I was! But I'll quote you anyway.
First, let me get the good parts out of the way:
1. Special effects were great
2. Cumberbatch was good given the material, though I'd be hesitant to say he did a good job. He seemed to be held back by the script more than he did to help it.
3. The cast are good in their respective roles, and this kind of carries the movie.
Um...that's it I think. The new warp effect is better than the first movie's, but it still doesn't beat the classic flashing nacelles of the TV shows. Bring that back, please.
I gotta, say, I was bored for most of the film. Dialogue was clunky too. So, if I had to sum up the movie in two words, they'd be the following: dumb and pointless.
Dumb because:
1. The numerous gigantic plot-holes. It's even worse than the first movie in this regard. These act to take me out of the film and prevent me from enjoying it. I'm going to post several that jumped out at me:
*I have no idea why the Enterprise is underwater. Why is the Enterprise underwater?
*If a tribe of indigenous people have a settlement near a volcano that threatens to destroy their planet, I don't think taking something from them and making them run a couple hundred feet will guarantee their safety from debris before the eruption (apparently it does in this case).
*I find it weird that Starfleet has a specific regulation that says you must meet in a specific location after a specific event.
*Side problem to a broader point: You can transport from Earth to Qo'noS? Really? So why not transport there and transport back? This'll open a whole lot of narrative problems in the future.
*Um...how was Scotty able to just waltz into a top secret security base without anyone knowing?
*How is it this easy to infiltrate the Klingon homeworld?
*Earth's/Enterprise sensors can reach all the way to Qo'noS?
*Just that whole final battle. There are right behind Earth's moon, yet the film acts like they are all the way in uncharted space. Why is NOBODY helping them?
*Why didn't the Enterprise crew call for help at any point during their conflict?
*Why didn't Spock call for assistance while the ship was falling into Earth's atmosphere?
*Why did Spock and the bridge crew have to stay on the ship? They are right above Earth! They can just abandon the ship in the escape pods! Why are they staying on the ship? Why are they trying to rescue it?
*Where is everybody else during all of this? Why is there virtually no activity around Earth?
*How does the Enterprise go from being orbiting the moon to falling in Earth's atmosphere?
You get the point. The list goes on.
2. Transporter and warp speeds seem to be entirely arbitrary in this film. Seriously, it's like they have no meaning.
3. The entirely pointless scene in which Carol Marcus takes off her clothes. Come on, guys. Grow up a little.
4. Get the women out of the dresses/skirts. When Uhura beamed down on the very windy and fast moving vehicle with that dress, I rolled my eyes. Ugh.
5. Ripping off the ending to
The Wrath of Khan. No imagination. No creativity. No originality. It's like they didn't know how to end the movie, so they brought out the script to
Wrath of Khan and re-wrote the ending. I'm sorry, but it doesn't work. The friendship has to build up for a long time. More on this in a moment. Speaking of which...
6. During the opening, I realized that these were a bunch of kids in charge of the ship. It's hard to take them seriously.
7. Kirk was demoted because he wasn't "ready for the chair." You promoted him from cadet to captain! Of course he wasn't, you morons.
8. Klingons looked liked they were dipped in chocolate. Bring back their classic design.
9. The plot was just confusing in general. Why did Khan put his people in the torpedoes? And why did Admiral Marcus give them all to Kirk? Did he just assume the Klingons would destroy whatever torpedoes Kirk didn't use?
10. What's with Earth? What happened to the smooth combination of the future and simplicity found on the TV shows?
11. For the most part, clunky dialogue.
12. Action with little substance to support it.
13. Three-hundred year old technology being "beyond" Bones.
14. Spock's "KHHAAANNN" scream. Made me cringe.
15. For all its action, there was no good tension in this film. At all. Abrams needs to watch
The Wrath of Khan to know how to create some good tension.
16. Kirk’s death scene was useless. His revival wasn’t earned, nor was his death warranted because there was no reason they had to save the ship.
17. Spock and Uhura. Ew.
This movie was pointless because:
I cannot, for the life of me, give anybody a reason to watch it. Seriously. By the end of the film Khan is in a cryotube and the only lasting effect for the Enterprise crew is the addition of Carol Marcus, which can be explained in a sentence in the next movie.
Everything – aside from the special effects – was done better in
The Wrath of Khan. The story, characters, executions of its themes, tension, and yes, even the action was better in TWoK. I never came close to feeling anything during STiD than when the Enterprise maneuvered up behind the Reliant in TWoK. It’s a smart film, whose themes of old age and “paradise lost” evolve and play out naturally over the course of the movie. It makes numerous literary allusions – both direct and indirect – to three novels of classic literature: Paradise Lost, King Lear, and Moby Dick. All of which are incorporated seamlessly into the film’s narrative. I’m not going to go over all this extensively, but SFDebris does a pretty good job of it
here.
Star Trek into Darkness is
The Wrath of Khan's dumb, mind-numbing younger sibling. You may as well re-watch TWoK than see this film.
Star Trek into Darkness takes many elements from previous Trek canon without any regard for the situations in which they were used and the situations that made them work. Section 31 is an example of such an element. However, I won’t go over all of that, only the main element borrowed from the Prime Universe, which is that of Kirk versus Khan.
In
The Wrath of Khan, the battle between Kirk and Khan – which has far more tension, drama, and satisfying action than anything in STiD – was a battle of wits between two men. The movie is a progression of one outsmarting the other. Indeed, the only reason why Kirk won in the end was because Khan was inexperienced in interstellar battle.
Star Trek into Darkness just has Kirk being smacked around by Marcus and Khan like he doesn't know what he's doing. There's no satisfaction in their interaction or their fighting. Some of this is due to the way the story is setup, some of it is the writing, some of this is because of Cumberbatch’s performance and the fact that it can't measure up to the nuance of Montalban’s portrayal of the same character.
But it's mainly because
Star Trek into Darkness doesn't try to do anything new with Kirk and Khan's relationship that the makes the movie pointless. Now, I looked up spoilers to the movie before I saw it, so I knew how it was going to end. What I didn't know was that Kirk and Khan would team up, if ever briefly. I really, really wish the movie had gone fully in that direction only for the two to depart later on. But no. It has to rehash old conflicts in the same old ways on dumber terms, assuming viewers can't handle a more sophisticated approach.
Even if you didn't want the two to team up, it's not like the concept of Kirk and Khan fighting each other can't be done in a different way. DS9 took the idea of Kirk versus Khan and made it its own, and in the end was just as compelling, in my opinion, but for entirely different reasons. Sisko versus Eddington plays out over two episodes, DS9’s fifth season episode "For the Uniform," and the sixth season episode "Blaze of Glory." "For the Uniform" progresses similarly to
The Wrath of Khan in that the episode plays out with each man outsmarting the other, and it even has its own literary allusion with
Les Misérables. It's different, though, for how it resolves itself and the reason for the conflict between the men. Sisko goes after Eddington because he feels responsible for Eddington's betrayal – and any consequences that resulted thereof – and blames himself for not seeing the betrayal coming. The only reason why Sisko wins in the end is because he goes to morally questionable grounds that Eddington never expected. By the end of the episode, you could argue that the only difference between the two men was that Sisko did it for his uniform. "Blaze of Glory" closes out their relationship in a way that makes you feel sympathetic for Eddington. Something you can't say for Khan.
The movie tries to make Khan sympathetic, but it moves too fast and focuses too much on its explosions and action to allow that narrative thread – or any narrative thread, really – room to breathe. There's no point where the movie allows viewers – or the characters – to
slow down, sit back and reflect on its events. There's always some urgent thing going on in the background that distracts from the significance of what's going on. This is to the hindrance of the relationship between Spock and Kirk, as the movie relies more on audience's knowledge of their prior relationship from TOS and its movies, as well as pop culture knowledge, to carry the majority of its weight because it has no chance to give them sufficient room for that relationship to develop.
The death scene doesn't work for a variety of reasons, but chief among them are two: Kirk and Spock haven't known each other for that long, and its lacking the context of one of TWoK's broader themes. As I said in the previous paragraph, the two haven't known each other for that long. Their relationship has to be given more time to evolve and develop for that scene to have the same kind of emotional resonance.
From the beginning of
The Wrath of Khan, viewers are presented with the idea of a no-win scenario, and how Kirk has never really faced one. Khan doesn’t kill Kirk, but he hurts him. The death scene with Spock resonates because that is
Kirk's no-win scenario. He loses his best friend. From Spock’s death, Kirk learns that aging is simply part of the cycle of rebirth and death. Looking over the planet the genesis device created, he says, "I feel young." He decides to formally return to the captain's chair by the end of the movie. In
Star Trek into Darkness, the death scene holds no lesson for Kirk. It holds no
consequence for his character, or Spock’s. It's something forgotten by the end of the film.
It's not a bad movie. It's okay. In the end this film should be pretty much expected from a man who thought Star Trek was too "philosophical" and "debate-driven." That’s pretty much all I have say about it. Maybe I’ll have more to say after I see it a second time on Sunday. For anybody who sees this film, I'd recommend just to watch The Wrath of Khan instead, unless you're looking for something to do.
I watched this right after seeing an episode of Stargate: Atlantis, and the difference in how each respects the viewer's intelligence made me more annoyed by the movie's sloppy plot and less-than-satisfactory execution.
I just want a good Star Trek movie.