Adam's Divorce Thread! Yaaa wooooo
- Thread starter Adam
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If you ever figure out a way to do that, bar "a lot of time has passed", be sure to write the book and make millons.
BananaHands
Staff member
Man, I'm so sorry to hear about this. If you ever need a weekend in Chicago to go nuts, lets me know!
My brother just wrapped up his divorce and he's honestly more relieved than anything to just start the next chapter of his life. So yeah, hang in there. It gets better. More exciting and fulfilling things on the horizon!
My brother just wrapped up his divorce and he's honestly more relieved than anything to just start the next chapter of his life. So yeah, hang in there. It gets better. More exciting and fulfilling things on the horizon!
Thanks again everyone.
Had a counselling session yesterday and it was interesting. Counsellor sees me as doing quite good; I have the ups and downs but I'm doing things, keeping myself busy. She asked if I was going to travel by myself and I said while I'm okay with doing that, it's always more fun with a friend. We discussed some of my new friends and how those are going. I said I was comfortable as friends and okay with more, but trying to keep things 'professional' for now. I'm not looking for a rebound.
I have a meeting with Christine tonight after work where we're supposed to start working out the details of who gets what. feels awfully quick and I said as much to the counsellor who agreed. Had my wife decided that she could give me an answer on what she wanted from me/us/life, we probably could have worked things out. Unfortunately I couldn't take more "I don't know what I want" and the miserableness associated with it.
Had a counselling session yesterday and it was interesting. Counsellor sees me as doing quite good; I have the ups and downs but I'm doing things, keeping myself busy. She asked if I was going to travel by myself and I said while I'm okay with doing that, it's always more fun with a friend. We discussed some of my new friends and how those are going. I said I was comfortable as friends and okay with more, but trying to keep things 'professional' for now. I'm not looking for a rebound.
I have a meeting with Christine tonight after work where we're supposed to start working out the details of who gets what. feels awfully quick and I said as much to the counsellor who agreed. Had my wife decided that she could give me an answer on what she wanted from me/us/life, we probably could have worked things out. Unfortunately I couldn't take more "I don't know what I want" and the miserableness associated with it.
What say you just ignore that voicemail I left. Probably best just to delete it outright.
So, had our meeting tonight and while I was trepidatious at first, it went really well. It's certainly over between us, just those lingering feelings of love, but we're both committed to moving on in a positive fashion. No real surprises on what the split looks like, no lawyers or anything. I'll buy her out of the house and she'll find a place to rent (I've lined one up for her already). She's going to take some of her personal stuff but for the most part doesn't want anything out of the house. And yeah, that's it. Went so well I took her out for dinner and a drink. Cheers to our divorce!
There may be an inevitable -reappearance- of her a few months down the line when she realizes what she had/lost. Certainly happened in my case, 3 times. First two times I told them -I told you if you left your life was going to spiral negatively, you got exactly what you wanted- third time was my long term girlfriend (now wife), who left for the same reasons (I'm pretty sure I told you all about her and the situation at one point). I forgave her and we've been married ever since.
I can say, that all 3 times I felt pretty horrid and the splits did NOT go well or amicably, for that I envy your situation (weird to say I know). I will say that everytime I moved on, it was definitely an -upgrade- in partner.
I don't feel horrid, but I don't feel fantastic either. It's been horrid for such a long time this is more like the light at the end of the tunnel. And I get my life back into something manageable, simple, and figure out my priorities once again. I don't suspect she'll be back for anything other than a booty call. And I would be very surprised about that.
I know one of the things I had to deal with was a strange guilt, where I felt the need to keep helping them even after the decision was made. I noticed in your post that you have lined up a place for her to rent, I am not saying be an asshole but let her do this stuff for herself it will be better for you in the end.
Speaking of which, the second she's out, change the locks. Seriously.Sooner she finds a place, the sooner I get my house back to myself. Its not entirely altruistic
Sooner she finds a place, the sooner I get my house back to myself. Its not entirely altruistic
Yep. It's an easy and cheap way to enforce the decision that's been made, and to settle minds about whether there's anything unexpected happening.
Yeah! Party at Adam's place, bitches!
Aw. 
*changes out of his banana hammock*
*changes out of his banana hammock*
What is awkward right now is the fact that we're on very friendly speaking terms which means I get several texts a day from her. I enjoy talking to her but it's pretty strange that we're basically back to communicating like we were pre-divorce. Shit, I have a better relationship with her now than when we were living together, if only because I don't have to deal with all the crap of her day to day priorities that never included me.
Dave
Staff member
The best way to ruin a friendship is to live together. Some people are better for each other when they are apart.
Cajungal
Staff member
That might be difficult at times so early in the process, but I've known couples who still met for dinner or drinks after splitting up. It turned out they were still able to be good friends. I'm not saying that's what should happen with y'all, but it would certainly be nice for both of you if you could remain friendly and civil with one another.
Makes me wonder if a small part of the original issue was not knowing what the other person expected or wanted. Now that the breakup has occurred, neither of you honestly expect much from each other and knowing what to expect (ie, nothing) is making things easier by freeing you from guessing all the time.
My bro's in-laws lived together for 20 years after their divorce.
That was a huge part of my issue.
GasBandit
Staff member
Seeing as it was previously 8 months of no-bang, I'm not thinking that's going to happen any time soon.
I've been through this twice before. The first time was very acrimonious. The second was more like what you're describing.
It all eventually gets better...though I'm sure that's small consolation now, while you're still in the middle of it.
It all eventually gets better...though I'm sure that's small consolation now, while you're still in the middle of it.
Cajungal
Staff member
Have a good time.
Deep breaths... but not in front of her.- Status