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Don't smack when you eat

Jul 16, 2013#1

Necronic

Please don't do this. If you're wondering if you do this, ask someone about it.

"But no one has ever said it bothers them, it's just how I eat!"

That's because they are more polite than you are. People are afraid to tell their friends this because it is just obscenely bad manners to do it in the first place. They don't want to embarass you. And that's why me, a neutral party, is coming down here to tell you to stop smacking when you eat. You have no idea how much it bothers the rest of us. Sure, some people can tolerate it, but for many of us it's not that different from watching someone just continuously vomit during the meal.

It's inexcusably bad table manners. Please don't do it.

Thank you

PS. I know this isn't exactly what's meant by "Advice" in the subforum title, but my god some people need this advice since they were apparently raised by wolves. If I can stop just one person from smacking then this is a success.

Jul 16, 2013#2

Ravenpoe

I've never actually known anyone over the age of 4 that smacks when they eat.

Jul 16, 2013#3

MindDetective

My wife is a very loud eater. I kid her about it constantly.

Jul 16, 2013#4

strawman

MindDetective said:
My wife is a very loud eater. I kid her about it constantly.

As I slowly go insane.

One meal at a time, buddy. Deep breaths. One meal at a time...

Jul 16, 2013#5

MindDetective

I don't know how a person can swallow so audibly!

Jul 16, 2013#6

Cajungal

My dad eats very noisily. It drives us all nuts. Not only does he smack, but he makes all these happy noises while he eats that make him smack even more. It's like watching a giant toddler eat. It almost sounds endearing, but it is not.

Jul 16, 2013#7

BananaHands

This applies to people chomping gum as well.

Jul 16, 2013#8

Ravenpoe

Cajungal said:
My dad eats very noisily. It drives us all nuts. Not only does he smack, but he makes all these happy noises while he eats that make him smack even more. It's like watching a giant toddler eat. It almost sounds endearing, but it is not.

Obviously you just need to keep him away from such delicious food.

Jul 16, 2013#9

Chad Sexington

This is so awful. Like, beyond pet peeve, it is gross. The sound, sight... Gah. My brother is guilty of this: he inhales food. Bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, once his mouth is too full to close, he'll start chewing and as he swallows bits, he bites MORE

AAAAAAAAAH STOP

NO YOU DON'T HAVE DRINK THAT GLASS OF BEER IN ONE GO WHAT THE FUCK

DON'T BURP

WHAT THE HELL

One time, I was cooking for my whole family, and a good family friend, Brother Donatus (a Catholic Brother), and Sam shows up just as we've all started to eat, drops in his seat, piles pasta on his plate, sucks it down, belches, and says "Oh, hi, I'm Sam," to Br Donatus, then vanishes.

I don't know why I am reliving this.

Jul 16, 2013#10

Fun Size

I recently moved desks. The person I moved next to eats anything crunchy with his mouth fully open. It's...disturbing. Earbuds used to be an optional thing. Now it's a given the moment I'm standing at my desk.

Jul 16, 2013#11

Chad Sexington

Interestingly*, I can't wear earbuds when I eat because I can hear myself chewing and it grosses me out.

*For some very sad values of 'interesting'

Jul 16, 2013#12

strawman

Fun Size said:
eats anything crunchy with his mouth fully open

Alternate method: Convince them to pretend it's an etch-a-sketch and try to erase it.

Jul 16, 2013#13

Emrys

May I smack someone when they snack and smack?

Jul 16, 2013#14

strawman

Emrys said:
May I smack someone when they snack and smack?

You'll catch some flack, and I'd be taken aback, if you smacked someone when they snack and smack, you quack.

Jul 16, 2013#15

sixpackshaker

I dated a woman once that got agitated anytime someone drug a fork across a plate, or scraped the fork on their teeth. Of course her obnoxious reactions were far worse than the offense.

Jul 16, 2013#16

drawn_inward

You all have obviously not worked with folks from China/Malaysia/Singapore/India/Sri Lanka. I have not heard such a raucous bunch of eaters. Slurps, belches, smacking galore. Not all of them do it, but a bunch do. I'd say it's a cultural thing, but I know some that don't smack, and it annoys them too.

I don't get the loud popcorn eaters at the movies. How is it even possible that I can hear someone eating over a Michael Bay movie?! :Leyla:

Jul 16, 2013#17

Tress

Ravenpoe said:
I've never actually known anyone over the age of 4 that smacks when they eat.

You're lucky. Far too many people in my life do this.

Jul 16, 2013#18

PatrThom

Late to the party, but did you know this is classified as an actual mental disorder?

--Patrick

Jul 16, 2013#19

Tress

sixpackshaker said:
I dated a woman once that got agitated anytime someone drug a fork across a plate, or scraped the fork on their teeth. Of course her obnoxious reactions were far worse than the offense.

This drives me nuts too, but I try to keep my reaction under wraps.

Jul 16, 2013#20

Emrys

stienman said:
You'll catch some flack, and I'd be taken aback, if you smacked someone when they snack and smack, you quack.

Jack, you must be on crack. Don't have an attack just because I want to smack someone who snacks and smacks.
Just cut me some slack.

Jul 16, 2013#21

sixpackshaker

...ACK!

Jul 16, 2013#22

Necronic

And then we there was Cathy...

Jul 16, 2013#23

strawman

Emrys said:
Jack, you must be on crack. Don't have an attack just because I want to smack someone who snacks and smacks.
Just cut me some slack.

Mack, you can't just whack someone who smacks while they snack. That's an evil throwback to a time when bootblacks could ransack and attack without cutback the shack of those who would talk back.

Give them some slack and stop the attack.

Do you track, or will you continue to wisecrack?

Jul 16, 2013#24

Krisken

Ravenpoe said:
I've never actually known anyone over the age of 4 that smacks when they eat.

Then you should meet my father-in-law.

Jul 16, 2013#25

MindDetective

ITT: A lame yet entertaining rap battle.

Jul 16, 2013#26

Emrys

stienman said:
Mack, you can't just whack someone who smacks while they snack. That's an evil throwback to a time when bootblacks could ransack and attack without cutback the shack of those who would talk back.

Give them some slack and stop the attack.

Do you track, or will you continue to wisecrack?

Fine! I ack-nowledge that I lack the ack-tual need to smack someone while they snack. I take back my attack and hope that everyone will ack-cept this ack-piation.

[DOUBLEPOST=1374001065][/DOUBLEPOST]

MindDetective said:
ITT: A lame yet entertaining rap battle.

It gets worse.

Jul 16, 2013#27

Chad Sexington

Emrys said:
It gets worse.

Tip: Don't speak motivationally.

Jul 16, 2013#28

Emrys

Chad Sexington said:
Tip: Don't speak motivationally.

Jul 16, 2013#29

GasBandit

You know how people have these little habits That get you down. Like Bernie. Bernie like to chew gum. No, not chew. POP. So I came home this one day And I am really irritated, and I'm looking for a bit of sympathy and there's Bernie layin' on the couch, drinkin' a beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. Poppin'. So, I said to him, I said, "you pop that gum one more time..." and he did.

So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots...
...into his head.

"He had it comin'. He had it comin'. He only had himself to blame. If you'da been there, if you'da seen it, I tell ya you would have done the same..."

- The Cell Block Tango, Chicago

Jul 17, 2013#30

Necronic

I think what got me to write this was an experience with a friend that has made me decide to never go to dinner with him. In fairness, there are two parts of this story.

The first part is me going out to dinner with him at a nice steakhouse. I mean a NICE steakhouse. And of course, he forgot his wallet. Oh well, I'll foot the bill and he'll get me back (his part was ~80$). Then he invites me out to an Indian restaurant. My bill comes up to ~15$. He's says he'll get it and that we're square. I tell him nope, he owes me at least one more meal. Then he gets really pissy about it saying that it's not the cost it's the "experience of going out". I fight it for a while but he starts getting loud and I finally relent.

And of course, during the Indian meal (which was, frankly, amazing food) I had to listen to him smack every fucking bite.

Then he insulted my bbq.....

Jul 17, 2013#31

Krisken

Necronic said:
Then he insulted my bbq.....

I assume at this point you invited him outside for some fisticuffs?

Jul 17, 2013#32

Hailey Knight

When I first saw this thread title, I thought it meant not smacking people. I was confused.

Guy I used to sit next to at work would moan and smack so much I would tell people I sat next to Homer Simpson.

Jul 17, 2013#33

SpecialKO

Necronic said:
Then he insulted my bbq.....

Jul 17, 2013#34

GasBandit

SpecialKO said:

Oh hell naw... motha fuggin NYOINK. Mine now.

Jul 17, 2013#35

Squidleybits

Ravenpoe said:
I've never actually known anyone over the age of 4 that smacks when they eat.

I know people who do and I want to terrible things to them to make them close their mouth and eat normally.

Jul 18, 2013#36

Officer_Charon

"Oi, fuckstick. Were you raised at a trough? Shut your fucking man-pleaser."

Yeah, I've been around some people like this. When they're people I don't know, I of course tone down the verbiage a bit.

Jul 18, 2013#37

Emrys

Officer_Charon said:
"Oi, fuckstick. Were you raised at a trough? Shut your fucking man-pleaser."

May I steal this?

Jul 24, 2013#38

Officer_Charon

Why soitanly!

Jul 24, 2013#39

Ravenpoe

Officer_Charon said:
Why soitanly!

Don't believe him... he looks like a cop. This is entrapment.

Jul 24, 2013#40

Officer_Charon

No, this is blackmail.

Jul 24, 2013#41

Ravenpoe

Officer_Charon said:
No, this is blackmail.

... I sent you those pictures in confidence.

Jul 24, 2013#42

Officer_Charon

Ravenpoe said:
... I sent you those pictures in confidence.

And I've confidently operated on the assumption that you don't want them shared.

Jul 24, 2013#43

Emrys

Share! Share! Share!

Jul 24, 2013#44

GasBandit

Officer_Charon said:
No, this is blackmail.

Jul 24, 2013#45

Necronic

No, this is Sparta.

Jul 24, 2013#46

SpecialKO

Jul 24, 2013#47

Tiger Tsang

Krisken said:
I assume at this point you invited him outside for some fisticuffs?

More like a Falcon Punch. Or an Old School Axe Handle Lesson in how "This Is How You Not Be a Cheapskate" to your friends unless you're in a bad spot and don't want to appear such.

Jul 25, 2013#48

Frank

PatrThom said:
Late to the party, but did you know this is classified as an actual mental disorder?

--Patrick

Holy Christ. I didn't know it was an actual abnormality. My brothers and I all suffer from this.

Mine is mouth noises for sure, like if someone's talking in ventrillo or on a podcast and they have drymouth and you can hear all the sounds their mouths make. I can't take it.

Jul 25, 2013#49

PatrThom

Frank said:
Holy Christ. I didn't know it was an actual abnormality.

There's some debate as to whether it's really just the shifting of the complaint (a sort of reverse discrimination of responsibility, saying it's the listener's fault instead of the lip-smacker), but there is no debate as to whether or not it is annoying.

--Patrick

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