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Remember folks, March 14th is Steak and BJ Day (Now NSFW)

#1

Jay

Jay



#2

Gilgamesh

Gilgamesh

I think my wife is convinced that's a bi-weekly holiday vs a yearly one ;)


#3

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

So, if you're single, do you try and get a blowjob from a steak?


#4

CynicismKills

CynicismKills

So, if you're single, do you try and get a blowjob from a steak?


#5

Jay

Jay

I think my wife is convinced that's a bi-weekly holiday vs a yearly one ;)
A fellow S&BJ enthusiast? Excellent.


#6

Hylian

Hylian

Considering I am both single and a vegetarian I think I will just celebrate Pi day and Einstein's birthday tomorrow instead.


#7

Charlie Don't Surf

Charlie Don't Surf

remember folks, this is still really weird and sexist and terrible and mentioning it makes you look like an idiot


#8

Gilgamesh

Gilgamesh

remember folks, this is still really weird and sexist and terrible and mentioning it makes you look like an idiot
Best I could do mid-raid and half-assed:


#9

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

remember folks, this is still really weird and sexist and terrible and mentioning it makes you look like an idiot


#10

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

remember folks, this is still really weird and sexist and terrible and mentioning it makes you look like an idiot
Yeah, I don't like Valentine's Day either.


#11

Charlie Don't Surf

Charlie Don't Surf

I'm not fucking white knighting anyone. This dumb shit reflects poorly on me and all these stupid gender roles make my life shittier.


#12

Gilgamesh

Gilgamesh

This dumb shit reflects poorly on me and all these stupid gender roles make my life shittier.
I think that's the problem there and not the actual holidays.


#13

Jay

Jay

remember folks, this is still really weird and sexist and terrible and mentioning it makes you look like an idiot
So, you're laying back in bed, getting a wonderful bit of head from that special someone. Her lips are wet and by now so is every inch of your cock. Her tongue is flattened out against the bottom of your shaft and it does this delicious little swirl around the head on every upstroke. You can feel the moment closing in: balls start to tighten up, an electric feeling warming your testicles and rising up your shaft, your brain starts to shut down as your prostate takes over all thought processes.

It's your first time with this girl, so as you near the point of no return you do the gentlemanly thing by warning her in a breathy whisper. She does that magical bit you long for, that lets you know she might be a keeper; she glances up with those big sexy eyes of hers and simply moans, "Mm-hmm". This is going to be a good night.

As the torrent of cum begins to issue forth, the electricity surges towards both your heads. Your brain shuts down as the head of your cock becomes the center of your universe. It's the only thing you can sense. Time stops as her swallowing reflex pushes up on the bottom of your cock with her tongue and massages the top of your head with her soft palate

Every spurt of cum initiates another round of this delectable massage, starting another cycle of spasms, which in-turn starts another cycle of massage. For a few seconds you start to think that this is some sort of infinite recursion cycle, that maybe the key to free perpetual energy might lie between your dick and this woman's incredible lips. For a lot of guys this is a critical moment when they should push away before the sensations become too intense.

You don't; you're like me. You grab the back of her head and hold her in place, groaning out to her not stop. As the cum stops spurting she's free to move away from reflexive movements. Her tongue swirls around your head and she swallows more of your softening erection. It's so sensitive that it feels like fire in a good way. It feels good in the way a cinnamon mint tastes good.

At this point your entire body is shuddering but you tell her to keep going. She resumes a bobbing motion. It's slow, torturous, and cruel in its gentleness. Her lips are barely grazing you, sliding ever so gently and effortlessly along your flesh. You can feel each nerve ending she triggers and her tongue occasionally grazes the top of your cock to savor the last trickling drops of cum.

At this point your body is spent. Your flaccid penis drops from her lips. You look down at her looking back at you with a wicked little grin. You try to tell her not to stop, but all that comes out is a defeated growl. As she slides her body up your supine form to cuddle she knows she's destroyed you.

Her hands slide up your sides and chest before wrapping around your neck. Her nose nuzzles in against your jawline. Every movement, every bit of her warmth against your flesh leads to a sense of completion. You've emptied every bit of your being inside of her, she milked out just a little bit more, and now she's wrapped herself around you. Rather than hitting an abrupt physical wall like when other girls pull off and finish you by hand, you feel fully attached for a fleeting moment.

When your brain comes to again, as if through a clearing fog, you know you want to return the favor. You roll her over and start kissing your way down the curves of her breasts, her hips, her thighs. It begs the question of all the ladies; what does it feel like when his tongue drives you over the edge and stays there?

Oh wait, I forgot who I was typing to,

At least you can always buy steak.


#14

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

I'm not fucking white knighting anyone. This dumb shit reflects poorly on me and all these stupid gender roles make my life shittier.
Geez man, lighten up. The whole concept is just a joke. It's like No Pants Day. It's not supposed to be taken seriously. Hell, I've seen couples on Facebook joking about it, both men and women.


#15

Gilgamesh

Gilgamesh

Jay - That last post:
other-6bb61e3b7bce0931da574d19d1d82c88-1788.gif


#16

Charlie Don't Surf

Charlie Don't Surf

please don't post your bad erotica anymore


#17

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

At least you can always buy steak.
And feel bad about it.


#18

rac3r_x

rac3r_x

I can't believe ASU's Farce Side still has those same 3 lame faux brick walls from when I was in it 20+ years ago.



#19

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

So, you're laying back in bed, getting a wonderful bit of head from that special someone. Her lips are wet and by now so is every inch of your cock. Her tongue is flattened out against the bottom of your shaft and it does this delicious little swirl around the head on every upstroke. You can feel the moment closing in: balls start to tighten up, an electric feeling warming your testicles and rising up your shaft, your brain starts to shut down as your prostate takes over all thought processes.

It's your first time with this girl, so as you near the point of no return you do the gentlemanly thing by warning her in a breathy whisper. She does that magical bit you long for, that lets you know she might be a keeper; she glances up with those big sexy eyes of hers and simply moans, "Mm-hmm". This is going to be a good night.

As the torrent of cum begins to issue forth, the electricity surges towards both your heads. Your brain shuts down as the head of your cock becomes the center of your universe. It's the only thing you can sense. Time stops as her swallowing reflex pushes up on the bottom of your cock with her tongue and massages the top of your head with her soft palate

Every spurt of cum initiates another round of this delectable massage, starting another cycle of spasms, which in-turn starts another cycle of massage. For a few seconds you start to think that this is some sort of infinite recursion cycle, that maybe the key to free perpetual energy might lie between your dick and this woman's incredible lips. For a lot of guys this is a critical moment when they should push away before the sensations become too intense.

You don't; you're like me. You grab the back of her head and hold her in place, groaning out to her not stop. As the cum stops spurting she's free to move away from reflexive movements. Her tongue swirls around your head and she swallows more of your softening erection. It's so sensitive that it feels like fire in a good way. It feels good in the way a cinnamon mint tastes good.

At this point your entire body is shuddering but you tell her to keep going. She resumes a bobbing motion. It's slow, torturous, and cruel in its gentleness. Her lips are barely grazing you, sliding ever so gently and effortlessly along your flesh. You can feel each nerve ending she triggers and her tongue occasionally grazes the top of your cock to savor the last trickling drops of cum.

At this point your body is spent. Your flaccid penis drops from her lips. You look down at her looking back at you with a wicked little grin. You try to tell her not to stop, but all that comes out is a defeated growl. As she slides her body up your supine form to cuddle she knows she's destroyed you.

Her hands slide up your sides and chest before wrapping around your neck. Her nose nuzzles in against your jawline. Every movement, every bit of her warmth against your flesh leads to a sense of completion. You've emptied every bit of your being inside of her, she milked out just a little bit more, and now she's wrapped herself around you. Rather than hitting an abrupt physical wall like when other girls pull off and finish you by hand, you feel fully attached for a fleeting moment.

When your brain comes to again, as if through a clearing fog, you know you want to return the favor. You roll her over and start kissing your way down the curves of her breasts, her hips, her thighs. It begs the question of all the ladies; what does it feel like when his tongue drives you over the edge and stays there?



#20

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Bumble the Boy Wonder

I'm not fucking white knighting anyone. This dumb shit reflects poorly on me and all these stupid gender roles make my life shittier.
It's not an ironic like


#21

Jay

Jay

please don't post your bad erotica anymore
ckCUk.jpg


#22

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

March 31st we may learn otherwise you hobo. My common sense tells me that Joffrey gets white knighted up in this bitch.


#23

Gilgamesh

Gilgamesh

please don't post your bad erotica anymore
It's sad that you think that's fiction.

Oh and here, focus your silly energy on something worth it:
http://mashable.com/2013/03/13/first-tablet-for-women/


#24

CynicismKills

CynicismKills

It's sad that you think that's fiction.

Oh and here, focus your silly energy on something worth it:
http://mashable.com/2013/03/13/first-tablet-for-women/
From the Middle East, who would have thought.


#25

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

I'm not fucking white knighting anyone. This dumb shit reflects poorly on me and all these stupid gender roles make my life shittier.
You don't have a gender role. You as a person decide how you behave. The gender roles you perceive are nothing but the expectations of others and you're free to disappoint them. You're free to care about that, or to not care. It's up to you to decide the kind of person you are and you don't have to consider any role guidelines but the ones you set for yourself. You are responsible for your own limitations.

Dumb shit does not reflect poorly on you unless you take part in it, and that poor reflection is only how you see yourself. The opinions of others on the merits of your dumb shit are irrelevant. For others, nothing is obligated under this particular dumb shit. Two people can take part in it or choose not to, and it isn't your place to dictate their lives any more than it's their place to dictate yours.


#26

Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

My gay best friend was super excited about S&BJ day. Should I tell him to stop oppressing women?


#27

Charlie Don't Surf

Charlie Don't Surf

My gay best friend was super excited about S&BJ day. Should I tell him to stop oppressing women?
yeah


#28

Gilgamesh

Gilgamesh

Remember folks: He's all humor, zero substance.


#29

DarkAudit

DarkAudit

Remember folks: He's zero humor, zero substance.
Fixed. :p


#30

CrimsonSoul

CrimsonSoul

So, you're laying back in bed, getting a wonderful bit of head from that special someone. Her lips are wet and by now so is every inch of your cock. Her tongue is flattened out against the bottom of your shaft and it does this delicious little swirl around the head on every upstroke. You can feel the moment closing in: balls start to tighten up, an electric feeling warming your testicles and rising up your shaft, your brain starts to shut down as your prostate takes over all thought processes.

It's your first time with this girl, so as you near the point of no return you do the gentlemanly thing by warning her in a breathy whisper. She does that magical bit you long for, that lets you know she might be a keeper; she glances up with those big sexy eyes of hers and simply moans, "Mm-hmm". This is going to be a good night.

As the torrent of cum begins to issue forth, the electricity surges towards both your heads. Your brain shuts down as the head of your cock becomes the center of your universe. It's the only thing you can sense. Time stops as her swallowing reflex pushes up on the bottom of your cock with her tongue and massages the top of your head with her soft palate

Every spurt of cum initiates another round of this delectable massage, starting another cycle of spasms, which in-turn starts another cycle of massage. For a few seconds you start to think that this is some sort of infinite recursion cycle, that maybe the key to free perpetual energy might lie between your dick and this woman's incredible lips. For a lot of guys this is a critical moment when they should push away before the sensations become too intense.

You don't; you're like me. You grab the back of her head and hold her in place, groaning out to her not stop. As the cum stops spurting she's free to move away from reflexive movements. Her tongue swirls around your head and she swallows more of your softening erection. It's so sensitive that it feels like fire in a good way. It feels good in the way a cinnamon mint tastes good.

At this point your entire body is shuddering but you tell her to keep going. She resumes a bobbing motion. It's slow, torturous, and cruel in its gentleness. Her lips are barely grazing you, sliding ever so gently and effortlessly along your flesh. You can feel each nerve ending she triggers and her tongue occasionally grazes the top of your cock to savor the last trickling drops of cum.

At this point your body is spent. Your flaccid penis drops from her lips. You look down at her looking back at you with a wicked little grin. You try to tell her not to stop, but all that comes out is a defeated growl. As she slides her body up your supine form to cuddle she knows she's destroyed you.

Her hands slide up your sides and chest before wrapping around your neck. Her nose nuzzles in against your jawline. Every movement, every bit of her warmth against your flesh leads to a sense of completion. You've emptied every bit of your being inside of her, she milked out just a little bit more, and now she's wrapped herself around you. Rather than hitting an abrupt physical wall like when other girls pull off and finish you by hand, you feel fully attached for a fleeting moment.

When your brain comes to again, as if through a clearing fog, you know you want to return the favor. You roll her over and start kissing your way down the curves of her breasts, her hips, her thighs. It begs the question of all the ladies; what does it feel like when his tongue drives you over the edge and stays there?

Oh wait, I forgot who I was typing to,

At least you can always buy steak.
Yes, please.


#31

Dirona

Dirona

Just one thing. This line in that piece of fantasy: "You grab the back of her head and hold her in place." How that actually ends is: she gags, you ignore it, you push her head further down. Ignoring the squeeks of pain and fear. Your pleasure is far more important than her ability to breathe. As you unload down her throat, her eyes water, her gag reflex filling her throat with bile, mixing with the salt of semen. When you release her, she gasps for breath, choking on cum and vomit, wiping the tears from her eyes that were a result of you restricting her movements and limiting her ability to breathe. As you lie back, spent, she pushes down the urge to throw up, because your pleasure is far more important than anything she may experience. She slides her body up your side, and she proceeds to nuzzle your jawline, looking for some shred of comfort, caring, acknowledgement. You roll over and take a nap.


#32

GasBandit

GasBandit

And then a man with a nearly impenetrable accent comes in and says "I heah zerr ist a problem vis deine kable? I am ze kable exchpert."


#33

Terrik

Terrik

I tried to explain this...holiday to my girlfriend but she couldn't understand why these things go together.


#34

GasBandit

GasBandit

I tried to explain this...holiday to my girlfriend but she couldn't understand why these things go together.
They go together just as much as flowers and chocolate.


#35

Just Me

Just Me

And then a man with a nearly impenetrable accent comes in and says "I heah zerr ist a problem vis deine kable? I am ze kable exchpert."
Or something like this happens:



#36

Jay

Jay

They go together just as much as flowers and chocolate.
ayxIJ.gif


#37

Charlie Don't Surf

Charlie Don't Surf

And then a man with a nearly impenetrable accent comes in and says "I heah zerr ist a problem vis deine kable? I am ze kable exchpert."
let me guess what happens next, he fixes the cable?


#38

GasBandit

GasBandit

let me guess what happens next, he fixes the cable?
But how do you get them back on the farm after, am I right?


#39

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

My wife has bronchitis and is hocking up several lungs' worth of fluid.

...

OOOOOHHH YEEEEAHHH, BABYYYYYY :awesome:


#40

Cheesy1

Cheesy1

That's . . . hot? :Leyla:


#41

CynicismKills

CynicismKills

My wife has bronchitis and is hocking up several lungs' worth of fluid.

...

OOOOOHHH YEEEEAHHH, BABYYYYYY :awesome:

Phlegm is nature's lube.


#42

Tress

Tress

Phlegm is nature's lube.


#43

Cajungal

Cajungal

This was fun to read after a hard day.


#44

Jay

Jay

Today is a GOOD day!


#45

CynicismKills

CynicismKills



#46

GasBandit

GasBandit



#47

WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

They go together just as much as flowers and chocolate.
Bleh. If my husband brought me that crap he'd never get a blow job.


#48

ScytheRexx

ScytheRexx

S&BJ day also happens to be my anniversary. Double Whammy.


#49

GasBandit

GasBandit

Bleh. If my husband brought me that crap he'd never get a blow job.
I am in no position to speculate on the myriad vagaries of what turns halforumites proverbial "cranks" and what does not. Suffice it to say that there are probably many more women in the developed world that like such trifles. Your particular iconoclasm is your own concern.


#50

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

If I brought home flowers and chocolate on Valentine's Day...

Wife: "Baaaaa."
Me: "What?"
Wife: "Baaaa. I'm speaking your language. Because you're a sheep."


#51

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

If I brought home flowers and chocolate on Valentine's Day...

Wife: "Baaaaa."
Me: "What?"
Wife: "Baaaa. I'm speaking your language. Because you're a sheep."
If that's exactly the sort of thing she says on a regular basis, I now love your wife.


#52

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

If that's exactly the sort of thing she says on a regular basis, I now love your wife.
Oh yeah, she's a weirdo treasure.


#53

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Bumble the Boy Wonder

If I brought home flowers and chocolate, all I would hear is "Why would you waste money on flowers?"


#54

Terrik

Terrik

If I brought home Chocolate and flowers, all Jun would say is, "That you honey, that's very sweet".


#55

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Bumble the Boy Wonder

If I brought home Chocolate and flowers, all Jun would say is, "That you honey, that's very sweet".
To be fair, that's just because that's the only English phrase she knows.


#56

fade

fade

When I hear people talk about Valentine's day sheep, etc, I think of this Oatmeal.


#57

Terrik

Terrik

Two words: Meat rose.

DSCN9996.JPG


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