All right, it's that time of night.
Imagine living three to four hours away from your family, after living about an hour's drive from them for nearly two decades. You've felt like a stranger in a city that is smaller than any that you've ever lived in; you're doing a job that is
supposedly the same one you used to do elsewhere, but it's done oh so differently here - and by co-workers whom you haven't "been through the war" with; it takes you a half-hour to drive anywhere that even
resembles "civilization" for you - and even then, it's a cruel imitation; you have one family member within a 10 minute drive - but she's a cousin from the family that you never saw all of them at one time because, well, they lived the farthest away from your grandparents' home; you have this feeling that at some point in the nearer future that you are going to end up out of money because you made some financial mistakes years ago - and you have to take on more debt because things are costing more, including medical expenses that your insurance (thanks to your new job) are more reluctant to pay for than they were in the past; and you somehow feel - despite the internet, despite having a wonderful wife who dotes on you, despite having a car and seven weeks of vacation a year - you are isolated from everyone and anyone that you care about. Oh, and until just about three weeks ago, the weather has sucked incredibly. To the point of life-altering, "I don't wanna live here anymore" level of weather.
If you can't imagine that kind of life... well, I wish I couldn't, either. Unfortunately, I'm living it.
Yes, I'm angry at people. You all caught my anger at my "boss" a few years ago when the whole Act 10 thing went down. But of all the people I could be angry at, I'm most angry at myself, because I feel like I could have done so much more about it. I wanted to see some family on Memorial Day, but between things I did the day before (another family picnic elsewhere in this state), I realized there was no way I could do it.
I'm not as old as @
Dave, but I'm damn close. And I don't have a daughter or other children that I can do things with, or talk to. No, I haven't lost anyone really close to me recently, like @
GasBandit. But every time I see my father, I feel further away from him. And he's talking about moving out of state on a permanent basis, sometime within the next year - possibly even by the end of this year. Maybe @
WasabiPoptart can commiserate about the feeling so incredibly far away from everyone else in your family - but then again, maybe not. I can at least get in a car and go visit people (even if it's four hours).
I don't really know if this is a whine, a rant, an emo blog post, or what. I'm sure someone can put me in my place - that's occasionally what this place is good for, I guess - but for someone who's got it together, I feel like Han Solo trying to urge the Millennium Falcon to "hold together".
I told you, it's that time of night. We went from the coldest damn winter I've even experienced in my two score and six years on this planet to uncomfortable levels of heat that my apartment isn't capable of dissipating.