Things we never thought we would say...

Squidleybits · Apr 7, 2013

I have been meaning to write some of these down. With two kids and various pets, I often am horrified by some of the things I say in the middle of the chaos.

I thought it would be fun to hear some other people's as well!

So from dinner just now...

"We don't eat floor balls!"

LittleSin · Apr 7, 2013

"Don't clothes pin the cat!"

WasabiPoptart · Apr 7, 2013

Don't shoot your sister with that crossbow!!

strawman · Apr 7, 2013

Yes, duct tape is strong enough to hold your brother to the wall.

No, you may not borrow my duct tape.

HCGLNS · Apr 7, 2013

"There is human feces frozen to my forehead!"

WasabiPoptart · Apr 7, 2013

Oh here's another one. My son used to be prone to heat rash. A few years ago it was bad enough that I had to get Aveeno oatmeal bath for him to soak in to help stop the itching. He wasn't so sure about taking a bath in oatmeal, so I did my best to reassure him:

"It'll be ok. I'll toss in some brown sugar and cinnamon. Maybe a few raisins. Then you can have a snack while you're in the tub."

He didn't think Mommy was very funny.

Squidleybits · Apr 7, 2013

that's fantastic!

Last summer while on vacation to my son..."Watch your sword by the barbeque!"

WasabiPoptart · Apr 7, 2013

During my husband's last deployment -

Noah: Mommy? Where's Bahrain?

Me: Near Bah-Snow and Bah-Hail, but it's not that close to Bah Humbug.

Noah: ... :thumbsdown:

strawman · Apr 7, 2013

No, I don't want to see. Well, did he swallow it, or spit it out? Then he learned that bugs don't taste good and he'll be just fine. Thank you for telling me the baby was eating a bug.

Cajungal · Apr 7, 2013

If you behave you can have a sheep's brain.

WasabiPoptart · Apr 7, 2013

Yes, Mommy is playing a game. No, I didn't kill that guy. He needed a nap.

Squidleybits · Apr 7, 2013

ha! I love these. Thanks guys

Cajungal · Apr 7, 2013

A controlled explosion is fine. We'll just have to take it outside and clear it with the principal.

North_Ranger · Apr 7, 2013

Cajungal said:
If you behave you can have a sheep's brain.

May we have some context, please?

Cajungal · Apr 7, 2013

North_Ranger said:
May we have some context, please?

We had to crack down on the 5th grade class for their disrespect and smart-assery. So my policy for this quarter is--Be good or you'll have worksheets while everyone else is doing a fun lab. We dissect sheep brains in 2 weeks.

Officer_Charon · Apr 7, 2013

What is that coming out of the cat's butt?

bhamv3 · Apr 7, 2013

"I do."

Squidleybits · Apr 7, 2013

Officer_Charon said:
What is that coming out of the cat's butt?

oh ew! I hope I never have to say those words.

LittleSin · Apr 7, 2013

Possibly related.

Zappit · Apr 7, 2013

I had a nice brain fart just last night. I keep a small stash of peanuts squirreled away due to the fact they disappear pretty quickly in my house. Everyone knows about it, and it's not some weird thing. But I was having ice cream last night, and wanted to toss some peanuts in. So what do I announce in front of my family?

I'll be right back. I'm just going to grab my nuts.

Chad Sexington · Apr 7, 2013

Playing Plague Inc and my five year old niece comes by.

"What's that?" "Uhm... a map. That's Canada, that's where we live!" "What's the red stuff." "It's... a virus." "Why?" "To... kill everyone." "YOU'RE GOING TO KILL CANADA?" "Y...yes." "CAN I HELP?!"

Ravenpoe · Apr 8, 2013

I've had enough of this orgy.

Granted, this isn't anything I've ever said, but I don't think I ever will.

Mostly because no one invites me to the orgies

bhamv3 · Apr 8, 2013

Ravenpoe said:
I've had enough of this orgy.

Granted, this isn't anything I've ever said, but I don't think I ever will.

Mostly because no one invites me to the orgies

Poe, would you like to come to my orgy?

Frank · Apr 8, 2013

-name omitted-, if you don't clean that (literal) shit up off the floor, I'm going to have to put you in the tank.

Terrik · Apr 8, 2013

bhamv3 said:
Poe, would you like to come to my orgy?

I'll come too and that'll make it 3.

Zappit · Apr 8, 2013

bhamv3 said:
Poe, would you like to come to my orgy?

He should, if just to get out more. According to Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia, they're - I shit you not - a good way to meet people.

bhamv3 · Apr 8, 2013

bhamv3 said:
Poe, would you like to come to my orgy?

Terrik said:
I'll come too and that'll make it 3.

Zappit said:
He should, if just to get out more. According to Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia, they're - I shit you not - a good way to meet people.

I think these also qualify as things we'd never thought we'd say.

Bubble181 · Apr 8, 2013

Zappit said:
He should, if just to get out more. According to Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia, they're - I shit you not - a good way to meet people.

Gives a whole new meaning to those deals brokered in dark backrooms....

strawman · Apr 8, 2013

"No, I really don't want to know why you asked me that question."

fade · Apr 8, 2013

"Joining this Image Comics forum seems like a good idea..."

Dei · Apr 8, 2013

While at Great Wolf Lodge (to my son):
"You don't need your wand to go to the bathroom."

sixpackshaker · Apr 8, 2013

My friend knows the minute that he became officially old. It is when he told his daughter, "Because I said so!"

phil · Apr 8, 2013

@rave-poe

Gotta take the initiative and start your own orgies, man.

Dave · Apr 8, 2013

My son, whose jobs include picking up after the dog and doing the cat box:

"Why do all of my chores have to do with poop?"

WasabiPoptart · Apr 8, 2013

What if Stephen Hawking had a wheelchair that could transform, you know, like the Transformers?