasantry surprised. This reads to sex. Now... ACTION.

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS!!!
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.

So I met her and we had a fun date. Now she wants a second one. I'm trying not to get excited about this but she's WONDERFUL.

That's awesome ^_^ Good luck to you

Rock on dude!

Details man! Details!

Okay, so we met and walked through downtown (both square blocks of it) and browsed some of the shops. Then we had ice cream at an old-fashioned soda fountain and took her car to see Dawn Treader at a small movie theater. Do you remember when you only had to pay $5 for a movie ticket and $2 for popcorn? After that, she drove me back to my car and said she'd like to do something like this again after the holidays (yeah, she beat me to it). Then we hugged and parted ways. Looking back, maybe I could've gotten away with a kiss. But I wasn't gonna try that on our first date.

We're both leaving for break today; I'm headed to San Diego and she's got family in the Houston area. After Christmas and the craziness associated with that holiday, I'll try to start planning out the second date with her. And btw, I baked brownies last week and saved her some. I guess girls like a guy who knows his way around the kitchen. With Christmas coming up and after talking with her for months I wanted to get her SOMETHING, but nothing too big otherwise that might have scared her off. So I think I did well there.

Yay, for you.

I love that theater.

I sent her a text yesterday, wishing her a safe trip home. I'm gonna leave her alone for today because I know things feel a little weird after the first date, and the last thing I want is to seem overbearing.

So what do I do now? We won't see each other for a month. I intend to keep talking with her every other day or so, and then start planning out the second date together after New Year's. Any advice?

Date other people.

Masturbate furiously.

I’d suggest to stop being a pussy!

I won’t give you a hard time but… does she every call YOU? Does she ever text YOU without YOU talking to her first or have to call you back?

I can see what you’re worried about this long delay but that’s the way the cookie crumbles. You need to diversify and get to meet perhaps another person and put yourself out there because you’re just setting yourself up if things don’t go your way. Meeting another slice can take your mind off things and you can simply go out there and have some fun.

Remember, you’re not exclusive with the dame and to think you are will be a shame to your game. She’s gone for a MONTH. A LOT of things can possibly change in that month. Heck, she’ll have a full period cycle without you being around. That’s fucken huge.

Don’t call her every other day because that would be overbearing. Get HER to call YOU instead and alternate your calls. After the holidays are done, start talking about what fun things you guys can do together.

I’d also suggest to take a wack before you do call her, so you won’t sound lonely and desperate as I’m strongly thinking you’d sound like.

A month is not that long of a time and it's the holidays. Just call her every once in a while (it helps if you have something specific to talk about that way you don''t do the whole, how are you? fine how are you? fine *silence* thing) to stay connected. Try not to worry about it.

unless you happen to be "exclusive" then don't call her. I have to agree with Jay. If she calls you then take the call and enjoy the time and call her back (return the favor) but if you are doing all the initiating, then it is not a two way relationship.

Actually, she initiates contact with me about as much as I do with her. And yes, I'm dating other people and it's a lot of fun. It seems like I started getting more requests for dates from other girls after things progressed with her. Isn't that odd?

No it's how it usually happens.

No its not odd. Every time Ive been going out with someone I seem to get more attention from the ladies. I think it has to do with the fact that youre not trying as hard, not nervous about screwing up which always seems to lead to you screwing up and you are being yourself since there is no pressure to try and get a date. Enjoy yourself and hope things keep going well.

IronBrig4 said:

Actually, she initiates contact with me about as much as I do with her. And yes, I'm dating other people and it's a lot of fun. It seems like I started getting more requests for dates from other girls after things progressed with her. Isn't that odd?

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LOL... not at all. It's how it is. My buddy Peter and I spoke about this last weekend while we were heading to watch Tron... we called it the "Women Anti-Single Radar".

IronBrig4 said:

Actually, she initiates contact with me about as much as I do with her. And yes, I'm dating other people and it's a lot of fun. It seems like I started getting more requests for dates from other girls after things progressed with her. Isn't that odd?

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As the others said, it's normal. Your desirability rises inversely to your availability. Just wait till you're "exclusive." Then the poontang will practically launch itself at you, legs spread.

Jay;462420][QUOTE=IronBrig4 said:

Actually, she initiates contact with me about as much as I do with her. And yes, I'm dating other people and it's a lot of fun. It seems like I started getting more requests for dates from other girls after things progressed with her. Isn't that odd?

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LOL... not at all. It's how it is. My buddy Peter and I spoke about this last weekend while we were heading to watch Tron... we called it the "Women Anti-Single Radar".[/QUOTE]

I actually this is to be true. While I was single and just having fun, I don't get as many dates, but the moment I become exclusive, I get tons of offer and worst, after I got married.

My wife has given an evil eye or two to some women who are trying to make a move on me.

There are some competitive women out there, that act like you are not worth their time if you are not stolen from another woman.

Going out with someone gives you confidence, and that confidence changes how you act around others, so no - it's not strange.

First Lady Puffinstuff said:

Going out with someone gives you confidence, and that confidence changes how you act around others, so no - it's not strange.

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heh. I guess that is true, but I believe I act the same way when I'm single and when I'm married (i.e. personality wise) but I have to go with Six's idea, but if you look deeper that idea is flaw. If you (the general you) can steal a man from someone what prevent that man get stolen or leave for another?

Also being attached shows you have attachment value - after all, some dumbass likes your dumbass so you must have some redeeming qualities somewhere. It's like buying a used car off the lot. You wouldn't buy the one that has obviously been untouched for years and years, sitting rotting and rusting in the back corner of the lot. However, the recent trade-in, while having been taken around the block a couple times, must have had some merit for it to have been driven for so long.

Women are also competitive and are willing to fight each other over pretty much anything. I lost a best friend because we got into a fight over a guy neither of us even liked.

So explain that shit.

What kind of creature would steal a guy away from another girl just to satisfy their own vanity?

*thinks of most girls he's known* Oh, right. Never mind then.

I don't know if it is always vanity. A lot of the time it is more envy like oh she seems happy I want that happiness for myself.

Unfortunately the happiness is often a front for unhappiness underneath.

It is most definitely not limited to women. I've seen MORE than my share of guys who purposelly look for women who are in relationships.

Ah, "competition"... we have dismissed this claim.

Jiarn said:

It is most definitely not limited to women. I've seen MORE than my share of guys who purposelly look for women who are in relationships.

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Yeah people are alike all over. Men and women have more in common than not.

Okay, here's what happened. She got back to civilization and we talked a couple more times. I was going to wait until I got back to Texas to talk about hanging out again. By the way, she organized a weight-loss fundraiser for cancer research; she's trying to lose weight until April 1 and sponsors donate a certain amount of money per pound, and I'm sponsoring her too (MAJOR points for me). We talked on Facebook about just anything in general and it was a lot of fun. Then, a couple weeks back, she said she needed to check on the oven and I haven't heard from her since. I sent her a couple of texts over the next week and she never got back to me. I can take a hint but don't really understand what happened.

It's not like this was a long, slow decline; we didn't have any arguments and everything had been great... then nothing, yet she is still on my Facebook. I can still try to talk to her over FB or Skype if I wanted to but I am not going to beg. And yes, I'm still going to sponsor her in the fund-raiser because it can help a lot of people and I already said I would. After all, what kind of guy would I be to pull out of a charitable thing like that just because a girl stopped talking to me?

Before you say it, I'm talking with another match too and that seems to be working out. So it's not like I set myself up to be alone.

maybe she has a bun in there...

-laugh- Nice!

It is hard to know if a girl is playing hard to get, or she just wants you to go away. I generally take it as the second after you call a few times and never hear back. I'd prefer if people would have the nerve to say no.

She could just be having issues of some kind. You don't seem to know this girl well enough to be able to say with certainty what other life concerns/problems she could be facing. You've contacted her, so just assume it's a lost-cause-until-she-calls-you-back and move on.

I just don't understand why she asked for a second date (before I could ask), accepted my sponsorship, and then kept talking with me if she was suddenly going to cut me off. It don't add up, boss. It just don't add up. Whatever, I'm not going to figure it out for her.

A thought is that maybe between asking for a second date, and realizing it, another contact she was interested in came up?

IronBrig4 said:

I just don't understand why she asked for a second date (before I could ask), accepted my sponsorship, and then kept talking with me if she was suddenly going to cut me off. It don't add up, boss. It just don't add up. Whatever, I'm not going to figure it out for her.

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It could be that she's a flake, and this is just your first clue.

Points taken. I'm not going to contact her again. In the meantime, I have a date with another match next weekend. This is pretty freakin' sweet.

IronBrig4 said:

By the way, she organized a weight-loss fundraiser for cancer research; she's trying to lose weight until April 1 and sponsors donate a certain amount of money per pound, and I'm sponsoring her too (MAJOR points for me).

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You put a dollar value on how fat she is? That's not major points, that's a shoot yourself in the nads maneuver.

No, she was asking for sponsors. Every sponsor donates a certain amount of money per pound lost. That's the way the fundraiser works.

Slick move my gringo.

This is what she wrote on her blog when she announced her fundraiser. I would appreciate it if one person on this forum would not assume that I'm an evil, lecherous hump.

"As a few of you know, I've been trying to lose weight for a great portion of my life. Recently, my doctor even told me that I'm headed toward cholesterol problems that are common to my family. So, after many ups and downs, I have come up with a perfect solution: I'm going to drop the weight for dough!

Here's the plan, from now until April 1st I'm going to drop as much weight as I can (in a healthy manner) and, for every pound that I drop, I would like to collect pledges from any of you who would like to support my cause of choice: MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. This is a world class cancer treatment and research center that treats patients who come from all over and conducts research that brings us closer to a cure every day. With many family members who have been--and are still--affected by cancer, I'm going to make this bigger than just myself. By improving my own health, I'd like to help improve the health of many others as well.

So here's the plan: I'm going to set a target of about 30 to 40 pounds (at the most) to lose before April 1, 2011. What I'm asking of myself, as well as any of you who would like to participate, is to pledge a certain amount per pound to include in my donation. I will pledge $2 per pound. Every little bit counts and, if you pledge any amount (50 cents to $5 or more!), I'll post your name on the list of donors in the side bar.

But that's not all folks!

No matter what I lose, I will donate blood to MD Anderson on April 1st. However! If I lose 30 pounds by this point, I am going to cut my long hair short and donate it to Locks of Love (link: http://www.locksoflove.org/)!

This is going to be a transformation people and I'd like for you all to participate for this great cause."

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As you can see, she wanted support. I saw that it was going towards a very charitable cause and I matched her own pledge. C'mon, I donate blood so pledging a few bucks is something I wouldn't hesitate doing. Regardless, we still talked for a good while afterward before she suddenly gave me the silent treatment.

Evil evil evil evil evil evil eeeeeevil.

That's all she heard from you, except replace the world evil with fatty.

Now you know how she felt.

IronBrig4 said:

This is what she wrote on her blog when she announced her fundraiser. I would appreciate it if one person on this forum would not assume that I'm an evil, lecherous hump.



As you can see, she wanted support. I saw that it was going towards a very charitable cause and I matched her own pledge. C'mon, I donate blood so pledging a few bucks is something I wouldn't hesitate doing. Regardless, we still talked for a good while afterward before she suddenly gave me the silent treatment.

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I don't see a problem with this. She had a goal, asked for support, he supported her. Why not?

Because then we can't give him shit about it and cackle like crows on meth.

Well, this was unexpected. I did what you all told me to by moving on, dating other people, and writing her off as a lost cause unless she got back to me. I hadn't said a word to her in over a month. She just Skyped me out of the blue last night and asked me out for next weekend. She said she'd been very busy and had opened her eyes. WTF? I'm giving her a second chance but should I ask her what exactly happened?

What do you want? To get back with her or know what happened?

Is it too much to ask for both?

Too much work.

You will not get both at one time. Pick your reward wisely.




And then quit answering calls...

sixpackshaker said:

You will not get both at one time. Pick your reward wisely.

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For some reason this came to mind.

One of two things. Either she was really busy and missed you (though why no small correspondance in the meantime) or the other people she was seeing just weren't working out.

Well, according to Dan Brown... Grail is short hand for vag.

I think I read the wrong book

IronBrig4 said:

Well, this was unexpected. I did what you all told me to by moving on, dating other people, and writing her off as a lost cause unless she got back to me. I hadn't said a word to her in over a month. She just Skyped me out of the blue last night and asked me out for next weekend. She said she'd been very busy and had opened her eyes. WTF? I'm giving her a second chance but should I ask her what exactly happened?

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"You want to go out? I dunno - have you lost that 40 pounds yet? If not, you might have to..." "...weight a little longer."