Don't smack when you eat

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Necronic

Necronic

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Please don't do this. If you're wondering if you do this, ask someone about it.

"But no one has ever said it bothers them, it's just how I eat!"

That's because they are more polite than you are. People are afraid to tell their friends this because it is just obscenely bad manners to do it in the first place. They don't want to embarass you. And that's why me, a neutral party, is coming down here to tell you to stop smacking when you eat. You have no idea how much it bothers the rest of us. Sure, some people can tolerate it, but for many of us it's not that different from watching someone just continuously vomit during the meal.

It's inexcusably bad table manners. Please don't do it.

Thank you

PS. I know this isn't exactly what's meant by "Advice" in the subforum title, but my god some people need this advice since they were apparently raised by wolves. If I can stop just one person from smacking then this is a success.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
My dad eats very noisily. It drives us all nuts. Not only does he smack, but he makes all these happy noises while he eats that make him smack even more. It's like watching a giant toddler eat. It almost sounds endearing, but it is not.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

Cajungal said:
My dad eats very noisily. It drives us all nuts. Not only does he smack, but he makes all these happy noises while he eats that make him smack even more. It's like watching a giant toddler eat. It almost sounds endearing, but it is not.
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Obviously you just need to keep him away from such delicious food.
 
Chad Sexington

Chad Sexington

This is so awful. Like, beyond pet peeve, it is gross. The sound, sight... Gah. My brother is guilty of this: he inhales food. Bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, once his mouth is too full to close, he'll start chewing and as he swallows bits, he bites MORE

AAAAAAAAAH STOP

NO YOU DON'T HAVE DRINK THAT GLASS OF BEER IN ONE GO WHAT THE FUCK

DON'T BURP

WHAT THE HELL

One time, I was cooking for my whole family, and a good family friend, Brother Donatus (a Catholic Brother), and Sam shows up just as we've all started to eat, drops in his seat, piles pasta on his plate, sucks it down, belches, and says "Oh, hi, I'm Sam," to Br Donatus, then vanishes.

I don't know why I am reliving this.
 
Fun Size

Fun Size

I recently moved desks. The person I moved next to eats anything crunchy with his mouth fully open. It's...disturbing. Earbuds used to be an optional thing. Now it's a given the moment I'm standing at my desk.
 
Chad Sexington

Chad Sexington

Interestingly*, I can't wear earbuds when I eat because I can hear myself chewing and it grosses me out.

*For some very sad values of 'interesting'
 
sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

I dated a woman once that got agitated anytime someone drug a fork across a plate, or scraped the fork on their teeth. Of course her obnoxious reactions were far worse than the offense.
 
drawn_inward

drawn_inward

You all have obviously not worked with folks from China/Malaysia/Singapore/India/Sri Lanka. I have not heard such a raucous bunch of eaters. Slurps, belches, smacking galore. Not all of them do it, but a bunch do. I'd say it's a cultural thing, but I know some that don't smack, and it annoys them too.

I don't get the loud popcorn eaters at the movies. How is it even possible that I can hear someone eating over a Michael Bay movie?! :Leyla:
 
Tress

Tress

sixpackshaker said:
I dated a woman once that got agitated anytime someone drug a fork across a plate, or scraped the fork on their teeth. Of course her obnoxious reactions were far worse than the offense.
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This drives me nuts too, but I try to keep my reaction under wraps.
 
Emrys

Emrys

stienman said:
You'll catch some flack, and I'd be taken aback, if you smacked someone when they snack and smack, you quack.
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Jack, you must be on crack. Don't have an attack just because I want to smack someone who snacks and smacks.
Just cut me some slack.
 
strawman

strawman

Emrys said:
Jack, you must be on crack. Don't have an attack just because I want to smack someone who snacks and smacks.
Just cut me some slack.
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Mack, you can't just whack someone who smacks while they snack. That's an evil throwback to a time when bootblacks could ransack and attack without cutback the shack of those who would talk back.

Give them some slack and stop the attack.

Do you track, or will you continue to wisecrack?
 
Emrys

Emrys

stienman said:
Mack, you can't just whack someone who smacks while they snack. That's an evil throwback to a time when bootblacks could ransack and attack without cutback the shack of those who would talk back.

Give them some slack and stop the attack.

Do you track, or will you continue to wisecrack?
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Fine! I ack-nowledge that I lack the ack-tual need to smack someone while they snack. I take back my attack and hope that everyone will ack-cept this ack-piation.
[DOUBLEPOST=1374001065][/DOUBLEPOST]
MindDetective said:
ITT: A lame yet entertaining rap battle.
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It gets worse.
 
GasBandit

GasBandit

Staff member
You know how people have these little habits That get you down. Like Bernie. Bernie like to chew gum. No, not chew. POP. So I came home this one day And I am really irritated, and I'm looking for a bit of sympathy and there's Bernie layin' on the couch, drinkin' a beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. Poppin'. So, I said to him, I said, "you pop that gum one more time..." and he did.

So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots...
...into his head.

"He had it comin'. He had it comin'. He only had himself to blame. If you'da been there, if you'da seen it, I tell ya you would have done the same..."

- The Cell Block Tango, Chicago
 
Necronic

Necronic

Staff member
I think what got me to write this was an experience with a friend that has made me decide to never go to dinner with him. In fairness, there are two parts of this story.

The first part is me going out to dinner with him at a nice steakhouse. I mean a NICE steakhouse. And of course, he forgot his wallet. Oh well, I'll foot the bill and he'll get me back (his part was ~80$). Then he invites me out to an Indian restaurant. My bill comes up to ~15$. He's says he'll get it and that we're square. I tell him nope, he owes me at least one more meal. Then he gets really pissy about it saying that it's not the cost it's the "experience of going out". I fight it for a while but he starts getting loud and I finally relent.

And of course, during the Indian meal (which was, frankly, amazing food) I had to listen to him smack every fucking bite.

Then he insulted my bbq.....
 
Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

When I first saw this thread title, I thought it meant not smacking people. I was confused.

Guy I used to sit next to at work would moan and smack so much I would tell people I sat next to Homer Simpson.
 
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