Whine time:
For a while, my ex and I were on okay terms. But recently she decided to stop talking to me because she believes I was purposefully leading her on and giving her hope of a reconciliation between us. I may have been too friendly at times, but for the most part I tried to make it clear that I was only looking to be friends. Well, now she is back from Japan, and she's entirely part of all of our social groups. (We have a very interconnected group of friends.) When she got back I made an attempt to reach out to her and be like "Hey, I'd totally like it if things were okay between us and not awkward or weird. I'd like to at least be able to say hi and welcome back." She basically said she didn't want any interaction between us at all. I know it's because she still has feelings and doesn't want them coming up, so it's fine. I stayed completely out of her way at the wedding and I've taken to not going to a few group meetups so she can have fun with people she hasn't seen in a long time without feeling awkward or having a panic attack.
I'm a little torn, though. I know our relationship was bad for us-- or at least by the "I'M MOVING TO JAPAN" bits it was. But I miss a lot, honestly. I miss a lot of things I don't feel like I could have with anyone else. And I've spent an entire year chatting with some girls and trying to figure out what I want and that kind of crap, and really I'm exactly where I was a year ago. There was one girl I had feelings for at all, but she broke things off before they could really get started. I sit here and think, "If I had such a connection with that girl, and she supposedly did with me as well, but shit just didn't work out.. The hell am I going to find elsewhere?"
I try to figure out what's important, but I really don't know. In my heart, I'm pretty sure me and my ex don't belong together. But some other side of me says we do. And I really don't want to sit here trying to figure things out, and then one day it's too late.
To be honest, I probably don't belong in ANY relationship right now. But, we're humans and as such I think about it quite a bit. Basically, since the break up I've dealt with:
- Girl I'm super into and she's super into me, but she decides to cut things off (I'm still down about this.)
- Girl who had/has a crush on me, but just isn't my type
- Girl who wants to bang me (fine, but I'm realizing how meaningless this shit is)
- Girl who isn't interested in dating, and she's not my type long-term, but we're kind of filling a slightly-more-than-friendly companionship zone here and there
A few other here-and-theres, but those are the main ones. I feel like I'm asking for advice, but I know full well the answer is:
Forget about girls. Do your own shit. Whatever happens, happens.