Remember folks, March 14th is Steak and BJ Day (Now NSFW)
- Thread starter Jay
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So, if you're single, do you try and get a blowjob from a steak?
A fellow S&BJ enthusiast? Excellent.I think my wife is convinced that's a bi-weekly holiday vs a yearly one
remember folks, this is still really weird and sexist and terrible and mentioning it makes you look like an idiot
Yeah, I don't like Valentine's Day either.
I'm not fucking white knighting anyone. This dumb shit reflects poorly on me and all these stupid gender roles make my life shittier.
I think that's the problem there and not the actual holidays.
So, you're laying back in bed, getting a wonderful bit of head from that special someone. Her lips are wet and by now so is every inch of your cock. Her tongue is flattened out against the bottom of your shaft and it does this delicious little swirl around the head on every upstroke. You can feel the moment closing in: balls start to tighten up, an electric feeling warming your testicles and rising up your shaft, your brain starts to shut down as your prostate takes over all thought processes.
It's your first time with this girl, so as you near the point of no return you do the gentlemanly thing by warning her in a breathy whisper. She does that magical bit you long for, that lets you know she might be a keeper; she glances up with those big sexy eyes of hers and simply moans, "Mm-hmm". This is going to be a good night.
As the torrent of cum begins to issue forth, the electricity surges towards both your heads. Your brain shuts down as the head of your cock becomes the center of your universe. It's the only thing you can sense. Time stops as her swallowing reflex pushes up on the bottom of your cock with her tongue and massages the top of your head with her soft palate
Every spurt of cum initiates another round of this delectable massage, starting another cycle of spasms, which in-turn starts another cycle of massage. For a few seconds you start to think that this is some sort of infinite recursion cycle, that maybe the key to free perpetual energy might lie between your dick and this woman's incredible lips. For a lot of guys this is a critical moment when they should push away before the sensations become too intense.
You don't; you're like me. You grab the back of her head and hold her in place, groaning out to her not stop. As the cum stops spurting she's free to move away from reflexive movements. Her tongue swirls around your head and she swallows more of your softening erection. It's so sensitive that it feels like fire in a good way. It feels good in the way a cinnamon mint tastes good.
At this point your entire body is shuddering but you tell her to keep going. She resumes a bobbing motion. It's slow, torturous, and cruel in its gentleness. Her lips are barely grazing you, sliding ever so gently and effortlessly along your flesh. You can feel each nerve ending she triggers and her tongue occasionally grazes the top of your cock to savor the last trickling drops of cum.
At this point your body is spent. Your flaccid penis drops from her lips. You look down at her looking back at you with a wicked little grin. You try to tell her not to stop, but all that comes out is a defeated growl. As she slides her body up your supine form to cuddle she knows she's destroyed you.
Her hands slide up your sides and chest before wrapping around your neck. Her nose nuzzles in against your jawline. Every movement, every bit of her warmth against your flesh leads to a sense of completion. You've emptied every bit of your being inside of her, she milked out just a little bit more, and now she's wrapped herself around you. Rather than hitting an abrupt physical wall like when other girls pull off and finish you by hand, you feel fully attached for a fleeting moment.
When your brain comes to again, as if through a clearing fog, you know you want to return the favor. You roll her over and start kissing your way down the curves of her breasts, her hips, her thighs. It begs the question of all the ladies; what does it feel like when his tongue drives you over the edge and stays there?
Oh wait, I forgot who I was typing to,
At least you can always buy steak.
Geez man, lighten up. The whole concept is just a joke. It's like No Pants Day. It's not supposed to be taken seriously. Hell, I've seen couples on Facebook joking about it, both men and women.
please don't post your bad erotica anymore
It's not an ironic like
It's sad that you think that's fiction.
Oh and here, focus your silly energy on something worth it:
http://mashable.com/2013/03/13/first-tablet-for-women/
From the Middle East, who would have thought.
You don't have a gender role. You as a person decide how you behave. The gender roles you perceive are nothing but the expectations of others and you're free to disappoint them. You're free to care about that, or to not care. It's up to you to decide the kind of person you are and you don't have to consider any role guidelines but the ones you set for yourself. You are responsible for your own limitations.
Dumb shit does not reflect poorly on you unless you take part in it, and that poor reflection is only how you see yourself. The opinions of others on the merits of your dumb shit are irrelevant. For others, nothing is obligated under this particular dumb shit. Two people can take part in it or choose not to, and it isn't your place to dictate their lives any more than it's their place to dictate yours.
Remember folks: He's all humor, zero substance.
Fixed.
Yes, please.So, you're laying back in bed, getting a wonderful bit of head from that special someone. Her lips are wet and by now so is every inch of your cock. Her tongue is flattened out against the bottom of your shaft and it does this delicious little swirl around the head on every upstroke. You can feel the moment closing in: balls start to tighten up, an electric feeling warming your testicles and rising up your shaft, your brain starts to shut down as your prostate takes over all thought processes.
It's your first time with this girl, so as you near the point of no return you do the gentlemanly thing by warning her in a breathy whisper. She does that magical bit you long for, that lets you know she might be a keeper; she glances up with those big sexy eyes of hers and simply moans, "Mm-hmm". This is going to be a good night.
As the torrent of cum begins to issue forth, the electricity surges towards both your heads. Your brain shuts down as the head of your cock becomes the center of your universe. It's the only thing you can sense. Time stops as her swallowing reflex pushes up on the bottom of your cock with her tongue and massages the top of your head with her soft palate
Every spurt of cum initiates another round of this delectable massage, starting another cycle of spasms, which in-turn starts another cycle of massage. For a few seconds you start to think that this is some sort of infinite recursion cycle, that maybe the key to free perpetual energy might lie between your dick and this woman's incredible lips. For a lot of guys this is a critical moment when they should push away before the sensations become too intense.
You don't; you're like me. You grab the back of her head and hold her in place, groaning out to her not stop. As the cum stops spurting she's free to move away from reflexive movements. Her tongue swirls around your head and she swallows more of your softening erection. It's so sensitive that it feels like fire in a good way. It feels good in the way a cinnamon mint tastes good.
At this point your entire body is shuddering but you tell her to keep going. She resumes a bobbing motion. It's slow, torturous, and cruel in its gentleness. Her lips are barely grazing you, sliding ever so gently and effortlessly along your flesh. You can feel each nerve ending she triggers and her tongue occasionally grazes the top of your cock to savor the last trickling drops of cum.
At this point your body is spent. Your flaccid penis drops from her lips. You look down at her looking back at you with a wicked little grin. You try to tell her not to stop, but all that comes out is a defeated growl. As she slides her body up your supine form to cuddle she knows she's destroyed you.
Her hands slide up your sides and chest before wrapping around your neck. Her nose nuzzles in against your jawline. Every movement, every bit of her warmth against your flesh leads to a sense of completion. You've emptied every bit of your being inside of her, she milked out just a little bit more, and now she's wrapped herself around you. Rather than hitting an abrupt physical wall like when other girls pull off and finish you by hand, you feel fully attached for a fleeting moment.
When your brain comes to again, as if through a clearing fog, you know you want to return the favor. You roll her over and start kissing your way down the curves of her breasts, her hips, her thighs. It begs the question of all the ladies; what does it feel like when his tongue drives you over the edge and stays there?
Oh wait, I forgot who I was typing to,
At least you can always buy steak.
Just one thing. This line in that piece of fantasy: "You grab the back of her head and hold her in place." How that actually ends is: she gags, you ignore it, you push her head further down. Ignoring the squeeks of pain and fear. Your pleasure is far more important than her ability to breathe. As you unload down her throat, her eyes water, her gag reflex filling her throat with bile, mixing with the salt of semen. When you release her, she gasps for breath, choking on cum and vomit, wiping the tears from her eyes that were a result of you restricting her movements and limiting her ability to breathe. As you lie back, spent, she pushes down the urge to throw up, because your pleasure is far more important than anything she may experience. She slides her body up your side, and she proceeds to nuzzle your jawline, looking for some shred of comfort, caring, acknowledgement. You roll over and take a nap.
GasBandit
Staff member
They go together just as much as flowers and chocolate.
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