[News] Comcast to acquire Time Warner Cable in all-stock deal

[PatrThom]

The combined company will be called "Why is my Internet so slow?"

It's nice that Comcast and Time Warner are getting together, because people were getting tired of hating Russia and winter and fracking

WHAT

BREAKING: Comcast and Time Warner merging to create bigger, shittier monopoly.

THE

Time Warner and Comcast are merging. Now all we need is for Verizon to join and one of them to bomb Pearl Harbor.

FUCK

You get a data cap! And you get a data cap! EVERYONE gets a data cap! </oprah>

That sound you hear is personal choice leaking out like air escaping a punctured spaceship.

--Patrick

 

[Frank]

Well, at least the illusion of choice is gone.

 

[Yoshimickster]

No no no no no NOOOOOOO! Both those companies suck equally, Comcast has the most inconsistent service possible, and Time Warner keeps missing the mark in terms of media. Combine them and we have the corporate equivalent of a fan-fic fusion character of two random super villains! This...this is dark news.

 

[bhamv3]

At this rate you guys are going to have to resort to going online via smoke signals.

 

[GasBandit]

Sounds like they need a little of what AT&T got back in the day.

 

[PatrThom]

Sounds like they need a little of what AT&T got back in the day.

I am frequently reminded (and annoyed at) how the war for personal freedoms has so many fronts.

--Patrick

 

[Ravenpoe]

I feel like this has to break some sort of monopoly law somewhere.

But then again, Comcast and Time Warner were already exactly the same and illegally colluding with each other anyway.

 

[figmentPez]

This is bad. Please Google, bring your fiber service to more cities.

 

[Frank]

This is bad. Please Google, bring your fiber service to more cities.

Americans at least have that hope.

/looks sadly at the ever less covertly colluding evil monoliths that are Canadian telecoms

 

[Gilgamesh]

I'm so so glad Google Fiber is only a couple months away from Austin.

I also switched from TWC to AT&T about 6 months ago and it was one of my better decisions to date.

 

[Charlie Don't Surf]

all hail our new corporate overlords

 

[Covar]

Sounds like they need a little of what AT&T got back in the day.

I'd much rather see them declared public infrastructure and regulated like utility companies.

 

[PatrThom]

I'd much rather see them declared public infrastructure and regulated like utility companies.

I'm sure it's headed there, but the carriers are gonna strip mine for the maximum possible revenue before that happens.

--Patrick

 

[jwhouk]

There's this little problem that's going to get in the way of that, though. It's called the First Amendment of the US Constitution.

 

[GasBandit]

There's this little problem that's going to get in the way of that, though. It's called the First Amendment of the US Constitution.

Tell that to the rail line running through what used to be my grandfather's property. Much as it has been abused, there is a valid governmental use for Eminent Domain, and it's hard to think of an example that fits better than this.

 

[figmentPez]

There's this little problem that's going to get in the way of that, though. It's called the First Amendment of the US Constitution.

That didn't stop telephones from becoming a regulated utility. The only reason that cable companies get away with as much as they do is that they haven't been classified as common carriers. If they were just carrying television, they'd have a much better chance of being ignored as a utility, but since they carry internet, and all the free speech issues that go along with that, there is only so long that they can keep from getting regulated much more strictly than they are now.

 

[Shakey]

I don't think either company competed with each other, so it's not really reducing anyones choices. It does allow them to pretty much control an industry and set their own standard of service for it though. I seriously doubt that they will run into much of an objection to it from the FCC.

 

[GasBandit]

I don't think either company competed with each other, so it's not really reducing anyones choices. It does allow them to pretty much control an industry and set their own standard of service for it though. I seriously doubt that they will run into much of an objection to it from the FCC.

The main problem is they will then control 30% of the televisions in America. Which puts them in much too powerful a position when bargaining with content providers.

It's kind of like how Texas controls the entire nation's textbook content... they're the largest bulk buyer of textbooks, so everybody writes their textbooks for how Texans want them to be.

 

[Zappit]

The main problem is they will then control 30% of the televisions in America. Which puts them in much too powerful a position when bargaining with content providers.

It's kind of like how Texas controls the entire nation's textbook content... they're the largest bulk buyer of textbooks, so everybody writes their textbooks for how Texans want them to be.

The one hope with Common Core was that bullshit nonsense would be stopped. Remember when Texas wanted to drop critical fucking thinking?

It's just too bad that the CC books are so frightfully devoid of life, creativity, or passion that the next generation will be bored into failure and completely lacking imagination.

As for this deal, they didn't overlap in markets, so that's how they'll get away with it. It's a shame, because their next target will be to finish net neutrality off forever. See ya, Netflix!

 

[PatrThom]

they didn't overlap in markets, so that's how they'll get away with it.

I seriously hope nobody takes this proposal seriously. Even IHOP and Waffle House are forced to compete in the same market in some places.

--Patrick

 

[Zappit]

Well, corporations ARE people now, and mergers really are the corporate equivalent of marriage. You might prolong it for a few years in the south, if you argued they were gay corporations.

 

[Krisken]

This will be a very inside joke. If you don't get it, don't worry, it's a Android: Netrunner thing.

 

[PatrThom]

Comcast [might be about to] abandon Time Warner Cable acquisition
Best comment from the comment section:

Tomorrow's Article: "Time Warner files for bankruptcy, claims it can't compete without Comcast merger...Comcast looking to buy assets at liquidation auction."

--Patrick